Chapter Text
It was sick. It was disgusting. It was sick and it was disgusting and Dirk Strider was perfectly aware of it. Aware of himself.
A part of Dirk reminded him that he simply couldn’t help it. Tried to offer that it was simply the way he was made. That Striders were beautiful as a rule, and Dirk simply got unlucky. Another reminded him that, despite this, it was wrong. That it was quite possibly the worst thing he could ever do.
Dirk had laid himself out before his older brother, both physically and figuratively. But of course, Dave wouldn’t get that. Not while he was drinking and spacing out in front of the television. Not when he looked so lost in thought Dirk was surprised he even noticed him standing there at all. He might not have even gotten it if Dirk told him out right that it was a thing he was doing. Might have chalked it up to some weird irony Dirk was trying out or something like that. And it made him angry. It upset him to think his older brother, a man he looked up to and respected, simply wouldn’t pay attention to things like the feelings of someone he lived with. Or housed as some sort of pet.
Pet. Well, didn’t that sound like sexual perversion. But then, Dirk figured there was no getting around that.
He’d left his brother’s room with an unfamiliar name ringing in his ears, and his shades in his hand. Still wet, and naked, and shaking. More than ever before in his life, he felt exposed. Sleep wouldn’t visit him for a long, long time.
Instead, he lay in his bed and trained his ears for the slightest sound that might come from his brother’s room. Being the Strider household, there weren’t very many.
All he really heard was the gentle ticking of the clock in the living room, the occasional padding of feet, and a few mutters from his brother. Mutters that weren’t saying anything. Didn’t mean anything. At least not to Dirk. Mutters that were eventually lost in the darkness of the nighttime and to sleep as it finally took him over, albeit reluctantly.
Waking to daylight confused the hell out of Dirk. When had he even fallen asleep? He couldn’t remember. He thought maybe around the time the clock rang midnight. Or maybe after the quiet purr of Dave’s snoring. He honestly couldn’t remember. But what he did know was that upon opening his eyes, the sun was shining far too brightly for whatever the fuck time it was.
He reached for his phone. The lock screen burned the numbers 8: 32 am into his uncovered eyes. Damn. That early? Fuck that, he decided, throwing an arm over his face for protection. Where did his shades get to…? Dirk reached one hand out to feel around his bed for his shades, but only really succeeded in pushing away a particularly choice plush rump and one of his pillows. The pillow hung precariously off of the mattress, and the Manthro Chap (or whatever it was) tumbled away across the floor.
“Fuck…” He muttered the curse under his breath and removed his arm from his face to get a proper look around his room. Still about as messy as he left it, only he finally located his shades sitting innocently as ever next to Lil’ Cal.
Oh. Hey there, buddy. That was sure nice of him.
Sitting up, Dirk noticed he was still very much naked. Naked and vulnerable and maybe even a little shy should he, for whatever reason, run into his older brother that early in the morning. He ambled over to his closet and grabbed a shirt, pants, and some underwear at random, and stumbling at the still-present ache in his backside. Quick change of plans- he was going to shower first. Shower and sort out the mess that had become his head.
But before he could do that, he still had to actually get into the bathroom without being seen or heard by Dave.
Without bothering to try and cover himself, he opened his bedroom door and peered out into the hallway. His brother’s door was still closed. This, Dirk decided, was a good sign. He left his room quietly, slipping down the hall and into the bathroom. Yes. Good. He had made it into the bathroom without running into his apparently still comatose brother.
Dirk felt safer in the bathroom. Felt like he didn’t quite have to hide there. Not from Dave, not from himself. Not from anyone. Here, he was free to be naked. His thumb slipped over the lock, a motion made natural out of habit, and reached into the shower stall to start the water running.
Before actually getting into the shower, however, he decided to make sure everything was organized to a point where he could be satisfied. He hung up his shirt and his pants, set his shades in the sink and more or less dropped his underwear on the lid of the toilet. Being already unclothed, he only had to stick a hand in to test the temperature before stepping under the spray of hot water.
Finally, he felt his muscles begin to relax and uncoil. He leaned his head back, and water spilled through his hair, and down his face and neck. If only his mind would calm under the downpour.
He thought about what he had done the night before. Thought about what his brother had done in consequence. He thought about the way the man he trusted with himself cried out another name in something that sounded very close to bliss. As close to bliss as he’d ever heard from his too-stoic older brother. It twisted him up a lot more than he’d have thought it would. Then again, he had never expected it. Years and years, and he’d never known his brother to be involved with anyone, apart from meaningless one night stands. Striders didn’t get attached so easily. So then, who could have wormed his way into Dave’s heart without so much as garnering Dirk’s suspicion?
