Chapter Text
To Live is to Think as To Love is to Dream:
He couldn’t tell you when. He couldn’t tell you how. What he could tell you, but won’t, is why it happened.
One day it was normal. The next, he woke up and everything had changed. She was no longer the opposition to his rebellion. She was a confidant to his sins. She was a driving force to his heart. She was the sunshine to his darkness. Clarke was, in every way, his partner. He had fallen in love with her, even before she had closed the door on the Dropship. Except, she didn’t know, wouldn’t know, couldn’t know and more than that, she would never feel the same way. Or so he thought.
When she was missing, it was all he could do to keep his thoughts on people other than her. He thought he could only feel this way for Octavia, his purpose for sneaking onto the Dropship in the first place, but this, this is different. This was in no way the love a brother had for a sister. He can still remember the first time he stepped foot back into their camp and found no one there.
“Too quiet.” His heart jumped into his stomach. He wasn’t worried for Octavia. He knew Lincoln would protect her with his life, so she was safe. No, he was worried, fiercely worried, for Clarke. He tried to focus his thoughts on everything else, but it was hard. Especially considering Finns feelings for her, his constant ramblings. Her name came up often, too often for his liking. She kept creeping into his thoughts, his prayers, to whatever god, into his life. He should have been thinking about survival, how to keep the people that weren’t gone safe, but all he could really focus on was her.
“Bellamy Blake.” The Captain of the Guard called out. Bellamy stood from his place in the corner of the locker room, back straight, eyes forward. “Sir.” He replied, not looking at the man, staring straight forward. He stood waiting for the order of his station assignment for the day. “Medical. Bay 2.” “Heard, Yes Sir.” Bellamy fell back and returned to his seat, waiting for specific instructions.
“You are to be at Bay 2. Doors will be closed. No one is to go in or out.” The Majors words flew out. Not bothering to even look at Bellamy while he spoke. “Am I clear, soldier?” Bellamy cleared his throat, “Yes, sir.” He turned and walked out the double doors toward Medical.
Bellamy had expected to go through with the orders like he had been trained. Nothing different, really, than guarding the Caf during meals. Maybe more boring, since no one would be in the wing, no one would be coming in or out, so no one to hear to see. What he didn’t expect was the blonde girl sitting in the hall, staring up at the ceiling.
She had been there for most of the first half of his shift. Bellamy hadn’t really paid much mind to how long she had been there, but he had been coming up on his break. Her blonde hair seemed to glow in the fluorescent lights of the hallway. He just glanced in her direction, from his post beside the double doors of Med Bay 2, and she was looking at him. “Why are you here?” She inquired. Her eyes lit up. He could tell she had wanted to ask him that the whole time she had been there. “Orders are orders, princess.” His tone was cold, unbending. He didn’t even look at her to respond.
“Princess?” She asked in response to the use of the word, referring to her. This time he looked at her. She was no longer sitting on the floor, staring toward the ceiling, she was standing, and her gaze fixed on him. A new spark set aflame in her eyes. If he knew better, he would have known she was offended, known she was pissed. “You’re the Councilman’s daughter.” He quipped. “So? What’s that supposed to mean?” She questioned. The anger was radiating off her in waves. He could feel it now. Something about making her angry sparked something inside of him, excitement.
The Guard to relieve him for lunch showed up just in time. Bellamy nodded his head to the fellow guard and rounded the corner to the Caf, but he was still not alone. The princess was following him.
Bellamy stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her. “Why are you following me?” He asked, anger now seering through him as well. Clarke didn't turn away, she didn't back down. That had never been her. “I want to know what you know about what's going on in that med bay. Why are you guarding it? What are they doing to my dad?”
“Are you ready?” Lincoln asked gingerly through the tent flap. Bellamy stood up from his cot, just finished lacing up his boots, and grabbed his bag. “Yeah, I am as ready for this as I ever will be.”
They had been walking for at least three hours, in silence, when Lincoln spoke. “How did Clarke react when you told her what our plan was?” Bellamy didn't answer. “You didn't tell her, did you?” Lincoln asked when the question went ignored. “What could I tell her? She would just have argued with me about it not being safe. She wouldn't have ever let me out the gates if she knew.” Bellamy said, grudgingly. “She cares for you Bellamy. From what I can tell, at least.” Lincoln stated, keeping the same pace they had been for the past few hours. “I don't want her to worry about me. I know its not safe. She doesn't need the stree.” He trailed out. Lincoln stopped walking and grabbed at Bellamys arm.
“Do you honestly think, if you don't come back, she wont worry?” Bellamy jerked his arm from Lincolns grasp. “If I would have told her, she might have wanted to come with us, Lincoln. I couldn't have that. I want her safe, unharmed, maybe even happy. Eventually at least. If I had told her she would have told me no, like I take her commands, anyway.” Lincoln stared at Bellamy for a long minute until realization rung throughout his head. “You're in love with her, aren’t you?” Bellamy turned around and returned walking, not answering the question, again. “You are. You are in love with her.” Lincoln picked up his pace to catch back up to him. “What do you want me to say, Lincoln? She got to me a long time ago.” Lincoln nodded. “I cant believe I didn't see it earlier. I should have recognized the looks that you have given her.” He sighed. “Octavia looks at me the same way you look at Clarke.” Bellamy huffed a laugh. “I know, I do. I love her so much, too much. I don't think she can or will ever know.” Lincoln shook his head while continuing to walk beside Bellamy. “She won't if you don't tell her. But, Bellamy, if I have learned anything in my life I have learned one thing. This world is a tough and dangerous place. You need to be happy when you can and most definitely tell the people you love, you love them, before its too late. You will regret it on your deathbed. Live life to the fullest as long as you can. You never know when it will end. So, you need to tell her. Well, that is, if you live past the next couple days.” Lincoln laughed again, full heartedly.
What Lincoln didn't tell him was that he had spoken to Clarke. He knew it wasn't his place to let slip what she had conveyed to him in confidence, except maybe to Octavia. He also knew for sure he would tell her, because Clarke couldn't expect him to keep anything from her. What O did with that information is her business.