Chapter Text
[“Honestly, I'm scared
The world's drunk in a swirling glass
At the edge is my burning heart
But I just wanna stay.”]
Chris’ eyes were wet.
Changbin just stared at him, completely unimpressed, one eyebrow raised. He’d been sympathetic the first ten times this had happened – hell, he’d made it up to week twenty-three before he’d started having to grit his teeth, desperately trying not to set Chris straight. He’d wanted Chris to come to the realisation himself.
But what Changbin himself had realised, far too late, was that Chris already knew that his love was one-sided. He was just struggling to come to terms with it. Well – even that wasn’t quite accurate anymore. Chris was just having a pity party for himself, and Changbin was over it. He was there for Chris through anything – as long as they could try and eventually work on a solution. Changbin hated long-term wallowing. And after several months of having to keep Chris company through it, Changbin was done enabling him.
He caught JB’s eye, who was pottering around the bar, and rolled his eyes. JB glanced over at Chris and frowned. The bartender shook his head, his eyes fond but exasperated. JB held up a glass and Changbin gave him a quick nod, shooting the bartender a grateful smile.
“Alright, you’ve been sitting in silence for a full ten minutes, you gotta say something to me.” Changbin sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “I’m getting the next round, so talk.” Chris was silent for yet another moment, and Changbin sighed deeper, putting his face in his hands. “Chris, we’ve been over this –”
“I think I need to fuck someone.” Chris announced, and Changbin’s jaw dropped. He snapped his head up.
“I’m sorry, what?” Changbin gaped at his partner. “Where did that come from?”
“It’s the only thing I haven’t tried.” Chris muttered, and Changbin pursed his lips together. ‘Because you were loyal to someone who isn’t even yours.’ He thought sadly, reaching out to pat Chris’ shoulder.
“Need a hand with that?” Changbin glanced up to see JB plunking down another two glasses of beer onto the table. The bartender then pulled a bottle of soju out of his apron. “On the house.” He told them, a knowing smile on his face. When Chris opened his mouth to protest, JB fixed him with a stern glance. “Somaek always does the trick for me.” He tapped his nose. “But seriously, I know a couple guys. Could help you out.” Chris sighed at this.
“That’s my problem.” Chris shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not so good with strangers.” He seemed to deflate at this, and JB patted his shoulder.
“Hey, hey, man, it’s all good. The offer’s always there.” Chris smiled weakly at the bartender and JB shot the pair another quick smile before hurrying back to the bar, where a trio of young men were now gathering.
“Too bad he’s taken.” Changbin sighed. “I could go for someone like JB.” Chris grinned at him, a spark beginning to light in his eyes. Changbin leaned back a little. He’d opened a can of worms here, and it already seemed to be enough of a distraction to snap Chris out of his funk for a little. Changbin twisted the bottle of soju clockwise, counter-clockwise, and then up and down, so that it created a small tornado-effect within. Chris’ eyes widened, round and shining with interest.
“Woah.” The Sergeant gasped. “That’s so cool, Binnie.”
“I know, I am.” Changbin teased, reaching out to ruffle Chris’ hair. Chris took a gulp out of his beer then offered the glass to Changbin.
“Fill me up.” Changbin eyed him suspiciously.
“That’ll be like three shots, Chris, and you’re already quite a few beers in –” But Chris didn’t budge, and Changbin had always had trouble resisting those puppy dog eyes. Changbin sighed as he filled up the glass with soju, instinctively knowing that this would lead to trouble. But how much of it exactly…well, that remained to be seen.
“So,” Chris took a large swig from his glass then sighed in delight, smacking his lips together. “JB, huh? Tattoos, biceps, dark and dangerous? That your thing?” Changbin rolled his eyes.
“Please, I feel like that’s more who I am as a person.” Changbin leaned back in his chair, taking a deep draught from his own glass. “I was thinking more for you.” Chris’ face coloured, and he looked away.
