Chapter Text
We’re driving way too fast, I’m screaming in the backseat. Dad turns to look back at me, and I shout at him to turn around and look at the oncoming car. It’s like he can’t hear me, so he just stares at my face, eyes crinkling with a smile. I see the lights coming closer, and closer; nothing I say can make my dad turn around. I squeeze my eyes shut just as the headlights reach us.
I wake up in a puddle of my own sweat, hands slightly shaking as I grab the alarm clock. It’s only 3:00am, and that was just a dream. I pad downstairs quietly and sip at a tall glass of water. Not feeling much better, I dump the rest of the water out and return to my bed. I drift back off into a fitful sleep.
-
“New year, new me.” I decide as I slide my feet into my slippers.
The past couple of months at home have been a blessing; it has been so nice spending time with Mom and taking my mind off of everything that happened last semester. Summer wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable if it weren’t for Jasper and Monty as well. I would never have gotten out of the house or stopped wallowing in my own self-pity if it weren’t for my best friends. I’m suddenly sad about leaving them behind again, but they go to the local college and I remember that I can come home to visit them whenever I want.
“About time you woke up, sunshine,” Mom says with a grin as I come down the stairs.
“It’s my last morning at home before school. I’m allowed to be a lazy bum,” I reply as I try to flatten out my serious bed head.
“Enjoy it while you can, you’re not going to have much time when you get back to Mount Weather.”
Ah, the University of Mount Weather, my home away from home for the past two years. I love going to school out of state, but sometimes I wish it were easier to come home since Mom is always here alone. And being hours away from Monty and Jasper can take a toll on a girl that doesn’t make friends very easily. Though being hours away may help me forget about Wells...
“Don’t remind me. Junior year is when we start getting into our major classes. Grad schools will be looking at our GPA starting now,” I say with a mouthful of cereal.
“You’ll do great,” Mom assures me with a smile.
“Except I have no idea what to expect! Maybe I shouldn’t have changed my major so last minute.”
“Switching from nursing to psychology is not too far of a stretch. While I wish you would have stuck with nursing and taken after me, I think psychology could be a very good fit for you. And you’ve only taken the basic classes which will all switch to your psychology major, so you have nothing to worry about.”
Mom always calls out my irrational thoughts with logic, and I know she’s right. I’m just nervous about starting a new major and starting a new life, practically, without Wells. Mom seems to read my mind.
“This is a good opportunity for you to take your mind off of what happened with Wells. You can meet some new people and actually have a few more friends this semester! Maybe some friends that are girls, even.” She’s never let me live down the fact that I don’t have any girl friends.
“You won’t be so caught up with visiting Wells at his school and can branch out and meet some people at your own school,” she says with a comforting rub on my arm.
I was with Wells since the sixth grade. All up until the end of last semester, right before the summer break. Our long distance relationship was getting hard, and I guess I was the only one who didn’t handle it very well… Once we broke up, or once he broke up with me I mean, I didn’t really know who I was without him. But now is my chance to figure it out.
I hear a vibration against the kitchen counter and Mom picks up her phone and silently reads a text message with a smile on her face.
“Who are you so happy to hear from this early in the morning?” I ask skeptically.
“You remember Marcus Kane from Thelonious’s party? We’ve kept in touch since then and he seems like a very nice guy.”
“That’s great Mom. Maybe he can keep you company while I’m gone.”
“You know you don’t have to worry about me being alone, Clarke. The hours at the hospital keep me pretty busy, and I am a big girl,” she sighs.
“I know, of course you are. It’s just, without Dad, everything seems so quiet at home.”
She gives me a comforting look and a pressed smile as she squeezes my hand.
I always feel so guilty when I have to leave Mom home all alone. Ever since Dad’s accident, it’s just been me and Mom. I always feel like I have to be here for her since we’re all each other has. But it may be nice knowing she isn’t sitting at home alone every night while I’m gone if she starts hanging out with Kane more.
I finish my cereal and head back upstairs to rake a brush through my hair and get dressed. I glance at myself in the mirror one last time before heading back down. My eyes move from my relaxed, blond curls all the way down my shapely body, and back up to meet my own sky blue eyes. I think about who I am and who I want to be, and nod to my own reflection as if I am silently allowing myself to be that person.
-
I finally stuff the last of the boxes in my car and shove the trunk door down, effectively squishing all my dorm items.
