Chapter Text
Nils had barely been able to stand waiting all night. It was the eve of Decemberunderground’s release, and he was subjected to watching behind the scenes at the release party, standing beside Marissa as their boyfriends mingled and chatted about the album and played snippets for their eager audience to hear. And as happy as he was for Davey, his mind wasn’t on the evening – his mind was on his tight pants and how much he wanted Davey to touch him, which was made even worse by Davey’s all white ensemble, his shirt nearly see-through and his nipples showing through the thin fabric, his ass accentuated by the denim that looked as though it were painted on his body. As much of a sex fiend as people thought he was, they still hadn’t had sex yet – and Nils was going to go out of his mind if he didn’t get to jump Davey’s bones soon. Two months of dating or not, they had known each other too long for other things to get in the way – and Nils couldn’t wait anymore. He had been squirming all night, eliciting strange looks and whispers of ‘are you okay?’ from Marissa, who didn’t seem to realize what kind of stress he was under.
Needless to say, he spent the evening shooting longing gazes in Davey’s direction while sipping from a red Solo cup, hoping and praying to the gods that Davey would pick up on it and would let them leave early. At least go back to the bus, the car, anything. He didn’t care as long as he got Davey’s mouth around his dick or his dick in Davey’s ass.
It was by some grace of the gods that Davey did notice at all. On his tenth sweep of his bedroom eyes in the man’s direction, he finally looked over at him, Sharpie tucked between two long, slender, lacy-gloved fingers. And right now, Nils was imagining those beautiful fingers in his mouth. Their eyes locked, amused dark brown with desperate blue, and Nils thought he would explode. Much to his chagrin, Davey chose to look away, to continue his conversation with some short man in a suit coat and a mustache, and Nils felt like melting into the floor.
These exchanges continued all evening – Nils fucking him with his eyes and Davey just looking at him like he was chiding him, like he was some naughty child and it made Nils so crazy he just wanted to leave and desperately jack off in a bathroom stall. That wasn’t nearly as bad as when Davey finally stopped being condescending, and when he started to exchange the glances, eyebrow arched and mouth quirking in some cheeky smirk, eyes dark and deep and glittering and looking like he wanted to eat him alive. By the end of the evening, Nils could hear himself panting, breaths ragged and heart pounding in his ears, and Marissa seemed more than happy to dart away from him and right to Jade’s side. At least Jade wasn’t some type of pervert in public.
“I can’t stand it when you look at me like that,” Nils breathed as Davey caught up to him, ridiculous hot pink hoodie zipped up and the hood pulled over his head. He grasped Davey’s arm, and Davey only shifted to link them together as they headed towards the door. “You’re driving me crazy.”
Davey chuckled, reaching up to brush his fringe from his face and tuck it into his hood. “What do you mean? You were the one who was eye-fucking me all night.”
“Only because you’re so hot tonight,” Nils replied, pressing closer against his side. Davey must’ve heard him panting like a dog in heat because he laughed out loud. “What’s so funny?” Now he sounded irritated, and he had to admit – he was quickly losing his patience.
“You,” Davey replied, shaking his head. “You want it so badly.”
“Do you blame me? Imagine if I were out there parading my ass for the world to see – wouldn’t you want to tap it too?” Nils huffed. “God, Davey, can we please do it tonight? I can’t stand it anymore.”
“Patience, my love,” Davey replied, eyes fixed ahead of them to the parking lot, already fishing for his keys. “When we get back to my place, we’ll see where it goes.” He leaned over to kiss Nils on the cheek, his hand coming to rest on the small of his back and burn through his clothes, and Nils thought he would surely die. Instead of arguing, however, he just smiled weakly and let Davey lead him to the car.