“M-my type?” Chris’ twiddled his thumbs. “Um, well…” Changbin could see Chris’ brain kicking into overdrive, trying to come up with some form of description which had nothing to do with BamBam. “Um…” Changbin sighed. It didn’t help that Chris seemed to be far more attracted to personality, rather than looks. For Chris, physical attraction was more a bonus. It wasn’t going to make Changbin’s mission any easier. “Um, well, muscles, I guess, are nice.” Changbin didn’t miss the way Chris’ eyes lingered on his biceps for a second longer than necessary. Interesting. He was wearing a tighter shirt tonight, one that even made him feel a little bit questionable, with the way the material strained over his pecs and around his arms. Chris took another few gulps of his drink, trying to conceal how flustered he was, but Changbin didn’t miss the way his partner’s ears were bright red.
“Mhmm.” Changbin hummed, eyes narrowing. Sometimes he wished that he wasn’t so astute. The years of bullying he’d had to suffer through meant that he was good at reading people. He just hoped that this time he was reading too far into it.
“Um, dark hair.” That was a lie. Changbin knew that because BamBam had dyed his hair red recently, and Chris hadn’t shut up about it. Chris took a second glance at Changbin, who was starting to feel a bit self-conscious. Did Chris normally look at him this much? “Uh, long hair.” That was an unexpected one. Changbin’s hand strayed unconsciously to his own hair, which was now brushing his shoulders. Wait a second…
“Look, Chris…if you’re really sure about this, I can help you look out for some people. Trustworthy, decent guys.” Changbin murmured, now rubbing the back of his neck. Chris was looking at him again. This time, Changbin made sure to lock eyes with his partner before Chris could look away, raising an eyebrow. Chris’ face flushed.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do.” Chris’ gaze flicked to him, then back to the table. “It’s just a matter of, um, who, and – and like I said before, I don’t do great with strangers.” Chris glanced at him yet again, and Changbin started to get a strange feeling. “Like, just, trust and stuff, I guess, it’s hard.” Chris had already almost drained his glass, and when he glanced back up at Changbin, the Constable realised he knew exactly what was going on.
“You…” Changbin began to rub his temples. “I’m reading this right, aren’t I?” Changbin narrowed his eyes, and Chris looked like he wanted to slither away under the table.
“You’re single.” Chris blurted out. “Really hot –” Changbin rolled his eyes and almost gagged, but Chris shot him a glare. “Hey! I’m your friend! It’s objectively speaking! It’s true, you’re a good-looking guy.” Changbin huffed, lips pursing together in a shy pout as he glanced away. “And I…I trust you.” Changbin knew that he’d scream with joy over that later – it was a huge admission on Chris’ behalf, and said so casually, like it was second nature to him – but Changbin was too busy mulling over the fact that –
“You want me to fuck you so that you’ll get over BamBam.” Changbin deadpanned, and Chris squeaked, his ears now almost glowing. “Are you…” ‘Out of your mind?’ He wanted to say. ‘We’re best friends and work colleagues. We bicker. We find each other annoying. Our brains are in sync. And you want us…to have sex?’ He wanted to laugh. But the shock of it was making him pause. He couldn’t help but actually stop, for once, and consider what Chris was proposing.
It was true that he’d been lonely lately – he’d confided in Chris about it, too. He’d spared the more graphic details, like how he’d been losing the ability to make himself cum. How he’d spend hours tugging on his cock at two in the morning, tossing and turning, aching and desperately horny, but never being able to quite satisfy it. How sometimes he’d lose his mind a little when an attractive man so much as smiled near him, how sometimes an accidental touch or brush of hands would send electricity crackling down his spine.
And he knew exactly what Chris’ dilemma was. It had taken months for Changbin to warm up to Chris, let alone to even tolerate him. It had been a long, drawn-out process, which had taken Chris a lot of patience, love, and understanding. Changbin was like Chris – he didn’t trust anyone easily. He would prefer to suffer a little bit, keeping everyone at bay, than letting anyone close at all.
“Binnie?” Chris’ breathless voice was full of uncertainty. Changbin realised he must have just been staring blankly at Chris for the past minute or so.
“Okay.” Changbin blurted out. “Let’s…let’s…” He inhaled deeply. “Okay, I’ll do it.” He couldn’t believe he’d just agreed to this. He couldn’t believe he’d just agreed to – even suggested – having sex with his best friend. Half of him wanted to gag. The other half…was a little intrigued.
“I know it isn’t ideal –” Chris shot back in a rush, but Changbin reached out to grip his shoulder.
