Archive of Our Own

He couldn’t think. He clenched his hands into fists which was maybe the only thing he could do.

He couldn’t think.

The pain radiated from his head, down his jaw, to his shoulders. What the hell happened to him?

Who even was he exactly?

He breathed slowly until he could open his eyes. A brightly lit room awaited him and he squinted, eyes blurring from seeing the lights through his migraine. An instinctive twist in his gut formed as he whispered out,

“Mom?”

He didn’t know who that was. He didn’t know what she looked like, but he wanted to see her so bad that it almost hurt more than his head.

He closed his eyes and moved his hand over his head, feeling the gauze underneath.

“Mom…”

How could he miss someone he didn’t know? How could he miss anyone when he didn’t know who he was? All he knew was that he was in a hospital, or a place that was similar enough, and he missed his mom, and his head hurt, and he didn’t know who he was, and-

There was a soft knock at the door.

He opened his eyes just in time to see a man walk in. This man had a white coat on, but he was definitely not a doctor considering the huge popped up collar and green lining. There was something odd on his throat, something weird and black and possibly metal. When the man silently approached, he was able to see it on part of his hands as well.

“You’re alive.” The man said. His voice was deep.

“Barely.” He managed, looking at this man and willing himself to remember something. Anything.

“Who are you?” He asked after he realized nothing was going to come back to him naturally.

That got a reaction of the man who had looked stoic so far. Almost surprised, maybe?

“Don’t mess with me, Mirage.” The man said, almost surprised expression falling back into the previously stoic one.

Mirage. What kind of…?

“Please don’t tell me that’s my name.” He, supposedly Mirage, said.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been asking for his mother because she must have hated him if she named him Mirage.

The man’s eyebrows went back up and Mirage (?) could tell he was still suspicious, but the concern was seeping through. Mirage watched the man peek behind him before moving to sit next to the bed. He stared at him.

“Aren’t I the one with head tra-tr-…” Mirage furrowed his eyebrows and regretted it when he felt his migraine swell, “Pain?”

It must be pretty bad.

“Don’t make this a joke.” The man said, “Why are you acting like you don’t know who I am? Who you are?”

Okay, this man was not making this make any more sense. He looked over at him and stared at him through the blinding pain of his migraine.

The man looked away when the stare had gone on too long.

“I do not know who I am, who you are, or what happened to me. I don’t know where we are right now.” Mirage said, closing his eyes as he continued, “I’m freaked out, and my- my head hurts, and my mom must have hated me if she named me Mirage-…”

“She didn’t name you Mirage. That’s your name in the Games.” The man said and, when Mirage opened his eyes, he wasn’t looking at him,

“Your name is Elliott Witt. I’m Crypto…

Hyeon Kim.”

There was a long pause between the names, but Mirage- Elliott Witt was more concerned about whatever these “Games” were.

“Games? What, like soccer?”

“Are there guns in soccer?” Hyeon’s voice had a bite to it and he stood up, “Mirage, I shot you. Apex Games. We play a bloodsport for a living.”

What?

“You-You shot me and come in here and- and-…” Elliott couldn’t wrap his throbbing head around it, “What kind of fucked up shit is that?”

“You aren’t supposed to actually get hurt.” Hyeon said, his voice losing the venom as he looked away from Elliot, “It’s a show. You’re supposed to come back safe and sound. Something happened. It wasn’t like I decided to shoot you for the hell of it, Witt.”

Elliott breathed out. Okay. He was Elliott Witt. His mother didn’t hate him and call him Mirage. Hyeon Kim shot him, but, like totally didn’t expect him to get hurt from it because it was a game show. Or something.

“Why… why would anyone join these “Games”?” Elliott managed, overwhelmed. He closed his eyes again, vision blurry anyway.

Hyeon sighed.

“Money… fame.. mostly. Some join for answers.”

“Funny how I got nothing, but questions then…” Elliott muttered, starting to feel himself fall off again.

“Heh, I’ll get your doctor.” Hyeon said and, before Elliott fully fell back under, he felt Hyeon’s hand on his shoulder.

———

People that Elliott did not know (or maybe he did?) had come and gone from his room in between doctor and nurses’ rounds. Some were people who tried to remind him of his life and connections before he took a bullet and lost his memory: Someone named Renee or “Wraith” with black hair tied up into a bun who told him that she ‘Could not see his path’, whatever that was supposed to mean, and a woman named Ramya, Rampart, who joked about him having “A head like steel. A shame there’s nothing in there, though.”

Then there were the men in suits who spent their time looking through his chart despite not being doctors and asking him what he remembered. Like they couldn’t tell he couldn’t remember anything based on the amnesia listed on his chart.

They were the ones who showed Elliott a video of himself getting shot in the head by a “Kraber”, which is what they called it, and falling to hit the grass below. His bloodied body disappeared from the screen a moment later and was replaced by a box and, man, Elliott wasn’t sure if they showed him that to get him to remember or just to traumatize him.

According to them, most injuries were healed and did not transfer between the arena and the Respawn chamber. Some things slipped through: cuts, bruises, burns, but usually not bullet wounds. And especially not deadly headshots.

But Elliott’s did.

Elliott didn’t really understand what a Respawn chamber was and how anything could cure wounds before you felt them, but he did not have time to ask. The men were out of his room as soon as he said that the video didn’t remind him of anything. He heard them muttering something about sabotage on their way out.

That was hours ago, though, and no one else had visited him. He was bored from sitting around and waiting to be released even though he didn’t know where he would go when he was and the phone that Ramya had brought him from “his room” was only giving him more questions than answers. He looked at pictures of himself and Ramya where they seemed to be at a bar, grinning behind shots. They seemed to be close.

And Elliott couldn’t remember her at all.

There were a couple pictures of him and some MRVN which confused him. Why would he take pictures with something that was basically a kitchen appliance?

He swiped through more photos until he landed on one of the boy who shot him. Hyeon. Crypto. He did not seem to be ecstatic to have his picture taken, face half away from the camera as Elliott wore a huge dorky smile. They both looked a little worse for wear with their clothes dirty and torn. But the Elliott in the photograph with all his memories seemed genuinely happy to be with a guy who would almost kill him later on.

The Apex Games were a bloodsport… so Elliott had probably almost killed Hyeon as well.

