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It’s just that: here he was, standing, sitting, wringing his hands, bringing them to his chest to hold tightly on to them, and there stood Simon. Kind of unsure but also so sure. And he walked slowly towards him. Asked him if he was okay. If he was fine. Asked him, if he felt the same the way he moved towards him. And he is okay. He is fine. He really feels the same for Simon.
As soon as he saw Simon standing there, his breathing slowed down. And his posture losend slightly. Simon was safe. Simon speaks his mind and still would not betray his friends or loved ones. He saw it every day with how he loves his sister and how he makes sure nothing bad’ll happen to her. So he is safe with Simon. Because Simon held his hand just a few minutes ago. Because Simon is his friend. Because they clearly are feeling the same things for each other.
So he’s still okay with Simon standing right in front of him in this empty hallway. He felt okay, but he froze. Because he can not act on these feelings they have. He froze and Simon kissed him. He is still frozen. But now because his feelings are confusing and overwhelming him. And Simon looks at him, must have sawn something in his eyes to give him enough courage and kissed him again. And he remained frozen.
Simon turned away. But he must not! He is safe. And what would happen to him if his safety went away, while he was still not really fine being all alone? So he grabbed Simons shirt. And spoke the only thing that his mind was saying over and over and over again “I’m not…”. And he could see Simon was done with him. Not really mad, just done. And Wilhelm could understand him. Living in secret. Loving in secret. It’s no fun. It’s fucking unbearable. But he likes Simon. And Simon kissed him, so he must like him too, right? So he pulls Simon and pulls until their foreheads touch. And he breathes in the air that leaves Simons lungs. And Simon breathes in Wilhelms air. And the fact that this is somehow still not disgusting to him, it’s somehow even really soothing, makes him brave enough to finally kiss Simon.