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Eyes blinking open, closing at first when they were met with the harsh light that infiltrated the room between the shades of Kaneki's bedroom window, Tsukiyama slowly awoke with the pleasant warmth of someone beside him. Stretching his legs out under the covers, he rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around the one next to him, putting his nose against his neck to take in a deep breath of his scent. He didn't need to open his eyes to know. Just smelling his familiar scent, feeling the warmth of his skin, was enough for Tsukiyama to believe that he really had Kaneki back at his side.
Hearing him give a sleepy grumble, Tsukiyama opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of Kaneki's cute, sleepy face. The moment Kaneki became awake enough to notice the morning light, his brows met in a tight knot and his mouth screwed up into a grumpy frown. Unable to help himself, overwhelmed by the way that face made him feel, he pressed his lips against Kaneki's and hummed happily as he felt Kaneki's sleepy frown turn into a smile against his lips. His arms wrapped around him in return, bringing them closer, pressing their bare skin together as he lazily deepened the kiss.
When they parted, Tsukiyama felt like he'd be happy to fall right back asleep with him, a little dizzy but content. Kaneki looked at him with a look in his eyes that he never would have openly shown him in the past; something affectionate and fond. His heart ached, knowing the way that he had to suffer before he was able to smile like that. Even now, he worried about what the CCG might've done to him, what influence they still held over him, but there was only so much he could do. He accepted his limitations. As long as he could be beside him like this, then he would be alright.
“You look a little sad about something,” Kaneki said, reaching up to pinch his nose. “Are you alright, Tsukiyama-san?”
Tsukiyama sputtered, making some nasal noises until he let go of his nose. “I'm fine,” he said, rubbing his nose, his heart beginning to thump a little louder. Seriously, Kaneki had just pinched his nose, and if that weren't one of the most dolce things... “I was just thinking about how nice this is, waking up next to you.”
His honest answer seemed to catch Kaneki off guard. His eyes widened at first in an expression of surprise, but he was quick to laugh it off, rubbing absently at his chin as he looked aside. “R-really? Well... Yes... Yes, it is quite nice, isn't it? I'm still feeling kind of amazed that this is something new.”
He knew what Kaneki meant, but it reminded him that Kaneki still didn't have his full memory. There were bits and pieces that he remembered, but there were a lot of things that were missing. It was probably for the best, but sometimes Tsukiyama found himself wishing that Kaneki could remember the way that things used to be. Despite whatever he'd gone through, Kaneki seemed like he was able to be more like himself than ever before, but Tsukiyama still wished that the old Kaneki could return; the one who would glare at him suspiciously when he complimented him, who'd smash his face against the floor if he tried to touch him without permission.
Still, he didn't want to let himself think about it too heavily. He could tell that it made Kaneki worry when he started thinking about it. All of his thoughts showed on his face and gave him away, so it was hard to keep the way he felt away from him.
“New or not, mon cher,” Tsukiyama murmured, dipping his head to place another soft kiss to his lips, “you've always meant more than the world to me.”
Cheeks red, Kaneki laughed and put a hand against his cheek, pushing his face away. “I don't know how anyone could say something like that with a straight face. You make it sound so convincing, though.”
“Because it's true,” he said, leaning back in, nuzzling Kaneki's neck. “I have no reason to lie to you here. You know how important you are to me, don't you?”
What Kaneki said was true. Even for him, it felt a little embarrassing to say those things out loud, but he needed to say them. This time, he wanted to make sure that Kaneki understood his feelings, that he accepted them. Admitting it and saying it aloud helped him come to terms with it as well. Sometimes, it was still hard for him to separate the sound of his pounding heart from the growls of his stomach, but he knew that they were two different things now. Chie had been the one to finally help him realize that. It made him feel bitter whenever he thought about how much time he had wasted, how much time could have been spent comfortably at Kaneki's side as a friend.
If only he'd realized sooner, they could've already spent so much time together like this. They might've been able to avoid those three years of suffering. He felt so naïve and oblivious. No matter what Chie told him to comfort him, it was so easy to blame himself.
When he noticed the sympathetic look on Kaneki's face, he realized that he must've been letting his feelings show again. Before he could brush it off, Kaneki held him a little tighter, guiding his head to his chest.
“I'm here now, Tsukiyama-san.”
The emphasis that he placed on now meant a lot. The past was the past. It was gone now. All of that time they spent without each other was behind them. As much as he hated to think about it, those three years might have been inevitable. At one point or another before they met, he might've been able to do something to make himself more sensitive, but it was pointless to think about that now. It was because of Kaneki that he was even able to see the fault in the way he used to think.
Kaneki didn't even need to tell him that, but it was like the part of him that remembered him could tell how much he needed to hear it.
“Dolce,” Kaneki whispered, placing a kiss to his forehead with a smile.
Hearing him using one of his own favorite words like that made Tsukiyama want to roll right out of bed and into space. There was no way this was real life. He had clearly died and gone to heaven. At the least, he had to be dreaming.
The light kick that Kaneki gave him against his shin was definitely real, though.
“Now get out of bed. I have to get ready for work.”
Quickly rolling over, Tsukiyama took a look at the clock at Kaneki's bedside, then rolled over to fix him with pleading eyes. “We woke up early. I'm sure we could stay like this for a little longer.”
The arms he wrapped around Kaneki's waist apparently weren't enough to convince him to stay. Kaneki expertly slid out of his grasp and rolled away. Sitting up, putting his legs over the side of the bed, he expectantly looked back at Tsukiyama who remained under the covers, waiting for him to get up. With a disappointed sigh, Tsukiyama pushed himself up and came out from the warmth of the sheets. The second the cold air of the bedroom touched his skin, a strong shiver worked its way down his spine. He wasn't sure how Kaneki was able to sit there without a shirt on without shivering at least a little. It wasn't that cold out yet, but it wasn't warm enough to comfortably stand around without any clothes on. It was only easy to fall asleep that way when he had Kaneki's warmth next to him.
“I got it, I got it,” he said, standing up with a stretch. He tried to hide his smile when he felt Kaneki watching him, looking at his body. The clothes he had on the floor from the night before were the only thing he had to wear, so as Kaneki began to gather up and fold his discarded old clothes, Tsukiyama started to redress himself. He could wait to shower until he returned home and got into some fresh clothes.
