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Teyvat always had the most brilliant stars at night. There was a time when she looked to the stars as a way to solace her despair of Aether’s absence. She hoped that somewhere out there, Aether was looking at the same night sky and responding to every thought, every word she had silently voiced. The stars are how he talks to me, she had privately convinced herself. She talked as they twinkled in their wisdom and she reveled in the cool breeze hitting her cheeks, as she interpreted it as a response to her desperate pleas. It was stupid, she knew that much. But what started as a therapeutic release quickly turned into an emotional crutch.
The night sky held all the answers she was looking for. At least, that was what she told herself. All her anxieties and fears were poured into Aether’s celestial stand in. If she had a bad day or felt indubitably bound to failure, she’d sneak off into the night and begin her silent tirades. That being said, she always had a scheduled stopping point. As soon as the morning light began to peak past the horizon, she’d retire to bed for a few more hours before waking up again. Depending on how poor her emotional well-being was, she’d retreat to the stars early in the night and talk until dawn. Tonight, was the earliest she had ever taken to convening with the stars. As soon as she heard Paimon’s snores, she quickly ran to the nearest, tallest cliff in Mondstadt. However, as soon as she settled herself on a patch of luscious grass overlooking the ocean, a sudden jolt of deep anxiety had overtaken her. The stars no longer held the same significance as they originally had during the start of her journey. The entire reason why she looked to the stars in the first place was to essentially replace Aether— which was a fact that she was greatly ashamed of because how dare she even think that Aether was replaceable. Now that Aether was found, looking at the stars felt useless.
Gazing upon the stars were no different than indulging in a terrible habit. The constellations now mocked her. Their twinkling wisdom transformed into a cosmic joke. She felt as they were laughing at her and her failure. Although a part of her knew she wasn’t a complete failure, she was planning on bringing Aether home after all. Her journey coming to an end was something to be celebrated on its own; the problem was how her journey was ending. Her naivete had taken a hold on her through the years, and the fact of the matter was that not every story is wrapped neatly with a bow in the end.
A part of her felt selfish, thinking like this. It felt trivial to be upset that Aether was coming home at the cost of her not getting the complete happy ending she had wanted. On account of her twin brother returning, all of Teyvat would be saved and—archons willing— all seven nations would be united like never before. Everything would be perfect.
Perfection. That’s the thing, it wouldn’t be perfect. Perfect would be everything going to plan and her being reunited with her brother. Perfect would be getting her powers back, no strings attached, and finally making it back home. Perfect would be being able to see all her friends’ faces in the aftermath of this treacherous battle. Perfect would finally being able to rid herself of all this responsibility. Perfect would be—
“Lumine?” a soft voice cried out.
Suddenly snapped out of her agitated state, Lumine unclenched her fists and opened her eyes. She was surprised to see him in such a disheveled state. She was surprised to see him at all.
His snide smile was instead replaced with a thin line that curved ever so slightly at the ends, but his eyes remained solemn. She felt her breathe catch, shocked to find such a unique character upon his face.
“How’d you find me?” she asks, eyes now trained on the ocean in front of her. He wordlessly sat beside her. She feels the bristles of grass painfully penetrating her skin as every muscle in her body tensed.
“I checked your teapot and only Paimon was there, so I figured you’d be somewhere up high.” He paused briefly to chuckle, “I was right.”
Lumine says nothing after this, perfectly content in the silence that had washed over them. A moment of silence meant a moment of him not jesting her every move or attempting to spar. Besides, she knew him. He couldn’t keep quiet for long. There was something he always had to say. Whoever coined the term “money talks” quite obviously met the 11th Harbinger of the Fatui. It didn’t matter what was said or done, Childe always had an opinion. Most of all, this opinion was always voiced no matter what. From Lumine deciding what to pick off of a menu to deciding how to save Aether, Childe always put in his two cents. So, why was Childe, the ever-talkative weapon of war silent for once?
After 10 minutes had passed of complete silence, Lumine broke focus with the waves. To not hear him talk felt uncomfortable. If she was in a better state of mind perhaps, she would’ve made fun of him for this but a part of her knew she couldn’t handle such banter from him. When she slyly shifted her gaze, she found him with downcast eyes and twiddling thumbs.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” she gingerly asks.
“Oh, I’m always ready for a fight, girlie.” He feigns a smile accompanied with fierce eyes. She forcefully stops herself from rolling her eyes at such typical Childe behavior.
Instead, she frowns at his response. “Shouldn’t you be resting? How can you claim to be ready when you’re not well-rested?” she scolds.