“Call me when you get there, okay?” Mom asks as she pulls me in for a hug.
“I always do,” I state, trying to keep my eyes from watering a bit as I pull away from her.
I back out of our driveway, vowing to leave everything that happened last semester behind and vowing to remain single. I need to find out who I am as a single girl. A single woman.
When I get out on the open road, I really do feel like this could be a good year for me. A fresh start.
-
Ugh, freshman dorms. I close the door to my new room and sweep my eyes from the ground to my raised up bed, and from the mini fridge to the tiny TV I shoved in the corner. I’m starting to rethink this whole resident assistant job. I’m only two years older than the up and coming freshman, but I arrogantly feel like I am so much more experienced than they are when it comes to college. In all actuality though, I haven’t really experienced the whole college thing either. I’ve always been so focused on my studies, and when I did have a free weekend, I was driving up to see Wells at his school.
I spend the day unpacking my things. I almost fall off of my five foot high bed trying to make the stupid thing, but I eventually manage to get all the corners tucked in. I delicately place my art supplies on the desk next to my textbooks, wondering if I will ever have time to sketch.
After successfully setting up my TV and connecting to the Wi-Fi, I decide to spend a quiet first night with Tumblr and The CW.
A few hours into the Vampire Diaries marathon, I hear an obnoxious knock on the door. I glance over at the clock on the floor that I haven’t put up yet. 11pm. Who the hell is disturbing me already? It’s only the first night, can’t they hold it together for more than eight hours?
I open the tall door to a small, annoyingly cute freshman girl.
“Hey, you’re the RA right? My roommate is already smuggling in frat guys which wouldn’t usually be a huge problem for me, but they’re so drunk one has already thrown up all over my closet.”
I roll my eyes and realize that this is my life for the next five months.
“We just got here, can you guys not keep it in your pants for one night? And it’s an all girls’ dorm; guys can’t even be here this late!” I reply as I start throwing on some shoes.
“It’s my roommate! I can already tell we’re going to have a problem. Is it too late for a room change?” she asks.
“You’ll have to pick up a form from the office in the lobby and give it to me by the end of the week. What room are you in?”
“59A,” she says and I follow her down the hall to her room.
I hear obnoxious pop music from behind the door and knock loudly to get somebody’s attention. The door opens and I see three clearly underage frat boys in their usual frat boy uniform of khaki pants and a colorful polo, and who I assume to be this girls’ roommate lying on the bed with a bottle in her hand.
“I’ll need to see all of your ID’s because I can assume from the numerous beer bottles that you are all drinking,” I say as one of the somewhat less wasted boys saunters over to me.
“Who are you, the party police?” He grins at me while standing at an uncomfortably close distance.
“No. I’m the RA who was hired to take care of dumbasses like you. Now give me your ID or I’ll have to call security.”
Dumbass Frat Boy Number One apparently does not like to be called a dumbass, because his face turns a pinkish red color and he drunkenly tries to grab at me while yelling profanities.
The girl who came to get me acts faster than I can and punches the guy square in the jaw, right in front of my face. He falls to the ground while his lackeys blither like idiots, and I stare incredulously at the tiny freshman girl who I’d just met moments ago.
“Thanks,” I breathe with wide eyes taking in the scene.
“You help me, I help you,” she replies with a smile as she examines her knuckles.
“Are you okay?” I ask when I see the redness starting to form on her small knuckles.
“Never better!”
I realize then that I think I could like this girl.
“You, what’s your name?” I ask, pointing to the girl in the corner. She’s still sitting on the bed looking like she can’t quite process what just happened.
“Maya.” She looks guilty.
“Alright. I’m going to call security to escort your boyfriends and get them a breathalyzer test. You will also be taking that test, and I will have to report you to the office. Don’t unpack all your things, because you will probably be moving out shortly.”
The small girl next to me smiles broadly as she realizes she’ll probably get her own room. I watch though as her face drops.
“Wait, you’re not going to make me take the breathalyzer too, are you? I just had one beer, but I’m not 21…” The small girl’s eyebrows furrow, suddenly nervous.
“I think I owe you one after what you just did. Your secret is safe with me. This time…” I reply quietly with a smirk.
“Hey, we girls have to stick together, right?” she smiles as she jokingly punches my arm. “I’m Octavia by the way.”
“Clarke.” And just like that, I finally find a girl I can be friends with.