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"I'm late," Norma announced one morning at the breakfast table, tapping her ring against the handle of her coffee cup. Alex didn't look up from his newspaper, draining the last of his own cup, not catching the nervousness in her tone.
"Ok, well, you go ahead and I'll clean up here before I go to work," he muttered, distracted, not noticing her rolling her eyes at him.
"No." She tutted, her tone pointed. "I'm late late."
He emerged from behind his newspaper, his mouth hanging open, his expression so gormless she would have laughed if she didn't feel so anxious. She chewed at her lip, tapping her fingernails off each other to have something to do with her hands.
"Oh. Ok." He huffed out a long slow breath, swirling the dregs of his coffee around, nodding to himself.
"Yeah." She took a deep breath, pressing her lips together to stop her bottom lip from trembling. She didn't know what she expected his reaction to be but he looked like he was slipping into shock, his eyes darting wildly around the table, lost in thought. "So... I just thought I should tell you... I'm gonna go grab a test today and then I guess we'll-"
"I'll get you one," he cut her off, rising to his feet abruptly, turning to place his cup in the sink.
"Oh, you don't have to-"
"No, I'll get you one. I'll come home on my lunch break," he said numbly, shrugging his jacket on, both of them still awkwardly avoiding each other's gaze.
He paused by the door, turning back slightly.
"Is there... is there a good kind? Is there a particular brand I should get?"
She chuckled nervously, shrugging.
"I don't really know. I'm sure whatever is fine."
He nodded solemnly before disappearing out of sight and she stood, leaning heavily on the edge of the counter, sighing at the winter gloom outside the window, jumping as his voice suddenly appeared from behind her again.
"Do I need to buy like, five of them, like they do in movies?"
She smiled at his meticulousness, noting the way he was hovering in the kitchen doorway again, his face screwed up with uncertainty.
"I think just one will be fine."
Once more, he nodded very seriously before he was gone, his footsteps heading away from her, the front door slamming behind him. She let out the shaky breath she didn't know she had been holding, sagging as she turned back to stare out of the window glumly. She wasn't sure how the conversation was going to go when she had blurted out she was late, but she had expected to talk about it all a little more, scanning his reaction to try and figure out how he felt, unable to glean anything from his matter-of-face insistence at bringing her the best pregnancy test money could buy. She felt tears prickling at her eyes, shaking her head and breathing slowly at the ceiling, refusing to let them fall. How could she be angry with him for not knowing how he potentially felt about it all when she didn't even know herself? Hope, terror, panic, worry and a flutter of something joyful swirled in her chest and she jumped at the sound of the door slamming again and his footfalls quickly making their way back to her. She whirled round as he strode across the kitchen towards her.
"What now?" She blurted. "Just buy the first one you see-"
"Forgot something," he whispered, one hand wrapping around her waist, the other cupping her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her hard. She hadn't even noticed he hadn't kissed her goodbye like he did every morning, too wrapped up in her own worry, but this was nothing like their normal chaste morning peck as they headed out to their respective days. She froze for a moment in shock, before kissing him back, winding her arms around his neck. His tongue swept across her bottom lip as they kissed passionately, furiously, his hips pressing her back against the counter, pinning her with his body. The hand on her waist slid to her ass, squeezing, making her gasp into his mouth, kissing each other so passionately she felt sure he was about to roughly take her right then and there in the kitchen.
He pulled back so suddenly she nearly stumbled, craning to keep kissing him, and he smiled sweetly at her, watching her run her tongue over her swollen bottom lip, her breaths coming out as short, sharp pants.
"See you at lunch." He grinned at her, and then he let her go, and she took a tiny stumbling step forwards as the warmth of his body was no longer pressed against her, leaving her panting and confused, alone in the kitchen, her fingers ghosting over her lips. She was left with more questions than she had before, her morning stretching ahead of her feeling impossibly long and fraught, the new addition of sexual frustration doing nothing to quell the anxiety that made her chest feel tight.
Several tense hours later, the sound of tyres on gravel sent Norma flying up the basement steps, meeting him by the door, both of them embarrassed to have been caught rushing to each other, slowing their steps like they hadn't been running.
"Are you mad at me?" She blurted out before either of them could utter a hello.
"What? No. Why would I be mad?" He shot back, his brows furrowing as he kicked the door shut behind him, depositing two paper bags on the end table by the door.
"Cause you think I've trapped you." He huffed out an exasperated breath, rolling his eyes and she immediately realised she had worked herself up into a frenzy all morning over nothing. "Or something..." She finished lamely, as he shrugged his jacket off, turning and fixing her with an unimpressed but not unkind stare.