Besides, it would have felt strange to use the shower while those Quinx children were around. The one with the eye patch had a habit of getting up early and would have already been occupying the bathroom. He enjoyed seeing their reaction to his presence, but he didn't want to make himself into a nuisance, though that one with the short black hair surely already had a grudge against him...
Once he had his shirt buttoned, he looked around for his jacket and remembered that he left it hanging over the back of Kaneki's desk chair on the other side of the room. Watching Kaneki dutifully cleaning up the mess they left without wearing a single thing made him feel bad, though. Even though he knew that Kaneki might want to clean up first, he found himself gravitating toward his closet to find his uniform for him.
Whenever Kaneki wasn't looking, he curiously went looking around his room, but he hadn't been able to make it to his closet yet. It made him feel pretty excited as he put his hand on the door and opened it, wondering what other sorts of things he would have in there. Kaneki was still Kaneki at heart, but there were a few things that were different after these years, and Tsukiyama felt fascinated whenever he noticed something new. When he opened the door, though, his eyes fell on something that he really hadn't expected to see.
This was a little more than 'new' and 'different'.
“Kaneki-kun,” he said slowly, reaching into the closet to retrieve the unusual item. “What... is this doing in here?”
Kaneki turned around. His expression remained even and unchanged when he saw what he was holding. “Oh, that.”
Tsukiyama couldn't believe this blasé reaction. “Really? That's all you have to say about this? What are you doing with a long wig in your closet?”
“It's not that long,” Kaneki replied, stroking his chin thoughtfully, like that was the part he thought needed to be addressed.
“I think you're missing the point...”
As if he had just been acting that way to mess with him, Kaneki started laughing and got up to join him at the closet. Moving around him, he disappeared into the closet and rooted around for something that he found at the very back. The wig probably could've been excused easily enough, but now Tsukiyama had some serious questions when Kaneki emerged holding a dress.
“Oh, hold on. This isn't all of it,” Kaneki said, giving him the dress to hold as he went to his dresser. After a second, he returned holding a pair of black stockings and a leather belt with a thick buckle. “It's an outfit,” he said, like that would explain everything.
“That tells me nothing,” Tsukiyama said, beginning to sweat. If this were something that Kaneki was into, then he wouldn't mind, but he really wanted to know how involved he was with it before he let his thoughts go any crazier.
“Oh-” Kaneki laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I get it. The average guy probably doesn't have stuff like this in his closet, right? I can assure you that there's a good reason. You see, it was for a mission.”
A 'mission', he said. And he said it so casually, like he was supposed to believe him. However, Tsukiyama began to doubt his doubt the longer Kaneki kept the serious look on his face. Once he opened himself up to the possibility that Kaneki was telling the truth, it was still difficult for him to wrap his head around how that was even supposed to make sense. What sort of mission had he gone on that required him to wear a dress and wig?
“May I ask?”
Kaneki appeared to be more than happy to tell him about it. Taking the dress back, he smoothed out the wrinkles from the closet with his hands and laid it out on the bed. Never mind that he was still naked as he did so. He looked very comfortable with all of this. “Do you recall the gourmet club? We were on the trail of Nutcracker at the time and needed to infiltrate an auction of theirs. In order to do so, we had to make ourselves more appealing so that we could catch her eye and become a part of that auction.”
“How'd that go?”
Kaneki's smile lost some of its confidence as he looked aside. “It was a worthwhile experience...”
That was an interesting response. It sounded like it didn't end up going quite as he had planned, but there was more to it. Whatever the result of that mission had been, Kaneki came away from it with his own particular feelings about it. Namely, it seemed that he may have enjoyed wearing that dress a little more than he was letting on. He certainly hadn't said anything about disliking the experience. For one reason or another, he had kept it in his closet and even still had the accessories that went along with it. His complete lack of embarrassment over it gave Tsukiyama the impression that he didn't still wear it in his free time or anything, though.
“I bet you looked good,” he said, the words just spilling out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. It was just supposed to be a compliment, but, by the time he heard it for himself, he realized that a man might take offense to something like that.
A little bit of that confidence returned to Kaneki's smile as he gazed at the dress. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing the sheer fabric of the stockings between his fingers. “I think I did a good job. I learned a bit about dressing like a woman from a book, and I had fun applying it. It was just one of those things, you know? I never thought I'd have an opportunity to make use of that information.”
“So you liked it?”
He knew that he was being bold and a little too forward now. That time, he could tell that he made Kaneki uncomfortable. Kaneki's eyes shifted away and his fingers stopped their unconscious movements. He looked down at his body like he was feeling more aware of the fact that he was naked and talking about wearing women's clothing.
“That's neither here nor there now. I don't have a reason to wear it anymore. Really, I should probably just get rid of it. It's taking up an unnecessary amount of space in my closet. If Saiko slims down, maybe she could wear it... I could give it to her. Maybe that'll encourage her to stop eating so many snacks.”
Now he was making excuses. Those were most definitely excuses. “That's too bad,” Tsukiyama said smoothly, resting a hand on Kaneki's shoulder. Moving a little closer, he slid it across his back to his opposite shoulder and pulled him closer to himself. “I would've been really interested in seeing you in it. I feel like I've missed something important.”
“Y-you were hardly missing anything,” Kaneki said, again trying to nervously laugh his way out of the conversation. “I'm a guy, after all. I have no shape. I had to hide my straight waist with that thick belt and I had to stuff a bra to give myself any kind of chest. And if it weren't for the makeup, I don't think I would've looked anything like a girl at all. So...”
Tsukiyama wished that he could ask Kaneki to slow down and repeat some of that for him to hear again, just so he could make sure that he had heard him correctly. “A bra?”
Kaneki fidgeted, but he couldn't get himself out of his grasp without making his embarrassment obvious. “What else was I supposed to do? Even flat girls pad their bras, don't they? I would've looked strange if I left my chest that flat.”
That wasn't quite what Tsukiyama had been trying to ask. “I'm sure, yes. What I really meant to ask is whether you still have that, too.”
Sensing the direction of this conversation, Kaneki turned his head and glanced up at him. “Is this a fetish of yours, Tsukiyama-san?”
“Not at all.” Not that he was aware of. “I'm simply curious. As I said, I feel like I missed something. Strangers saw you dressed that way. I'd feel pretty disappointed if I never got to see you wearing that dress. My interest is entirely innocent.”
