Chapter Text
It makes a good deal of sense that the meteor is cold.
You are standing atop it, trying to take in and respond to the conversation while you are still dizzy from death and ascendence, Green Sun burned red into your retinas, barely able to hold yourself upright. The trolls are a blur in your vision, six figures of grey-muted colors, speaking in voices more insectoid than human, and you have never, in your limited experiences, been faced with sensory overload, but you cannot think of another term for this.
You find a focus.
Kanaya — and you knew it to be Kanaya the moment she appeared in your line of sight — is both less and more alien than you had expected. She is all horns and claws and teeth (though the two fangs are the most noticeable, there is a sharpness to each one) and bioluminescent skin, but she, in your initial perception, is not far from human. The construction of her body, proportions and musculature, do not seem unusual at first glance, but you are looking at her — because how could you look elsewhere? — and you can see it. There is an uncanniness to her form: her spine a bit too long; her eyes, though narrowed, a bit too wide; bones and jade-green veins just barely visible through the translucent of her skin.
She is inhuman. Vampiric. Monstrous.
She is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.
She is rushing off, after all of you talk, chainsaw held tight in her sharp, long-fingered grasp. (She is gorgeous.) She says something about clown-hunting, and Karkat — you are nearly sure this one is Karkat — follows after her. Two other trolls depart for the Green Sun, and those remaining — Vriska and Terezi, you’ve picked up through context and colors, though you talked to neither enough to be sure which is which — are caught up in each other, tied by some tense silence you don’t understand or have any intention on trying to interrupt.
It is just you and Dave.
Your brother.
You, admittedly, haven’t entirely processed that.
ROSE: Dave?
He is standing still, staring vaguely outward, hands in tight fists and shoulders raised like he’s waiting for the other global calamity to drop. He’s been like this since the Sun. He talked through it fine, but you can see him. See the straight set of his mouth, the furrowed brow. He doesn’t speak.
You don’t know what to say any better.
ROSE: Can I hug you?
The words were not your intention, in any conscious way. They were your precise intention, you realize, in some truer way.
He opens his mouth, like he’s going to answer in words, but makes no sound. He nods.
You hug him.
Your mother did not hug you often, and it surely would’ve been some sort of breach of conduct for any of your tutors to do so — in short, you don’t know how to. He’s taller than you — not by much, an inch or so at most — so you take it on instinct, rest your chin on his shoulder, arms raised to wrap around his torso. He is cold. He stands stiff.
A sound like choking scrapes out of his throat. He hugs you back.
His arms are tight-past-breathing around your waist, his face burrowed into your shoulder with enough force that his sunglasses dig into your skin. The meteor is cold, and so is he, and so are you. But he is the last best friend you have, he is your brother, and he is hugging you. Tight. You shut your eyes, and hold him, and let him hold you.
After some uncounted number of moments with his arms around you, his ragged breath on your shoulder, and no indication of his letting go, you step away.
You catch a glimpse of him, guard-down — he is not crying, that is clear even with the glasses, but his eyebrows are tilted up in the middle, mouth open and set in a downward curve, arms lingering outstretched as if he might run back into yours.
(You cannot stand on a meteor, hugging him, for the next three years. You think, still dizzy and retina-burnt, that if he did, if he ran to you, you would go right back to holding him, regardless.)
He shifts then, hands shoved into pockets and resting his weight moreso on his left side, the same side quirked in a tight half-smile and raised an eyebrow.
DAVE: what rose we gonna be those kinda siblings that hug
DAVE: some real greeting card shit
DAVE: send out christmas notes to all the fucking trolls complete with pictures of us in matching holiday sweaters
ROSE: I was under the impression we were Jewish?
DAVE: yeah its that christ-centric cultural mindset
DAVE: worms its way into even my metaphoring
DAVE: sides i dont know about you but the chances of bro bein allowed within a mile of a holy building is just slightly less than the chances hed ever take me to one so it aint like i got the chance to practice in any kind of way
ROSE: Mom and I did what we could, in the middle of forestfuck nowhere.
ROSE: Regardless, given the measure of success we have just shown, I wouldn’t assume that would be our sibling type, no.
ROSE: Although I’ve been given remarkably little time to think of what siblings we might in fact be, given the more daunting issues.
DAVE: yeah no kinda fucked up huh
DAVE: but were clear on fighting for the next few years and weve had one super chill hug so it all cancels out and were all good and well adjusted
ROSE: The scales of the universe, for once in balance.