"Norma, your phone alarm goes off at 9:15 every night. I've literally watched you leave the room while I was mid-sentence to go and take your pill."
She rolled her eyes like he was exaggerating though he wasn't at all.
"It never crossed my mind for a second. And besides, I married you, didn't I? I'm as trapped as I wanna be already. There's worse traps to be in."
She fought to keep the smile off her face as he wrapped his arms around her. She grasped at his upper arms, squeezing her fingers appreciatively into his muscles, keeping her eyes trained on his chest.
"I thought maybe that's why you kissed me like that this morning." He quirked an eyebrow at her. "I thought maybe you were trying to get me all flustered all day."
He chuckled out a shocked laugh at the ridiculous notion that he had kissed her hard before work as some kind of petty punishment to make her frustrated and distracted all day. Her cheeks coloured as she realised how absurd she had been.
"I kissed you like that cause I wanted to."
She shook her hair haughtily, fighting the urge to smile.
"Well, it annoyed me." She bit her lip.
"Well, shit. You're not gonna like what's coming," he muttered playfully as he leaned into kiss her again, much less forcefully than he had this morning, his hands coming to cross against her lower back. He kissed her gently, smiling against her lips as he felt her fold herself against him, trying to deepen the kiss. She tore her lips from his with a sudden gasp.
"What smells good?" She flicked her head to the two bags on the sideboard, one a small white paper bag, the other larger brown paper bag just showing the first signs of grease darkening the paper from the inside.
"I stopped at that deli you like in town. I got your favourite." She wrenched herself from his grasp, opening the bag and taking a deep inhale, smiling happily.
She gazed at the two white-paper wrapped sandwiches in the bag, her smile dropping as suddenly as it had appeared with a sudden realisation.
"You got my favourite." She repeated slowly, no question in her voice.
He nodded, frowning at the sudden mood change.
"You got the one with the goat's cheese..." She placed the bag back on the side.
"Yeah..?" He said slowly. "And pesto, and peppers, and avocado and some kind of big mushroom..." He screwed his face up to show exactly what he thought of her sandwich order. "Veggie delite. That's your favourite, right?"
She nodded, twisting her hands together.
"I just... erm... I'm not sure... I might be wrong cause it's been a long time and I know things change but... I potentially think I might not be able to eat goat's cheese. Right now." Her words came out faltering, stumbling over each other. "I mean... I didn't eat much goat's cheese in the 90s but... I think I vaguely remember the doctors saying something about it?"
His face fell and she surged forwards, wrapping her hands around him again, hating how sad he looked at his potential mistake.
"But also... we don't know yet! I might still be able to eat it." Something complicated crossed his face at her words and she found herself wondering exactly how he was feeling about their situation again. "I guess..." She reached for the smaller white drug store bag. "I should do this before we eat."
He nodded silently, following her as she started to head up the stairs, her steps faltering as she realised he was trotting along behind her.
"You're coming with me?"
"Yeah?" He uttered the single word like he couldn't quite fathom any other outcome, like the idea of her doing it alone was utter madness.
"I'm not peeing in front of you, Alex."
Several minutes later and she had peed in front of Alex, her reluctance forgotten as the box had emerged from the paper bag, the weight of it suddenly hanging heavily between them, the idea of being alone for even a second feeling unbearable all of a sudden. They were perched side by side on the edge of the bath, her nails tapping infuriatingly on the mint acrylic.
"How much longer?"
He checked his watch, although he knew without looking it had been less than 15 seconds than the last time she had asked.
"45 seconds."
She whined out a noise of frustration up at the ceiling.
"This has been the longest three minutes of my life." She flicked her heel back to kick at the side of the bath like a frustrated child.
"Shhh..." he murmured gently, his hand inching across to cover hers and she would normally hate being shushed like a fussing baby but today she didn't, sagging, leaning her head against his shoulder, instantly feeling calmer at the gentle noise he made to soothe her. They breathed quietly together for a moment, before he checked his watch again, taking a deep breath.
"That's time," he muttered and she sprang up, heading towards the sink, her steps faltering. He rose to join her, watching as she raised a hand to rub nervously at her top lip.
"I don't think I can look. Can you... Can you just-" She turned away, busying herself with twisting the bottles of shampoo and shower gels resting on the shelf by the bath, neatening them up so the labels all faced forwards like that was the most pressing and important thing in the world right now.
"Sure, sure," he mumbled, lurching forwards to read the little window on the white stick resting on the edge of the sink. There was a long pause.
"It's negative."
She gasped.