“Y’know I could be telling you the same thing?” He’s finally back to his usual self, Lumine notes. “Besides, I wanted to keep an other-worldly God some company.”
She scoffs at this. What a ridiculous word, a “God.” What a titular ending to her identity after a climactic journey. The Abyss Order had described her and Aether as “Gods from another land,” “unexpected threats,” and “the perfect tools to overthrow Celestia.” Oh, how convoluted their journey has become. Approximately 500 years ago, Aether and Lumine set out yet again on one of their adventures. Unbeknownst to them, their journey would stretch far longer than either of them were expecting. A part of her felt resentful of this whole ordeal. Afterall, this isn’t at all what she signed up for. Her original mission was to find Aether and go home. Which then transformed to meet all 7 archons of Teyvat to find Aether. Which then also transformed to save Aether from the Abyss Order and all of Teyvat in their imminent demise planned by Celestia itself.
It all became so complicated. Now, she had to not only save her only family but an entire foreign world while simultaneously defeating the gods that had suddenly decided that mortals had become too powerful for their taste. It was all just too much. The fate of Teyvat weighed on her shoulders heavily and regardless of what she felt, she knew this was something only she could do.
“It’s a dumb title,” she flatly whispers. “I don’t feel like a God nor do I want to be one. I just want to be with Aether.” The last sentence she says quieter than she expected. She slowly gathers her knees into her arms and rests her chin right above her kneecap. Silence washes over them again and all she hears is the waves crashing against the shore.
He looks down, dejected, and shuts his eyes briefly. A part of him doesn’t know why he set out to find her, but another part of him knows exactly why. When she first came to him about her plan to save Teyvat he reacted angrily. Which, looking back at now, wasn’t fair on his part. He knew he had no place to react that way, especially since executing this plan was of her own volition. However, he knew he couldn’t help himself. The traveler had a tendency to always put others before herself and it was his fault to expect her to be selfish for once. It was something he had always admired about her but at this moment he realized it was a double-edged sword that pierced his heart.
“Did I ever tell you how I described you in my letters home?” He hoped that changing the subject could possibly ease the tension in the air.
She raised her head to look at him, eyes vacant and suspicious. Something within him wells and he feels his heart twisting. “No… I always wondered how Teucer knew exactly how I looked like.”
“I told him that I had met traveler from far away who was interested in buying a toy as a souvenir. At first, that was all I said but he began asking more and more questions about you. I had very limited knowledge of you at the time, so forgive me as I made up some details of your homeland.” His cheeky smile is back and this time Lumine doesn’t hold back from rolling her eyes. “I told him that you were this tiny blonde traveling with an even tinier travel companion. I described your attire as ‘a pure, white dress with blue detailing.’ Furthermore, I told him about how skeptical you were to trust me and that your attitude made you all the more alluring. But I think what really made him recognize you was when I said ‘Lumine comes off as very gentle and sweet. But as soon as I got to know her, it was as if the determination and passion hidden within her soul were ignited in her eyes. It’s not something that everyone has and not easily described, it’s something you’d have to see yourself. I thought she was quiet and unassuming, but once you met her you knew a goddess was hidden within such a small stature.’”
She feels her cheeks warming up ever so slightly and Childe’s gaze is no longer playful. “Leave it to a Fatui to guess my true identity,” she says, almost unsure of what to say at such praise. It’s the first time they’ve ever had an honest and intimate conversation like this. Most of his compliments were guised in banter and inconsequential flirting. But when he speaks like this, honest and blunt coupled with such ornate language, she felt her heart beating louder and louder.
“You know you don’t have to do this,” his tone turned grave and he had fully repositioned himself on the grass to where his entire body was facing her, aching for some type of physical reciprocation. He urgently reached to cup her hands but when he saw her almost flinch, he retreated. “You have your powers back,” he quickly continues, “you can leave, Lumine.”
“Childe please don’t—”
“This isn’t your world to begin with. It wouldn’t be fair for our lives to be saved by someone who wasn’t even involved in the first place. It’s not fair and you know it.” He was practically pleading now. All composure went out the door as soon as he began telling her to leave.
“This had never been about what’s fair, it’s about what’s right,” she angrily retorts. Her eyes are on fire now. She would be crying if she wasn’t mad more than anything else. She’s fully aware of what she had signed up for and Childe belittling her as if she hadn’t thought it through was infuriating. She had begun to get up until she felt Childe’s hand hold her wrist. She fiercely eyed him, unashamed of the anger in her eyes.