Kaneki continued to stare at him for a moment, but gave up with a sigh, shaking is head. “If you're really determined to see me in it, then it's going to have to wait. I need to get ready for work and-”
“But we woke up earlier than usual, didn't we?” Tsukiyama reminded him hopefully. “You've got at least a few extra minutes. It won't take you that long to put it on. You don't even have to put on the wig and makeup if you're that concerned about wasting time. I don't know when you'll be home, so...”
He was definitely giving away how much he wanted to see him wearing it now. If Kaneki left now before he got to see him, the curiosity was going to plague Tsukiyama all day. At the least, if Kaneki put the dress on to give him an idea, he would have something to keep his mind... occupied. Even though he didn't think he had a fetish for men in women's clothing, this was Kaneki. And he liked Kaneki a lot. He would enjoy seeing him wear all kinds of things.
“If I'm late to work, I'm going to blame you, and I'm sure you don't want to know what will happen if they find out that the Gourmet was the one who kept me from doing my job.”
That sounded concerning, but that also sounded like Kaneki was willing to try it on for him.
Tsukiyama shrugged and went to sit on the edge of the bed. “Not a problem, my dear. I'm not the Gourmet any longer. There shouldn't be a problem.”
“Semantics,” Kaneki said, smirking at the way he'd playfully dodged his threat. Leaving him at the bed with the dress and wig, Kaneki returned to his dresser and began looking for something else. Once he found it, he returned, proudly holding the bra in question, along with a little something extra. Tsukiyama's eyes narrowed with interest at the tiny scrap of fabric; a pair of lacy black panties so small that Tsukiyama doubted whether they would even fit Kaneki, let alone be enough to cover his modesty.
“You really went all out for that mission, didn't you?” he observed.
Kaneki gave him a wolfish grin. “I wanted to look and feel the part. This was just the first step. It's really nothing at all.” Saying that, he set down the bra so he could step into the panties. Tsukiyama watched him intently as they slid up his thighs, as he gently tucked himself into them. It was a wonder they stayed on at all when his cock poked out over the waistband like that. Even soft, he was a bit too much for the tiny garment to handle. If the wind had picked up at the wrong moment, if someone had gotten a look under that dress...
Turning around, Kaneki let him have a glimpse of his behind, barely covered by the lacy article. They perfectly hugged his muscular behind but left little to the imagination. That wasn't a bad thing, of course. The way they showed off the cleft of his ass was really something, giving him just enough skin to make him bite his lip.
Turning back around, Kaneki picked up the bra this time and put it over his shoulders. Showing Tsukiyama his back, he scooted back toward him and asked him to help him with the clasps in the back. He said that it didn't matter which clasp he put it on, but Tsukiyama was careful to choose the ones in the middle that wouldn't be too tight for him. His fingers lingered for a moment, running the tips of his fingers beneath the straps at the back, pretending that he was helping to straighten them out as an excuse to touch him.
“I don't know what I should pad them with this time,” Kaneki said, putting his hands over the empty cups. “They're a little padded, so I guess it doesn't matter for now. I think they'll keep their shape under the shirt.”
Since it was all together on one hanger, Tsukiyama hadn't even realized that the dress had separate pieces at first. Before he went for the dress, Kaneki picked up the stockings and began rolling up one of the legs. “You're allowed to like this part a little,” he said, giving him a playful wink. Bracing himself with one foot on the edge of the bed, he put his other foot into the part he rolled up and slid it up his leg. Seeing his bare toes beneath the nylon, Tsukiyama suddenly felt himself sweating, finding the sight more arousing than expected. He was so close to him on the bed, and Tsukiyama found it too easy to imagine him pressing his heel against his crotch with the same amount of pressure he was leaning against the bed with.
When Kaneki reached his thigh, he switched feet and slid the stocking up his other leg, slowly concealing inch after inch of his pale skin with the thin black nylon. With them both pulled up an equal distance, he pulled them up the rest of the way, settling the waistband over his hips.
These might've been able to protect his modesty a little. If someone saw just a glimpse of what was underneath – just a second's worth – they might question what they had seen with the black stockings in the way. With him standing right in front of him, though, the obscene bulge at the front was unavoidable.
He hadn't even touched the dress yet and Kaneki already looked this incredible. The tight black stockings somehow made his muscular legs look longer and thinner and accentuated the curve of his behind where the lacy edge of the panties was still just visible through the material.
“I have the shoes in the closet, too,” he said, considering aloud.
“Yes,” Tsukiyama blurted out, unable to stop himself. “That's- Those would be good. To complete the look. This is looking pretty good so far, so I just want to see the whole thing.”
Kaneki nodded at him, smirking knowingly as he went to the closet to get the shoes. A second later, he returned with them on his feet; a pair of simple, shiny black high heels. It was a classic style, so there was little Tsukiyama could critique about them. He already admired Kaneki's slender feet, so, really, he would've been happy to see him in anything. Kaneki turned around a few times for him to see how they looked, impressing him with his balance at the same time. They looked natural on him. Even without the dress, without makeup, the delicate allure of the garments did something to enhance his masculine appeal.
And Kaneki was so modest. He noticed how much he liked what he saw and he was obviously flattered by it, but he was trying to not let it show, bashfully glancing aside whenever he noticed him staring at his legs and backside. It seemed like he enjoyed posing for him. He was still the nervous, timid Kaneki who he remembered, but there was a little more confidence in him now. Once he worked his way past his shyness, Tsukiyama could tell that he was proud of his body.
Badly wanting to touch him, to see what the meat of his thighs felt like beneath the shimmery stockings, he reached out and promptly had his hand slapped away.
“No touching just yet,” Kaneki said. “I'm not finished.”
He picked up the short-sleeved turtleneck that went under the dress and pulled it on over the bra. Just as he said, he didn't need to pad it for it to look sufficient on its own, the padded bra giving him a small-yet-round bosom. After groping his chest a little to make sure that they were even, he picked up the dress; the main piece. He pulled it on over his head and the skirt fluttered around his thighs as it fell into place.
Those were all of the important pieces, but something still looked like it was missing. Kaneki didn't look quite as feminine yet as Tsukiyama suspected he could be. He almost forgot about the belt entirely until it reappeared in Kaneki's hands. With a look of concentration, he wrapped it around his waist and fastened it tightly, pulling in his waist at the middle, gathering the material, making him look a little more shapely.
“Now the wig,” he said, focused and absorbed in what he was doing.