The entire car ride was torture. Davey’s hand was far too high up his leg and rested close to his crotch, his fingertips gracing the inside of his thigh and making him pant all the more. Nils wished he’d move it, wished it was socially acceptable to just grab his hand and press it between his legs, but he couldn’t do anything but sit there and stare out the window and pray that this would be over soon. It felt like forever had passed before they finally reached Davey’s LA condo, and by then Nils was ready to beg for mercy. Thankfully, however, he didn’t have to do any such thing because as soon as they were inside, Davey came up behind him and started kissing the backs of his shoulders, his hands sliding warmly over Nils’ sides and hips, rubbing small, slow circles into the fabric and the bit of skin that peeked out.
“Mmm, I must confess,” Davey said between soft, passionate kisses that felt like they’d melt Nils’ skin, “I’ve been so turned on by you.”
“Then what took you so long?” Nils asked between heavy breaths, his heart nearly beating out of his chest at the sensation and the way Davey’s fingertips grazed the heated skin right above the hem of his jeans. “I wanted you so, so bad.”
“I’ve been busy,” Davey insisted, breath playing against Nils’ neck and the tip of his ear, sending an electric shiver through his body. “But now you have my full attention.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Nils’ face, right by his ear. Now that he was so close, Nils could smell the faint scent of peppermint from the mints he’d been chewing earlier, could hear him breathing quickly and raggedly.
He could say nothing, could only gulp as he felt Davey’s hand brush lightly over his shoulder and then over his chest, his palm brushing against his nipple through his T-shirt. Nils leaned his head back against Davey’s shoulder, arching his back and whimpering. “Oh, God,” he gasped, reaching up to touch Davey’s hand. “Please take me to bed.”
“My pleasure,” Davey replied in his ear, and then he leaned over to kiss Nils, meshing their mouths together and holding it until Nils was weak-kneed and dizzy and out of breath. With that, he slid his hand down to Nils’ hand and then pulled away from his back, leading him to the bedroom.
Stumbling over his feet, Nils followed him down the tiled hallway, bumping into the walls and knocking framed pictures askew as well as a vase as he bashed his hip against a small table. As they walked, they struggled with their clothing. Nils tugged hard at his own pants, trying to rip them off and nearly tripping over them as he did so; luckily, Davey caught him and kept him from falling flat on his face. And then Davey pulled off his gloves and his shirt, dropping them to the floor one by one. Next came the suspenders, which he dropped from his shoulders and let hang from his pants, his fingers nimbly finding the button of his jeans. Nils’ eyes were fixated on those fingers, watching with a watering mouth as they worked the button and the zipper, revealing a neatly clipped line of pubic hair and the base of his thick cock.
By the time they made it to the bedroom, Nils was completely naked and Davey finished shedding his jeans. It was Davey who shoved Nils on his back on the bed, climbing over him and scattering hot, needy kisses all over his collarbone and neck and chest, suckling at the skin every so often. Nils squirmed and gasped and whimpered beneath him, scratching at his shoulders and arms and back – anywhere he could reach. He couldn’t keep his hips still even as Davey’s mouth worked all over his upper body, rubbing himself against Davey’s leg and inner thigh and cock, where ever he could grind against. It had him whispering Davey’s name over and over as they traded kisses and touches, Davey’s dark eyes boring holes into Nils’ until he thought he’d just drown in them.
“Can I fuck you?” Davey asked in between kisses on Nils’ lips, the smacking noises sounding sloppy and loud in the small space of a bedroom.
“Yes, duh – why do you think we’re naked on your bed?” Nils panted, wrapping his arms around Davey’s neck.
“Naturally,” Davey replied with a furrow of his brow and a half-smile, shaking his head. “What I mean is—” He cupped Nils’ calves and pushed them back, draping them over his shoulders before he pressed his cock against Nils’ ass. “Can I fuck you?”
Understanding flashed like surprise across Nils’ face. “Oh—” Honestly, he’d hadn’t bottomed before – sometimes he did finger himself, but for the most part he left his ass alone and he’d only topped with his previous partners, a majority of whom had been girls. Still, this was Davey and he trusted him, and if it was what he wanted he wouldn’t object to trying it. “Yeah, sure, just…” He licked his lips. “Please be gentle and slow. I haven’t done it a lot.” He gave him a tiny, apprehensive smile.
