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Jeongguk pulls his denim jacket closer. Shuffling in the dark of the night, standing against the coarse wall, he hides himself. Concealing himself from the strange eyes.
He stands there waiting for one.
The wind brittles, even inside the station— secured with long, thick walls, and the warmth of strangers— it ravages itself.
Oh, sweet December days.
He is standing upright and aloof when his phone rings and as soon as he realises who the sender of the message is, his breath hitches. His heart pounds as nervous ticks undress themselves through Jeongguk’s hands that fidget unceremoniously.
taehyungie:
i’m here
He’s here.
He pushes himself from the wall and walks briskly across the station. The clock hangs large in the middle— a reminder of the phantom of presences that arrive and leave; Accompanied, at times, with swollen eyes, or wide smiles.
Lucky for Jeongguk, he doesn’t need to cry, not yet, at least. Because Taehyung isn’t a spectre that was churned agonisingly in the pits of his imagination.
No, he’s standing in front of him, and he’s beautiful.
Before Jeongguk can grasp much else, the said boy is running towards him. He can faintly hear Taehyung’s bag dropping on the gravel, and he almost voices out how it’s dirty, and perhaps, the other shouldn’t be doing so.
But, his words never leave. They fade into uncharted oblivion.
They reach Taehyung’s person in lieu of a timid shriek because of the warmth of the sudden hug that he gets engulfed in.
Jeongguk’s breath connects with that of Taehyung’s when he jumps on the younger— arms tucking behind the former’s neck, and legs over his waist.
Jeongguk is smiling. He is smiling so fucking wide.
He shies under the sudden, soft touch. He hides his face in the elder’s brown hair that smells of coconut. Smile on his face that unconsciously matches the other. And, man, is it the best feeling. “Hello.”
“I can’t believe I am holding you.” Are the first words Taehyung delivers to Jeongguk to his face. Not behind the facade of broken screens or distorted calls, but near him— next to him.
Jeongguk chuckles lightly, “Technically, Tae, I think you’re crushing me.”
Taehyung then removes his hold from the other, ducking his head low after rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re already being mean to me.”
The younger walks to pick the other’s bag, swinging it around his shoulder, “Well, you’re now stuck with me, ‘can’t do a thing about it.” He comes to stand next to Taehyung, “...at least not for the next two weeks.”
The elder grins, throwing his arms around Jeongguk’s shoulder, tipping on his toes, “You got to work to make me stay. It doesn't look very promising right now, dude.” He winks.
“‘Right,” The other rolls his eyes, “Now please get off me so we can actually go.”
“Alright then, let’s go.” Taehyung follows Jeongguk as he swiftly guides the other out of the station, “Did you sleep on the train ride?” The former asks.
“No,” Taehyung replies quick, turning away from Jeongguk’s gaze.
The younger narrows his eyes, “Oh, and why so?”
"I was thinking about you, my darling, what else?” He replies with a smile dripping in forged saccharine.
Jeongguk grips the other’s wrist gently, ceasing their rapid strolls, “Tell me the real reason.”
“‘Was playing Splatoon.”
“For three hours?”
Taehyung shrugs.
“You need help, T.”
The elder grins without a zilch of remorse. With a sigh he wraps his hands around Jeongguk’s arms, moving closer to the other. “What do you think you are for?”
“Well, ‘currently here to take you to the car.”
They both walk steadily to the said vehicle, conversation flowing easy with curious content. “Do you think you’ll be able to stay up all night?”
“It’s only ten, Guk. I can manage.” He steps into the black sedan. “Besides, our day one, late-night adventures must not be halted.”
Jeongguk settles in the driving seat of the car and flushes a packet out of his pocket. He throws it in Taehyung’s lap, “Speaking of adventures.”
The glint in the elder’s eyes is distinctive, with clear joy painted on his face. “This is as green as my future.”
“It’s greener.”
Taehyung opens the plastic envelope to smell and it translates to a satisfied hum. “‘S been some time.” Jeongguk starts the car, “So you’ve told.”
“Hopefully I won’t have to after this.” He leans back against the seat, “Anyway, chief, what’s the plan?”