Tsukiyama handed it to him and Kaneki went to his mirror with it and played with it until he had his hair tucked under it perfectly without a strand escaping. He frowned slightly at his appearance and turned this way and that to have a look at himself from a couple other angles.
“The wig could lay a little better than this if I pinned my hair and put it under a cap. It's kind of lumpy right now. Does it look alright?” he asked.
Was he seriously asking him for his opinion? That was absurd. Didn't he realize how good he looked? With the wig, it was almost flawless. With his round face and petite body, he could easily pass as a girl if he wanted to. In fact, he was shocked now that Kaneki hadn't told him that their mission had been an overwhelming success because he made such a beautiful girl.
And yet Kaneki still didn't appear to be satisfied with his appearance.
“This is probably going to run me a few minutes late...” he muttered to himself as he returned to his dresser. Like a man on a mission, he produced a bag of cosmetics from somewhere on his dresser and pulled out the things he needed to make himself more beautiful. Tsukiyama tried to assure him that he didn't need to go that far for him, but Kaneki was determined to complete the look. He lamented that he didn't have any false eyelashes so he did the best he could with the eyeshadow he had, then applied a light amount of blush to his cheeks. “Just one more thing,” he promised.
Tsukiyama's heart suddenly began to hammer when he saw the small tube of lipstick that appeared between his fingers. The sound of it being uncapped, the way it emerged from the tube as Kaneki's delicate fingers gave it a twist... He watched, his breath held, as Kaneki brought it to his lips and painted them in the creamy raspberry color. Pressing his lips together, he spread it around and applied just a little more to make it perfect. Satisfied, he closed the lipstick and put it away with the rest of the things, then fixed his wig and checked his appearance in the mirror one more time before he was satisfied.
When he turned around, lashes lowered, he placed his palms on the dresser behind him and leaned against it, crossing one leg seductively over the other. Tsukiyama's lips worked to say something, but he couldn't find the words. He'd never felt confident in Kaneki's sense of style, but apparently he had a certain knack for it when it came to women's clothing. On the hanger, the dress hadn't even looked like anything special, but, on Kaneki, it looked like something that had been made for him.
“I know it isn't perfect without the lashes-”
“It looks perfect,” Tsukiyama quickly said. “You look perfect.”
Pushing away from the dresser, Kaneki sauntered over, putting a playful sway in his step. Resting his arms over Tsukiyama's shoulders, he leaned down to look into his eyes with a sly look in his own. “Is that so?” he asked. Without waiting for a reply, he closed the gap between them, pressing his rosy mouth against Tsukiyama's, giving him a firm, close-lipped kiss. Tsukiyama could smell the cosmetic smell of his makeup, but nothing could hide Kaneki's enticing natural scent that stood out beneath it. When mixed with Kaneki's scent, the unfamiliar yet identifiably feminine scent made him feel dizzy.
Before he knew it, he was laying on his back with Kaneki straddling his waist, their tongues swirling around each other. When he lifted his arms to wrap them around him, they were instantly forced back down to his sides and held down to the bed.
“No touching,” Kaneki said, tapped a finger against Tsukiyama's lips as he straightened up. Before drawing that finger away, he used it to smear the lipstick he'd left behind, and Tsukiyama could feel it as it was painted across his cheek.
“Please?” he asked politely, figuring that it was worth asking, even if it got him a sweet slap on the face for it.
Kaneki paused, like he was really considering it. When his decision was made, a smile twitched on his messy lips, curling them into a devious smirk. Moving back, he got off the bed and stood back and pointed down at his heels. “I saw the way you were looking at these earlier. I won't let you touch anything else, but how about you get on all fours and kiss them for me?”
The loud pounding of Tsukiyama's heart had reached a crescendo. “S-seriously?” he asked incredulously.
Kaneki's hand dropped to his side and he gave him an almost disgusted look, surprised. “Wait, really?” He laughed softly to himself, nervous but still interested in this turn of events. “If that's what you're into, then I guess I don't mind.”
Tsukiyama felt his face flush with a hot, embarrassed heat, having been caught for taking him seriously. “I thought I told you already... I'll do anything you tell me to do as long as you don't tell me to leave. I'll willingly follow any order you give me. You can use me however you want, so... Please, order me.”
“I didn't know we were getting that serious,” Kaneki said softly to himself, for a moment sounding a lot like the way he used to, before and after Aogiri; hesitant but curious enough to grasp the reins to find out where this would lead them. “You're kind of like a dog, aren't you?” he said. He stepped back a little more, leaving room between the bed and where he stood. Lifting the back of his right heel, he tapped it against the floor and pointed back down at his feet, assuming a strong stance. “Alright then. Let's test that loyalty. Get down there and kiss my heels, dog.”
He really missed hearing Kaneki order him around firmly like that. He had an almost Pavlovian response to that voice; instantly dropping down in front of him, getting on his hands and knees without a second thought. His shoulders shook as he drew nearer to his black heels and he a single glance up just to make sure that he had his complete permission. Kaneki was looking down at him with a hint of curiosity in his eyes, like he wanted to see if he was really going to do it. Not wasting another second, Tsukiyama lowered his head and placed his lipstick-smeared lips to the shiny toe of Kaneki's left heel.
It was too bad he wasn't allowed to use it hands. He really wanted to touch his calves, to feel the way his legs felt under the stockings. Instead, he kept his hands on the ground where Kaneki could see them and moved over to his other shoe, placing a few kisses to the toe, leaving smudges of pale raspberry-colored lipstick behind.
“You're making a mess of them,” Kaneki admonished. “Clean that up.”
Taking in a deep breath through his nose, Tsukiyama extended his tongue and lapped at the front of his shoe, dragging it over the smudgy mess until it was even shinier than before. He repeated it with the other shoe, licking all the bitter-tasting lipstick residue away. When he was finished, he nosed around Kaneki's heels, rubbing his cheek against the side, up against his thinly-covered ankles.
That might've been going too far, though. Kaneki lifted his foot and nudged the toe under Tsukiyama's chin, making him look up at him.
He narrowed his eyes, keeping him in check, but his expression softened and he smirked, like he was pleased by something he saw.
“Good boy,” he praised. Any hesitance he had from before had disappeared, now fully accepting his esteemed role as his beautiful, beloved master. Lowering his foot, he nudged his right one between Tsukiyama's legs and pressed it against the front of his pants, feeling him through the fabric. “You're already hard. Do you enjoy serving me that much? I have a bad memory, you know. Why don't you tell me? Remind me. Tell me what you enjoy.”
