Chapter Text
Not for the first time, and almost certainly not for the last time, Choi Soobin was drowning. He struggled to stay afloat as the cold seawater nipped at his skin, its icy bite painful. The dark waves crashed around him, shadows dancing across the surface, threatening to consume him. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t scream. He tried and tried and tried, to call for help - for anything - but all he was met with was the deafening sound of the ocean tempting him to give in. The dark depths called to him, promising eternal peace, but Soobin fought. He just had to hold on a little bit longer, just had to-
“Soobin! Get up, we’re leaving in half an hour!”
Soobin groans, and forces his eyes open against the golden light of the sun shining through his windows. He’s sweating and can feel what is most likely the remnants of drool on the side of his mouth. His soft gray sheets are sticking to his skin.
He pauses and takes a second to recall why he is being woken up at such an ungodly hour.
Right.
Four weeks at a condo on a beach in Busan.
He tries not to think about it.
He should be excited. The majority of the people who reside in Soobin’s small town would quite literally kill a person for a chance at a month-long vacation at the beautiful beaches Busan is home to. But Soobin isn’t the majority of people. He hates change, it makes him anxious. It makes his hands sweat, his legs bounce. It makes him unable to think clearly.
And he is grateful, of course he is, for the opportunity. His parents had worked hard so that they could take the time off and have what Soobin’s mother liked to call family bonding time. So here he was, at the ass crack of dawn, barely awake. There was a long drive ahead of them, and they wanted to get to the condo around early afternoon so they could relax and get a feel for their home for the next four weeks. Soobin doesn’t mind, he quite likes long drives. They give him a chance to organize his thoughts, and with his mixed feelings surrounding this trip, the chance to sit and think for a few hours is welcome.
In an effort to wake himself up, Soobin pulls himself up in his nest of blankets. Plushies surround him, he can smell the sweet aroma of cinnamon floating through the open door of his bedroom, and his mouth waters. He may despise waking up early, but the promise of breakfast definitely makes the pain easier to bear.
While making his bed, he tries to think about all of the good things that could come out of this vacation. He gathers his pillows, pulls the sheets tight and neat. A break from school is most definitely welcome. Some space from my parents. Some new friends.
The possibility of meeting new people makes Soobin’s stomach churn.
Soobin has friends, he’s not a complete loner, but they’re friends he’s known for years. Taehyun and Beomgyu. Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu. Three peas in a pod. Inseparable since they were in diapers. And now Soobin is being ripped away from that. To a city he’s never been to, to hang out with some “family friends'' he's never met before. The thought makes him wring his hands together, picking at the skin on the side of his thumb. He’s never been good at new, at unfamiliar. He’s happy here. With friends that he loves and a town that he knows.
Deep breath in. One, two, three.
Deep breath out. One, two, three.
It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, to expand his social circle. He knows this. Soobin has always been on the shy side, only outgoing around people he’s comfortable with. It takes effort for him to branch out and meet new people. But still, that fear remains on the edges of his mind. The fear of embarrassing himself, the fear that nobody will like him enough to want to spend time with him. His worries about the trip start to compile on top of one another, until Soobin feels like he can’t breathe, until he feels like he’s drowning-
In an attempt to quiet the thoughts storming around his head, Soobin decides to follow his nose downstairs to find a batch of fresh cinnamon rolls laid out.
“Take one and go get dressed Soobin. We’re already running behind,” his mother presses. She’s running around the house in obvious stress. Soobin wishes she would just relax, just take a moment to breathe. It would make him feel better, help put his mind at ease. He walks up to her and rubs her shoulder, offering a smile. She simply rolls her eyes. With that, Soobin grabs a cinnamon roll, still hot and sticky, and goes back upstairs.
Eating a cinnamon roll and changing at the same time isn’t the brightest idea he’s ever had, Soobin realizes, as he quickly finds his white shirt covered in cinnamon and icing. Too late now, he thinks. Way to make a first impression. He quickly grabs his bags, shoves the remainder of his food down his throat, and jogs back down to meet his parents.
As he makes his way down, he takes notice of two bodies that had not previously been there. He grins.
“You have visitors. Make it quick,” his mother quips.
* * *
As they sit in a triangle on his stained beige carpet, Soobin feels like he’s about to cry. Taehyun opens his mouth to speak, but he’s cut off by Beomgyu.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving for so long. Four weeks? Don’t forget us while you’re out enjoying your vacation, bitch.”
Soobin chuckles, holding in his tears. “I can’t seem to forget you no matter how hard I try. And boy, do I try. On a daily basis.”
Taehyun speaks up. “For real, Soobin. I know how you can get. Just try to relax. Enjoy the new scenery, you’re finally getting out of this little town! And remember we’re just a phone call away.”
“Yeah, I know. And thank you, I mean it. Expect daily updates of my thrilling journey,” Soobin replies, smiling. He no longer feels like he’s going to break down any minute, and he can feel his insides getting warm in the presence of the other boys.
“And let us know if you meet any hot guys! I want details, even the explicit ones,” Beomgyu winks, and they all fall over on the floor shaking with laughter.
“While I highly doubt that's something that is going to happen, you’ll be the first to know,” Soobin retorts.
And as they say their final goodbyes, preparing for a month apart, all Soobin can think is that he really, really loves his friends.
* * *
As they lock up the house and make their way out the door, Soobin can’t help but feel like he shouldn’t have eaten anything at all. It’s threatening to come up now.
Deep breath in. One, two, three.
Deep breath out. One, two, three.
They pull out of the driveway, and Soobin watches as his house disappears behind him. It gets smaller and smaller, the light blue paint blending in with the vibrant color of the sky.
He thinks about the possibilities his month in Busan will bring. The unknown scares Soobin. What if he’s lonely, bored, holes himself up in his condo for the entire trip? He knows he’s going to have to push himself out of his comfort zone if he is going to attempt to enjoy his time there at all. It’s just four weeks, and right on the beach. Who doesn’t like the beach?
Soobin.
Soobin doesn’t like the beach.
All the sand that gets in places it’s not supposed to be, the ocean full of creatures that could kill him instantly. The dark seawater that he sees in his dreams, all-consuming.
Well, Soobin will try to like the beach now. He doesn’t really have a choice. As much as he’s nervous about spending so much time in a new city, the last thing he wants is to be miserable.
So Soobin makes a promise to himself as they get on the road and begin their drive, a promise to push himself out of his comfort zone and make some new experiences.
He hopes he can keep it.
* * *
Approximately four hours and two restroom stops later, they are pulling into the parking lot of a condo that, to Soobin, seems as tall as a skyscraper. He gets out of the car and closes his eyes as he feels the sea breeze on his face, the warmth of the sun on his cheeks. The parking lot is surrounded by a tan railing, and on the other side, he can see a swimming pool. A bit past that, and there is the ocean. It’s a bright, sparkling blue, unlike the waters that plague Soobin in his dreams. It looks inviting, warm. As he breathes in the smell of the saltwater, he thinks-
Deep breath in. One, two, three.
Deep breath out. One, two, three.
Maybe this will be good for me.