"Oh. Ok." She finished neatening up the bottles on the shelf. "Well, I'm really glad I peed in front of you for nothing. What a precious memory for us to look back on." Her voice cracked on the last word, trying and failing to keep her voice light and emotionless.
He turned and pulled her into his arms, pleased when she only fought him for a split second, feeling her shuddering as she tried to stop the tears from falling.
"At least I can eat my sandwich now," she said tearfully, sucking in a sharp breath against his chest.
His fingers threaded through her hair, not trusting himself to speak for a second.
"I thought I'd be relieved," she admitted quietly, and she tipped her head back to look at him, tears pouring down her face. He nodded, echoing her sentiment, though in truth, he hadn't known how he would feel, not knowing exactly what he was hoping to see when he had leaned over to read the test, not knowing which result he had been worrying about all morning. He kissed her forehead before folding her back up against his chest, holding her close.
"This is so stupid!" She sobbed, her tone incredulous, her hand squishing between them to wipe furiously under her eyes. "Why am I crying over something I never had?"
He nodded, staying quiet but knowing she would feel it.
"I mean... the timing would have been all wrong. Everything is... everything is so crazy right now. And we're not exactly spring chickens. And we've been married all of five minutes. And... and..." She reeled off her list of reasons, trying to keep her tone matter-of-fact, failing as she suddenly broke down into sobs and he looked up at the ceiling, breathing slowly. "Why am I so upset?" She cried out desperately, trying to laugh, the sound falling short.
"I know. I feel it too." He felt her soften and relax into his arms at his words. "I didn't know how to feel until I saw those two pink lines and then... I realised I was disappointed. But those lines don't change how I feel about you, ok?"
She nodded before she pulled back, scrubbing her fingers under her eyes, wiping her tears away.
"One pink line," she corrected quietly, glancing at herself in the mirror, sighing, licking her thumb to wipe a smear of mascara.
"What?"
"One pink line," she repeated, sniffling, wiping under her nose with the back of her hand. "Two would mean pregnant." She wiggled her knuckle into the outer corner of her eye, distracted by her own reflection until she flicked her gaze to his in the mirror, taking in the way his mouth had dropped open, his whole face slack with shock.
"Alex..?" She started, taking a step towards the sink, reaching for the white stick with shaking hands, gasping at the two thin pink lines shining up starkly at her. "Oh my god..." She turned to him slowly, the test still in hand. "You're an idiot," she breathed out softly, a tearful smile crossing her face.
"Our baby's gonna be stupid," she blurted out, laughing breathlessly as he reached for her with numb hands.
"Maybe she'll take after her mother and be perfect," he said as he tugged her forwards into a crushing hug, picking her up off her feet and spinning her around, both of them laughing giddily.
"Ah! Don't! I got a baby in me! You'll shake her up!" She giggled out as he deposited her back on her feet and sank to his knees in front of her, clutching at her hips reverently, staring intently at her stomach like he had X-ray vision and could see the little life she was incubating in there.
"We're happy about this, right?" She combed her fingers through his hair and he looked up at her, his gaze so open and loving that her breath caught in her throat.
"Yeah," he replied simply. Her face crumpled suddenly and she began to cry again. He rose to his feet again, holding onto her elbows, watching in horror as she dissolved back into sobs.
"Norma, baby, what's wrong?"
She sobbed helplessly, her breaths sucking in shakily.
"I really wanted to eat my sandwich," she whimpered and he instantly relaxed, breathing out a relieved laugh, stroking his thumbs around her elbow bones.
"We can swap? I'll eat your disgusting mushroom thing and you can have mine?"
She struggled to pull in breath like a toddler having a tantrum, turning her face up to meet his.
"What did you get?"
"A Cuban."
Her eyes lit up, sniffling, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip.
"Extra pickles?"
He nodded and a wide smile spread across her face, and he suddenly relished in the idea of eating her gross vegetarian panini if it meant she could happily eat the sandwich he had so been looking forward to, every bite nourishing the woman he loved and the child he already loved so much it hurt.
"You hear that?" She placed her hands either side of her perfectly flat stomach, addressing it directly, raising her voice and speaking clearly. "Your father just gave up his Cuban sandwich for us. You have no frame of reference but this is big news."
She glanced up at him, giggling, gasping happily as she watched his eyes shining, his gaze directed back as her stomach like he had X-ray vision again.
"Alex. Are you crying?" She breathed out, watching as he shook himself, pushing gently at her to leave the bathroom.
"Shut up," he murmured, taking a moment to rub the back of his wrist across his eyes, reaching out to slap playfully at her ass, chuckling as she squealed, starting away from him.
"Eat your damn sandwich, Norma."