Tsukiyama swallowed thickly, trying to keep his breath steady as Kaneki continued to prod at him lightly with the front of his shoe.
“I... I like it when you tell me what to do.” He'd never told him anything like this out loud before, and it was hard to feign confidence in his voice when Kaneki was teasing him that way. “And I really love the way you smell – especially right now. You smell a little different with the makeup, but I like it. And... And your skin. Your skin is really soft, but you're so strong. It's a very appealing combination.”
Kaneki made a pleased humming sound at the back of his throat and rubbed his toe against him a little harder. “I like it when you compliment me. Is there anything else you like? A particular part of me, maybe?”
It was too difficult for him to answer a question like that. He loved every part of him, but he didn't want to say it that way. Kaneki wanted to feel special, to know that there were features that he had that made him irreplaceable to him.
“Your eyes,” he started. That was a good place to start. Kaneki looked surprised that he would begin with something like that, but he seemed flattered. “M- Your whole face, maybe... You have a very sweet face.”
“Really?” Kaneki asked, lifting his heel. “My face?”
“It's the face I see in my dreams,” he explained.
Tsukiyama was disappointed when Kaneki's heel left him, but Kaneki leaned down to him a second later and cupped his face in his hands. Stroking his cheek gently, he came closer and gave him another kiss. “You really are a good boy. You really love your master, don't you?” He gave him a couple more small kisses as Tsukiyama nodded for him. Standing, he placed the toe of his shoe back where it had been against the front of his pants and Tsukiyama let out a grateful sigh. “There's something else, though, isn't there? Since you're such a good boy, I'll give you a treat. Tell me what you'd like.”
Everything. Honestly, if he could have it, he would like everything – whatever Kaneki was willing to give him. But Kaneki was waiting, and the pressure against his crotch grew firmer with each second that he was forced to wait. So Tsukiyama spoke honestly, telling him what he wanted at that moment.
“I want you to step on me. With your heels. Just like you are now,” he blurted, holding his back straight, curling his fingers into fists over his kneeling legs. “And I really want to touch you and smell you a-and taste you...”
“My, what a greedy request,” Kaneki said, holding a hand delicately to his lips as he looked down upon him. “I'm afraid we won't have time for all of that right now. I think I can give you a little taste of what you want, though.”
Sitting down on the bed, Kaneki raised a leg and gestured with his foot for him to move in front of him. Without question, Tsukiyama moved between his legs and resumed his kneeling position. He didn't need to wait long before Kaneki's foot returned to its former place against the front of his pants, prodding and kneading the shape of his hard cock with the flat sole of the heel. Tsukiyama shuddered, letting out a breath as he moved his shoe against him. There was still something more that he wanted, but he didn't need to ask for it. Based on what he told him earlier, Kaneki was able to grasp what more he needed and gently applied pressure to his balls with the sharp edge of the heel. Slowly, he pressed down until he dragged a groan from his throat.
“There?” he asked, lifting his heel slightly, pressing it down again to elicit a similar response.
Tsukiyama wished that he could touch him, but he didn't have to ask now. Kaneki slid his other foot out of his shoe and raised it for him.
Staring at the tender digits covered in nylon, Tsukiyama lifted his head to look at him hopefully. “May I touch you?” he asked.
“I said I was giving you a treat, didn't I?”
The same as always, his stomach rumbled eagerly when he had such a beautiful piece of meat in front of him. Hands and feet were an acquired taste; one that he indulged in. His interest in the delicacy only deepened when he discovered what pretty, perfectly shaped feet Kaneki had. He'd never let him close to them before, but Tsukiyama himself was too afraid to tell him what an interest he had in them. Back then, Kaneki thought he was weird enough already. He didn't want to ruin what little trust they had by telling him about how much he wanted to suck on his toes.
But Kaneki didn't seem to mind at all now. He seemed quite happy to have someone who was ready to tell him about how much he appreciated him, about how perfect and beautiful he was. Tsukiyama full-heartedly believed in every compliment he gave him. It was like Kaneki needed this; starved for attention while surrounded by human CCG scum who looked at him as an experiment at worst or as a pet at best. Kaneki was none of those things.
Kaneki was his beautiful master.
He heard Kaneki let out a quiet sigh of his own as he put his hands around his ankle. So that his leg wouldn't get tired, Tsukiyama cradled his foot with one palm as he used his other hand to explore the unique feeling of the stocking around his leg. Only touching lightly with his fingertips at first, he brushed them up the side of his calf, then slowly down the inside. Aiming to hear him make more of those exquisite sounds, he touched gently beneath the underside of his knee, right where it would bend, and listened proudly as he was rewarded with more of the musical sound of Kaneki's sighs.
Kaneki continued to press his heel against him, unintentionally digging a little harder than was comfortable when Tsukiyama caught him off guard by touching his weak spot. Tsukiyama didn't mind it. He trusted every move Kaneki made. Even when it felt like he might've gone overboard, he relished the pain; a reminder that Kaneki was even there with him. It brought him back to reality and made him appreciate the one before him all the more.
Of course, it also reminded him that Kaneki was the one in charge. There was really no way for him to forget about that, though.
Holding Kaneki's foot in both hands like a treasure, he brought it up a little higher and finally rubbed his cheek against the side of his foot. The moment he felt the texture of the stockings against his skin, he sucked in a breath and unconsciously shifted his hips, seeking to feel Kaneki's heel against him more. Shakily letting go of that breath, he nuzzled his nose against the curve from his ankle to his instep, then deeply breathed in his scent. Mingling with his natural scent was the mild scent of sweat and the fake leather from the shoe. A human would've never been able to distinguish each smell as distinctly as he was able to, each of them battling for his attention until he closed his eyes and let them blend together into the unique fragrance they were meant to become.
“Charmant,” he breathed, placing a kiss against Kaneki's sensitive instep. He hadn't even realized that Kaneki was ticklish there until he felt him shake slightly at the light touch. Curiously, Tsukiyama danced the tip of his fingers over the same spot and glanced up to see Kaneki squeeze his eyes closed as he tried to hold back his reaction. “So very cute,” he murmured.
“Who is?” Kaneki asked, indignant. To hide his embarrassment, he pried his foot from his grasp and pressed it against his cheek. It wasn't hard enough to be a kick, but it was surprising enough to make Tsukiyama flinch when he suddenly had the flat of Kaneki's foot against the side of his face.