He couldn’t even fathom who he could be. Dave had certainly never even mentioned someone by that name. Not to him. Not around him, either. Not that it was saying much, though, since the guy wasn’t exactly around a whole lot. Not lately. Maybe whatever was going on was becoming a full-blown fling. Was this guy that good?
But then, why bother having sex with a fifteen year old? With your fifteen year old brother, at that? It simply didn’t make sense to him. He frowned to himself and decided the water just wasn’t hot enough for this type of thinking. Turning the heat up, he turned away from the spray and let the water fall down his back as his mind continued to churn through his situation. Stalling and starting on the same hang-ups.
Why did he have to be gay for his own damn brother? It was the very epitome of stupid and ironic and he pretty much hated it. Hated it despite the level of irony. Hated it because he was a Strider. Because Dave was a Strider. Because he loved his older brother and couldn’t stop.
He’d even tried to. He knew a perfectly (at least physically) fine young lad of his own age. Logically, and accounting for the Westermarck effect, he should be all up in English’s grill, far-off on Hellmonkey Island though he may be. And yet the facts remained. Dirk was attracted to his brother and it hadn’t stopped from happening. He couldn’t stop it from happening.
An hour had passed in the shower stall and he still wasn’t getting anywhere with the whole thing. It was all just one giant circle of thinking. Thinking about Dave. Thinking about how much easier it would be if he were attracted to Jake instead. How much better it would be. Dirk was honestly tired of the circling. He needed to get the whole thing off of his chest. And who worse for the topic than Roxy? Surely no one.
Dressed finally, Dirk opened up a chat with a thankfully-online tipsyGnostalgic before he could change his mind. Sometimes he took her advice, to not take his own, and not cerebralize everything. He charged ahead into the conversation. Tact was pretty much fucked with this sort of a topic, anyway.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
TT: Hey, Roxy. Are you there?
TT: Because I kind of seriously need to talk to you right now.
TG: heyyyy
TG: wait lik how seriues
TG: *serious
TG: we talkin like metoers fallign from the sky or whatever
TT: Not at all. Meteors are serious shit. Impending apocalyptic doom and all that.
TT: The end of all civilization as we know it is the highest echelon of serious any topic could hope to attain.
TT: I only fucked my brother. That really pales in comparison.
TG: woah waoh woha wait
TG: was it good
TT: That would be the first question you ask.
TG: hey calm your tits just tryin to lighten the mood
TG: but in all super seriuousnesses
TG: im gonna need some backround info dirk
TT: Where to begin. It began when I was a but a wee lad, frolicking about the twisted, thorny entanglements of attempting to seduce my older brother, when all of a sudden I’m bending over my brother’s bed with his meaty spam porpoise betwixt my rosy cleft.
TG: until
TT: Until, whether it was a curse of the blasted ironies or not, he said a name that was definitely not my own in the throes of ecstasy.
TG: wait slwo down ive gotta get all thsi im takin notes hurr
TG: *errors all the fcuk over the pleca
TG: *place
TT: Glad to know my personal life may soon be written in one of your hilariously terribad “wizard fics”.
TG: shut it strider that shit is gold
TG: but back to the real biznizzz
TG: any ideas why he would even do that
TG: liek how high woudl he evevn have 2 be???
TT: Fuck if I know. Why do you think I’d message the most self-destructive friend I have if I had any grasp on this situation?
TG: i hear ya
TG: so you cam for my words of WISDUM
TG: *wizardddum
TG: (el em a fuckin o over here)
TT: You caught me.
TT: Come on though, this is serious.
TG: im kidding mmkay cool yo jets
TG: look
TG: youve been tellin me about your sex fantasises for your bro for like fuckin EVER, obviously youve got a thing for him
TG: my babies in looooooooove
TG: but yeah
TG: how about
TG: and you may need to try really fuckin hard and humor me here
TG: how about you try TALKING to him about this
TG: if its so gosh durn serious
TT: I don’t think you quite understand the protocols of Striders here.
TT: One does not simply talk to him.
TG: well heres a idea
TG: get him wasted
TG: your welcome ;)
TT: Although, in any other situation that would be a fantastic fucking plan, he was pretty damn intoxicated when we bumped nasties.
TG: dirk dirk dick dirckles
TG: do it and shitll get reals
TG: promise
TT: How can you promise me that?
TT: How can you promise it won’t go down exactly the same way?
TG: just trust me here stridz
TG: slip into something not sexy and it wwont evven matter
TG: *lolz those look like waves
TT: It was like I wasn’t even there, Roxy.
TG: then make sure he sees you thsi time ;)
TG: and give me all the jucy details
TT: All right. Well, I'll try to talk to him, at any rate.
TT: In the meantime, I have to go take care of some stuff.
TT: I’ll tell you how it goes.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]