Work Text:
i miss you [delivered: 3:04 AM]
all things considered, beomgyu is pretty lucky.
if yeonjun were here right now, he would disapprove of beomgyu in his loud, nagging way that comes from a place of care but still feels really crummy for the person on the receiving end. which, more times than not, ends up being beomgyu.
if soobin were here right now, he would disapprove of beomgyu in his sympathetic, but disappointed way, which really feels even worse than yeonjun’s tough-love approach does, because, it’s soobin. he can’t handle making soobin sad.
beomgyu is lucky because neither of them are here; kai is, and he passed out over an hour ago.
beomgyu never means to make impulsive decisions while drinking—no more than anyone does, at least—but the slow drip of honey-coated sorrow in his chest is oh so hard to say no to. hard to say no to the promise of sweet heartache that giving in to the impulse will dredge up, bitter in the taste of absence it will leave behind at the end, but convincingly worth it for the momentary warmth of the memory.
so he doesn’t mean to look at kang taehyun’s instagram at 2 am on a sunday, lying on his stomach between several soju bottles on kai’s floor, but really, sometimes things just happen.
there’s another thing that makes him lucky, though; taehyun was never really one for social media, so his account is more of the here’s a pretty sunset i saw yesterday or these are some dogs i met at the park, more those things than pretty selcas or ootds. beomgyu is saved from being sad in view of taehyun’s handsome face, at least.
but the somaek must have really been getting to him tonight, because when instagram doesn’t do the job, he finds his fingers seeking out what really is the worse option—kakaotalk app open, thumb over to the list of chats, scroll down a few moments until he finds the name he’s looking for.
it’s been a month, well, maybe more like a month and a half, and it’s okay, he’s a little pathetic for not deleting the conversation, but he knows that. soobin doesn’t, because he would probably give beomgyu the eyes until he deleted it there in front of him, and that’s why he doesn’t know. this is a secret between beomgyu and himself.
he only has to go a little ways back to find the sweet stuff—it didn’t matter that they were the type to be more affectionate in real life than over text, because taehyun was insistent about sending beomgyu a simple “i love you” every night. he’d always say, you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, which really beomgyu thinks is super sad and depressing, but the messages always made his stomach swoop and they still do now, even filtered through time and change.
when he sends the text, it doesn’t feel like it comes from a place of sadness, or desperation, or patheticness, or anything like that. he just feels warm, and grateful. for taehyun’s “i love you”s, even if they’re outdated. he’s grateful to have had that once, and he just feels like being honest.
there’s one more thing that makes beomgyu think he’s lucky—kang taehyun is an early sleeper, better to help him rise at dawn, so he thinks that his moment of warmth, and gratitude, will at least not be seen for several more hours.
but just as he closes out of the app, the message tag changes.
i miss you [read: 3:05 AM]