His hands hung in the air, unsure whether he was allowed to touch him again after embarrassing him. Mirroring the motion he was making with his other foot, Kaneki ground his foot around the side of his face, forcing him to decide whether he should follow the movement back or lean into the abuse.
Tsukiyama, having promised himself that he was going to follow his desires from here on, leaned into it without further thought, smiling and moaning like the happiest man as Kaneki stepped on his face.
“You like that?” Kaneki asked.
Tsukiyama nodded, rubbing his face against his foot. As Kaneki lifted his foot and gave him another light stomp against his jaw, Tsukiyama forgot how to speak, his own thoughts turning into a mess of pleasant white noise as reality, like a dream, took control of him. His cock was so hard. He kept moving against him, anticipating the press of Kaneki's heel, searching for another light kick to the face, praying for him to give him more and never stop. At the back of his mind, he knew that he should feel concerned about whether Kaneki would be late, but he was just too happy letting the moment continue. The second the thought entered his mind, it vanished again beneath Kaneki's foot and was stepped on, ground around, and kicked away like dirt.
“Oh? What's this?”
Kaneki lifted his foot from his crotch, and, to his disappointment, the one against his cheek followed it. Tsukiyama's eyes hungrily followed his feet as they were placed together on the floor in front of him, but his attention was drawn away when he noticed the interest in Kaneki's eyes. Following gaze, he looked down to his own lap and felt a new flood of heat fill him when he saw the wet stain at on the front of his pants.
“Did you-”
“I didn't!” he plead. “I didn't come. That's not-”
He was sure he hadn't come, but the obvious wet spot that darkened the fabric of his pants was a little hard to make an excuse for. He'd been so tied up, enjoying his scent and the feeling of Kaneki's foot in his lap that he hadn't even realized how heavily he had been leaking precum. Now that Kaneki had noticed it, there wasn't anything for him to say. Once Kaneki had moved his foot, the spot began to dry, making him squirm around uncomfortably at the cold sensation.
“It's alright,” Kaneki laughed. “I'm sure no one will notice. Your pants are black. You can wash up the front a little and it'll be like nothing happened after you let it dry.”
“But these are dry clean only,” Tsukiyama mumbled sadly.
“Do you want to walk home with a cum stain on your pants?” Kaneki asked.
It was considerate of him to ask that. It was kind of him to even allow him to clean himself up there at the chateau if he wanted to. He couldn't bring himself to mention that this had happened before, so he kept that to himself – no need to relive that embarrassment. At the moment, that could wait for a little longer. He knew that he and Kaneki were far from over, no matter how little time Kaneki had remaining. Before he could get up, Kaneki put a hand down on his shoulder to stay him. Running his fingers teasingly along the bottom edge of his dress, he spread his legs, looking more lewd than a lady had any right to.
“Where do you think you're going? Do you really intend to accept my treat without giving me anything in return? Where are your manners?”
Tsukiyama felt his cock give an excited jerk, knowing what Kaneki expected from him.
“No tongue or teeth,” he said, gingerly lifting the hem of the dress, giving him a precious glimpse of what was underneath. “Just like you did before. Make me feel good.”
Until then, Kaneki had been very calm, looking so in control, but when Tsukiyama looked at his face now, he realized that his kakugan had appeared without him noticing. Seeing it made him feel even more eager to please him.
Moving forward on his knees, he placed his hands on Kaneki's thighs and helped move the skirt of the dress out of the way, rolling it up a little so he could get closer. Glancing up first, he leaned in with his pulse wild and brushed his lips over the hard outline of Kaneki's cock. There wasn't much separating them; just the thin black nylon of the stockings between him and Kaneki's skin. He could smell him, could already detect the scent of his arousal in the air. It immediately went to his head and started messing with his thoughts, making him feel hungry to put his mouth around it and taste it with his tongue. Kaneki had explicitly told him that he wasn't allowed to do that, though. He was going to have to accept what he was given.
Like an obedient pet, he made an appreciative sound in his throat as he rubbed his lips along the length, stopping here and there to leave kisses against it. When he reached the tip that peaked out above the waistband of the small lace article, he stopped to take in a deep breath, really taking in the scent of it. One of Kaneki's hands was placed at the back of his head and pulled him forward slightly, encouraging him to use his lips there as well. Taking another glance at up, Tsukiyama's heart felt ready to burst at the sight of Kaneki's red cheeks, closed eyes, and relaxed expression. There was only the hint of a knot between his brows as he waited for Tsukiyama to touch him where he wanted it.
Tsukiyama was disappointed that he wasn't allowed to use his tongue, but he still tried his best for his master, parting his lips just slightly so he could wrap them around the clothed head of his cock. A quiet sigh from Kaneki told him that he should keep going, so he moved his lips around him, massaging it, lightly caressing the rest of his length with his fingers. Kaneki never said anything about his hands, and it seemed like he wasn't going to have the mind to stop him now anyway. So that Tsukiyama could continue what he was doing without interruption, Kaneki took the edge of his dress for him and held it up in his own hands to keep it out of his way.
He wasn't supposed to use his tongue, but Tsukiyama couldn't help but steal a taste when he felt the wetness of precum touch his lips. Gasping, Kaneki tightened his hand in the long hair at the front of his face, but he pulled him in closer with it, pressing his nose right up against him. Tsukiyama let his hands do as they pleased, stroking the sensitive inner part of Kaneki's thighs through the stockings, bringing them up to rub the curve of his hip, teasing his fingers along the edge of the stockings where they met the bare skin of his stomach. Returning his hands to Kaneki's length, he applied more pressure to the tip of his cock with his lips, hoping to drag more of his delicious precum out of him.
“That's enough,” Kaneki said, voice ragged. He cleared his throat, but Tsukiyama had already heard what he'd done to him. As he sat back, Kaneki stared at him for a moment, then leaned forward to fix the hair that he'd messed up for him. “You did really well, but I don't want us to finish here. I think you'd agree. There something else you want, isn't there?” he asked, nudging the front of his pants with his stocking-covered toes.
With a whimper, Tsukiyama put his hands on his knees and dipped his head, humiliated when he felt his cock twitch and felt another drop of precum escape from the tip to wet Kaneki's toes through his pants.
Kaneki got off of him and stood, gesturing for him to get up as well. “Get on the bed. Don't bother taking off all your clothes. I'm going to try to make this quick. Just pull your pants down to your knees.”