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your life in order to save Aether and all of Teyvat,” he almost screams. She notices his chest is huffing and his eyes have begun to mist. “Aether wouldn’t want that. Paimon doesn’t want that. No one in Teyvat wants this.” He silences himself in order to catch his breathe. The huffing of his breathing is all that Lumine could hear as she began to sit down again.
He was right, unfortunately. Aether would hate this. He would be so angry to know that she traded in her life in order to save him. However, she knew no other way to bring him back from the Abyss Order not brainwashed.
“I know Aether would hate this,” she mutters as she closes her eyes as she tries to regain her composure. “But I have no other choice and even if I did, I can’t leave Aether like this. I don’t think I could live with myself knowing that I abandoned my brother like that.” She can hear him breathing normally again and when she’s sure she’s found the right words she opens her eyes again. His eyes are still glossy but he keeps a strong gaze. “He’s my family. The only family I’ve ever known and although he doesn’t like it, I know this is something I have to do to save him.”
She isn’t sure what to do now. He stays silent as he looks at her and she feel her cheeks warming again. “It’s like you and Teucer,” she begins as she diverts her eyes to the patch of grass below them. “He can’t know the nature of your true job. He’s still a child and it’s your job to keep him safe. So, you have to lie. You don’t like it and I’m sure he won’t like knowing that you’ve been lying to him but it’s something you must do for your family.” It’s silent again and the sound of the breeze is the only thing filling her ears. When she speaks again, her words sound softer and gentler. “If anyone was going to understand, I knew it’d be you. I see how much you love and care for your family and I know you’d do anything for them. I would too, and I’m fulfilling that promise until the very end.”
She feels brave again, and she decides to look at him. His eyes haven’t changed but now there’s a wisp of a smile curling. “Okay girlie, you got me. I still don’t like it but you’ve charmed me, for once, with this talk about my family,” he tries to lighten the mood again. He looks down realizing he hadn’t stop holding her wrist. Before he has time to retreat her soft hand gently cover his.
“I’m going to be okay,” she smiles as she searches his eyes. “There will be world peace and the archons will no longer be in a state of unrest.”
His eyes began to feel like daggers now. They stabbed at her pincushion heart as they eagerly clung to her sight. “Who will I spar with now?” he laughs. “Surely there is no one as strong as you left on Teyvat that is worthy to replace you.”
“Oh, you’ll love Aether.” She smiles at the thought of them meeting. The gutted feeling of never being able to watch their introductions quickly arises but she pushes it down before it develops further. “He’s just as strong as I am. Maybe even more given he’s the Abyss Order’s prime weapon, but he and I are one in the same. I’m telling you he’s more than a worthy opponent against you.”
“You’re always underestimating yourself, comrade.” She laughs at the re-emergence of an old nickname. “You’re stronger than him, I have no doubt in my mind. I still stand by the fact that even when he’s here, there is no one that could replace you. At least, not to me.”
It’s times like this she isn’t sure if he’s turning up the charm for the hell of it or he’s actually trying to make a move. She would be lying if she said she didn’t think about this often. She reasoned it was all part of his persona. All part of dumb, stupid him. Him with his dumb, stupid cute eyes and his dumb, stupid soft hair. Talking to him made her feel like a stern parent but at the same time she felt like an insufferable child with such a school-girl crush. She’s been aware of these feelings for quite sometime but felt no need to act on them. After all, she knew her stay here was temporary. Whether it be she left Teyvat with Aether or she would die here, she knew forming romantic bonds would be futile. It’d cause more problems, if anything.
So, when he called her “girlie” she told herself it was just part of his personality. She had a feeling he called every girl he met that. And when he followed her around Liyue for a week, she told herself that he had nothing better to do and he wanted another sparring session due to his obsession with becoming the strongest fighter. When he invited her over to meet his family in Snezhnaya, she told herself it was because his family had never met a traveler before and she was seen more as bespectacled, interactive entertainment rather than a companion of Childe. And finally, when he would steal glances at her from across the room, she told herself that he was just making sure he didn’t lose her in the sea of people they often convened with. It was all just minor details that spoke of his character, not the fact that he had reciprocated her feelings.
He had done so much for her over the years. He’s accompanied them on countless excursions to find answers as to where Aether was. Given the amount of time they spent together, falling for him felt natural. But it wasn’t just that. Since the day they met, she continued to dig into him. She dug and she dug and she dug until she unearthed the most unexpectedly kind-hearted and selfless soul. Most people wouldn’t believe her if she told them Childe was actually kind of a sweetheart but she’d have to tell them that she did a lot of digging to make this conclusion. Everyone casted doubt at such a statement, but she knew she was right.
