Chapter Text
Your palms are sweating as you grasp your DS in shaking hands. You swallow. Your trembling fingers can barely manage to press the d-pad to move your character forward. In a few seconds, you’re going to cross the threshold into Mt. Silver, Land of No Return. Arceus help you.
The couch creases and you give a start, fumbling and nearly dropping the DS. You look up, panicked, only to see the grinning face and shining glasses of one John Egbert, bad-timing boyfriend extraordinaire.
“Christ, John,” you say, voice coming out breathier than you expected. “Don’t sneak up on me like that. This shit’s seriously intense.”
“Hmm,” John intones, crawling over you to look upside-down at the game. “What’s up?”
“Beating the shit out of Red and becoming the next Pokemon Master is what’s up,” you say, pulling the DS closer to your face so that he can’t look. “Fuck off for a while, okay?” John shifts back on the couch, and you relax— as much as you can when you’re bracing yourself for the Pokemon battle of your life, that is. You check on your party— all of them fully healed, including BALLSACKS, your practically-invincible level 100 Feraligatr. Shit, yeah, you got this.
…Is what you thought, but then you feel a hand cupping your crotch. You gasp and start forward. John hadn’t left like you thought he had.
“What the fuck are you—”
“Shhhh,” he says, unbuttoning your pants and tugging down your fly. “Just play your game, dude.” Reluctantly, you drop your gaze back to the game. Shit, you must have pressed A when you spazzed. Red greets you with a line of ellipses and the music suddenly becomes fucking intense.
John traces the shape of your dick in your boxers— fuck him, you’re half-hard already— just as he sends out his level 88 Pikachu, and BALLSACKS has a type disadvantage. Fuck.
He unbuttons your boxers and pulls your cock out, lazily stroking it to full— eat Earthquake, bitch. It dies in one hit. John leans forward, wraps his lips around you, and you fucking whimper deep in your throat. Next Pokemon: Venusaur. Better switch.
Lopunny is a stupid piece of shit Pokemon, but this one is named Liv Tyler and if it’s not already obvious, John traded it to you. It’s shiny. It’s pink. It’s also male, making it the gayest Pokemon in existence— so says the guy whose boyfriend is currently sucking him off. You’re a goddamn hypocrite. Your cursor has been hovering at the FIGHT PARTY ITEM RUN menu for about a minute now, staring at the words but not reading them as John’s tongue traces around the head of your cock. Get your shit together, Dave.
You try to select Fire Punch, but just then he decides to take you completely into his mouth. You slip and pick Agility instead, and Venusaur wallops you with one hell of a solarbeam. Liv faints and John moves his head up and down, taking as much of you as he can, but fuck you are not watching him you have abattle to win and he just cost you a Pokemon, the jackass.
You send out DAVESTRIDE the Honchkrow. John ridiculed you for naming a Pokemon after yourself (and then running out of letters), but you figure if there’s any Pokemon to name after yourself, it’s gotta be the badass pimp mafia crow. John reaches his other hand into your boxers and cups your balls and you let out a shuddering gasp. No. No, you are not letting him win, this is your battle, goddamnit. Aerial ace. Wait, no, that move sucks!! Venusaur shrugs it off and curbstomps the shit out of your ironic Pokesona. Fuck. Everything. BALLSACKS it is again, you taught him Ice Fang, this should be a piece of cake.
John hums around you, tongue teasing your slit, and you nearly lose it just then. Ice fang. Ice Fang. You can do thi— you just picked Surf. Jegus christ on a cracker, fuck your idiot asshole boyfriend and his idiot asshole blowjobs. The attack amounts to little more than a mosquito bite as Venusaur Frenzy Plants your face. Your Pokemon’s face.
…No, wait, BALLSACKS is still alive by a sliver! It’s a PokeMiracle! John’s tongue massages the underside of your cock and you try and select Ice Fang, for real this time although your vision is hazy and you’re shaking with lust and you can’t quite tell whether you actually picked the right move or not. Your heart gives a triumphant leap into your throat as the message “BALLSACKS used ICE FANG!” appears.
…But it missed!
“Ffffffffuckk,” you try to swear but it comes out more of a groan. You can’t handle this. You literally cannot. The heat of John’s mouth around your dick is way too much for you right now, you can’t, you can’t. BALLSACKS falls to Venusaur’s next attack, and then all you have left are your underleveled HM slaves.
…Shit, you remembered to buy revives, right? You glance down at John, whose gaze is fixed on you, blue eyes half-lidded as he bobs his head up and down, up and down, making these goddamn fucking distracting sexy noises like a girl in a porno, which of course he is, he’s your girl in your personal porno and fuck it, you’re not even thinking straight anymore.
Two more of your ‘mons fall like dominoes and you shudder and whimper with every suck. His deft pianist’s fingers stroke the insides of your thighs and push your shirt up to rub across your skin almost reverentially, and this all seems so much like foreplay and goddamn, John, you love him so much, you love him even when he does shit like this when you’re trying to play Pokemon goddamnit Egbert shit fuck you love him so much and the heat of his mouth around you is just too much, too much and an involuntary shudder makes you slip up yet again as he pushes you over the edge.
You white out.