How romantic.
Still, there was something really exciting about having to do it quickly. He liked it when they were able to take their time and be slow and gentle together, but he also liked it like this, when Kaneki was assertive and wanted to take care of things quickly. Even if he had to be rough with him, Tsukiyama wouldn't mind. Part of him really missed being handled carelessly.
When he got on the bed, he did as Kaneki said and hastily unbuckled his belt and unfastened his pants. Pushing them down to his knees along with his underwear, he was finally able to release a relieved sigh, glad to have some of the pressure taken off of his achingly hard dick. Taking a glance between his legs to assess the damage he'd done to his pants, he groaned inwardly when he saw the sticky mess he'd left there. The only thing that eased his mind was knowing that Kaneki wasn't cruel enough to send him home like that anymore.
“Whoa,” Kaneki mused, getting closer to touch the tip of his finger against the swollen head of his cock. He looked impressed by what he saw, but it took him a second to get it out in words without choking on the embarrassment of sounding forward. “It's really red. And hard.”
“Whose fault do you think that is?” he asked, sending him a red-faced stare.
“Who? Me?”
Tsukiyama laughed, even though he was starting to get uncomfortable, having to awkwardly balance himself on his knees, his shirt still buttoned, drawing all of the attention between his legs where his cock proudly held its presence. “Who else would I mean? You're going to take responsibility for it this time, aren't you?”
“Responsibility?” Everything he said seemed to confuse him, but that stood to reason. Every now and then, he would say something and later realize that Kaneki probably couldn't remember what he was talking about. In this case, it was probably a good thing that he didn't remember. Regardless, he interpreted it in his own way and gave him a shrug. “Half of the fault belongs to you, but if I'm supposed to be your master now, then I suppose that all of the responsibility lies with me.”
Even if that wasn't the kind of reaction he would've expected before, that was what Tsukiyama had always wanted to hear. A shiver shook its way up his body and his cock twitched strongly, leaping up toward his belly at the simple thought of Kaneki taking responsibility for him as his owner. Seeing his reaction, Kaneki closed his hand around his cock and gave it a few firm strokes as if he were rewarding him for his patience. Even the simplest touch made Tsukiyama's whole body feel weak. His legs trembled and finally gave out from under him, and he caught himself by putting his hands down on the bed to halt his fall. Even though his legs were locked together by his pants around his knees, it was easy for him to thrust wantonly into Kaneki's hand while he rested on all fours.
“What a good dog, so excited by his master's touch,” Kaneki praised. He rubbed his palm over the head of his cock, then drew it back down over the length, smearing him in his own copious fluids. “There's so much...”
Tsukiyama leaned farther forward, keeping his hips in the air as he pressed his face into the sheets to hide his hot face. “I can't help it,” he whined. “I-it feels so good... K-Kaneki-kun's touch...! Très bien!”
Turning his face slightly to the side, he watched Kaneki as he touched him, taking in the elegant sight of his master dressed beautifully. He looked so natural that way. A part of him wondered whether he should feel more confused about how aroused this situation made him feel, but it was hard for him to feel confused when he was surrounded by the warm, familiar scent of the one he loved. It didn't matter to him how he looked. He loved Kaneki's appearance, but there was something inside Kaneki that no one else in the world shared. No matter what he looked like, where he came from, or how he was raised, Tsukiyama was sure that Kaneki was the one he was destined to love because there was no one else who made him feel the way that Kaneki made him feel.
“What a beautiful face,” Kaneki said, quiet, his words surrounded by a thoughtful air, like he hadn't even meant to say it aloud. Releasing him, he used his clean hand to brush the long hair away from Tsukiyama's face and stared down at him for a little longer with a look in his eyes that made Tsukiyama wish he could stand still in that moment forever.
Though, as much as he loved the attention, the reality that he had his ass in the air still remained.
“Sorry about that,” Kaneki apologized, amusement in his voice. “I shouldn't keep you waiting. I'm only wasting my own time at this point by doing so.”
That was right. Tsukiyama wasn't going to let him blame him if he ended up late.
Taking one extra second, Kaneki found the tube of lubricant that had been tossed aside after they were finished with it the previous night. Waving it around for him to see, Kaneki got on the bed behind him, and Tsukiyama craned his neck to the side to look behind himself. He watched with his breath held as Kaneki lifted the hem of the dress and pushed down the waist of the stockings. He didn't take them off, and Tsukiyama was surprised that he didn't even push the panties down with them. Leaving them on, he pulled them aside and let his cock spring free at the side. Kaneki must've known that he was watching him because he looked up and gave him a mischievous smile.
That smile made Tsukiyama feel like he should avert his eyes, but it was impossible for him to look away, keeping his eyes on him as Kaneki popped off the cap on the tube. Squeezing a bit of it into his palm, he rubbed it over his cock and wet his lips with his tongue as he held Tsukiyama's eyes. Little moments like that made Tsukiyama believe that his old self was still alive within him. In front of anyone else, 'Sasaki Haise' didn't seem like the type of man who would put on a dress and tease his ghoul pet, but that part of him came out when they were alone together.
Two wet fingers touched his entrance. The night before, Kaneki had gone slow with him and introduced his fingers one at a time, but he must have known that he would be able to handle two at once now, even if he were trying to save time. Tsukiyama couldn't continue watching him any longer. When he felt his fingers sinking into his body, he needed to put his head down into the sheets again. Blearily, he looked up and searched one of the pillows and pulled it close to him to hold onto as Kaneki prepared him quickly, rubbing around his insides with fingers. He scissored them as wide as they could go inside his tight passage and curled them to strike at his most sensitive spot in order to relax him.
Tsukiyama was already more than relaxed and ready. One could say that he'd been prepared for this for at least three years. His thighs were shaking, a sweet, warm sensation settling low in his belly as he waited for Kaneki to fill him.
“It's fine,” he said, clutching the pillow. “I'm ready. Please...”
Kaneki's fingers were slowly pulled from him, and Tsukiyama's skin prickled all over when he felt the tip of his cock press against him. “How could I refuse you if you ask that nicely?” he asked. Curling his fingers around his hips, he slowly leaned his weight against Tsukiyama's body and slid easily into his welcoming warmth, one inch after another until his hips were pressed right up against his backside.