Davey returned his smile, leaning in to rest his forehead on top of Nils’. “Of course I’ll be gentle with you, my dear, but if you’d prefer to do this another way—”
“No, it’s okay, promise.” Nils nuzzled him and gave his lips a little kiss. “I trust you.”
“All right, but please let me know if you’re uncomfortable or want to stop, okay?” Davey kissed the corner of his mouth, and then opened the top drawer of his nightstand for condoms and lube.
Even though Nils was nervous, heart thundering in his ears, he wanted this and he wanted Davey. He watched him, chewing on his lower lip and lust mixed with anxiety in his eyes, as Davey squeezed some lube in his hand and started to coat his fingers – those same beautiful fingers Nils had been admiring earlier. Davey gave him a warm smile, one that formed crinkles around his eyes, and Nils’ heart melted. Scooting up on the bed, he spread his legs to give Davey access, though it still felt very personal for someone to touch him there like that. He took a deep breath and flinched a little as he felt the lube against his asshole but he let him work his finger in, though the penetration felt weird and less than pleasant.
While Davey prepared him, he did his best to distract him, pressing kisses against his hip bones and his cock, every so often swiping his tongue over his balls or his shaft. He had Nils a panting mess in that respect, and Davey kept his word in that he was gentle and slow and thorough with his fingering. Absentmindedly, Nils wondered why Davey wasn’t inserting a second finger because he was all right so far, if not feeling a little bit awkward. It was only when he realized that Davey was waiting on him that he said, “You can add another.”
It was on the second finger that Nils started to feel uncomfortable. It shouldn’t have because this was Davey and he loved Davey – at least he figured they’d known each other long enough to be in love – but he wasn’t so sure he liked it. It was kind of embarrassing considering – he didn’t really like to think about it or what might be getting on Davey’s fingers right now. That thought was killing it, and if it wasn’t for Davey’s continual kissing on his cock, how he occasionally took the head in his mouth, Nils might not have been able to keep his erection. He kept telling himself it was okay, though, that he should try it because it didn’t really hurt.
That was, until he told Davey to put the third finger in. It didn’t tear his ass apart or anything, but it didn’t exactly feel good either. Up until now, Nils had really only used two fingers on himself. Then again, Davey wasn’t exactly small and just thinking about his cock was making him feel dizzy. Nils felt his heart beating faster but for a different reason now, and he just squeezed his eyes shut and told himself to relax, breathing deeply through his nose to try to calm down.
Davey kept stretching him, mouthing at him and rubbing against his inside walls as he tried to find his prostate. Although he was being nice about it and working to pleasure him, Nils just felt weird. He only realized as Davey cleared his throat that he’d been lying there, breathing shallowly and clutching the bed sheets as he tried to muster the courage to continue, that he’d been at it for way too long and was probably getting impatient. Opening his eyes, he glanced down at Davey, and he must’ve looked freaked out or something because Davey stopped and stared at him.
“Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah…” Nils said weakly, smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.
Frowning, Davey asked, “Are you sure? You seem upset.”
“I’m fine, promise,” Nils insisted, not wanting to throw the towel in. This would be so simple to solve – almost too simple – but he was determined to at least try it before he said he didn’t like it.
“Well…?” Davey gave him a tentative smile, tilting his head a bit to the side.
Nils felt his stomach sink. “Well…” He licked his lips. “I guess I’m okay to continue.”
“Are you absolutely sure? You don’t sound like you are…” Davey trailed off. “Honestly, if you don’t want to do this—”
“No!” Nils insisted, clutching the blankets. “I’m fine. You can go ahead.” He lay on his back, trying to get comfortable against the pillows and ignoring how breathless he felt. His stomach was twisting and now he just wanted to tell Davey to forget it, to tell him they could just suck each other off or use their hands or something because looking down at Davey’s hands on his cock, pulling the condom on, he was reminded of what he was facing. And it was big.