DAVE: an awkward-as-shit hug will do it i guess
DAVE: so
ROSE: So?
DAVE: so what the fuck now
ROSE: I suppose now we learn to cohabitate with a great number of aliens in some sort of no-school, all-teen society that is surely the dream of millions of tragically meteored fellows on what once was earth.
ROSE: ...
ROSE: Sorry. Tad morbid.
DAVE: its to be expected
DAVE: im just uh
DAVE: not thinking about it
ROSE: I’ll try to follow suit.
ROSE: And continue following suit for. Three years.
DAVE: goddamn
DAVE: where even was i three years ago
DAVE: did i even know yall
ROSE: If not, you would soon. It was somewhere around that age.
ROSE: A long time, regardless.
DAVE: yeah.
ROSE: Perhaps we follow through on not thinking about it?
DAVE: sounds good
Figuring you have the universe, if not on your side, not opposing you, and a time-traveling brother if not, you opt for sitting on the meteor-edge, feet dangling over the abyss. He joins you.
DAVE: hey
DAVE: not to turn immediately to gossip like we aint better than that
DAVE: but uh
DAVE: what was that with chainsaw troll
ROSE: Her name is Kanaya.
ROSE: And I am without a semblance of an idea of what it is about which you may be speaking.
DAVE: rose come on
DAVE: youre going verbose to the point of nonsensical which means youve got shit to hide
ROSE: My verbosity is perfectly sensible, thank you.
ROSE: Or, at least, no less so than usual.
DAVE: it is a tough measure of comparison ill give you that
DAVE: but seriously
DAVE: there were some eyes bein made and not in a mad scientist kinda way
DAVE: shes the green one right
DAVE: ga
DAVE: we talked once and im pretty sure she was tryin come on to you but i thought she was a dude so
ROSE: She is grimAuxiliatrix, yes.
You don’t say more. There isn’t more to say. You and Dave, simply, do not talk about this, ever. Sure, it cannot go without getting referenced, time to time, a quick jab in your back-and-forth, but you don’t talk about it.
But he sure seems to be talking.
DAVE: rose you know
DAVE: if there was something
DAVE: if you
DAVE: were
DAVE: it would be fine if you
DAVE: you know
DAVE: uh
DAVE: fuck
DAVE: if you just got on a space rock and immediately went full homo for some alien chick
He is tripping over words. He is not looking at you. The cold of the meteor does not compare to the cold in your chest, your ribs a spindly hand with too many fingers gripped tight around your lungs.
You don’t want to keep talking about this.
ROSE: Do I sense an air of projection here?
ROSE: Perhaps the cross-cultural effects are seeping in already, and you’re finding yourself entranced by all sort of homoerotic troll romance rituals?
It works well enough. He’s better at the stony-face than you’d expected (you hadn’t expected much) but you catch the flinch of his features as he goes from some shaky-attempt at understanding to an awkwardly amused deflection.
DAVE: jesus fuckin no i do not want to be knowing how aliens do romance
DAVE: no thanks
ROSE: Will we have any choice? We are firmly outnumbered.
DAVE: im gonna go down swinging you heard it here i refuse to learn a single quadrant im not gonna do it
ROSE: Perhaps this avoidance will save you from any dalliances in cross species romance?
DAVE: prolly for the best
DAVE: for me
DAVE: i see your deflection damn well lalonde but do all kinds quadrangles if youre feeling it
ROSE: ...
ROSE: We will see, I suppose.
DAVE: suppose so
==>
It’s possible you have a thing for gardenresses.
In retrospect, you would like to classify the majority of your... connection, you'll say, with Jade as a combination of friendship and the singular outlet you had for the exploration of that type of interest with a real person. But, then again, she would send you pictures of her gardens and her in them, sometimes, dirt smudged on her glasses and a smile wider than you thought possible, and if it made responding difficult, like the dryness in your mouth somehow extended to your fingers and left you unable to type a response, you found something sardonic enough to say that the gap in reply could be written off. It was nothing, really.
In retrospect, it’s embarrassing.
But, that is all neither here nor there. What is here is the current gardenress occupying your vision. Kanaya is repotting some odd, curled-branches tree, soil on her hands and wrists, smudged across her face: on the cheek, turning up towards her ear. You want to wipe it off. Trace her face with your thumb.
(You don’t. You’re too far away, anyway.)
