Chapter Text
Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you're on a plane.
Specifically, a plane on its way to Washington to see your best friend whom you've had a crush on for quite a few years now, give or take the time you were in denial of your big homo self, or at least the part of you that liked dick. Fruedian slips have kinda always been a part of your pseudo-hipster way of speaking, to the point where not even a No Homo could save most situations. (Did No Homos ever actually save a situation from being homosexual? You don’t think so; in fact, you’re pretty sure they tend to make things worse.) You don't really want to put a label on it, but if you were at a Pride Parade or something, you would definitely be wearing some god-awful shirt about fucking a pan or a pink, purple, and blue thing, if you hadn't doused yourself in fucking raindows and glitter or some gay shit beforehand.
The only slight problem about this trip is that you kind of maybe forgot to tell him you were coming. And he's straight. (Although his love for Nic Cage is a little questionable, but then again you grew up with your Bro’s smuppets at every corner so you can't exactly talk.) But the straight thing isn't exactly an important issue because you long ago accepted this fact about John (and it's not like you were ever going to tell him), but you literally had two or three months to tell him you were going to visit, and you are literally about an hour away and he still doesn't know. Mr. Egbert made it very clear that if you were going to come up and surprise him, he wanted you to tell him on your own terms.
You suppose that you could play the surprise visit card since that's exactly what this was at this point, but you can't help but feel like you're apart of some really lame romcom (despite a certain love interest being a fucking heterosexual but who cares).
It's funny, in a kind of fucked up way. You're eighteen, coming up from Houston, Texas, to visit your dorky best friend from Nowheresville, Washington for his eighteenth. A boy you've been crushing on since you were thirteen-ish years old.
You giggle about it like a tool.
You're really excited to see Egbert, so damn excited about it in fact, you swear it's a dream and you're terrified you're going to wake up any second now. You're gonna kill anyone who tries to pinch you.
At some point you get lost in your fantasies of how John’s going to react when he opens up the door, only to be startled out of them by a message from Pesterchum.
GT: hey dave.
GT: i just wanted to goodbye before I…
GT: i also wanted to say it's not your fault
GT: if anything it's not really anyone's fault… well i guess it is my fault
GT: you're my best friend, dave.
GT: i wish i could've gotten to meet you :(
Wai- what? What? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
No. No, there's no way.
There's no way you just read that. It's not real, it's a joke, it has to be a joke- But not even you make that kind of joke; Egbert’s always had the lightest humor out of anyone in your group. Which can only mean…
Your body has gone straight to panic mode.
TurntechGodhead has started pestering GhostyTrickster
TG: what the fuck.
TG: john what the FUCK are you going on about
TG: please dont tell me youre thinking about doing something stupid
TG: john
TG: john
TG: JOHN
TG: JOHN EGBERT
TG: dont make me call you
TG: please youre scaring the absolute shit out of me
TG: JOHN
GT: dave isnt it supposed to be way fucking late for you???
GT: what the hell are you doing up?
TG: dude theres still time to meet you
GT: no there isnt
GT: i’m sorry dave
TG: yes there is
GT: no there isnt
GT: theres nothing you can say to change my mind!
TG: what if i told you im like an hour away
GT: bullshit.
GT: i dont believe you.
You attempt to call John. It gets declined.
GT: dont call me
GT: dont fuck with me like that
GT: i cant take that right now dave
TG: im not fucking with you
You send a shitty selfie of yourself, making sure to make it very clear that you're in a plane, and are not, in fact, fucking with the most important person in your life.
GT: …
GT: that doesn't mean you're an hour away.
GT: you could’ve just gotten on for all i know.
GT: you could be seeing rose for all i know
TG: OF COURSE IM COMING TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND
TG: why the fuck would i visit roses pretentious ass instead of my best friend since fuck knows when
TG: why tf would i lie about how far away i am
GT: idk!!!
GT: so i wouldn't kill myself?!?!
GT: i’m not an idiot, dave, i know what you're doing
GT: i can’t do this anymore
GT: i’m sorry.
You try to call him. He declines him all three time. A feeling of hopelessness starts to sink in.
TG: can i at least rap for you one last time
TG: please pick up
GT: no, you're just gonna try to talk me out of it
TG: please
TG: john
GT: fine.
He calls you this time and it startles you, but you waste no time answering it.
You hesitate for a moment. “You there, Egbert?” You cringe at the rawness of your voice, and realize you've been crying. Instinctively, you wipe your tears, hoping no one saw. You may no longer believe in the Rules for Striders, but you still don't really enjoy the whole heart on your sleeve thing, much less letting everyone see you cry.
You hear a quiet sniffle from the phone. “Go,” his voice sounds equally, if not worse than yours, “before I change my mind, Dave.” it kills you how serious he sounds. You had hoped to try to stall a little bit, but now, you don't want to risk losing him on the other end.
“Lemme just preface this by saying this is completely freestyle, ok, in no shape or form is this truly representative of my insane rapping skills, and I'm gonna try something new ok?”
“Ok.” he's very quiet. “Can I ask what's different about this rap than all the other Strider-patented raps, circumstances notwithstanding?”
You involuntarily chuckle at that. “Well, first of all, I'm hoping there's actually going to be meaning behind this one instead of just me dicking around for fun.” He goes to say something, but he doesn't. “And secondly, there's going to be a minimum irony here, ok? Like obviously I can't exactly take out all the irony or else it's not exactly a Strider rap, but I want you to know I'm trying to be genuine here.”