Davey’s eyes kept flicking to Nils as he made sure to coat his cock with plenty of lube. Although Nils appreciated the gesture, it didn’t do anything for the nervous fluttering in his stomach or the way his heart pounded as Davey put one hand on each side of him, the mattress springs creaking as he shifted his weight. Now, Nils could feel Davey’s breath on his face in short puffs, could see the desire in his eyes as he looked down at him with nothing but want and tenderness. And he just couldn’t tell him no.
“Are you ready?” Davey asked him, his voice low, breathless. And though Nils could see Davey shaking, knew it was taking a lot of strength to hold back, he knew he would stop instantly if he just told him to.
Instead, however, he found himself saying: “Yeah.” Davey hesitated for a moment, studying his face and his eyes, but Nils just gave him a wan smile to assure him. “I’m fine,” he insisted, just because he didn’t want to seem weak. Because he didn’t want to hurt Davey’s feelings or make this any more awkward than it was.
“Okay,” Davey said, giving his cheek a little kiss. “But remember, if you need me to stop, just say so.”
“Got it,” Nils said, shifting and spreading his legs, his entire body trembling.
Slowly, Davey lifted his legs and put them on his shoulders, moving up against him. Nils just lay still and looked up at the ceiling, holding his breath as he waited. He felt Davey pressing against him and it felt strange, but as soon as Davey started to guide his cock inside his body, Nils jolted, a little gasp catching in his throat as he automatically recoiled. Davey stopped and looked down at him, concern flitting over his brow.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” Nils panted, draping an arm over his eyes to keep from making eye contact. He swallowed hard and turned his head to the side. “Sorry. Sorry. I’m just…it’s new. I’m okay, so you can just…” He trailed off, biting his lip.
“You sure?”
“Yes!” Nils all but snapped. “You don’t have to ask me, just do it, please.” As soon as he’d finished speaking, a wave of guilt passed through his gut. “Sorry,” he quickly tacked on. “I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”
“It’s okay, but I promise you…I’m going to take care of you and you’re going to be just fine,” Davey replied softly, and it was all he said before he started to push in again. “Don’t hesitate to tell me what you’re feeling or if you need me to pull out, okay?”
It took all of Nils’ strength to nod and not to say anything. He clenched his teeth together and balled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his sweaty palms. Davey had taken care to prepare him, but it was very uncomfortable – and it kind of hurt. He didn’t understand; in conversations he’d had with their mutual friends, they’d all affirmed that it didn’t hurt…it was just a little uncomfortable. He buried his face in his arm, now no longer into it or the idea of getting fucked by Davey but he just didn’t want to tell him to stop. Not when he heard Davey moan and start panting, not when he felt Davey collapse on top of him and double him over so he could cuddle him and kiss his shoulder.
“You okay?” Davey asked as he started moving slowly, still trying to be careful with him. Nils appreciated it, but it didn’t help or make this any easier. He kept telling himself he just needed to relax, that it was because he was so tense and freaked out, and that was why it hurt. But he couldn’t make himself relax no matter how much Davey kissed him or touched him, doing his best to make it pleasurable for him too.
Nils just nodded in response, his teeth tightly locked together; if he opened his mouth, he was sure he would make some sort of sound that would signify that he wasn’t all right. Despite that, he told himself it was okay, that he would start to feel good soon, that it was just a ‘first time’ thing. Their friends said it felt good, so it had to start feeling good at some point.