He couldn’t really hold a grudge and, besides, Hyeon had been the first one to visit him. And, based on the photo on his phone, Elliott liked being around him.

There was a gentle knock on the door. Elliott locked his phone and put it on the table beside his bed.

“Um, c-come in.”

No other than Hyeon walked in, closing the door behind him. He was dressed in all black, a hoodie and jeans, and was just way more dressed down than he was last night. He still had the metal on his throat that went under his chin and up his jaw, so Elliott assumed they were a permanent piece of his body and not some weird fashion choice for the sake of the games. His hands were in his pockets and he just seemed smaller than he was last night.

“They say they’re gonna release you soon.” Hyeon said, lingering by the door for too long before going to sit in the chair beside Elliott’s bed.

Elliott breathed a laugh. “Funny they tell you and not me.” he said, looking at the one who shot him.

“I… had asked.” Crypto said, glancing at the door. Was he always this paranoid?

“Ché had told me they said you could go home for the remainder of the season and come back when you get your memory back, but… considering…” Elliott could tell he was holding his tongue.

“But?”

“Ah- it’s not my place. I apologize.” Hyeon said, looking away.

“No-” Elliott pleaded, instinctively reaching out and stopping when he saw Crypto lean back in his chair, hands gripping the the arm rests and looking ready to bolt out of the room.

Okay, so they weren't that kind of friends.

“I’m sorry.” Elliott began, backing off, “But no-nobody is telling me anything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I get out of here. I know-I know my name, but not who I am. Where I live. You-You’re acting like I shouldn’t go home. Where is that? Why shouldn’t I?”

Crypto had listened to his plead with his hands tight on the arm rests, shoulders almost up near his ears.

“Please tell me.” Elliott pleaded again, “Be honest with me.”

It felt like an eternity before Hyeon relaxed back in his chair, his hands releasing the arm rest and landing in his lap. Elliott could tell he wasn’t fully relaxed, but he had the feeling that this man never truly was.

“You.. you own a bar here on Solace. Paradise Lounge. That’s what you would go back to. But, there… there’s no one back there to look after you.” Hyeon explained, not quite meeting his eye.

Elliott Witt… owner of the Paradise Lounge. That didn’t sound to bad. But…

“Do I not have any family?” He asked. Would make sense for him to join a bloodsport then.

Elliott watched the expression on Hyeon’s face go from contemplation to empathy as he finally made true eye contact with him.

“Your mother… is.. she’s not well. I-I think she has Alzheimers. I’m not actually sure. I was never told exactly. I’m sorry.”

Elliott pursed his lips a bit, mulling this information over.

“I guess we have a lot in common then. Not being able to remember…” He weakly chuckled, trying to gently joke himself out of the feelings he was experiencing.

So, his mother was alive with an incurable condition. Elliott didn’t know the severity, but, considering that Crypto did not think it was wise for him to go home, he could imagine that it was pretty bad. He didn’t mention his dad which Elliott figured meant he was out of the picture one way or the other. No siblings… no friends.

“Mirage, I’m sorry.”

Elliott managed a sad chuckle, looking over at him. “The only thing you have to be sorry about is for calling me Mirage. It’s Elliott. You didn’t make it happen.” He said, “But… if I can’t really go home… then what should I do?”

Crypto glanced back at the door and Elliott wondered if he kept doing that just because he really didn't want to talk to him that badly.

“We have housing here during the on-season. You have a room here. I… I think it would be best for you to stay. Being surrounded by the other Legends… maybe it will help your memory.” Hyeon explained, voice less confident and more tentative when giving him advice.

Elliott leaned back against his pillow, sighing. “Dorms, huh? So everyone can watch me blunder my way through a life I don't remember? Sounds like fun…” he said.

It really didn’t. So, he lived with a bunch of other willing participants of a bloodsport. Seemed safe, but what other choice did he have?

“Will you…” Elliott began, not knowing how Hyeon would take what he was going to ask of him, “Will you, like, show me to my room when they let me out of here? I- um… Really know you the best of all of them.”

Hyeon looked at him, visibly off guard with his eyebrows raised. “Me? Um… I-… Ramya and you are close… She could…” He muttered, trailing off.

“She was here. She’s lo-lov- She’s very nice, but, y’know…. She didn’t shoot me so hard I lost my memory. So… you kind of owe me one.” Elliott said, tilting his head almost mockingly at Hyeon.

Hyeon gave him a look, squinting his eyes with disscontempt before relaxing back in his chair. He breathed out an expressionless laugh, looking at his lap.

“At least you still know how to antagonize me.” Hyeon said and Elliott couldn’t help the small smirk on his face.

“Do I usually do that?”

There was a faint smile on Hyeon’s face when he looked back up at him.

“You have no idea.”

———

Elliott was released the following morning and Hyeon, being the angel that he was, brought him new clothes so he wouldn’t have to stroll around in his hospital gown. He brought him a black hoodie that said ‘BAMBOOZLED’ across the front in gold, holographic lettering and jeans.

“Bamboozled?” Elliott had asked when he met him outside after he had changed.

“It’s, ah, your merch. It’s kind of your thing. It was the first thing I found in your room.” Hyeon said, not meeting Elliott’s eye. “Let’s just go.”

Hyeon immediately started walking ahead of him and Elliott hurried to walk beside him. Hyeon was dressed similarly to how he was the night prior: all in black, but the hoodie was replaced with a long sleeved black shirt. Elliott knew he said that this Bamboozled hoodie was the first thing he found, but it was all black besides the lettering and his jeans were black too. They looked ready to plan a heist in his opinion.

“Can I ask you a question?” Elliott asked, trying to fill the silence as they walked outside and over to a different building.

“I suppose.” Hyeon said, looking straight ahead of him with his hands in his pockets.

“Why am I called Mirage in the- in the games? Seems like a stupid name.” he asked, sliding his hands into his hoodie’s pockets.

Hyeon chuckled and Elliott looked over at him. The boy had hardly smiled in the last couple days which was fair, they were in a med bay and he almost killed Elliot, and it was interesting to see. Elliott got the feeling that he kept a lot to himself especially after how he reacted to him reaching out to him last night.

“Your suit… it makes decoys of you. As if one of you wasn't enough. So, you’re like a mirage in the games.” Hyeon explained as he opened the door, leading them into the building.