It was the way she saw him interact with his family. Hell, it was the way he subtly interacted with her however that wasn’t something she was willing to analyze until very recently. Childe proudly boasted how he would sacrifice everything for his family. It seemed that initially all he cared about was the thrill of battle but he had a large soft spot for his family. It spoke to the fact that he was a man of commitment. When he loved, he loved hard and Lumine very rarely saw that in someone. It made leaving all the more painful. It made lying to him about her feelings unbearable but, like with saving Aether she had no other choice.
“Childe—”
“Ajax.”
She blinks wildly at such a fast response. “Huh?”
“My name. My real name is Ajax.” He rubs his arm in embarrassment. “Ever since you’ve met my family, I’ve noticed you haven’t used it with me. I… want you to start calling me that now. After all, our time is short…” She almost sees him physically wince at his statement. “…and I want you to address me as my true nature. Not as the ruthless Harbinger you first met, just a lonely Snezhnayan guy named Ajax.”
“Ajax,” she quietly tests out his name as one takes a cautionary sip of freshly brewed tea.
He’s almost breathless hearing her say his name. The want of hearing her say his name forever, pounds heavily at his aching heart. He knows now that she’s an all-powerful god but the power she holds over him is far more dangerous. The mere whisper of his name leaving her lips is enough for him to go to war for her.
He used to take pride in his formal title, Tartaglia better known as Childe, the 11th Fatui Harbinger. But as time progressed and events unfolded, he took comfort in Ajax. Ajax wasn’t a killer, Childe was. Ajax sold toys as a traveling salesman and took care of his younger siblings. Childe was a cold-blooded killer that tracked bloodshed everywhere he went. It was complicated separating his two worlds. He wasn’t sure which was the real him and which one was assumedly his fake identity. Deep down he knew that in truth that he was equally both of them. He was equally Ajax and Childe, he just knew that Childe was the façade he let everyone see. He reserved Ajax for his family. Well, his family and Lumine.
So, if Lumine was going to go through with the plan, he might as well have her remember him the way he wants her to remember him. After all, when her world closes in and she succumbs to darkness, he wants her to remember Ajax, not Childe. Everyone meets Childe, but not everyone met Ajax. Lumine had met Ajax far earlier than what he expected but Childe stayed close behind, he was always present almost acting as his protector.
However, now, right now, under the beaming stars that rained upon their late-night rendezvous, Childe wasn’t there. Here lied Ajax, trying to pour his heart out as best he could in front of Lumine.
“’Lonely’ isn’t how I’d describe Ajax,” she beams, “Afterall, with a family like that I don’t think it’s fair to consider yourself alone.” It’s intoxicating. The buzz he felt hearing her say his name was all consuming and he almost pleads with her to say it again. “Besides, I’m here, aren’t I? I’m very offended that you would say that you’re alone in this very moment,” she feigns offence and dramatically poises her hand against her chest.
You’re here for now, he thinks. You’re here for now and that’s not a lot of time but I’ll take every moment I can get from you. I need every moment with you. He smiles with softened eyes as he looks down at her.
“Right… so as I was saying Ajax,” she starts again and he can’t contain his smile, “Why are you here, interrupting my therapy session?”
“I’m here actually because I wanted to tell you something,” he’s treading lightly now, knowing this is the moment he absolutely undeniably cannot mess up now. His sanity rides on this very moment and he has no energy to jest, charm, or even banter with her. He just needs Lumine to be Lumine and he needs to fully be Ajax.
She held in her breath, knowing fully what he intended to say. She almost interrupted him but at the same time she didn’t want their last memory together to be some fight. Although she thinks sparring is something he’d rather do than lamenting on their time together. But before he can continue further, she fully cradles his hands into hers. She looks down momentarily at this sudden gesture in an attempt to gather her thoughts. She needs to think of something, hell, anything before he confesses to this unspoken truth they’ve let hang between them through the years. If he says it now leaving will hurt, dying will hurt, and if she thought she was in pain now, him admitting the truth would bring about a pain far worse than what she knew what pain was.
