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Standing outside a lit store one late evening, the moon stood still on its place accompanying far away stars.
Just as Tobio knew himself that his heart had taken a step forward from moving on, he was once again back to square one.
Looking back at him was a bunny plushie with a cute smile. A plushie that reminded him of Hinata Shoyo- a lad who he had loved more than what the universe would know.
Yet the universe had seen enough, enough to at least map out a constellation of what the two had been; Inseparable.
Yet, things just like the stars would explode and all that would be left is its very last shine traveling in space to reach earth; a mere memory, one last evidence of the star's beauty that once swoon millions of others. Soon enough, the light would be gone into complete nothingness with no one ever recollecting its existence.
Tobio and Shoyo's relationship was similar to that. But just as how fast Shoyo came to his life the opposite had been done when the former had left it.
He can't forget or more like he doesn't want to.
Breaking up was the decision they both had to make, it's just that their relationship doesn't make them grow anymore. A thing that had to be done in order to retire their souls from giving it their all to one another, to rest their hearts that beat nothing but their partner.
Unknowingly, Tobio had entered the shop that followed a loud chime from the door's decoration and grabbed a huge basket; snatching everything and anything that had a hint of Hinata in it. Soon enough, his basket was filled with ten plushies.
"So, Sir are you giving this to someone?" The cashier personnel asked, giving Tobio a you-know-what-I-mean look.
What the cashier personnel didn't expect was earning a heavy sigh from his customer.
"Actually Sir, no need to get into that, guess uhm, you bought this for yourself mhmm?"
Tobio nodded, not that he cared, but spending energy on this one would be a waste knowing how much he only have for today.
As soon as he had paid, Tobio went outside while carrying a really huge and wide paper bag.
Then, as the wind guided him back home, there was nothing left to do but proceed on his bedroom and dress comfortably. Soon, he carefully dusted off the bed while gently planting it with stuffed toys he bought.
With that Tobio hopes that maybe, just maybe, the black hole that slowly digests every single star that Shoyo had ignited in him would burst into colors. Maybe, just another maybe, he could get to have a good night's sleep after months of not having one.
So, Tobio settles himself under the blanket, snuggling his feet together. He had faced sideways only to grab the feet tall orange plushie and embraced it just as how he would spoon Hinata under his arms.
Its cotton filling was such high quality that it felt as if Tobio was hugging a huge cloud. It was soft and fluffy that it follows the shape of Tobio's body, making those curves relax.
It was such a nice reward after spending his whole day attending the local library as, well, a librarian. But as much as it was a nice reward, sleep didn't knock him off nor had shown any signs coming over.
So there he was, laid awake under his dark room with only the thoughts that swim in his head like fish running away from their prey.
Tobio just wanted to sleep, to rest his mind from restless thoughts that had haunted him even in the light of day, to have a break from all the regrets and what ifs that has now became a natural part of his body.
Though being unable to sleep, he was drowning in a kind of comfort that had been out of his reach for a whole year now. With that, Tobio guesses that he might just be able to gain that sleep if he would have enough things that reminded him of his, once before, Hinata Shoyo.
He swiped his phone from his nightstand- the light of his phone illuminating his worn-out face with eyebags being carried by his teary blue eyes and lips dried- he scrolled over his gallery.
There he saw were pictures that Hinata and Tobio had accumulated after years of being together, he can't help himself but feel the hard quench of his heart, juicing out the love that now causes him pain.
However, as he had mindlessly clicked play over a video of them dancing at one of their beach vacations, Tobio acquired a new idea to what plushie he would buy tomorrow-
A sun.
☀️
Kageyama had already made his way to work, only carrying his phone and wallet with him. There was no need to bring his bento box knowing that the one who fills it up isn't part of his life anymore.
Well, Shoyo is still part of his life, it's not just the same as before.
Stationed at placing the book back at shelves, Tobio decided to stop and read one of the underrated books he found out that only a few had borrowed.
Then he reads,
To our love that has gone astray with the winds blowing it all the way. What I hope for it to stay had gone forgotten. So to you, the one who reads these lines right now, I do wish for one thing: remember that up until now my love requests to be the subject of one's poem and unknown to him, he has been the subject to mine, thousands of times than he'd imagine. Be the witness to how my love and his love that he gave me moved not only this heart but my universe.
But I do not hope for anything more, I do not hope for any console for despite our love had gone by the wind, its effects still stays on my system, written in our stars and will forever be remembered by I.
Then there it was, he closed the book and had gotten weak in the knees, Tobio is once again drowning in his own tears.
Oh how badly he relates to it.
With each tear came a punch in his chest and squeeze from his heart, he didn't need any of this now and yet here he is, sobbing silently with books as his audience, watching him at how he is being a mess right now.
But there was no stopping himself from tearing out as a memory that was uncalled for came flashing in his head; one that contained him and Hinata on this same spot.
Tobio had always loved Hinata's style of telling a story. There was really something in his full-of-onomatopoeia storytelling that pulls you in the book's world. Random whoosh and bwaa here and there always makes Tobio giggle as he lay his back on Hinata's chest while the other holds the book out for them, leaning onto the wall that has a huge window above it.
