Work Text:
i.
the october sunlight is pale as it dapples across sol’s face; russet and golden swirling around in a gentle breeze before the leaves quietly settle against the concrete.
“hey,” jiwan murmurs and her gaze flickers towards the slant of sol’s mouth. pearly white teeth flashing in those cold golden rays as they tug at the arch of rosy lips.
“i haven’t seen you look this content in a while.”
“yeah?” sol slides her fingers into jiwan’s, the corner of her lips curling into a lopsided smile. “well then i guess you’re to blame for my sudden happiness.”
jiwan’s touch is careful, almost cautious when her fingertips trace spirals against the back of the other woman’s hand. her other hand hanging limply by her side, slowly raises to touch her cheek before she’s nervously running it through her hair, tongue swiping over her bottom lip. her cheeks are stained with a pale pink and there’s a subdued throbbing in her chest when sol’s eyes glitter back at her - steady and swirling with the promise of something more.
“jiwan have you seriously been hiding here with sol all morning?”
oh for fuck’s sake.
jiwan suppresses the wave of irritation that rushes through her when a flow of noise shatters whatever had just existed between her and sol. watches as sehun strides across the rooftop to where sol leans against sun soaked brick walls, mutters a string of curses when he’s tugging at sol’s sleeve and leading her away from jiwan towards where their friends have gathered on the benches. now, jiwan knows that there’d be a freezing winter in hell before sol would ever be interested in sehun but it doesn’t stop her from glaring at her palms forlornly. her fingers twitch, missing the easy warmth that radiates from sol before her hands fall to her side limply.
“oh my god sol your latest piece in the foyer-”
“she’s exquisite right,” sehun quirks a brow at the interruption. jiwan simply smiles at him before turning to sol, that thudding ache of her heart returning when she glimpses amusement and affection glistening in those amber depths when they sweep over jiwan’s silhouette, “like something you’d only ever see in dreams.”
sol laughs. slow and melodic. and like countless times before, it flits through jiwan’s fingers too swiftly for her to clutch it close to her chest to treasure forever.
ii.
sprawled over worn leather, jiwan hangs on to the faint melody that spills past sol’s lips. a palette dangles from the crook of a slim finger as sol twirls around the tranquility of the workroom. jiwan props herself up into sitting, studies the way various shades intermingle with one another and stain a once pristine surface in a precise outline.
shadows flicker across tanned skin and jiwan feels her heart stutter against its ridged confines. the brunette is all sharp angular slants and delicate curves as she loses herself in the easy cadence of dabbing watercolours against her canvas. and jiwan finds that she can’t tear her eyes way from the sight of fluorescent lights dusting sol’s features with the faintest tinges of bronze.
beautiful. you’re so goddamn beautiful.
the notion throbs in her chest and her eyelids flutter closed. but then there’s a sharp flick of her wrist and her gaze immediately lowers to her sketchbook, falls to the inky streak that mars the sharp lines of sol’s profile.
“at this rate your entire portfolio is going to be sketches of me,” sol smells of honey and citrus soap and the slightest hint of cigarette smoke when her arms loop around jiwan’s neck from behind. her chin rests against the dip of jiwan’s shoulder blade, fingertips caressing the subtle graininess that resides in the charcoal drawing; jiwan prays for the shiver that runs through her to go unnoticed.
then she’s stepping away. her eyes crinkled half moons when they flicker over jiwan.
the truth simmers in her chest, “well i like drawing you.”
jiwan neglects to mention that it’s because her thoughts ripple with a brilliant smile and amber eyes that gleam even brighter. but it’s still more than worth it when she sees sol’s mouth slant demurely in the hazy incandescence, pale pink and soft with wonder.
iii.
sol sits in the passenger's seat with a sliver of the window cracked open. enough to feel the rush of the crisp night air grazing against her skin.
jiwan has the radio on, but the upbeat pop melody it cranks out is drowned out by the hum of the late autumn breeze, leaving only faint notes and shreds of lyrics.
“thanks for coming to get me, i know it must’ve been boring to wait till the exhibition ended.”
jiwan looks toward the passenger seat momentarily before returning to the view ahead. “you didn’t really leave me with a choice, my gummy bears were at stake.”
sol’s brows crease with a frown before she’s huffing, “you know you’re not eleven anymore right? you can buy your own gummy bears.”