“Decoys?”

“Yeah, you’re an engineer. Holotech technology. I’ve been told you made it with your mother.”

“Huh.” Elliott said, following Hyeon up the steps. Maybe he had been too harsh on the name Mirage.

“It’s, um, impressive-” Crypto began, getting cut off as they walked into what looked like a main living area.

“The man of the hour!” A voice came from a man in the middle of the room on a couch, feet propped up as he looked up from his phone and- wait. He was wearing shorts that revealed two metal legs.

Elliott hoped that his legs weren’t a casualty of the Games.

“We thought we lost you, el hermano.” The man continued, attention fully on him and Hyeon.

“Uh, well, I’m not lost…” Elliott said, crossing his arms, “Well, I guess I am… in a way.”

“Chica told me you don’t remember anything. Explains why you’re walking around with him.”

“What?”

“It’s not important.” Hyeon interrupted him, “I’m just helping him to his room, Octavio.”

“Nice to do for the man you almost killed.”

“Geumanhae.” Hyeon bit back, looking away from Octavio.

“Hey, as far as I’m aware, we’re in a bloodsport. I bet everyone has almost killed me twenty times over. So, knock it off. H-Hyeon is trying to help me which is more than what you’re doing right now.” Elliott spoke up.

No one had stayed with Elliott as long as Crypto did, or explained anything to him. Even Ramya who is supposed to be his friend. He didn’t know how close, or not close, he and Hyeon were, but there had to be some sort of bond for him to keep coming by. It couldn’t just be guilt over almost killing him. He had the feeling the guilt would keep Crypto far away, but he kept coming back to help.

That seemed to shut Octavio up and Hyeon was looking at him surprised as well.

“Gomawo.” He said, bowing his head slightly before walking over to the hall.

Elliott didn't know what that meant, but followed Crypto into the hallway anyway. He stopped next to him in front of a door.

“This is your room. It has facial recognition, so it should let you in now.” Crypto explained, stepping aside.

“Thanks.” Elliott responded, reaching for the knob and letting himself in. He looked back at Crypto. “Can you stay for a minute?”

“Yeah.” Hyeon answered, following him in.

Elliott felt odd surrounded by things, his things, that he didn't remember. There were pictures and drawings of himself everywhere and his desk was a mess with papers. He was able to read the spreadsheets when he walked up to the mess: Information about the Paradise Lounge. He frowned. It didn’t look like it was going too well.

There was a small trophy acting as a paper weight and upon closer inspection he realized it was a statue of him.

Best Competitor In A Battle Royale

Based On Skills, But Mostly Good Looks

“This is weird.” He began, “Why do I have all this shit about myself? What is this?”

“Heh, you have… one hell of an ego.” Hyeon said, staying by the door with his arms crossed, “Did you want me to stay here so you can stare at your stuff?”

Elliott shook his head, putting the trophy back down on top of his failing bar’s spreadsheets.

“No. What that guy said out there… that- that was rid-ridic- it was whack.” He managed, wondering if this stutter was just something he always had or if it was because of the head trauma, “You’re the only person who’s been trying to help me. So, I- I don’t care that you’re part of why it happened. I know you didn't mean it. You were doing your job. And this job is fucked up and I don’t know why we do it, but I… I trust you, Hyeon. So, thank you for helping me.”

There was a long span of silence and Elliott was about to open his big stupid mouth to try and joke away the awkward, but he was cut off by Hyeon,

“Thank you for sticking up for me. I appreciate it, but we’re- we… we don’t always see eye to eye. So, I don’t know if you’ll still feel that way about me when your amnesia wears off.”

Elliott sat down on his bed, looking up at Hyeon as he stayed by the door.

“Despite any of that, you’ve been here for me. That’s important. I… Everything you’ve told me so far hasn’t jogged my memory. What if it never returns?” Elliott asked, moving his gaze to the pictures on his walls.

A lot of the posters had signatures on them, supposedly from the artist, and there were just… so many of them. A few of them had many of himself on them and he assumed those were the decoys Heyon told him of earlier. He looked confident in the posters, but also like self obsessed dork.

What if he didn’t like who he was when/if he remembered?

“I don’t know.” Hyeon admitted, slowly moving towards the middle of the room and following Elliott’s eye to the posters, “I guess you’ll have a new chance to decide who you want to be. Not everyone is that lucky.”

“I guess.” Elliott said, moving to look through the bookshelf near his bed. There weren’t any books, but movies and a journal.

“Do you want food? I’m sure the medbay food wasn’t that great.” Hyeon said out of the blue, knocking Elliott out of his thoughts.

He looked up and smiled a bit, “If you’re buying.”

Hyeon breathed a laugh and turned around.

“Of course.”

———

Hyeon ordered a pizza from someplace nearby, leaving to grab it from where it was dropped outside. Apparently outsiders couldn’t step foot near these dorms, so it was sent via drone. The future was weird.

The silence between them in the meantime wasn’t too bad. Elliott had spent his time rummaging through his things and shaking his head at what he found. He really had a big ego before he took a shot in the head, huh?

Elliott was still looking through his stuff while Hyeon was gone. The room was not very large, but, man, did Mirage stuff a whole bunch into it. He sat on his bed when he was just about done and remembered that journal he had saw on his shelf earlier. That had to have some info, right?

He leaned back and grabbed it between dvds before leaning back against the wall and opening it. He pursed his lips as he flipped through hardly legible writing. A lot of it was to do lists, don’t forget lists, do not say this in front of press lists. It wasn’t very interesting besides one list that was titled “Do Not Ask Crypto”… list.

Don’t ask Crypto about his past or his family (Asked once, was shunned for a week)
Don’t ask Crypto about why and how he joined the games
Don’t ask Crypto about him and Nat
Don’t ask Crypto about his drone (and don't touch it. He’ll murder you for real)

Huh. It was weird that he would keep a list, but he figured that he must have gotten in trouble for asking those sorts of questions before. Weird for him to have an entire list of stuff not to ask Crypto about, though.

He continued flipping through his journal, not finding anything more interesting until the very end. A picture fell out and onto his lap. It was old, worn by the years and turning brown. He picked it up.

A family of five. “The Witt family together forever!” was written on the back.

