Work Text:
it was late. luke was laying on his back, ashton on his side with an arm flung around his waist. the blankets were pulled up to their waists, not needing them on such a warm summer night. it was completely silent, and luke didn't like it silent.
he stared up at the ceiling, feeling uneasy, lips pressed in a tight straight line. ashton thumb was making a continuous loop down a segment of his protruding hipbone, a gesture that would comfort luke most times, but didn't help at all now.
"what if i'm getting bad again?" luke wondered aloud, not breaking his gaze at the white canvas above, eyes unblinking. ashton shifted uncomfortably, looking up at luke, seeing him chewing at the black ring on his lip with anxiety.
he let out a nervous chuckle, trying to make it seem like no big deal. "you've got new medication now, lukey. new doctors too. they'll keep you good and healthy, make sure you're right on track. this is just a rough patch, promise. we'll get through it."
just as ashton craned his neck to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek, luke turned over, facing the wall. he shut his eyes tightly and hoped ashton was right. he wasn't sure just what would happen if he wasn't.
**
a week had passed, and ashton could see a difference in luke. he was jumpy, he avoided leaving the house, and he flinched at anyone's touch. he rarely carried on a conversation about one topic for long, and sometimes his words got jumbled.
every time before ashton left the house without him, luke would give him a sad smile and tell him to be careful. ashton didn't know what he had to be careful of.
ashton was nothing but patient, knowing this was a difficult situation, understanding that he should just be there for the one he loved most. a couple days ago, they'd tried to change luke's medication again, but the doctor insisted that this wasn't a routine yet, and a little more time would have to pass before they thought about taking that into consideration.
at night, luke seemed bothered when ashton crawled into bed, moving over to the opposite end that he was laying on. most of the nights ahead were spent awake. it was difficult to sleep when you didn't know what lay in the dark.
**
some time had passed. luke had stopped shaving, bathing - leaving the bedroom in general. he reluctantly ate the food ashton brought him throughout the course of the day and distracted himself from the dull ache in his head by sipping from the glass of water he could find there. at noon he took his pills.
on the rare occasion that he was feeling better, luke would let ashton cuddle up next to him, kiss his scruffy cheek and tell him how much he loved him and believed him him. luke would tell him how he was trying, insisting it wasn't his fault, and ashton would just nod like he understood. no one understood.
**
ashton and luke didn't sleep in the same bed at all anymore. ashton took the couch and left luke alone with his thoughts.
the doctors didn't listen, no matter how many times they were told. it was always them reassuring that it took time, it would get better. it wasn't getting better, it was getting worse.
luke didn't sleep for days. he laid on his side, eyes only closing for brief moments to blink, a pillow placed over one side of his head, muffling any outside noises. he screamed when ashton tried to feed him, came in with a cup of water and a razor to remove the beard forming on his face.
it was really only silent when luke was sleeping, and only then did ashton go to the room he dwelled in, sitting beside him and just looking at him. he needed sleep and ashton wasn't taking the chance of waking him up. he loved luke.
**
when ashton arrived home one day, he was welcomed with the sound of a sink dripping and faint crying, slowly putting the bundles he had brought home on the countertop before heading to the bathroom adjacent to luke's room.
as he got closer, he heard incoherent mumbling between the broken sobs, repeating things like 'i'm sorry' and 'please'. cautiously, he pushed the door open, shockingly unphased by what lay before him.
luke was rocking back and forth in the corner, tears trailing down his nearly translucent cheeks, blood flowing from the soft skin on his arms and thighs. immediately, ashton wrapped his arms around the figure below him, kneeling and holding him in his arms, calming his rapid breathing.
"i-i'm sorry ashton, i didn't mean to do it. it's just," luke mumbled, staring up at him with innocent eyes. "they told me to."