“but then there’d be no one to come get you.”
jiwan’s stare flits over her: silk blazer draped over the sharp lines of sol’s lithe frame, the rare smudging of eyeliner into smoke, the bitten and faded cherry-red sheen of a rosebud mouth.
she laughs at sol’s silvery likeness stretching an arm out, tarnished rings which adorn her knuckles winking in the glow of passing streetlights. laughs again with a giddy warmth that trickles into her chest when sol catches her gaze, eyelids dipping half-closed with a languid affection.
“what’s up wan,” sol’s fingers are icy when they reach for jiwan’s grasp on the gearshift, “you look like you need to tell me something.”
time flows akin to honey, syrupy and unhurried, clinging to the tire spokes as the car continues along the winding path. all the while jiwan’s head spins, aches from the dizzying flare of heat that blazes in the crevices of her heart, from the way she feels it thrum faster and more desperately than it should.
i like you. i like you so much. god i wish i could tell you…
but the car hits a bump and the moment splinters. sol untangling their fingers and closing the window. the song on the radio shifts to something desolate - a melancholy tune that floats from the speakers.
and jiwan sighs, averting her gaze back towards the shadowy path ahead.
iv.
vibrant images are a mere murmur as they flicker across the television screen. jiwan rubs at her eyes and tugs at the straps of her heels. allows herself to fall against the satin of her couch cushions with a muffled groan.
the glass of her coffee table vibrates with an urgent buzz and she reaches for her phone, swiping against the screen without hesitation. doesn’t need to look to know who the caller is - there’s only one person who calls her this late, only one person whose calls she’d be willing to answer at this time of night.
“can’t stop thinking of me yoon sol?”
there’s a pause on the other end before a familiar laugh is heard.
“how did you know jiwan-ah,”
jiwan hums. listens to the soft lilt of sol’s voice and imagines inky strands against rumpled sheets; nebulous moonlight gracefully painting her slender frame in startling silvers and champagne golden. and jiwan finds that there’s a halting cadence in the thud of her heartbeat.
“i went on a date today,” sol murmurs, her voice crackling through the receiver, “and i think i might like him...”
i know. i saw you both at the bus stop.
“juhyeok right? that’s great, i hope he makes you really happy.”
jiwan swallows hard and winces. steel-tipped butterfly wings clawing at the lining of her stomach to leave jagged lacerations that drip with scarlet. yet she has no right to feel this way, not when she’s always curled around her latest flings, in spite of everything that she feels for sol.
she forces her mouth to contort into the shadow of a grin; compels herself to be happy for her best friend even if the words are akin to barbed nettles in her throat. “wait so how’d you meet him,”
“oh we met at the café, the night you were out on that date. he’s just graduated from law school and….”
i’m a undergraduate who can’t even keep up with the pressure of an arts degree. how could i possibly compete with a law-school graduate who probably has his entire life mapped out.
at the thought, jiwan almost chokes on the bitter tang of copper that coats her tongue. so she squints at the bright cluster of shapes which float across the television screen and lets the practiced lie flow smoothly through her teeth.
“hey listen” jiwan plays with the edges of her sleeves just as the rustling of sol’s sheets fizzles through, “is it alright if i hang up first? it’s been a long day and i’m not really feeling that well.”
“yeah of course! let me know if you feel any worse and i’ll bring your favourite soup.”
jiwan mumbles a weak acknowledgement; glassy red-rimmed eyes reflected in the slowly fading glow of her phone screen.
v.
chatter and music and laughter wafts from the other side of campus. it solidifies and pounds in jiwan’s ears - a reminder of the way she’s embarrassed herself tonight. sighing, she rests her head against the welcome frigidity of the fire escape’s railing in contrast to her flushed cheeks, ribbons of smoke curling from her parted lips.
the sinking feeling of disappointment and regret churns in her stomach. the memory of sol’s eyes flashing with hurt loops over and over behind her eyes and jiwan’s palms prickle with an impression of slim fingers trembling when jiwan briskly pushes the stuffed toy back into sol’s grasp.