He pursed his lips, flipping it back over. There were four young boys and all of them had brown hair except for the tallest. Were these… Were these his brothers? The shortest was obviously him, right? He had these weird goggles on his his head. Was he always weird?

His eyes focused on the woman behind them. She was grinning next to, probably, her husband. Probably Elliott’s father. He smiled a little.

He had a family. A big family. He had brothers…

But…

But Hyeon told him there was no one able to take care of him at home. He said his mother had Alzheimers, so that checked out. What about his father, though? His brothers? Or were those just his friends?

Elliott looked up when he saw the door. Hyeon was there with the pizza box in his hands.

“Here.” Hyeon said, setting the pizza down on the bed next to Elliott, “What’s that? I mean- nevermind. Not my business.”

“Um, no, it’s fine. It’s, uh… a picture of my family. I think.” Elliott said, looking back down at the photo, “I didn’t think I had a family. I-I know you said my mom has Alzheimers, but…”

Hyeon took a moment before sitting next to him. “I don’t know much about your family. We don’t really… talk like this.”

Elliott breathed out a humorless chuckle. That solidified the “Don’t ask Crypto about his family” note in his journal.

“Yeah. I-I uh… guess my dad isn’t around then. These guys… my brothers, though? Would they not care about me?”

“I don’t know.” Hyeon admitted, “I’m sorry.”

Elliott shook his head, closing the journal and putting it back. “It’s not your job to explain everything to me. Maybe it will come back to me.” He said, flipping open the pizza box “Anyway… pizza.”

“Pizza.” Hyeon agreed and a long silence fell over them as they ate. At some point, Elliott had turned on the tv. It was mindless.

Eventually, there was a commercial for the Apex Games.

“I’m always dressed to kill.” A woman on the screen said. There was big white lettering reading “LOBA” in the empty space beside her. She had long brown hair tied back into braids and she walked towards the screen (in six inch heels) before the scene changed.

There was a quick montage of her with various guns (pistols, shotguns, snipers, the works) before a different woman appeared on screen.

“My name is Wraith. And we’ve got a job to do.” Wraith said.

Mirage knew her at least. The one who told him she ‘couldn’t see his path’.

There was a montage for her as well before the scene changed again. This time… it was Mirage.

“Excited to see you all in the ring. There’s plenty of mes to go around.”

There were three of him in his intro. His decoys. He got a montage as well with mostly pistols. There was one clip of him kicking someone in the head.

Elliott winced. Yikes. He sure looked happy to be killing people in that commercial. “That’s… awful.” He muttered, “People watch us kill each other for fun?”

“Yeah. And for money. People bet on who will win.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah.”

Don’t ask Crypto how or why he joined the games.

Elliott shook his head, closing the mostly empty pizza box between them. He leaned back, head gently hitting the wall as he looked up at the ceiling. Should he really be questioning his life choices even he couldn’t remember them? What mind tricks did he use on himself to convince himself that this was okay?

“I… should probably be going.” Hyeon said and, no, Elliott could not be alone while having this existential crisis.

“Wait. No. Um. Before you go…” Elliott began, looking at Hyeon.

How could he get him to stay? He really liked his company. Even if they had been mostly sitting in silence until the commercial came on.

“Can you, um, tell me about the games? Or just like— I don’t know. Don’t go.” Elliott faltered, trying and failing to come up with a non pathetic way to get this guy to stay.

“I…” Hyeon seemed kind of speechless. Which, yeah, okay, they had been super quiet most the time they were in his room, so it wasn’t like Hyeon was a master conversationalist, but he was usually pretty quick on the draw when it was his turn to talk.

“I don’t know what I could really tell you, Witt. We kill each other. We go to bed. We do it all over again.”

“Like… is it a team based thing? Have we ever been on the same team? Or, is it an everyone for themselves kind of thing?”

“It’s team based. Randomly assigned. Mostly trios. Sometimes duos and, yeah, we’ve been on the same team quite a few times.” Hyeon explained, not making eye contact with Elliott.

“I think about ninety percent of my duo’s matches have been with you, actually. Good for ratings, or something.”

“Huh. Why’s that?”

“Hell if I know.” Hyeon muttered, “We spend most of our time arguing. We hardly win.”

“Okay… Has anything interesting happened while we’ve been teamed together? Other than arguing?” Elliott asked.

So, he and Crypto usually argued? Seemed odd since they’ve been pretty civil so far.

“Uh, well, usually, when we’re in trios together, our third hates us. I’ll admit that you’ve… gotten me out of some tough situations. And into them too. I guess I’ve done the same for you.” Hyeon said and there was something about him, maybe the hunched shoulders or the way his voice got quieter towards the end, that told Elliott that he was being more earnest that maybe he even wanted to.

Elliott looked at the tv for a moment, staring at it without watching. Maybe if he just thought about that, about the games, about his times with Crypto in the ring it would come back to him.

No.

Nada.

“I wish I could remember. I feel like the worst friend right now.” Elliott sighed, looking back over to Hyeon. He noticed a glimpse of a smile on the other man’s face.

“When you get your memories back, Witt, you’ll probably hate how much time you spent with me. We are… almost rivals. Kind of. If I could be bothered to have that kind of rapport with anyone.”

Elliott chuckled a bit. “What matters to me now is that you’re here with me now. Everyone else is so busy, or they just don’t know what to say to me so they just don’t say anything. But, you… you were with me in the med bay. And you agreed to take me back here. You’re having dinner with me. You’re en-enterta-… You’re doing your best to answer my questions.

So, fuck however we were before. I won’t hate how much time we spent together. Without you here… I don’t want to know where my mind would go. As if it has anywhere to go anyway.”

Elliott didn’t notice until the end of his rant how close he had gotten to Hyeon. And he didn’t just mean how he moved the pizza box out of the way, so he could sit closer to him. Hyeon, the man who shot him, was the one who was the closest to him right now. He hadn’t met most of the other legends, but, the ones that he had, just didn’t know how to talk to him. It was like they didn’t remember him and not the other way around.

He didn’t feel weird around Hyeon, though. He was honest with him. He told him he was the one who shot him. He was honest when he didn’t know the answers to Elliott’s questions. Elliott didn’t have to pretend to be okay for Hyeon’s sake.