KANAYA: I Know Being A First Time Gardener Can Be Difficult
KANAYA: But I Wasnt Expecting You To Be So Wholly Defeated By Those Weeds
You realize, suddenly, that she is looking directly at you. Her head is tilted to the side, hair glinting dark green in the fluorescents, hand curled over the edge of the pot with long, grey-green fingers like an extension of the winding branches she is hidden half-behind.
And you’ve barely weeded the small plot with which she entrusted you.
ROSE: Ah.
ROSE: They shall meet their fate soon. I’m giving them a last meal?
KANAYA: Of Course
KANAYA: You Know Its Alright If Youre Not Much For Gardening
KANAYA: With Your Domain Over So Many Skills I Dont Mind Claiming This One For The Ruling
You flush, just a bit, with the compliment. Her voice is lovely, a bit thick with the Alternian accent they all have, a sort of insectoid trill from the back of her throat that harshens her consonants. But there’s something soft to it, too. She’s explained to you, that she’s always had the two fangs, but they grew more prominent when she became a rainbowdrinker, and it gave her a slight lisp.
The fangs are nice, too.
ROSE: Yes, perhaps the weeds must be yours to subdue.
ROSE: Not quite my area.
ROSE: Mom only ever kept fake plants — that she watered daily, naturally — and I have no idea how to care for anything that is alive.
ROSE: Including cats.
ROSE: Perhaps it’s a genetic lacking? Dave, from my understanding, never had a vegetable in his house, home grown or not.
ROSE: I know this is not a troll food but I have to stress to you how concerning it was for me to hear that he did not know what a green bean was. I understand that every human — and troll — experience is unique, but Kanaya, that is perhaps the third most common vegetable.
KANAYA: You Are Noble To Stick With Him
KANAYA: I Once Attempted Something Similar With Vriska
KANAYA: Unfortunately Terezi Is Now Enabling Her And I Have Given Up
KANAYA: But She Seems To Quite Enjoy The Troll Cheetos And Digeonsack Turning Flavor Combos So Power To Her
ROSE: They are a force to be reckoned with, from my understanding, in and out of the kitchen.
ROSE: I’d be surprised if she ever bent to any sort of meddling.
KANAYA: It Was A Difficulty
KANAYA: And My Job For A While
ROSE: Oh?
KANAYA: She And I Were Moirails
KANAYA: Kind Of
ROSE: 'Kind of'?
ROSE: And, apologies, moirails is which one again?
KANAYA: The Platonic—
ROSE: The platonic one, yes, sorry.
ROSE: Not to insult your romance system, but really, with the two m-words?
KANAYA: It Is Not My Fault We Are Abiding By A Human Alphabet With Its Lack Of Distinction
ROSE: The Alternian alphabet had two different ‘m’s?
KANAYA: Lets Say Yes
ROSE: I didn’t know that about you and her. It seems I am constantly at terminal moraine of your gossipbergs
ROSE: Seeing only the dregs of information that wash up
KANAYA: There Really Isnt Much Gossip About It
KANAYA: I Didnt Treat The Situation Well And I
KANAYA: I Feel Bad About It
KANAYA: But I Think Shes Forgotten The Whole Thing Occupied As She Is With Her New Pale Dalliance
KANAYA: If That Is To Be The Quadrant They Settle Themselves On
ROSE: You think it might be—
KANAYA: Flushed If Anything
KANAYA: Were They To Do Pitch They Would Have Already
KANAYA: But Honestly Ive Never Really Understood Their Whole *Thing*
ROSE: You know, I sort of figured they’d be, but it’s good to know for certain.
KANAYA: You Figured Theyd Be A Sans-Pitch Mess Of Vacillation
KANAYA: Astoundingly Astute Miss Lalonde
ROSE: No, that’s not—
ROSE: I mean they’re
ROSE: gay.
KANAYA: This Human Mouthsyllable I Am Not Familiar With
ROSE: You—
ROSE: Yeah, no, you aren’t, are you?
ROSE: I forgot you don’t
ROSE: Do that.
KANAYA: Rose Please I Am At The Edge Of My Sitplane Wondering If My Ex And Her Soon To Be Quadrantmate Are ‘Gay’
ROSE: Oh it just means
ROSE: A woman who dates women. Is attracted to them.
ROSE: Or a man who dates men.