“fuck,” she exhales and it comes out ragged, knees almost buckling from the effort to prevent the uncomfortably warm droplets that cling to her lashes from trailing down her face. frustration and resentment coils deep within her and her vision is tinged with sparks of speckled brightness when she squeezes her eyes shut.
then the steel platform creaks gently under them and sol’s voice is buzzing in her ears, her every word dripping with anger. jiwan just barely catches sight of her arms folded across her chest, knuckles pale from the rigidity of clenched fists.
“what the fuck was that” jiwan’s vision finally clears, she’s raising her head to glare back at the taller brunette as she pushes herself away from her crutch. “jiwan what’s going on with you?”
her eyes brim with all the bitterness that has congealed within. “you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“god jiwan if it’s about the exchange program,” sol pinches the bridge of her nose, her tone strained and mottled with incredulity. “i didn’t tell you because i wasn’t even sure whether i wanted to go-”
“do you really think i’d be reacting like this over an exchange program,” jiwan’s incisors nick at the swell of her bottom lip. swallows roughly at the thought of juhyeok with his arms around sol’s waist and sol’s head against his chest, still can’t bear to think about how sol had been looking at juhyeok when their noses were inches away from each other. “fucking hell it’s because i thought i’d be alright with you and juhyeok! except i’m not and it fucking sucks, you’re my best friend and i’m supposed to be happy for you…”
“what does that even mean jiwan,” sol quietly insists, “tell me what you mean.”
and jiwan doesn’t quite realise she’s leaned forward until sol’s thumb is stroking against the slope of her jaw. they’re heartbreakingly close with sol’s eyes flicking up to meet hers when jiwan swiftly steps back. her eyes flutter shut, chest constricting around the words that she longs to hear reciprocated.
she whispers. “i’m in love with you.”
sol stares back at her.
and what jiwan’s known all long is proven right. so she quirks her lips ruefully and moves to push past sol. except long fingers quickly circle around her wrist to whirl her around and jiwan really hadn’t anticipated the affection that shines clear in sol’s gaze. neither had she expected for sol to be pulling at her shirt to crash their lips together.
the first brush of their lips is tentative, bashful. but then jiwan finds herself melting like honey, drunk and pliant, a gentle sound escaping from the back of her throat when sol’s teeth scrape at her bottom lip. it’s too much, too public for anything more than tongue and a flash of teeth; they pull apart with sol’s lips curving in that pretty half-smile of hers and her lips ghosting against thecorner of jiwan’s mouth.
“how," jiwan mumbles and runs her fingertips over the lines of sol’s palm, traces the swirls of veins along sol’s wrist, “i didn’t know you felt the same way.”
“you look at me sometimes and i want to kiss you. but i didn’t know whether you wanted me to until today” sol confesses.
"god we're such idiots aren't we."
+1.
“do you think i made a good impression on your parents,” jiwan muses, leaning back against sol’s legs in the bathtub. sol works a washcloth between her shoulder blades, unblemished skin obscured by foamy white suds. sol shifts into a more comfortable position, goosebumps prickling on her skin when she grazes the cold porcelain of the tub.
jiwan glances back at her and her bottom lip is tucked between her teeth again, a bitten dusky carmine. although the plaits that sol had braided into the copper streaked hair for dinner still remain immaculate, stray wisps of her bangs are plastered to her forehead. “i want them to like me.”
“i’m sure they were really happy to have met you,” sol promises later when she’s drying jiwan's hair. cards her fingers through the damp strands and kisses the dip of her girlfriend’s shoulder. and she feels the slight vibration of brunette’s exhale, jiwan’s breath coming out shallow and wavering.
“don’t worry so much, i’m sure they love you as much as i do babe.”
jiwan turns to face her, affection and so much more gleaming brightly in her eyes. sol feels as though she could shatter beneath the intensity of jiwan’s stare; her feelings for the shorter brunette shining like glass shards, crystalline and fragile.
“say that again..”
sol takes jiwan’s hand. their fingers slide together with an ease that’s been there all this time and she raises their intertwined hands, lips skimming over the ridges of jiwan’s knuckles again and again. until all sol feels is the flutter of something within her sternum like sunlight - dizzying and warm when she mouths the words again.
“i love you," she whispers. “i think some part of me always has."