He found himself closing the gap between himself and Hyeon even more until he was kissing him. He felt like he was on autopilot and was just thankful that Hyeon didn’t jump away considering how he had acted any other time Elliott reached out to him.

Elliott moved his hand to the other man’s jaw, feeling the difference between his skin and the synthetics. It definitely felt different than the natural skin, but it wasn’t cold, hard, unbending metal like he thought it would have been. It was warm like the rest of his skin, but smoother.

He pulled away when he realized that just because Hyeon hadn’t pulled away didn’t mean he was kissing back. He felt his cheeks flush pink, still too close to Hyeon for his own good, and glanced down when Hyeon opened his eyes again.

“Um… I’m sorry if that was uncalled for.” Elliott mumbled, embarrassed.

He didn’t remember making the decision to kiss Hyeon. It just… happened. Maybe it was something he had been wanting to do for a long time, longer than the few days that he could remember.

“I should go.” Hyeon stood up in a blur and immediately moved towards the door, but not before Elliott could grab his wrist.

Hyeon stopped as soon as Elliott touched him and didn’t pull away.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. You’ve known me longer than I’ve known you, I guess. You know more about our relationship than- than I do. I guess I misread the signals. I’m sorry.” Elliott apologized, letting go of Hyeon’s wrist when it seemed like he wasn’t going to run away.

Hyeon wasn’t looking at him still, but didn’t walk away. The silence stretched on almost too long, almost long enough for Elliott to ask Hyeon if he was okay, before the other man finally spoke up again.

“I’m the only person you know. You can’t choose me just because you lack your normal options, Witt. You’ll regret it when you get your memory back.”

Elliott frowned, sitting back up against the wall. “I didn’t kiss you because you’re the only person I know. I kissed you because I wanted to. And… I still don’t remember shit about my life. It might not come back. The- the “Witt” you talk about might never come back. So- So I’m here. And I chose you. I- I have a feeling that the old me… wanted to kiss you too.”

Elliott felt his cheek flush again as he tried to be honest with Hyeon with the limited information that he had.

Okay, yeah, maybe kissing a guy that he had some sort of history with that he didn’t remember might not have been a great idea. It was an impulse. He had no memory, but the rest of him worked just fine. It wasn’t Elliott’s fault.

“Talk to me about it when you’re Mirage again, kid. I’ll see you in the morning.” Hyeon said, glancing over at Elliott before he walked to the door. He was gone before Elliott could protest more.

Elliott sighed, closing his eyes as the door closed behind Hyeon.

It was going to be a long night alone.

———

Elliott had a hard time sleeping that night. He tossed and turned, regretted kissing Hyeon, played it over and over in his head, got up to take the meds the doctors had given him for pain, and went back to tossing and turning. He ended up grabbing his journal sometime in the night, falling asleep again while looking at the picture of his family in the lowlight.

He woke up with a migraine and with the photo still in his hand.

“Good morning, mom.” He mumbled, feeling a twist in his gut. What a great twist of fate for both of them to end up not remembering the other.

He sighed, closing his eyes. It wasn’t like he had anyone else to talk to.

“I can’t remember anything before I got shot. Is it this scary for you?” He began, talking quietly just in case the walls were thin, “I… I don’t know who I am. Everything I’m seeing from my old life points to me being a… an asshole.”

“I… I kissed Hyeon last night.” He couldn’t help but chuckle, “He… I don’t know, mom. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him, but I wanted to. Now the only person who’s been standing by my side the last couple days might hate me. Maybe he already hated me before. I really don’t want him to hate me.”

He couldn’t help the tears that he felt form behind his eyelids. His chest tightened. He was talking to a picture of his mom that he didn’t remember.

“I don’t want to be alone. I feel alone.” His breath hitched as he started to cry all alone in his bed, surrounded by reminders of his old life.

“To top it off…” he breathed out a laugh that sounded hysterical to his own ears, “I kill people for a living, mom. I don’t care if they don't stay dead. What the fuck?”

He closed the journal, not wanting his mom to see him fall apart any further. He cried until he was left gasping and his migraine felt like it was going to split his head apart. He wished it did. He wished that bullet would have killed him. He wished-

There was a light knock on his door.

Oh god. What time was it? Who was that? It couldn’t be Hyeon. Was it? Oh god, he needed to stop crying now.

Elliott wiped his eyes, forcing himself up. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and breathed in deeply.

One.

Two.

Three.

There was another knock.

Elliott’s eyes were bloodshot, but maybe he could play it off like he was just tired. Which he was. Cause he didn’t sleep because, oh, he was shot in the head a couple days ago.

He forced himself to the door, opening it and choosing to ignore the fact that he had fallen asleep in the clothes he was wearing yesterday.

“Hey, Mirage.”

It was Wraith standing outside his door. Okay, he didn’t really see that coming.

“Um. Hi. It’s… Elliott.” Elliott said lamely, placing a hand on the doorframe to balance himself, “You’re, uh, Wraith?”

“Yeah, um, you can call me that. Or Renee.” She said, peeking into the room behind him, “Can I come in?”

“Um. Yeah. Sure. What’s up?” Ellliot asked, letting her in. He sat back on his bed when Wraith- Renee closed the door behind her.

“I wanted to see how you were. I… I had heard you were spending a lot of time with Crypto. Didn’t want to intrude.”

“Word spread that fast around here, or something?” Elliott asked, sighing.

Really? You almost die and everyone starts talking about how you’ve been hanging out with the guy who shot you? The audacity of some people.

“Kind of. Are you okay? You look…”

“Like a guy who was shot in the head a couple days ago and can’t remember his entire life? Yeah. I know.” He couldn’t help himself from snapping. He was tired. His head hurt.

“Well, yeah, but not what I was going to say.” Renee said, leaning against the door. She was swimming in her oversized black loungewear.

“You look like you need a friend.”

Elliott sighed, closing his eyes momentarily. He didn’t want to hurt this girl. She was a bit weird, but she came to visit him in the morning.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He said, opening his eyes, “I… still can’t remember anything before when I got shot. I don’t remember my-” he cut himself off before he got too vulnerable, “I don’t remember Mirage.”

“I know that’s scary. I hope it comes back to you.”

Elliott sighed. “Whatever. No one really knows what it’s like, so…”

“Um. No. Actually, I do.”