She finally looks up at him and is greeted by a bewildered Ajax. “Before you say anything more, I just need to tell you this,” she slowly unravels his hands and presses his palm against her now erratic heart. She hopes, she prays that this is enough. Whatever she was going to say next was complete bullshit compared to what her heart was communicating, but if he could understand that what she was feeling was true and that her heart was confirmation enough, then this is all she needed to do. “You’ve been a great companion to me. You’ve been vital in my journey to find Aether and I wish I could do more to thank you. But please know that this is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, however I want to do it. I’m scared that I’ll learn something that will make me not want to do this so in the meantime all I can do is stay positive. All I can do now is lay in the memories I’ve made and be thankful for what I’ve had. I want my brother back more than anything and I know what must be done. But please don’t think for a moment that I’m abandoning Teyvat or Paimon or even you. I will live on. Maybe not physically but I’ll live on through Aether and the moments I’ve shared with everyone I’ve met in Teyvat. And you have to understand that to me, that’s enough. It has to be enough…”
Her words flew our much faster than she had liked. Her nervousness got the best of her and she wasn’t really sure if he had understood. As dumbfounded as he was, she wasn’t sure if this was a reaction to her words or the fact that his palm was so close to her chest. His eyes remained widened and she would reach out and close his jaw herself, if this moment wasn’t supposed to be serious. Supposed to be, that is.
She lets him remain in this state for a brief moment, she wants to give him time to process what she’s saying. Finally, she rolled her eyes and chuckled against her better judgement. He quickly composed himself and shook his head in attempt to focus. After noticing his parted lips twitching, she took the opportunity to rest her palm against his cheek.
For once in his adult life, Ajax felt small. Which, given Lumine’s height of 5’2, was no easy feat considering he reached just over six feet tall. Even when they were both sitting on the ground, he still towered above her but it wasn’t until she touched him that he felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into the earth. Initially, when she suddenly pressed his hand against her chest of all places, he felt himself stunned in confusion. Her words weren’t quite penetrating his skull however he did hear her. He did, really, it’s just that when a pretty girl shoves your hand onto her bosom, sometimes context is needed. He replayed her words during his stupor in attempt to unravel how the hell her words and actions connected. And just when he finally gets it, he finally understands what she’s been trying to tell him, she dazes him yet again with the simple touch of her hand cradling his face.
Very quickly, he felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He could live in this moment forever if the archons allowed him. Her soft yet commanding eyes rendered every part of his body immovable. Under such an intense gaze, he didn’t mind being small. He didn’t mind that she practically told him to shut up in the most roundabout way possible. He didn’t mind that in a couple of hours they’d have to prepare for a war that he was vehemently against. He didn’t mind anything because right now all he could see was Lumine and all she wanted to do was look at him.
When he began thinking about what’s to come and the fate of Lumine, he felt his heart breaking. But when he grounded himself to reality and to the current moment, he felt his heart mending itself. It was a vicious cycle, going back and forth between heartbreak and his heart igniting with passion. He suppressed the urge to think ahead and began to submerge himself in the present lest he rob himself of enjoying such a miraculous moment.
“You understand what I’m saying, right?” she sheepishly says. “Ajax, please tell me you understand me.”
“I do.” He quickly resounds. He tentatively turns his head to kiss her palm. “I do.”
She smiles, warmly and quickly adverts her gaze, unsure of what to do next but not quite wanting to let go of him just yet. “So… what is it you wanted to tell me?” she says, allowing herself to feign ignorance of what just happened, for just a moment.
“Right, I uh… I—” He felt himself reeling. He had to change his original sentiment in order to preserve whatever night light they had left. “I…You never told me about Aether. You…” he stumbled as he spoke and her eyes squinted at him. “You never told me about your childhood y’know? You never told me about how you and Aether grew up and I don’t find that very fair considering I’ve had you meet my entire family.”
She chuckles softly and begins to get up. He stares up at her, reveling in her excellence. “Alright, that seems fair,” she says as she walks towards the edge of the cliff and takes in one last sight of the sea. His body unconsciously follows her, almost as if her touch has cast a deep spell on him. “You’ve borne all your scars to me, it’s only fair that I do the same.”
When she turns around, she finds him sitting at her feet, patting the grass right beside him. It was an adorable sight to see. He looked a lot like Teucer when he beckoned her to play with him. She ignored his invitation and instead settled herself onto his lap, running her hands against his forearms to guide him to encircle her figure. “Lumine… I—” she wasn’t afraid to cut him off this time.
“It’s cold,” she whispers, “The wind has been persistent, so I have to stay warm. If you’re going to make me stay out here and tell my life story, then you have to keep me warm, okay?” She craned her neck backwards to reassert her gaze with him.
He’s smiling again, and as she leans back she can feel his heartbeat jumping out of his chest. “Of course, girlie,” he assures her, “I’ll be here to keep you warm tonight.”