Jeongguk softly glides them onto the road, “I was thinking we could head down to the gas station, stock up on some booze and food, head to the rooftop, and just relax and get high.”
Taehyung smiles leisurely— relaxed, sedately holding onto words uttered. “That sounds great, Guk.”
Jeongguk turns to look at him. It’s a mistake, he knows it in a quick instance.
Slow, slow, slow— that is how Taehyung looks at him. Unhurriedly, taking his time with gentleness to sip. But, it has Jeongguk’s heart beating fast.
Oh, so fast.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jeongguk drives deeper into the night, barely accompanied by any others on the road.
“I can’t believe I am here.” A quick reply is what Taehyung delivers, almost as if it had been resting on his tongue. “I know what you mean. It’s been—How long have we been talking for—?” Jeongguk asks.
“Almost a year, man. Took some time, but I can’t believe we’ve finally met.”
“Texts and calls don’t do enough justice.”
“To what? My gorgeous face and wondrous personality?” Taehyung grins.
“Yeah.” Jeongguk replies in distinct honesty, “‘Could work a bit more on the personality though.”
“Shut up.” Taehyung shoves the other— “Hey! I am driving.”
After a minute, the elder voices, “Did you just agree to me when I said I'm gorgeous, by the way? Do you think I am pretty, Jeongguk?”
“You know you are.”
“It’s different when you say it,” Taehyung says.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“I don’t.” He does. But, he doesn’t say it. Not yet. The night’s young, and they’ve only just started.
He doesn’t surrender to the truth yet. He knows that Taehyung knows. He can feel it with the intensity of the elder’s eyes on him. For now, it seems enough. He keeps his eyes fixed on the road.
The drive to the station is lax, it’s filled with outspoken thoughts and timid, delirious smiles. The dusk lingers densely over them when they step out of the car. The arrival of the revenant doesn’t breed unfamiliarity. On the contrary, it drips in ease.
The start of the novel, excitable norm.
They tuck their jackets closer. The wind is strong. Together, they seep the light from their smiles into the darkened syllables that cease in their true nature next to them. The cheap fluorescent is buzzing. It glides rich on Taehyung’s face, which is cheerful as he narrates a story of his childhood to Jeongguk, who opens the glass door for them to step in.
It smells of cigarettes.
“How about you get something to eat and I’ll get the alcohol.”
“Sure.” Taehyung smiles, hopping into the aisles. Brown hair bouncing.
Jeongguk himself goes to grab two bottles of wine— rosè and red. They’re cheap, they have pictures of colorful cherries on them. Good enough for them, he supposes. Finally, he picks up a pack of tobacco and goes to the counter. He smiles as soon as Taehyung comes to his peripheral, he’s carrying a pack of lollipops and potato chips, “Do you think these would be enough?”
“For obesity, yes.”
“You won’t be able to maintain your abs forever. Might as well give up now, sweetheart.” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, and the other drops the packets from his hand to the counter. “But, really, do you want me to get something else for you?” Taehyung asks, wide-eyed.
He shakes his head, “No, no. I will just steal all your lollipops.”
“You’d have to fight me for them.”
“I think we both know who’d win that fight.” Jeongguk helps the cashier bag their items.
“Yeah, me.” Taehyung picks the paper bag as Jeongguk hands his card to the cashier. The former stands close to the younger with a yawn on his lips. Jeongguk stares at the elder and squints, “Told you.” Taehyung pokes his tongue out in reply.
After they are done with the transaction, they start to walk out.
Taehyung walks closer to Jeongguk— steady pace, stagnant gaze. He instinctively entangles their fingers together with a secured grin. “‘S cold.” The elder shrugs as he voices his reasoning.
And, Jeongguk is left to wonder how comfort seeps to the depths of his body. How Taehyung’s fingers seem softer than anybody else’s. He notices Taehyung's hands. They're really pretty hands. He notices how the prism of Taehyung’s eyes sings in colors that were previously unfathomable to him.
Bright fluorescent, and engraved with the stars.
Taehyung tugs at the hand, curious expression lacing his face at the stillness of the other, who quickly shrugs and offers the other a smile. His thoughts take a transitory halt.