“We can just...” Fuck, was it meant to be this awkward? “We’ll just try, right? If it doesn’t work, we forget this ever happened and we both go to a nightclub and not leave until we hit on someone. Or get blackout drunk.” Chris smiled weakly at this. “Besides, I…I’m the same. I can’t just…be happy with a stranger. And you’re my only friend, really.” Chris seemed to perk up a little at this, the prick. “Not to be used for teasing later.” Changbin threatened him.
“You have my word.” Chris’ smile was playful, but Changbin knew that the words were weighted. It was Chris’ way of letting him know that Chris was aware of the trust Changbin was placing in him, even by having this conversation. “Um, Binnie?” Chris’ bit his bottom lip, looking away.
“Have another drink.” Changbin muttered. “I’m still way too sober for this.” Chris raised an eyebrow, but nodded.
“Tsunami time?” Chris held up his fist, and Changbin tapped it with his own.
“Playing with fire, I see.” Changbin shot Chris a grin.
“You know it.” Chris winked back at him, and Changbin only rolled his eyes in response.
⭒⭒⭒
Half an hour later saw Changbin pulling Chris with him into the bathrooms, his face flushed and heart pounding. Essentially, between the two of them, they’d downed a mix of whiskey, sake, soju, and beer – the tsunami. And it had gone straight to Changbin’s head. He shoved Chris into a stall, pressing the Sergeant up against the wall. Chris was giggling, hair mussed from where he’d raked his hands through it. Changbin pressed his body closer to his partner’s, marvelling at the way Chris instantly became so pliant under his fingers.
Changbin looked up at Chris, who was staring down at him with the same sort of wonder. There was something…exciting about knowing he was able to touch Chris, to explore him, without any inhibitions. It also felt nice to do this with someone he trusted. And…he didn’t have to worry about whether Chris would like him or not, or think less of him. He’d gone through enough with his partner to be certain that Chris wouldn’t leave his side over an embarrassing situation. Really, all Changbin had to be scared of was himself.
Wordlessly, eyes still round with intrigue, he let his fingers roam over Chris’ broad shoulders. He trailed one hand up the side of Chris’ neck, not missing the way Chris shivered under his touch. Chris’ white button-up barely fit over his shoulders – with all the alcohol in Changbin’s blood, the sight of Chris’ muscular arms practically bulging through the material seemed practically obscene. Unable to help himself, he reached out and gave Chris’ right bicep a squeeze.
“Nice.” He muttered to himself. “Wondered if they were real.” Chris laughed at this under his breath, leaning his head back against the wall.
“Of course they are, we go to the gym together, remember?”
“As if I’d want to watch you lift.” Changbin retorted, his hand lingering on Chris’ arm. “This…this is okay, right?” Chris nodded, staring at the wall behind Changbin’s head.
“Feels really nice.” Chris murmured, now leaning forwards so that his forehead was resting on Changbin’s shoulder. “More, please.” Changbin sighed at this, but began to run his hands over Chris’ arms again, this time keeping his grip firm. He let his hands skim over Chris’ chest, smirking as his partner jolted under his touch. He heard Chris’ breath catch as his hands reached the Sergeant’s stomach. When he got to Chris’ belt, his hands stilled, and he looped his fingers through Chris’ belt loops. “I thought…I’d still be thinking about Bammie.” Chris muttered into Changbin’s neck. “But I’m not anymore.”
“Good.” Changbin shot back. “I’ll make sure you don’t think about him.” Chris looked up, making a face, and Changbin resisted the urge to smack the back of his head. “Oi, I’m doing you a favour here. Don’t push your luck.” Chris pouted at this, and Changbin just rolled his eyes.
“What do I owe you?” Chris whined, swaying a little bit. Changbin pushed him back up against the wall.
“The best sex of my life.” It was meant to come off as sarcastic, but his voice came out lower than he’d intended. Chris shivered, his eyes widening, and his tongue darted out across his lips.
“Okay.” Chris then put his index finger and thumb under Changbin’s jaw, gently tilting his head up. Chris was staring at him again, but instead of intrigue in his gaze, there was heat. It was a weighted look, one that made heat flicker in Changbin’s stomach. It wasn’t uncomfortable, or anxiety-inducing. Now that his inhibitions had been mostly removed, Changbin found himself silently revelling in having that sort of look directed at him.