ROSE: And of course then there are specifications within that and qualifications and other complications within the inherent strangeness of gender—
KANAYA: I Dont Think I Understand
KANAYA: Is That Not Everyone
KANAYA: Or Do You Mean As An Exclusive Thing
ROSE: It’s an umbrella term but, yes, in its original description, it did mean exclusively.
ROSE: And it is markedly not everyone.
ROSE: Most women on Earth were attracted to men, solely. No interest in women at all.
KANAYA: Hmm
KANAYA: Why
ROSE: An excellent question.
ROSE: Something to do with heterosexual reproduction, I think.
KANAYA: That Seems Poorly Thought Out From An Evolutionary Prospect
KANAYA: To Limit The Reproductive Dating Pool For A Person By Half
KANAYA: Does Every Human Datecouple End Up Reproducing?
ROSE: Far from it, else we’d be properly overrun with a population crisis.
ROSE: Well, I suppose we wouldn’t now.
ROSE: The meteors took care of that handily.
KANAYA: Why Would Women Not Date Women Sometimes When Not Planning On Reproducing
KANAYA: What About Pale Relationships
ROSE: We didn’t have a clear analog to pale relationships, though a lot of women had very close friends. But as for romantic couples who weren’t trying for kids, I think some genuinely just didn’t find women attractive.
ROSE: Though the taboo around it didn’t help.
ROSE: Gay people were just rare.
ROSE: As surprising as this is to you, to me, it’s hard to imagine that you and Vriska and Terezi and Karkat just... are.
KANAYA: Are You?
She isn’t looking at you as she says it. She’s leaning over the tree, trimming back one of the branches, and it’s for the best, really, because you just on instinct ripped out one of the Alternian flowers you were supposed to weed around. Fuck.
You hurriedly bury it in the soil. Its decomposition will help the others, you hope, and she won’t be too upset, especially if she never finds out.
ROSE: I
ROSE: I haven’t given it much thought.
KANAYA: Well Nor Have I
KANAYA: But It Feels Sort Of Innate
KANAYA: If This Is Of Any Help To Your Thought Process I Had Assumed You Were
KANAYA: Though Maybe It Isnt As I Did Assume Everyone Was
ROSE: I will take it into consideration.
ROSE: It’s something—
ROSE: For humans, it is something that marks one as ‘different’ and, as such it tends to be quite private. And difficult.
KANAYA: How Private Can One Be With Their Dating Partner
ROSE: One found ways, when it was potentially deadly to not.
KANAYA: And *Alternia* Is Unusually Cruel?
ROSE: Perhaps I’m being dramatic.
ROSE: It was, fine, mostly, by the time the Earth was destroyed. In more liberal areas. If you were affluent and white and gender-conforming and had an accepting family.
ROSE: And now all of that is gone, anyway, so there isn’t any reason to let it affect one.
KANAYA: Certainly Not
KANAYA: It All Seems Bizarrely Circumstantial And Cruel For No Reason And Also Kind Of Dumb Honestly So I Wouldnt Pay Any Mind To It
KANAYA: Though I Guess One Has Little Say In How That All Affects Your I Mean Ones Psyche
KANAYA: *That* Would Be Your Domain
ROSE: I suppose so.
ROSE: Shame I so clearly lack a case study.
ROSE: Unless Dave has a change of heart on the matter.
KANAYA: Oh Wait
KANAYA: Does This Mean He Too Is Not 'Gay'
ROSE: Only time will tell, I suppose.
KANAYA: I Mean I Have My Guess
ROSE: I don’t think I’d bet against you here.
KANAYA: Then We Shall Just See?
ROSE: We shall.
==>
The thing about you and Dave is that you have always been on the same page, while operating with just enough cognitive dissonance to pretend the entire book does not exist.
You’ve always understood yourself, and him, and his understanding about you and himself; you are both obvious, and you are both very smart, and you of course both know. But, then again. The book in no way exists, and neither of you are about to deign it with any ounce of acknowledgement. You’ll tease and jab and poke at the thing, but at the end of the day, it does not exist. It does not exist, and no one can prove any fucking otherwise.
It’s a way to live, you think.
==>
ROSE: So, what made you change your tune?
DAVE: huh?
KANAYA: I Was Too Under The Impression You Were Never To Step Through The Threshold Of Troll Romantic Information
KANAYA: Has Karkat Proved That Convincing
DAVE: boredom is some real shit
DAVE: plus im only threshold-stepping in order to tear down the firmament around yall
DAVE: troll romance its dead at my hand
ROSE: An astonishing blow to the thriving troll society.