Then, they soon find warmth in the depths of the car again, “Where to now?” Taehyung asks.
“To the rooftop.”
Jeongguk drives them— the pace is fast because the roads are sparse. It’s just them.
Them, and the stars, Taehyung suggests, looking out of the window. He thinks that the idea looks pretty on Taehyung, who seemingly finds comfort in the swirls of it.
Minutes later, pausing their discussion on foxes, they reach. Both swiftly step out of the car, bags in hand. They face abandoned gates have been left unlocked and so they swiftly see themselves inside.
With one final look around them, Jeongguk closes the doors behind him.
The stairs to the top are rigid and unwavering. They exercise a ferocity that Taehyung doesn’t possess. He stops to lay on the cold marble more than once. Jeongguk simply laughs, amused at the tired expressions filled with dramatics that’ll last for days.
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you a piggyback ride.” He huffs out, crouching in front of Taehyung, who grins and grins. “My knight and shining armor, Guk-ah. I knew those calls you missed when you went to the gym were for a reason.”
“This better not become a habit.”
Taehyung climbs on the other, bags in hand, “You’re incapable of saying no to me. Just admit defeat.”
He is incapable.
He accepted defeat a long time back.
Yet still, “Never.”
Taehyung has a sweet sound lacing his lips when they go up, and with his persistent nudges, Jeongguk joins him in crafting the symphony.
And, the staircase has seen a lot, alright— everything from swollen faces, to lackluster love, and blazing fights. But never has its ears been gilded with honey, like so.
When they reach the top, light hanging by a lone bulb, Taehyung climbs down and Jeongguk opens the small, rustic door. “Here you go.” The elder steps, getting an immediate waft of brisk freshness. The wind flows— hard onto them, hard onto the hands that are suddenly being held.
The way Taehyung smiles in reply to his welcome, however, is plain soft.
Jeongguk notices, it brings him joy. “Welcome to Seoul.” He says.
It’s bright— just as bright as the midnight that mizzles on them.
The younger tugs at their intertwined hands and leads them to the corner. The view is deeper there, filled with buildings that stand unaided and tall. Solitary beauties that gleam around them both. With mere bricks separating them, they stand, looking at their companions of the night.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah.” Jeongguk looks up, then at Taehyung, “Yeah, it is.”
The younger unzips his bags and takes out a blanket, which he lays gently on the floor. “Where are the goods?” He asks Taehyung, who takes out the packet from his pocket and keeps it next to him. “Here.”
They both settle next to each other, cross-legged, “Where did you get this weed from? ‘Looks good.”
“Jimin.” Jeongguk replies, “He’s started dating his dealer, so he always gets the best stuff. This one is mango flavoured.”
“Well, it’s good for us.” Taehyung hums, “D’ya want me to roll?”
“If you don’t want a lumpy joint, then yeah.” Jeongguk fishes out the packet of tobacco, “Just help me crush it, then.” The elder says.
Beside each other, sitting in a way that breaks the scope of space down, they work their fingers. “I remember the first time you called me from up here,” Taehyung says.
It takes a beat for the recognition to strike, but it does eventually. Jeongguk chuckles, “I was crying.”
“You were.”
“‘Was feeling lonely.”
“It’s a big city, Guk-ah.” Taehyung says, and then after a moment, “But, you got better.”
“Yeah, because you calmed me down.” Jeongguk wipes the moss pigment from his jeans, looking up when the elder speaks.
“It makes me think of how we started talking, actually,” Taehyung says.
“‘S pretty funny, when I think about it.” Jeongguk thinks inwardly of the stacked memories, “I replied to your anonymous song cover and spew many compliments over your talent.”
The elder laughs.
“Rather creepily, actually.” Jeongguk continues.
Taehyung shoves him from the side and says, “Nah, it was pretty sweet.”
"Took you a while to even tell me your name."
Taehyung laughs loud. "Yep."
"'S fine. I could've waited more."
Taehyung numbs in emotions, tipping over the edge.
Jeongguk continues, “Well, however it was, it got us here, didn’t it?”