Chris hadn’t even kissed him, but Changbin felt…desired. And it was a nice feeling. Especially as it came from someone that he knew, that he respected. And Changbin knew that the want in Chris’ eyes was borne from those exact same reasons as well. Changbin’s fingers twitched from where they were still hooked around Chris’ belt loops. The desire to start moving his hands down…it was so tempting. Changbin sighed.
“We should talk about this more after we sober up.” Changbin reached up to pat Chris’ shoulder. “If this goes any further, I feel like you’ll be throwing up on my dick.” Chris glared at him.
“Please, as if I’d be the one giving you head.” Chris snorted. Changbin blinked at him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Changbin shot back. The way he’d seen it going – and the way it had begun to play out, too, with Chris melting under his touch – Changbin had expected that he’d be the one leading Chris through it.
“You know exactly what it means.” But clearly, Chris had other ideas. Chris tried to smirk devilishly at him, but it still came off as more of a pout. “Please, we all know you’d be the one taking my –” This time, Changbin gave into temptation and smacked Chris over the back of the head.
“Shut up, dickhead.” Changbin growled, moving his hand to cup the back of Chris’ neck. “Remember, I won’t play nice if you’re not gonna behave.” Chris shivered at this, and Changbin grinned. He let his other hand trail back up over Chris’ stomach, slowly beginning to rub his hand back and forth.
“Let’s go sober up at my place.” Chris breathed, his voice cracking.
“Okay.” Changbin looked up, finding his eyes landing on Chris’ lips. He watched as Chris pulled his lips in between his teeth, nibbling and sucking on them, leaving them glossy and even more tempting. Changbin pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he’d originally thought.
⭒⭒⭒
“Hold on –” Changbin muttered, pulling his shirt off over his head. Chris had been trying to pull it up for him, but his motor skills had rapidly declined since they’d started on their journey home. He looked around for a place to put it, but Chris grabbed a hold of his wrists and began walking him backwards. “I’m about to end up with a concussion, Christopher!” He chided, but let himself be pushed along. He dropped his shirt onto the floor, internally cringing – he hated mess. But before the thought could distract him for much longer, his back was pressed against the wall, and his partner was staring down at him with wide eyes.
“This okay?” Chris queried, cocking his head to one side. Changbin nodded, breathless as he waited for Chris’ next move. Chris hummed in thought, before leaning down towards him. Changbin’s breath caught in his throat.
“It’s okay.” He whispered, tilting his head up. God, this was so weird. He hadn’t kissed anyone in months, and for it to be Chris, of all people –
Chris’ lips were warm. Changbin forgot how to breathe – or really even exist, really, for a moment. It was a little sloppy, at first – lips not quite meeting, noses bumping, Changbin standing on Chris’ toes in his haste to get closer. But then Chris’ hands settled on his hips, and Changbin felt his whole body relax. Chris’ grip tightened around his waist, and Changbin felt his heart skip a beat. Chris pressed himself right up against Changbin’s body, finally slotting their lips together in a way that was just right. Changbin felt warm and relaxed and energised all at once, his body buzzing. His feet tingled as Chris swiped his tongue against Changbin’s lips. His mouth unconsciously fell open and Chris surged forwards, hungrily slipping his tongue into Changbin’s mouth.
Changbin had already thought it had been too much to take, but then Chris slotted a leg between his thighs and pressed upwards with the perfect amount of pressure, and Changbin inhaled sharply. Chris snickered against his lips, and Changbin would have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t so preoccupied. This time, Chris rolled his hips at the same time – how he had so much control over each muscle was beyond Changbin – and the Constable bit back a whine.
“Not fair.” Changbin panted. “You’re just as fucked as me, but you’re so good at this.” Chris pulled back enough just enough for Changbin to see a teasing glint flicker in his partner’s eyes, and he scowled. “Stop it.” Chris let go of his hips and curled his fingers around Changbin’s wrists.
“Stop what?” Chris feigned innocence, words now only slightly slurred, and rolled his hips against Changbin’s again. Changbin squeezed his eyes tightly shut, going to tug his wrists out of his partner’s grip. Chris kissed him again, pushing his arms back against the wall, and the heat that surged through his belly made his knees buckle. Unfortunately, this looked like he’d decided to grind down on Chris’ leg, and Changbin felt his partner grin against his lips.