ROSE: How will they live on?
KANAYA: Im Already Preparing For The Redundant Apocalypse This Will Wreak On Those Of Us Remaining
DAVE: hell yeah kanaya
DAVE: get that prepper basement cans full of beans and books of will-be debunked love lore
KANAYA: Is That Not Just Cantown
KANAYA: With Karkats New Decorative Influence
ROSE: This thesis will literally shake the firmament of one society while figuratively doing the same to another.
ROSE: I believe you had inquiries for our kindly cooperating Miss Maryam?
DAVE: oh absolutely
DAVE: got my little notepad like some middle aged investigative reporter whose only reported on local stationary stores closing for the past ten years and is therefore desperate for that scoop
KANAYA: The Career Changing Troll Romance Scoop
DAVE: thats the bitch
They talk for a bit. A lot of it rehashes ideas you and Kanaya have read over in Alternian novels, some of which she has read out to you, translated word-by-word into English, her low voice smoothing over the untranslatable terms with at times long-winded explanations. You don’t always pay full attention, lost in the gentle timbre, but you try.
You know enough to not have questions of your own, and know little enough that you don’t have much to add to her comments. So you just watch her, and make fun of Dave when opportunity arrives, and top off Kanaya’s tea when she needs it.
DAVE: okay this is something that was tripping me up
DAVE: you know the human gay thing yeah
KANAYA: Rose Explained It To Me A Bit Ago Yes
DAVE: so yeah most earth folks only like folks of the opposite gender
DAVE: or claim that at least who knows how many of those bitches were ass deep in the closet
DAVE: point is i know yall aint got a real concept of the whole ‘only liking one gender of person’ but is that the same thing as being inherently bi?
DAVE: like on earth most folks were straight cause that was norm, and on alternia most folks were bi cause thats the norm
DAVE: but like
DAVE: some of yall had to be homos right
KANAYA: I Have Given This A Lot Of Thought Actually
KANAYA: You Have To Understand That It Wouldnt Really Matter
KANAYA: The Only Real Difference That Would Be Made Is That You Would Reject People Of A Certain Gender Which Wouldnt Really Require Much Explanation
KANAYA: But Also It Really Is More Dependent On Quadrant
KANAYA: Ive Heard About Troll Women Who Only Flush Or Pitch For Other Women
DAVE: yeah that makes sense those are the fuck quadrants
DAVE: do they ever make note of that though or is just like a pattern or type for them
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: They Do Tend To Think Of It In Terms Of A Type More Than A Hard And Fast Rule But Also I
KANAYA: I Mean
KANAYA: Like I Said Ive Given It A Lot Of Thought And Ive Done Reading In Some Of Roses Novels And I
KANAYA: I Think I Am
KANAYA: An Earth Lesbian
ROSE: I— Oh?
The word comes out choked and half-stuck in your throat. You see Dave glance over at you, a half-lift of an eyebrow, and you figure flipping him off would do the opposite of helping your case, so you don’t. You force your shoulders to slump and tilt your head in hopes it might hide your flush.
(How did the fucking alien figure this out before you?)
DAVE: well goddamn a genuine first hand account
KANAYA: It Is Interesting
KANAYA: Because I Really Think I Never Would Have Tried To Put Words To It If I Never Left Alternia
KANAYA: I Also Dont Think It Outside The Realm Of Possibility That I Would Have Attempted To Date A Man At Some Point Merely Because I Never Knew There Was An Alternative To Liking Everyone
KANAYA: I Like That I Have A Word For It
KANAYA: And Less Of A Pressure To Try Something I Am Already Fairly Certain Just Wouldnt Work
You curl your hands into fists. If either of them caught the shaking of your fingers, they cannot prove it now.
ROSE: Thank you for telling us, Kanaya.
ROSE: I can’t imagine that was easy to figure out, even lacking the human societal pressures. You are, as always,
ROSE: Impressive.
KANAYA: Thank You
KANAYA: Though I Suppose It Was A Lot Easier Than It Might Be For Someone Who
KANAYA: Perhaps
KANAYA: Did Have Those Pressures?
DAVE: ...
ROSE: A strong hypothesis.
ROSE: It’s a shame there’s no testing group, as the alive-remaining human population is so resoundingly heterosexual.
ROSE: Obviously.
DAVE: obviously
KANAYA: Obviously
Obviously.