Now, the wall is still there, the window still letting the sun shine through, the books they've read laid stacked but there were people missing, two, who had gone separate ways and the other, though here, isn't like who he is before.
And those who had stayed the same will no longer witness what it's like to have two intertwined souls having the time of their youth, reading a story with much excitement and love flowing in the air. They could now only be watchers of a now lone star who reeks the endless aches in his heart.
There came a weeping sound of a young lad who had lose his direction the moment he and his soulmate had lost their glow to their one and only constellation.
🌠
It was night again, but the moon didn't show and same with the stars. But here, Tobio is again entering the stuffed toy shop, ready to spend most of his money on things that reminded him of Shoyo.
"Good Evening to you Sir!" the cashier who asked yesterday now seem to be the one guiding customers.
He looked on the tag shining on a clear plate pinned in his chest, 'Akinori', it read. Then he nodded, eyes not minding the attendee and just proceeded to shift it towards the section on the left: a shelf filled with book and sun plushies.
"So sir, this plushie set right here," Konoha appeared right in front of him, pointing at a plushie-filled bag. "Is our winter special, yes, it may look like for summer since it's a sun plushie set but isn't it more special to sell it now, well, who doesn't want some warmth right?"
Kageyama agreed.
"So are you-"
"Yes and do you perhaps have a book stuffed toy?"
"Oh." Konoha lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "Actually sir, we have~" He reached something on the shelf behind his back.
"This!" Konoha held a teddy that looks like a book with nothing more but huge eyes with irises sparkling with silver glitter.
"Okay, I would take that," Kageyama showed a small smile.
"Would that be all?"
"Yes."
📖
To found himself walking towards the opposite direction from his house is something Kageyama didn't expect himself doing but here he was at an empty playground.
Though only illuminated by the lampposts, everything was familiar to him, like he had been here though he had no recollection of visiting before. As he shook his head, Tobio went straight to sit on a swing, lightly pushing off his feet on the ground to have a small whoosh motion while he hugged the plushies in his arms.
Just like the ones he had bought before, the plushies were soft enough for him to rest his chin on it without having any uncomfortable sensations.
But he drops it all and starts to hold the steel of the swing as he swung back and forth. The cold air brushing in his face as his hair flowed with it. All while he controlled his breathe, in and out, with eyes closed.
Thoughts came in his head, twirling and swirling but in a much calm manner without needing to topple over one another- more like they all had came in together to harmonize, support each other as if beats of a song.
Just as his mind wanders off in thoughts both touched and untouched, naturally he had thought of what had cut out the strings that both tied Hinata and him together.
He guesses that it may started when Hinata wanted to move to a quieter place, away from a city and near their hometown after 6 years of living here. Continued on when Hinata wanted to travel while Tobio wanted to save up. Worsen when the former wanted to transfer houses as his reward for being promoted as a kindergartners' supervisor while the latter refuses profoundly. Then broken beyond repair after months of agruing and end.
Well, Kageyama's no isn't stopping Shoyo knowing how much he can go beyond what they have now.
But Kageyama just can't agree then, as he had planned everything for their future:
A house near a beach, a lot of money so they both need not to work for the rest of their lives, a library inside their house, a mini school for small children so that Hinata could continue his passion, and a whole space for relaxation with AVR screens, galaxy lights, built-in wall speakers, and a floor with a fluffy foam bed and huggable pillows and toys.
Yes, the plan is great and ideal, but all is useless now that Tobio realizes that he should've told it as the reason for his no's. That he should've just said yes knowing how adventurous Shoyo is and that he'd allow himself to channel changes in their relationship and life.
But with that regret came in much more fear; as Shoyo were easy to adapt and never giving up as he would grow himself better, Tobio was the opposite, he prefers to grow in things already inside and surrounding him, slow and steady, until his body has already memorised it, perfected it.
Yet, he had out-of-the-blue been reminded of all the times that Shoyo pulled him up in new places he had adopted well without realizing it, all because Hinata is there with him. So, maybe, he thought, that all that fear was unnecessary and he should've just trusted the former.
A bitter and forceful laugh escaped his lips, regrets and memories, yes, a very laughable topic.
Very. Not until his eyes were shedding tears.
Back and forth, the swing swung faster, creating a beat of a creaking sound similar to the tune of Kageyama's soul being ripped apart once again.
At least though, the plushies were there, looking up at him and giving him a kind of relief that he wasn't as alone as he thinks he is.
🌙
Sometimes though, memories could be a laughable topic too especially recalling ones that is heart-warming.
Tobio mumbles awake and as he pushed all his plushies (who greatly helped him to sleep) away for him to stand up, he had walked pass through his bedroom door and onto the kitchen.
The first thing he does is make some breakfast for himself but it was kind of hard to see with how swollen his eyes was but regardless he had managed to get the ingredients he needed.
After all that, Tobio knew that he needed to treat himself.
So, he turned on the stove, poured some oil, waited for it to heat up while occasionally feeling the heat with the palm of his hand, and cooked the egg.