“You’re such a little shit.” Changbin growled, trying to nip on Chris’ bottom lip. His partner beat him to it, sucking Changbin’s bottom lip into his mouth.
“I feel like you’re still holding back.” Chris muttered breathlessly, leaning back for a moment. “We’ve gone this far, Binnie.”
“I haven’t had sex with you yet.” Changbin grumbled.
“Exactly, yet.” Chris shot back.
“Fine, yet.” Changbin agreed with a sigh, tilting his head back. Chris’ eyes strayed from his lips to his jaw to his neck, and Changbin gulped. Chris bit down on his bottom lip, and Changbin’s already-hard dick twitched.
“We agreed sober sex is best sex.” Chris continued, trying his best to sound like he was still invested in the conversation. Changbin nodded, watching as Chris’ brow wrinkled. He narrowed his eyes and leaned his head back again, this time watching as Chris pressed his lips together, eyes fixed on Changbin’s neck.
“You want to give me a hickey, don’t you?” Changbin shot back, and Chris’ face took on the look of a deer in headlights. “You dirty little fucker.”
“You know some people prefer daddy, or whore?” Chris retorted, and Changbin rolled his eyes.
“We can get to the kinks next time.”
“Next time?” Chris nibbled on Changbin’s bottom lip again. “So this is going to be a thing?”
“I was promised the best sex of my life.” Changbin mumbled. “I’d like to collect my prize.” Chris hummed his assent, a breathless giggle leaving his lips as his lips began to skim over Changbin’s jawline. “Chris.” He warned, his partner pressing an open-mouthed kiss against his jugular.
“Mhmm?” Chris’ teeth scraped against his skin, and Changbin hissed, pressing his lips together to stifle another moan.
“Chris.” Changbin repeated, a little more forceful this time. “I don’t wear a scarf like you do, I won’t be able to hide a mark.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he winced. Chris froze, his grip on Changbin’s wrists slackening. Changbin watched as Chris frowned, eyes downcast. “Chris…” Changbin murmured, swallowing hard. He instantly felt a little bit more sober. “I’ve seen them before. You know I don’t mind.” Chris’ eyes were shiny, and Changbin gently tugged his hands from his friend’s grasp.
“They’re just…so…so ugly.” Chris whispered, voice thick with shame.
“They’re not.” Changbin retorted, a little more forceful than was really necessary. His hands dropped to Chris’ shoulders, his thumbs gently brushing over the soft red fabric that was wrapped around the Sergeant’s neck. “Can I…?” Chris nodded slowly, but still avoiding Changbin’s gaze. Pursing his lips together, Changbin gently began to unwind the scarf from around Chris’ neck. Seeing the scars that ran over Chris’ neck always made Changbin’s stomach clench. If he ever found the fucker who did that to his best friend…well, Changbin was going to go from a Detective to a felon in less than five seconds. He knew that Chris hated his neck being touched, so instead began to rub Chris’ shoulders with his thumbs. “You’re beautiful, you know that, right?”
“Sure.” Chris whispered, and Changbin sighed.
“You are.” Changbin insisted. “You know that I don’t say shit I don’t mean.” Chris clenched his jaw at this.
“I guess you’re right.” He muttered. Changbin snorted, now pulling Chris into a hug.
“You guess? God, you’re such a fucking idiot.” Changbin rolled his eyes. “Good thing you have me.” Chris wrapped his arms around Changbin and squeezed him tight, and Changbin relaxed into the embrace. Changbin counted to ten in his head and then Chris dropped his arms, stepping back so that Changbin could see his smile.
“Good thing you have me.” Chris’ tone was a little brighter, and Changbin sighed, knowing his expression was fond. Chris began to lean forwards, then pulled back. “It’s weird if I kiss you when I’m not trying to turn you on, right?” And…they were back. Changbin huffed, rolling his eyes.
“You just had to ruin the moment, didn’t you?” Changbin lightly shoved Chris’ shoulder. “Dickhead.” Chris snickered at this, his hand finding its way back to Changbin’s hip. “Chris.” The Constable warned. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” Chris pouted at him again, but Changbin was impervious to it now.
“I just wanted you to rate me on my head game.” Chris whined, and Changbin reacted instinctively, smacking his shoulder.
“Christopher!”