Elliott looked up at him, skeptic. “Yeah?”

Renee took a moment before crossing the room to sit next to Elliott. “Yeah. I… don’t want to make this about me. But, I don’t remember much of my life. I’m here to try to find out more of myself, so… I get it. I woke up not knowing my own name, too.” she said, looking down at her hands instead of at Elliott, “It’s… It’s a big reason I didn’t stay too long with you at the hospital. Didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to make it worse like how people made it worse for me. Sorry if that was the wrong choice.”

“Oh.” Elliott managed, looking over at her, “Were you… in an accident too?”

Renee smiled a bit, but it was joyless. “No. I was experimented on. I lost my memories in the experiments.”

“Ah… I- that’s awful. I’m sorry.” Elliott said, feeling like a hypocrite now that he didn’t know what to say. Maybe he was holding the bar too high for other people.

“Don’t be. At least I wasn’t shot in the head. How’s your head, anyway?” Renee asked, eyes focusing on the gauze that was covering his wound.

“Ah, it’s empty.” Elliott managed to smile, shrugging his shoulders, “It hurts, but thats it. Nothing else going on in there.”

Renee leaned back, chuckling slightly. “I doubt there’s nothing in there. You’re always cooking up something behind the scenes, I’ve learned.”

“Not this time. The man behind the curtain is center stage without his pants on and he doesn’t know his lines.” Elliott’s quip came to him naturally and dragged a laugh out of Renee and, hey, that felt pretty normal.

“Well, I’ll always be on stage right to feed you your lines.” Renee said through chuckles, looking over at him. Her laughs subsided, but the smile stayed on her face.

“You’ll never be alone, Elliott.”

Elliott felt his shoulders relax. His head was still screaming up a storm, but he felt like maybe everything would turn out alright. Maybe.

“Even if I don’t ever remember Mirage?” The question was tentative and way quieter than Elliott meant for it to be.

Renee rested a hand on his arm.

“Even if you never remember Mirage. I’m here. Ramya’s here. And, I never thought I’d say this, but I think Crypto is here for you too.” She said, her eyes meeting his for the first time.

Elliott tried not to be too obvious, but he had to ask, “Can you… tell me about me and Hyeon?”

Renee dropped her hand from his arm, eyes narrowing slightly. “What do you want to know? I don’t know much about him. He’s a closed book.”

“I-uh- I don’t…. I don’t know.” Elliott muttered, sheepish and, god, how did he manage to phrase this without sounding like a forlorn teenager?

“Were we like… friends? He… He has been really helpful the last couple days… But, he acts like I’ll hate that we’ve been hanging out if I get my memory back.”

Renee hummed, leaning back against the wall behind Elliott’s bed. “In a way, I guess. You argue like an old married couple usually. He calls you an idiot. You call him old. And you both acted like you hated each other when you first met, but now… I don’t know. Time’s softened the both of you, I guess.”

“Ah. That… makes sense…” Elliott said, feeling a weird knot in his stomach.

“Has he been being rude to you? I thought he had knocked it off, at least for now…”

“Ah. No. No. He’s been… great. It’s just… weird to hear how it wasn’t always that way.” Elliott wouldn't let Renee think Crypto had been being a dick to him. Plus, he didn’t need more gossip going around…

“I understand. You want to be close to him.” Renee said and continued before Elliott could interrupt, “You don’t have to explain it to me. You get to chose how you go from here. The past doesn’t matter. It’s all up to you now.”

Elliott sighed. Fuck. Okay. Fine. She hit it on the head.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re like… creepily om- omni- omno- observant?” He asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Yeah. But usually they just stop at creepy.”

———

Renee had left eventually to get ready for a game later on in the day. Elliott really wasn’t in a chatting mood, so he stayed in his room and alternated between wasting his time watching the tv and digging around to find out more about himself. He heard a lot of movement outside his door later on and saw a lot of people heading out when he peeked his head out the door. He saw Hyeon among the masses, half hidden in the big coat he was wearing the first time Elliott had seen him post memory loss.

He frowned, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach that was trying to tell him that he royally screwed up with Hyeon. He hadn’t come to visit him at all that day. The company with Renee earlier did ease his loneliness, but Hyeon was the only true constant he had in his life so far.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sounds of what he thought were Octavio’s metal legs, but, oh no.

That was not Octavio.

The was a probably seven foot tall… robot? He didn’t know what it was, but Elliott felt a chill down his spine. His eyes widened when the robot’s bright yellow eyed gaze flashed in his direction and he quickly closed the door.

“What the fuck?” He whispered to himself, staring at the door.

God, he was glad that… whoever was in charge of this thing wasn’t trying to throw him back into a bloodsport when he couldn’t even remember how old he was let alone how to shoot a gun. It was one completely fucked up thing when he thought this was a human against human thing, but now that there was at least one tall robot in the mix… that brought it to a whole new level fucked up.

He took his scared ass right back to bed, closed his eyes, and just waited for the noise outside to dissipate. Maybe then he would be able to get himself some breakfast without being stared at by murderers.

———

Elliott didn't dare move for another hour once it seemed silent enough outside. The gnawing of his stomach eventually won out, though, and he had cracked his door open just slightly.

Not a person or a robot in sight.

Elliott sighed, walking out into the hall. The silence was eerie, but not as much as that robot’s yellow eyes. That was probably going to haunt his nightmares for a long time.

He made his way through the common area where he first met Octavio and accidentally walked down another dead end hallway before having to round back. The building wasn’t all that big, mostly taken up by the two long hallways, but Elliott had only walked through it with Hyeon being his guide.

He eventually found a communal style kitchen, but had no idea if he was really allowed to touch anything in there or not. Some of the things in the cabinets had Do not touch!! Ajay’s!! Will kick your ass! post its on it, but…

He rifled through everything until he found something with a Mirage scrawled on it. It was a bag of chips which really wasn't that healthy of a breakfast…

He eventually had settled on taking a fruit out of the bowl on the counter and hoped no one would kill him over an apple. Hopefully it didn’t belong to that robot…

God, he was glad he was alone, but the silence was so creepy. This place felt like an abandoned college dorm. Hell, maybe it had been a college dorm before it was turned into housing for murderers.

