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“Liv! Are you out here?”
Livia Shepard put down her paintbrush and turned to smile at the man poking his head through the door to her studio.
“Of course. Where else would I be?”
Kaidan returned her smile and replied, “I just didn’t expect you to be up this early. It’s usually impossible to get you or James out of bed before nine when you have a day off.”
“Well, I knew you’d be waking up early to get the food started and thought I would too. I wanted to get some painting in before people started showing up.”
Kaidan frowned at her and shook his head. “No, that’s not it. You were tossing and turning all night. You’re having that nightmare again, aren’t you?”
Liv sighed. She should have known she wouldn’t be able to hide it from him. After all these years together, he could read her like a book. The recurring nightmare she’d had during the war, the voices of all those she’d lost, still haunted her at times. It was much less frequent these days, but they’d recently celebrated the fifth anniversary of the end of the war, and there’d been speeches and memorial dedications to remind her of what had been lost.
“Yeah. I’m not really surprised to have it resurface right now, what with all of the festivities. It’s only natural that I would be thinking of those that aren’t here to celebrate with us, those that sacrificed it all so that we could celebrate.”
Kaidan wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close and placing a soft kiss on top of her head.
“Thinking of them is one thing. But will you ever stop blaming yourself?”
“I hope not.”
“Liv-”
“No Kaidan. It’s okay.” She reached a hand up and gently cupped his face. “I don’t beat myself up over it anymore, thanks to you and James. But I still think about what I might have done different, and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. You know that.”
He sighed. “I do.”
“I’m fine.” Liv brushed her lips against his briefly before wiping her hands on her apron. “So. You’re up. We have a lot of company coming later. What can I do to help get things ready?”
“Since you’re offering, I nominate you for waking James up.”
Liv groaned. “I suppose since you’re doing all the cooking, I can go get one grumpy marine out of bed…”
Kaidan only laughed as she sighed and followed him out of the room. Several attempts and a few bribes later, she finally got James out of bed and the three of them worked all morning to get their home ready for the party. Kaidan did most of the cooking, while Liv worked on setting the table and putting out decorations. James floated between the two of them, helping where he could. Before long, they had everything done and only had to sit back and wait for their friends to arrive.
It had become a yearly tradition that all the current and former Normandy crew members would gather at the Alenko orchard for Thanksgiving. The holiday had evolved and been adapted by much of the galaxy after the end of the Reaper War, primarily due to timing and the fact that most cultures already had celebrations that were similar in origin. Instead of giving thanks for the annual harvest however, it had become a day to gather and give thanks for each other. A day to celebrate the fact that all the races of the galaxy had been able to come together and destroy the Reapers.
Even though the old crew was scattered throughout the galaxy now, most of them made it back for the annual Victory Day celebrations. And since Galactic Thanksgiving fell only a week later, it was the perfect time to try and get everyone together. There were usually only one or two people who couldn’t make it on a given year, but everyone had made it to at least one gathering in the last four years. This year would actually be the first that everyone would be able to come.
Before long the doorbell sounded, signalling that the first of their guests had finally arrived. She knew who it would be: Garrus and Tali were always the first to arrive. Every year, no matter how much Liv protested, they insisted on bringing their own food so that Kaidan wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of preparing both levo and dextro dishes. After the first year, she’d at least talked them into bringing it over to prepare here.
The three men went straight to the kitchen, finishing the food and talking about work. Garrus and Kaidan were both with the Spectres now, and as an N7 Commander, James often worked with them. Liv and Tali sat in the family room, filling each other in on everything that had been going on in their lives. Tali talked about the long strides the Quarians had taken on Rannoch, and the home that she and Garrus had built there.
“I only wish Garrus could spend more time there.”
Liv sighed. “I hear you. James and Kaidan work together so often now, and this big house can get awful lonely without them.”
“Those are the times I’m glad for my responsibilities as Admiral to keep me busy.” Tali tilted her head. “Are you still painting?”
Smiling, Liv nodded. “Yes. I actually have a gallery that’s interested in showing some of my paintings. They even agreed to keep it anonymous. I was afraid they just wanted my name to bring people in.”
“I’ve seen your work, Shepard. I could have told you that’s not the case.”
“Yes, but you’re a little biased.”
Tali laughed. “Maybe a little, but it’s still true. Do you have any new pieces I could take a look at?”
“Sure.”
The two women made their way to the studio that was attached to the back of the house, and Tali oohed and aahed over Liv’s newest paintings. The small space had been a haven for her in the years since the war. It had been a surprise from James and Kaidan upon her release from the hospital five years ago. They had both seemed to know, without her saying, that she was through being a soldier.
Sometimes she thought they knew her better than she knew herself. It was how they had all come together in the first place, after all. Liv had struggled with her feelings for both men back during the war. She and Kaidan had shared a history, something that despite the years and distance, wasn’t easily discarded. But James had been there for her during her lowest moment, after the Alpha Relay when she had fallen into a deep depression. He’d pulled her out, slowly and steadily, and had captured her heart in the process.
But somehow, they’d both just known. When they had come to her, together, and suggested that they try and make a go of it, all three of them, she’d been sceptical but also relieved. And they’d figured it out. Eventually. With patience and good sense of humor, they’d turned what could have (at best) been an awkward situation into a loving relationship that brought out the best in each of them.
“Liv?”
She was pulled from her thoughts by Kaidan calling from the other room.
“I’m back here.”
“Wrex and Grunt are here. You put away all the breakable stuff right?”
Liv laughed as she and Tali made their way back to the front room. By the time they got there, several other people had shown up and it didn’t take long before the house was filled with the sounds of conversation and laughter. After making sure she’d taken time to greet everyone, Liv headed into the kitchen to see if her boys needed any help.