“It did.” The elder breathes out, “It really did.” He takes out a stack of paper from his pocket. He cleans it, and starts filling—
“Stop it! Do you have printed rolling paper— Are those blue balloons on it?”
Taehyung laughs in retort, “Yeah, it’s very cute.”
“I want those too.” Jeongguk stretches his legs, leaning back, “I’ll get you them, don’t worry.”
Eventually, Taehyung licks the edges of the paper, rolling it tightly with a smirk on his face as he presents it to Jeongguk like a trophy. The latter takes out a red lighter— the initial electric sparks get translated into the smoke that lifts from the younger’s mouth, before passing it.
Taehyung inhales intensely before breathing out, “Make it rain, Guk.”
“Hun?”
“Rain— can you make it rain?”
Jeongguk laughs, “I am not sure I can, but I’ll try for you.”
After a beat, Taehyung asks, “What’s happening with your internship?"
“It’s all settled, going to Canada in two months.” Jeongguk’s voice is dazed. A little softer towards the end— a little hesitant. He looks to his side, smoking out, looking at Taehyung. And, even with the ambush of stale-smelling smoke, he looks fucking amazing.
Priceless and incomparable.
“You’re so pretty.” Jeongguk says. His thoughts are hasty but his words scream determination. “I knew you’d come around.” Taehyung grins.
He always does.
Incomprehensible is how Taehyung's expression stands. Jeongguk can’t detect the kernels of it. His head fogs - sitting next to Taehyung - whose gaze is relentlessly pliable on him.
Jeongguk has always fallen for words.
He’s always fallen from the warmth that tangles itself between broken syllabus.
And, soon after he started talking to Taehyung, he realized that he had fallen for him.
It didn’t help when the eyes behind the words were gentle in every aspect, looking out for him with a shy tenacity. Purity lingering in all its facets. “Taehyung..” He starts. “I wanna do something.”
“What do you wanna do?”
“I am not sure if you’d like it.” He searches for comprehension on the other’s face— for bold perception. But, perhaps he should be looking at himself for it because Taehyung’s confidence is distilled into a shy smile.
“I know I would.”
Jeongguk leans to his side, closer to Taehyung. He rubs the tip of the joint against the gravel. When they’re close enough, he looks at the elder. Looking at him, Jeongguk knows that the transmission of his tacit phrases is successful.
He watches the moon spill on Taehyung’s face as he exhales the final, stale smoke out on him.
So pretty.
So goddamn exquisite.
Jeongguk leans into him— his hand cupping Taehyung’s face. He observes the mole that settles under the latter’s eyes, and then their lips connect in tandem.
It’s how four a.m. realizations taste like and it isn’t even two.
The candy and weed on Taehyung’s lips slip between the cracks, and it’s the smoked lover’s hands that tangle through Jeongguk’s hair.
In the softness, the touches turn less and less shy and it’s every bit as beautiful as Jeongguk thought it would be. Taehyung’s hands are as warm as his words and they breathe out poetry by tracing Jeongguk’s skin.
They break apart with flushed faces and wide grins.
The elder wraps his hands around Jeongguk’s arms and leans against him, “I have something to tell you.”
“What do you want to tell me?” Jeongguk replies, looking in front. The night is stunning. Emotions hang on the clouds.
“‘Couple months ago, I applied for a scholarship in a design program in Canada. It starts in three months and it’s for a little over a year.” He breathes out, “Three days ago, I heard back from them. ”
Jeongguk stills. His breath hitches as he looks next to him.
“I got in, Guk-ah.” Teeth on display, smile wide. “I got in.”
And, Jeongguk hasn’t felt his heart pound in his ears like so. Hope like this has never transgressed in his body like so. He cups Taehyung’s face and just kisses him. On the nose, on the lip, on the forehead, on the moles.
He kisses and he kisses.
Taehyung’s smile widens— letting go of the inhibitions with petite tears falling down.
“I think I am in love with you and I don’t know what to do,” Jeongguk says against his lips, and the other smiles the widest he has all night. They stay in tamed silence, and breathe in the comfort that lingers.
Taehyung is leaning against his heart when Jeongguk looks up, feeling wet on his forehead.
“Tae.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s raining.”