Elliott eventually meandered his way back to his room and was just thankful that he remembered what door was his. As he sat back on his bed, though, he realized he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Everyone was gone, but, even if they were there, he doubted anyone would know what to do with him anyway. He wasn’t expected to go back to the med bay until there was a change in his condition, so…

He turned back on his television.

“Oh no, Demonio, you aren’t going to slink away that easily.”

Elliott remembered her from the commercial he saw last night: Loba. Loba was brandishing a gun before she aimed it down at the ground. The camera zoomed out to show the robot that haunted Elliott’s nightmares broken on the ground.

“Do it already, little girl. It means nothing.” The robot said, voice distorted.

Loba finished him off with a loud boom from her pistol, his broken body remaining on the ground for a moment before disappearing with a box appearing in it’s place.

So, this was the Apex Games. People shooting other people (and robots) live on television.

Oh god. This was live. This was where everyone was right now. And, yeah, Elliott knew there was a game, but it didn’t dawn on him that it was a live sporting event until now.

He couldn’t bring himself to turn away. It was a horrendous event, but it was also Elliott’s life. He had to know what was waiting for him when- if- he got his memory back.

Elliott watched as people loaded guns, stabbed themselves with syringes, slid down hills, shot their guns, and got shot at.

“Andrade, your six!” A woman yelled before aiming something at Loba that exploded into smoke. There was another bang of smoke before a loud clashing sound and then Loba was miraculously on top of the hill with the woman who smoke screened her.

“You really should be more careful.” The woman said, aiming down sights of a rifle. There was a loud crack before someone’s name popped up on the side of the screen to let the audience know that Bangalore had knocked down Wattson.

“I know you’ll always have my back, beautiful.”

“Aye, stop the flirting and let’s go already!” A voice came from behind them and it was Octavio running out in front of them faster than humanly possible.

“Heh. Ever feel like you’re babysitting?” Bangalore asked before the camera cut to someone else healing behind cover as gunfire rang around them.

There was something so odd about seeing these people casually talk after they were done murdering someone. Elliott knew that everyone would probably be fine (as long as there wasn’t another glitch like the one that affected him), but… still. That Bangalore and Loba seemed to be actual friends unless that was all tv magic and Octavio… it’s like he didn’t have a care in the world.

There were a few times when Elliott needed to close his eyes such as when someone named Horizon got shot in the head and when a MRVN grappled someone’s neck and snapped it and, hey, that was probably the MRVN Elliott had a picture with in his phone.

“Sorry, friend!” The MRVN chirped happily before digging through the box that appeared in place of the victim.

“Better not piss him off…” Elliott muttered.

The scene had changed to Crypto high up on a tower with a gun that was probably as long as he was tall. He was looking through the scope, fixated on an enemy and in one shot a new name appeared in the list on the side of the screen.

“Downed one.” He said, shouldering his rifle and taking the zipline back to the ground. He met up with Renee and someone named Gibraltar as they charged the remaining enemy team members.

Renee- Wraith in this instance- knocked another member of the team, but the third teammate had snuck up behind Crypto with a pistol and shot him in the back of the head. He fell like bricks.

Elliott winced.

“Bloody hell, you look like bloody hell.” The man said, aiming his pistol down at Crypto. There was blood coming from the back of Crypto’s head.

“Just get on with it.” Crypto muttered, eyes closed and brows furrowed.

“Nothing personal, mate.” His killer said before driving another bullet into Crypto’s skull.

Elliott turned off the television.

Elliott knew it wasn’t real, but that didn't make seeing Crypto bleeding out on the grass any easier. What a fucked up loop they lived in: kill, be killed, do it all again the next day.

He shook his head and stood up. He aimlessly meandered his tiny room again like he hadn’t flipped over everything in search of more clues to his old life. He had stared at the Paradise Lounge’s spreadsheets for hours already. He had swiped through the photos on his phone more times than he could count.

Elliott found himself in front of his closet. Heh, maybe his past self’s gaudy fashion sense would ring a bell. He was greeted by a few questionable shirts and pants, some glitzy suits with highlights of black and gold and red, and there was this group of mostly identical yellow suits with weird devices strapped over the sleeves. Some of the suits were picture perfect while a few of them were in various stages of disrepair.

It was what he wore in the Games. He could remember from the commercial last night. He grabbed one of the suits that didn’t look like it was on death’s door and examined it. These devices on the arms, they were…

Elliott was leaned over a workbench, fiddling with small wires while trying not to burn his fingers off. He had been sat there for hours in the yellow light of the garage.

He sighed. “I’m never gonna get this right.”

“You’re already closer than you think, Elliott.” Came a voice from behind him, a hand resting on his upper back.

Elliott had dropped his suit when he came back to reality. There was an ache in his head so strong that it made him grab the wall in front of him. He squeezed his eyes shut as another hot flash overtook him.

“I know the technology is sound, but I can’t leave you.” Elliott was having a conversation with an older woman now. A woman with graying shoulder length hair. A woman that Elliott loved dearly.

The woman was offering Elliott his suit. “You have never been one to not follow your dreams.” She said, “Not since you were a little boy. You’re going to start now?”

“Mom-”

His mother forced the suit into his hands.

“Follow your dreams, Elliott.”

Elliott was hot, dizzy, and nauseous when he opened his eyes again. He breathed shakily and forced himself to his bed, the suit that he dropped left abandoned on the floor.

He laid on his back on the bed, eyes closed as he breathing shook his body. There were no more flashes for five minutes. And then ten. But, he was still sweating on the bed with his head pounding.

How could he have ever forgotten Evelyn Witt?

———

Hours had passed before Elliott heard shuffling outside his door again. He assumed it was everyone coming back from after the game. He remembered more things in the time that they were gone: he and his mother developed the Holotech that adorned his game suit, his father was a no show after a certain point in his life, his brothers had gone missing in the war. Elliott didn’t remember what war that was, but it pained him all the same.

He still didn’t remember actually joining the games. And he certainly didn’t remember becoming Mirage.

Elliott was seriously considering leaving his room to meet the other people that he lived with in hopes that maybe they’d be able to shed a light on that part of his life before there was a knock on the door.

He got out of bed and answered the door to none other that Hyeon Kim. He had changed out of his Games outfit and, to Elliott’s relief, was free of any bullet holes in his head. He smiled a little.

“Hey, kid.” Elliott said, moving aside to let Hyeon into his room.