He just lay there, face buried in his arm as Davey thrust into him, grunts and pants and moans leaving him. And though Davey was gentle, careful and slow, it didn’t make it any easier. Nils breathed shallowly through an open mouth to cope with the discomfort, legs wrapped tightly around Davey and thighs so tense he could feel his muscles spasming and cramping up. His lower back was starting to hurt from the strain of being doubled over, and he felt hot and sweaty. The worst part was feeling all that lube between his legs and how messy it felt on his ass, like he needed to clean up. It was all making his face feel too hot and he wanted to sink into the mattress and disappear – but he let Davey fuck him until he heard him starting to pant his name in higher pitches, his hips moving faster and out of rhythm, and he knew he was close.
When Davey reached between them to palm Nils’ cock, his tongue wandering over the lower half of his face and his neck, Nils wanted to tell him not to touch him. He knew what Davey would find – that his erection had gone away and he doubted it’d come back any time soon. Davey must’ve been too close, though, because he did pause when he felt the state of Nils’ cock, but he still pumped him, playing with the head and doing things that would’ve otherwise made Nils come in under thirty seconds.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Davey panted, voice a whispered scream, and he rocked into Nils a little harder. That was when Nils knew he’d orgasmed, and he inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, giving a prayer of thanks to the gods that it was finally over. The next few seconds of Davey finishing up were terribly long, and he felt like crying when Davey finally stopped moving, coming to rest on him and kissing him all over his collarbone and chest.
Several minutes’ worth of heavy breathing passed, and their sweaty skin started to adhere together uncomfortably. Nils was now praying again, wanting nothing more than for Davey to move because his entire body was cramping up and Davey’s dick felt too big in his ass, too uncomfortable, too awkward. He was about to nudge him and ask him to move but Davey did it on his own accord, sliding out of Nils’ body and discarding the condom.
“Nils…” The voice was soft by his ear, a hint of apology, but he didn’t move. “Are you all right?”
Although Nils’ eyes were stinging and he was shaking badly, feeling like he might throw up, he nodded. He felt Davey touch his arm lightly, and he couldn’t help but flinch away from him. Instantly, he felt bad because Davey hadn’t done anything wrong – he’d asked and Nils had told him it was okay, had even gone so far as to snap at him that it was fine and tell him to go through with it. Slowly, Davey withdrew his hand and he heard the mattress springs creak as he sat up.
Now Davey’s voice was just above a whisper. “If you don’t want me to touch you…”
“No, no…” Nils forced himself to sit up, dropping his arms and giving Davey a smile. But Davey didn’t return it, only looked at him worriedly, guilt in his eyes. “I’m okay, I was just really nervous. I’m fine, I swear.”
“You didn’t seem to like it,” Davey said, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. “Tell me what I did wrong…” He held his hands out, a helpless gesture. When Nils answered him with silence, he tacked on, “Did I hurt you? You have to tell me… I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” Nils insisted, though his ass was quite sore. He shifted, trying to get more comfortable. “I’m okay – like I said, I was just nervous. I told you I haven’t done it much, so it’s no surprise I didn’t come.” He shrugged it off, trying to make it seem like no big deal.
Chewing his lip, eyes darting about before they rested on Nils again, Davey asked, “And you’re sure?”
“Yep,” Nils insisted. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to…you know, blow you or something?” Davey drummed his fingers on his knees, his eyes dropping to Nils’ lap.
“Yeah, no thanks, I’m not really in the mood.” Nils gave him a smile, and then leaned over and kissed Davey on the cheek. “Don’t worry about it, babe.”
“If you say so…” Davey still seemed unconvinced, but at least he didn’t push it any more. However, the furrow on his brow and the helpless, worried look in his eyes made Nils’ stomach flip.
Getting up, feeling the lube brushing against the insides of his legs, Nils asked, “Mind if I shower?” Davey shook his head, eyes turning up to look at him. “Cool, well, I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?” He didn’t wait for a reply before he hurried to get in the bathroom, where he closed the door and locked it. Only then did he feel like he could breathe again, and that was when the tears sprang back to his eyes.
Angrily, he brushed them away and hunched over to start the water. He wasn’t going to cry. He was stronger than that.