“Alright. Does that mean it's going to be convoluted as fuck?” there's traces of a teasing tone, and your battered heart latches onto it.
“Remember who you're talking to, John.” He giggles at that, it squeezes your heart.
Well, here goes nothing, you guess.
“I’m flying to you as fast as I can,
But I'mma bird without wings,
A broken, sorry excuse for a motherfuckin crow-
I'm trying to get to you as fast as I can,
But my legs too short for runnin’
Im stumblin’, fallin’, trippin’ ‘n’ fallin’ for ya, into you-
The idea of you is enough to make me soar
But I know there's shit in your core callin’ you a bore, a chore-
Shit’s trying to break you , take you, Make you into somthin’ yer not.
Tell you the good in you is fake, but listen here motherfucker, this wingless crow will take off is hood and soar so you know there's good in your core that doesn't deserve to be lifeless.
Don't be heartless,
Violence in the brain will only bring pain if ya listen bro, so PLEASE, John,
I'm begging, Don't go
Please listen to this brainless crow
Without you, my life will be lightless yo and I know you don't wanna see me go.
All that glitters is gold, even the blind bird can see-
Please don't be so cold as to leave this crow without his gold
Don't toy with his heart, boy, not if you're gonna break him apart.
Make a chart of all the good shit in his life, ‘n’ you’d see yourself at the top.
Don't put a knife in my back,
I know I sound like a vinyl with a crack,
But I'm just a broken crow lookin’ fo’ his gold.
Don't be so cold as to tell the wingless crow that'd die for you,
Just to go on without him.
I'd fly anywhere just to be with you, lo- I mean John-” and from there you lose the already lackluster flow and stumble over your words, making no sense. Bonus points for making him laugh though.
Even if it's the saddest laugh you'd ever heard in your life, absolutely the least Egbert-ian thing ever.
“Thanks, Dave…” his voice is so soft, you almost don't hear him.
“You're welcome, dude,” you want to say something, but you don't. “Mind telling me what you thought of my rap?”
He chuckles a bit, then sniffles, then you realise he's been crying. “Oh, it was every bit as awful as I expected,” you laugh at that, but you did warn him! And that's exactly what you tell him.
“Well, I warned you, I'm running on like three hours of sleep here, John!”
“June.”
“Huh?” it took you a solid sixty seconds to realize what was said.
Immediately, Egbert takes your confusion as negative and quickly sputters, “It's nothing, Dave. I didn't say anything. Nothing at all.”
“No no no no, Egbert, wait a second, I was about to go on a ramble, it's okay. It's a really pretty name, du- Do you mind if I still call you dude, June?” There's a moment of silence that makes you panic. “June? June, are you still there?”
“Yeah, yeah- I'm still here. Dude’s ok, I think. I don't know, I'm still new at this,” her voice cracks, and it sounds like some involuntary waterways have opened.
“...How many people have you told?” you swear you're gonna beat anyone who doesn't accept your now hetero crush, which is cool, for the record, because now you have two reasons to a certain pastel flag at a pride parade. She's still the same Egbert you've been crushing on for an inane amount of time, and even now, you're having a hard time not picturing yourself kissing her problems away.
“Just you,” she sniffles a bit.
“Oh.” You both sit in an awkward silence for a while, before you tell her something not even Rose knows.
“I'm trans. Er, I mean like my name's still Dave, it'll always be Dave, but it wasn't always?” You take a breath before you kill yourself with your awkwardness. “Was that coherent?”
She chuckles. “Yeah.”
“If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here, ok? I know I'm not going to get everything, but maybe I can help with some things…?” You just want her to be happy, like yeah kissing her would be better than a six foot tall dancing acrobatic ballerina doing kickflips off the Eiffel Tower, but to you at least, nothing’s better than knowing Egbert is happy and healthy.
Her breath hitched, and you just take a moment to remember your number one worst habit.
“I-I mean- uh, shit!” you try to think of a way to amend it, but you fail miserably. You wish you could stop time and think this through, but you don't live in a reality where real life is a shitty pixelated webcom- you mean video game. “Look, can we pretend that didn't happen- I j-”
“Dave, shut the fuck up for five seconds and let me process,” June interjects, startling you into embarassed silence. You can hear her sniffling softly, and you get the urge to hold her and wipe away her tears. You check the time.
“Thirty-six minutes till I can,” you mumble, and of course she hears you. She giggles, but there's an edge to her voice.
“Until you can what? Kiss me like one of CG’s shitty romcoms?” she teases you, and it claws at your heart like it's full of venom.
“No. No, I'm not that much of an optimist. In fact, I was thinking about how fast I could turn on Con Air or anything with Nic Cage. I don't know, something to cheer you up and make you feel better,” you sigh. “I'm your best friend first, I could give a shit less if you feel the same about me, I just want you to be happy and you know, not dead?”
Hardly a moment passes, before she hesitantly responds.
“Even if I feel the same?”
You inhale sharply, then pinch yourself hard. This was real. Holy shit, this was real.
“Dave?”
“Can this plane go any faster?” she laughs at your stupid joke and oh god, you'd be lying if you ever said you weren't absolutely in love with her laugh.
You spend the rest of the plane ride telling her how your going to spend every spare dollar you have on dresses and skirts for her show her how to do her makeup, but most of all, you tell her about how long you and her dad have been planning this and how ecstatic you are to see her face.