Hyeon’s hands were in his pockets and he hesitated for a moment before walking into Elliott’s room. He didn’t look up at him.

“I wanted to see how you were doing.” Hyeon said, words going a mile a minute.

“Hell if I know.” Elliott sighed as he sat back down on his bed, “I saw part of the game on tv. Brutal stuff.”

“Yeah.” Hyeon said, not making any other effort to push the conversation forward.

It wasn’t like Elliott was stalling either. He just didn’t know how to say, ‘Hey, I remember my family now, but not really anything else.’ without it seeming awkward. So, he said the same way he thought it.

“Oh? Well, that’s good. The rest of it should come back to you, then, I would assume.” Hyeon said, finally having looked up at Elliott once he shared the news.

Elliott shrugged before getting a strange stirring in his stomach and a feeling of, it’s weird that he’s here with me.

“Witt? You look like you’re about to puke.”

Mirage saw Crypto’s computer setup before he even saw him. Big screens with never-ending green lines of code.

“Hey, buddy. I hear you’re the second smartest guy in the Outlands.” He walked up to him without a care in the world, but Crypto didn’t acknowledge him until he was in his space.

“C’mon, what, are you hiding something?”

The next thing he knew was that Crypto had grabbed his arm, pulling it behind him so hard that he thought it was going to break. He had been up out of his chair in a blur that Mirage hadn’t even seen it coming.

“I hope you know how to count, kid.” Mirage said when they were lowering from the drop ship. Of course Crypto was on his team.

“Try and keep up, old man.”

“Shut up, kid.” Elliott managed through gritted teeth. His voice didn’t even feel like his own as the searing headache from before came back.

Mirage had been running around the arenas like a madman. He wanted to be better than Crypto; he had to be better than Crypto. And these guys on the train… they were perfect, unassuming-

“Hey, those were mine!” he yelled at Crypto who was all of a sudden standing over the dead bodies.

Crypto aimed a charged rifle at him and Elliott felt his false ego crack.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid, what are you doing? It’s me! It’s the old man!”

Crypto had just winked at him before firing the weapon. Mirage just managed to lean away for the beam to annihilate Caustic behind him. He hadn’t even known he was there.

The next thing he knew, the sky had opened up with missiles and Crypto was running towards him.

“I thought you were gonna kill me!”

Crypto grabbed Mirage’s collar and flung them both off the train mere seconds before it burst into flames behind them.

“Don’t be an idiot!”

“I’m not an idiot!”

Elliott breathed out hard when he came back. Hyeon had taken a few steps closer to him, but was still keeping his distance. He forced out a laugh that sounded hysterical to even his ears as he leaned over himself, sweaty hands meeting his sweaty face.

“It’s weird that you call me the old man when you’re older than me.” He rushed out, eyes closed while he tried to will away the searing pain in his head.

“I…” Hyeon’s voice trailed for a moment, “Are you good, Witt?”

“Are you actually at a loss for words, Crypto?”

There was a long stretch of silence between the two as Elliott tried to force himself to calm down and while Hyeon figured out what was going on. Elliott wiped his sweaty hands on his pants as the full on flashbacks stopped happening, but he was still recalling being in the ring.

Being saved by Lifeline. Being absolutely crushed by Gibraltar. Getting shot in the head by Crypto. Shooting Crypto in the head. Saving Crypto’s life on more than one occasion. Crypto shoving a syringe into his shoulder and calling him kid and old man.

Answering press questions after the game. Pulling attention away from Crypto because he didn't like the press. Doing stupid shit with Octavio. Messing up his friendship with Wraith and fixing it again. Buying Rampart flowers to get her to forgive him. Sending those flowers to Pathfinder instead.

“I guess you’re back to being Mirage now.” Hyeon said, bringing him out of his thoughts. His heartbeat had slowed down considerably, but he was still quite sweaty.

“Yes. Well, no. And yes.” Elliott said, feeling like he was able to separate Elliott and Mirage now that the searing pain in his head was fading.

“Mirage is for the ring and the press. Elliott is for everywhere else.”

He stood up, taking the few steps it took to close the distance between him and Hyeon. Hyeon took another step back, but Elliott matched it.

“Don’t run away now that I remember you. I remember you pushing me off that train. I remember you saving my life ten times over. I remember doing the same for you.” Elliott said, staring Hyeon down even if the other man wasn’t doing much to maintain eye contact.

“It’s the nature of the game.” Hyeon said, his chin up with his gaze looking past Elliott’s shoulder.

“Whatever. I remember you now. The good and the bad. And I still don’t regret kissing you like you said I would.” Elliott said, going to grab Hyeon’s chin, but was intercepted by Hyeon snatching his wrist.

“I don’t understand you, Witt. I shoot you in the head and almost actually kill you and now you’re trying to hit on me?”

Elliott smiled. “Doesn’t that seem like me?”

“Seems like a Mirage thing to do.”

“But, no.” Elliott pulled his hand out of Hyeon’s grip, “You’re the one who hated me this whole time. You acted like you wanted to kill me, but then you saved me. Don’t act like I’ve always been the roadblock here. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve about you.

And… you’ve been hanging around so much these past couple days. Don’t tell me that’s all because you’re re-remo-re- regretful about shooting me in the head. If that’s what this was then you would have been leaving me the hell alone.”

Hyeon was silent and Elliott knew that he had got him. Wraith had told him that it was all his choice since he didn’t have his memory, but it was still his to choose even now that he had it back.

He just had to let go of his ego.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Hyeon managed.

“I’m honestly waiting for you to kiss me.”

“Yeah. Not gonna happen.”

“Then I’ll kiss you.”

He surged forward and kissed Hyeon and it was kind of a mess of lips and teeth and bumped noses and ah their kiss the other night had been cleaner, but this one made a lot more sense. There was more of Elliott being a dumbass with his honesty than being starry eyed honest. Hyeon was more bewildered than just slightly off kilter.

“You are an idiot.” Hyeon said when Elliott pulled away and finally, finally, this guy was making eye contact with him.

“And you’re an old man.” Elliott’s grin was all ego.

“Stop grinning like an idiot.”

“Make me.”

And it seemed that Hyeon was something of a liar because he did indeed kiss that grin right off of Elliott’s face.