The sizzle of the pan and the jumping of excited oil, reminded him of Hinata; a natural smile came across his lips.
It was when Tobio didn't know how to cook an egg, sunny-side ones, and despite knowing how to cook other meals succesfully, sunny-side eggs usually isn't on his side and is always challenging to cook.
Yet, Hinata taught him how to, using such swift skills with the spatula as he splattered the oil in the pan, finally Tobio saw that the sunnyside egg he was having a hard time cooking could be cooked without sticking stubornly on the pan.
"See, Tobio?" Hinata looked at him expectedly, placing the cook egg on a plate while grabbing another to cook aswell.
"It's easy, just do it on low heat and be careful, don't rush it I tell you, and you'd be able to do it successfully." Shoyo handed back the spatula to Tobio as the latter grabbed it, cooking the egg just as how Shoyo's guiding him.
Tobio had cooked one, beautifully.
"Wah," Shoyo said eyeing the egg. "I know you could do it well, you're so amazing baby!"
Tobio widened his eyes and stopped his tracks, seems like there was a magic spell in Shoyo's words that made his baby's world stop and he knew exactly how to reverse it.
Hinata planted a soft peck on Tobio's lips.
Tobio chuckled himself back to reality, and now what he had prepared were pancakes, sunnyside eggs, a hot chocolate with marshmallows, and most importantly freshly sliced bananas and strawberries.
Kageyama is delighted to his food and ate until he had emptied all his plate.
Soon, he had to clean his mess. Tobio organized all of them from plates to cups and placed them in the sink. Then he took the sponge and placed a large amount of dishwashing soap on it.
It is for a fact that Kageyama really loves soapy and foamy sponges to scrub his plates squeaky clean.
With each plate, Tobio had found himself giggling. He must've really lost his mind but the moments that came in his head were to wholesome to let it just pass through.
Before, Hinata would always hug Tobio behind his back when the latter washes the dishes, both of them talking about things, random, normal things happening in their everday life that they found enjoyable just because their loved one was the one experiencing it.
They would both laugh and giggle in their own world until Hinata would scoop a foam of soap using his point finger from Tobio's sponge and soon would rubbed it on the latter's nose. Then he would ran away, laughing while Kageyama chases him off, his competitiveness getting the best of him.
And then the both of them have foamy stuff on their faces, chuckling on their floor while momentarily forgetting about the world outside as the two of them were stuck in their little place in the universe, having the best times of their life with stolen kisses and gazes.
Tobio shook his head and with a huge grin on his face, he shake his hands dry and closed the faucet.
Now, he was ready to proceed to his matters.
🍳
Days passed and Kageyama knowing how well the plushies had helped him sleep, decides that today is finally the last day that he would buy stuffed toys but instead of going to the usual store, he had stopped at a line of toy machines, ready to win the smallest and largest stuffed toy.
With his black hoodie filled with tokens, he proceeds to win the smallest one first- a doll with booming orange hair wearing a black and orange volleyball jersey.
With 10 tries, he had gotten it. Then with the keychain on top of its head, he laced it onto his middle finger and went to the next claw machine.
This time, he is aiming for the huge, at least a half foot tall yet round crow plushie with the same orange hair as the last toy.
This time, Kageyama stuck his tongue out on focus while he used the controller and boom, the moment it was perfectly on top of the huge plushies in the center, he had pushed the button, used the controller once more, and had finallly after 8 tries, this time ninth, his efforts had paid off the moment he had pulled the huge plushie out of the bottom.
He hugged the plushie tight in his chest as if a kid who, after many years, had finally been bought his long time dream toy, he had exited the aisle of claw machines and went his way towards his way back home.
🍊
Home a place Kageyama had always found to be warm, welcoming, and one that is Hinata Shoyo. Now though, his home is the first two but not the last. He had accepted that but still wishes for it to be back and spoon him under his arms.
Just like the days were Hinata had left, Tobio would lock the door with a resounding sigh before walking towards his room with heavy steps.
Luckily, the mountain of stuffed toys in his bed was enough for him to at least fill the role of a home he had lost.
After changing into sweatpants and plain white tee, he proceeded to his bed, and now snuggled with the crow stuffed toy.
"Wish you were here," Tobio whispers on the crow, hopping that in its dreams it would fly to Shoyo and tell him just that.
Naturally, Kageyama no longer had a hard time sleeping as the plushies took every inch of his bed, making him feel a soothing comfort which leads to sleep. It is almost like the stuffed toys tries to erase the reminder that the bed wasn't only for Tobio but for his partner too.
Almost.
Because no matter how much it gives of a taste of home. It is nothing compared to the feeling Hinata gives him, one that seeps through his pores and onto his heart, sings a song close to the melody of heavens, and drifts him off into a place of pure euphoria.
With that, the plushies became more of a reminder that Kageyama and Hinata no longer is considered us and reduced to a distant me and you.
As his eyes sleepily blinked into dreams, he had thought that the constellation that both he and Hinata built now shines under the moonlit sky, only that the two stars who completes it flows far away from each other with only the beauty of their love that once was as its remaining source of glow; awaiting its demise.