“How are things in here?”
James turned and grinned at her. “Just in time, Lola. Help me carry?”
The two of them started bringing the food out to the table while Kaidan and Garrus put the finishing touches on everything else. She was thankful for the spaciousness of the Alenko family home, as it allowed them to put several tables together so that all of their friends could be gathered in one room.
As usual, it didn’t take long for Grunt to notice the food and his voice rang through the house, “All right all you pyjacks, listen up! Foods here, so time to shut up and eat!”
Liv laughed, loving the fact that despite how much her friends had all grown in the last five years, some things never changed. Grunt’s methods were crude but effective, and soon everyone was gathered around the tables. As was tradition, everyone raised their glasses for a toast before sitting down to their meals. Liv looked around the room before she started speaking.
“To the ones we couldn’t save, to the ones who gave it all. To Ash. To Mordin. To Thane. To Legion. To Anderson. To EDI. To our friends, gone but not forgotten.”
Her words were echoed back to her by everyone around the table, “Gone but not forgotten.”
They all raised their glasses and then took a drink, and Liv was about to sit down when Kaidan stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“We have one more toast we’d like to do, Liv.”
Her eyes widened slightly in surprise. She always gave the same toast and they ate. It was tradition. This was completely unexpected. Then Joker started speaking from Kaidan’s other side and her eyes widened more.
“I’ll start. To Shepard. She made the hard decisions that no one else could and had to live with the consequences.” He met her eyes before continuing, “I know you feel responsible for EDI, but you should know that she wouldn’t want that. She knew it was likely to end that way, and she’d be glad you made the right decision when it came time.”
Choked by unshed tears, Liv couldn’t have replied even if she’d been given time. But she wasn’t because Wrex raised his glass.
“I’m next. To Shepard. She is as stubborn as a krogan and every species in the galaxy owes their existence to her. Every time I look at my children, I am reminded of just how much we owe her.”
Letting out a short laugh, Liv asked, “Are you going soft on me, Wrex?”
Liv only laughed harder when the krogan growled in response. Then she turned as Garrus raised his glass next.
“To Shepard. Every single one of us at this table would be a different person without her friendship. No one can read people like she can. She gave tough love when it was necessary, a shoulder when it was needed, advice when it was requested, and always, always, was there to listen.”
Samantha broke in next, drawing Liv’s attention. “You helped some of see the things about ourselves we didn’t know were there. That we were soldiers.”
“That we had something to offer others,” Jack added.
Miranda raised her glass next. “That we were not bound by our beginnings, that we could break free and become our own people.”
Kasumi tilted her head and said, “That we can remember and honor the past without getting lost in it.”
“That we shouldn't become so focused on a goal that we lose sight of the people we might harm to accomplish it.”
Liv could see that that hadn’t been easy for Zaeed to admit. Her attention was drawn to Liara next.
“There are some truly great people at this table, but we were all made better for having known you, Livia Shepard.”
“Even those who aren’t here,” Dr. Chakwas continued. “They would say the same. Ash would say you allowed her to redeem her family name.”
Jacob spoke up from the far end of the table. “Mordin would say that you let him make up for the wrong he’d done to the Krogan.”
“Thane would be grateful he died as a hero,” Samara spoke softly. “He’d say that you woke him from his battle sleep and gave him time with his son.”
“You showed the galaxy that Geth have souls. That’s what Legion would say.” Tali’s voice was light as she continued, “You believed him when no one else would have and gave him the chance to prove it.”
Hackett’s voice caught her attention next. “Anderson would say how proud he was of you. You accomplished what he’d not quite been able to, and he died knowing you’d see it through. He thought of you like a daughter, and he was grateful to you for giving him that.”
Her vision was already blurring and there were still three people left to speak. The three most important people in the galaxy to her.
Hannah Shepard spoke first.
“To my daughter. Every day since you were born has been filled with indescribable joy. Well, except for the two years I believed you dead. All the light had been sucked from the galaxy during that time, but when you came back...well. It was the only day that could possibly compete with the day you were born. I love you. And I’ve always been proud of you.”
Liv furiously wiped her face as James started speaking next.
“To my Lola. You saved my life. I don’t know if you know that, but you did. When I was assigned to protect you six years ago, I had given up. The first time I made you smile, I realized that if nothing else, I needed to keep going until I could see that again. You were my hero, and then you became so much more. You brought amazing friends into my life and gave me the family I didn’t even realize I was looking for.”
Liv could feel him squeeze Kaidan’s hand where they both lightly rested on the small of her back. She’d given up trying to control the flow of tears when Kaidan finally said his piece.
“To Liv. You are the never-ending set of miracles I didn’t deserve. It was a miracle when you told me you loved me for the first time. It was a miracle when you came back from death. It was a miracle when you forgave me. It was a miracle when you let me back into your heart, and it’s a miracle every day that you let me remain there.”
Kaidan raised his glass and a chorus of voices joined him as he said, “To Shepard.”
Her voice was thick when she finally found it again.
“Thank you. All of you. I...was not prepared for this and you’ll have to forgive me because you’ve run out all the words from my head. I just hope you all know that you have touched my life just as much, probably more, that you say I’ve done for you. Every single one of you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Can we eat now?”
Liv laughed and said, “Yeah, Grunt. I think that’s a great idea.”
The mood shifted to one of celebration as everyone sat down and started filling their plates. Liv looked around at all the faces of her friends and thanked every deity she knew of for placing these people in her life.
And that night, there were no nightmares. Instead, her dreams were filled with the smiling faces of her friends.