Even more than the feeling of Kaneki's cock inside of him, Tsukiyama gasped at the unexpectedly exciting feeling of the loose skirt of the dress whenever it lightly brushed his skin. Kaneki gave a few experimental thrusts at first to see how he felt about fucking him in a dress. He took one hand off his hip and used it to hold back the skirt, but Tsukiyama put a hand back to stay his hand and begged him to leave it where it was. Seeing the arousal that must've looked so clear on his face, Kaneki let it go, letting it flutter between their bodies as he continued to move.
While Kaneki began to move in earnest, Tsukiyama found himself wishing that he could see them from someone else's perspective. It was too difficult for him to keep looking behind himself while Kaneki was making his body feel weak. Were it not for the hands he kept on his hips, he was sure that he would've collapsed already at some point. Despite that, he wished that he could see what they looked like; him in half of his suit with his messed up dress pants pulled down his thighs, his ass up, getting pounded by Kaneki, looking strong and lovely in a dress. He tried to see if he could see them in the mirror at Kaneki's dresser, but it was too far away and the bed was too low.
The insane idea that they should film each other sometime passed through his head, but he kept it to himself, letting it fuel his arousal instead.
“You look like you're really enjoying yourself,” Kaneki said, leaning forward a little. He reached under him and grasped his cock, wrapping it in his fingers that were still a little slippery with lube. “You're so wet, too. Do you like getting fucked this much or... Is it me?”
Tsukiyama pushed his face into the pillow to muffled the loud moan that uncontrollably came from him when he heard Kaneki ask him something so shameless and cute. “O-oui, I like it, but... I think it's you. It's just you. I wouldn't feel like this with anyone else.”
“Wow, that's...” Kaneki's thrusts slowed for a few seconds, his cock dragging along his insides, making Tsukiyama's head feel fuzzy. “It makes me feel a little overwhelmed to know that I'm so important to you, but it makes me really happy at the same time, Tsukiyama-san. I suppose I could say the same. I mean – look at us. Is there anyone else who would love me when I look like this? Anyone else who would still find me attractive and let me touch them like this?”
Honestly, Tsukiyama couldn't imagine that there would be a person who would reject such a beauty. Kaneki had everything. On the other hand, Tsukiyama had realized what a flawed, disgusting, and broken person he was. It was a miracle that Kaneki even allowed him to be in his presence.
“Kaneki-kun...”
It was all he could say, his thoughts and feelings overflowing inside of him. Between the white and black noise in his head, Kaneki was the only thing that remained constant.
“You're so cute, Tsukiyama-san,” Kaneki said. Tsukiyama was looking at him at just the right moment to catch the affectionate smile he gave him. The light color of the long hair framing his face made the blush on his fair skin really glow.
“C-cute?” he stuttered.
Kaneki tightened his hand around him, squeezing his thumb and forefinger together when he reached the tip, letting his cock pop into his fist as he pulled it back over the length. A cry helplessly came out as Kaneki repeated the motion over and over. “Yes, very cute. I wish you could see how you look right now. You've got some of my lipstick still on your face and your hair's all messy. You look like you're going to come soon. Are you?”
Tsukiyama couldn't respond, his voice sticking in his throat as he rocked his hips back against Kaneki's, feeling his cock striking at his weak spot as Kaneki played with his cock. Hearing him say things like that just brought him closer to the edge. With each stroke of Kaneki's fist, with each thrust, he was suddenly feeling acutely aware of his approaching orgasm. He wanted it to last forever, but he knew that Kaneki had to leave soon. He didn't need to hold back.
Burying his face in the pillow, he moaned and whined helplessly as Kaneki continued to torment him with unbearable pleasure. Behind him, he could hear Kaneki's breaths becoming rougher, felt his thrusts becoming more punctuated as the fingers around his hip tightened, his nails biting into his skin.
“K-Kaneki-kun... Kaneki-kun, I'm...!”
“Me too,” he heard Kaneki say, his voice tight, just one second before he felt himself being filled with hot cum.
His mind going blank, Tsukiyama collapsed onto the bed, coming hard into Kaneki's tight fist, feeling it hit his thigh and drip down his leg. The strength of his orgasm left his whole body feeling pleasantly weak and warm, his skin buzzing with a nice sensation. Kaneki pulled out of him with a sigh and got off the bed to retrieve some tissues. Tsukiyama rolled onto his back and accepted a few of them from him when they were held in front of his face.
“...Thanks,” he mumbled, feeling satisfied yet a little disappointed, wishing that he could enjoy a fond post-coital moment with him.
Like he had realized what he was thinking, Kaneki leaned down and gave him a kiss. It was just one, but it was slow and deep, giving Tsukiyama enough to satisfy him for the moment. Kaneki would be home later and they could spend as much time as they liked together as long as those little Quinx mice didn't try to interfere.
After he cleaned himself up a little, Kaneki fixed his panties and stockings and straightened the dress out a bit over them. Returning to the dresser, he checked his wig in the mirror again. It seemed a little pointless for him to do that now when he was supposed to be getting ready for work, so Tsukiyama didn't understand what he was wasting more time for. His confusion grew as Kaneki took the lipstick out again and applied a little more of it to his lips to fix what had been smudged off when they had kissed earlier.
Sitting up, Tsukiyama idly dabbed at the mess he'd made in his pants, but it was going to be hopeless to clean it without using water, at the least. Giving up on it for the time being, he got up and pulled them up with him, leaving his belt undone.
Rubbing his lips together, Kaneki turned around to present himself.
“How do I look?”
“Bellissimo,” he praised, looking him up and down. “But shouldn't you be getting out of that by now? You don't have any time.”
Ignoring him, Kaneki went to the closet and pulled on his usual jacket and picked up his briefcase with his quinque from the corner where he left it. “That's the problem. I don't have any time. I'm barely going to make it as it is. I'll think of some sort of excuse for this on the way there. It shouldn't be too much of a problem.”
“You're going to work dressed like that?”
Kaneki slid his feet back into the heels and picked up Tsukiyama's suit jacket from the chair at the desk and thrust it into his arms. “Clean yourself up if you like. You know when I'll be back. Try not to miss me too much, okay? You can call me on my lunch break if you get lonely.”
Halfway to the bedroom door, he turned around and quickly returned to him to give him one more quick kiss, then left, leaving him standing there with a dumbfounded look on his face. He couldn't believe that Kaneki had actually just left for work in makeup and a dress, but, more importantly...
He couldn't believe that Kaneki was thinking about seeing him again.