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“Namjoon-oppa looks so cute with blue hair! He’s so handsome!” Jungkook reads out loud with a high-pitched voice, laughing. Namjoon blushes and the younger one thinks he looks cute. “What? It’s true! You really look good in that colour, hyung.”
“You didn’t have to use that tone, it’s mean.” Namjoon pouts. “I’m just true to my character… bunnyjoon… That’s a cute user.” The older just rolls his eyes, listening to Jungkook. “Just keep scrolling!”
It starts as a joke. Just to kill some time between photoshoots or interviews.
The first time that happened, they were organizing Map Of The Soul: 7, their photographer was a little late, and they had plenty of time to kill. Jungkook was the one who started, actually. He was scrolling on twitter when he asked Namjoon to translate something.
“Oh…” Namjoon blushes. “What? It says something bad?” Jungkook asks worriedly.
“They say that… that my dancing skills are getting better and better and that I should be proud…” He says shyly, looking away.
“Oh! That’s so nice, hyung! And it is very true, you should really be proud of yourself! I’m glad Army knows how hard you work.”
“Thanks Jungkookie. You should be proud of yourself, too! You are really improving… like in everything you do… That’s a lot of things!” Namjoon says with a smile. Jungkook thinks it’s kinda cute how his hyung can’t take a compliment without saying another back.
Jungkook keeps asking his hyung to translate some tweets, until Namjoon is by his side, reading the tweets with him. Some of them are hilarious, comparing Yoongi hyung with cats and even himself with little bunnies. Others are talking about lovely eyes between Taehyung and Jimin, which was really thoughtful of them. It's nice to know they weren’t alone with Tae and Jimin’s nauseating love, Army also has to suffer.
It becomes a routine between them. Every time they have a little time to kill in the middle of the schedules, one of them starts scrolling through twitter while the other is next to him, laughing.
They are currently halfway through their work day, promoting his next single, Dynamite. It’s kind of a big deal, their first song in English. All members are nervous and wishing Army joined them happily in this new step.
It’s terrifying thinking how much they have now, how big they are. It’s hard sometimes, Jungkook feels he has to be a better version of himself constantly, pushing off of his limits every comeback, every performance. At times, it’s gratifying to know that he isn’t the only one feeling like this, he knows his hyungs feel the same or even more pressure than him. But very often he wishes that his hyungs could take it easier, hating the way they overwork themselves. It’s not fair to any of them to feel this way, but especially it’s not fair to his hyungs.
“A chocolate for your thoughts?” Namjoon let himself fall on the couch, next to him, with a greeting smile.
“That’s not very thoughtful of you, hyung. You know I’m on a diet.” Jungkook pouts, jokily.
Namjoon rolls his eyes, deadpan. “A diet you clearly do not need. You already are a gym rat, Jungkookie. Why are you doing this stupid diet anyway?”
“Because I want to feel more light dancing… And it’s not a big deal, I’ll just stop eating shit for a while, like chocolate.” Namjoon shakes his head. “But you love chocolate!” Jungkook throws his head back, laughing. “Why do I feel this is harder for you than me, who’s actually doing the diet?”
Namjoon looks at him in silence for a moment, then says, “Because it is. I hate when you push yourself so hard, Jungkook-ah.”
Jungkook feels how something in the air has changed. It’s heavier now. He doesn’t know why, but he kinda loves it. He loves how he knows he could feel the air between them with his bare hands. Not only that, but he loves how it isn't uncomfortable, being under the sight of his hyung. “Ah, my Rapmon-hyung, always so considerate.”
Namjoon gives him a bright smile, the kind which are only for Jungkook. “Ok, let’s see twitter. I’m dying to see Army’s reaction to the concept photos.”
And just like that, they are in another type of bubble, changing the air again to a lighter one.
“You are killing it with your new hair, hyungie.” Jungkook says after minutes scrolling in his timeline, making Namjoon blush even more. “Just wait for Army to see the music video… Damn, you’re going to make them insane.”
“Shut up.” The older one manages to say. “You are one to talk.” He murmurs to himself.
Jungkook keeps scrolling tweets until he finds one about him and Namjoon, with a video on it. Though he’s getting better at English, especially since they started to read tweets (Namjoon helping to understand them), he can’t quite know what the tweet says.
“What does it say, hyung? I know it’s about you and me, but I don’t get it.” Jungkook sulks.
“Oh… Uhm .” Namjoon starts to stutter.
“Hyung?” The younger asks.
“It’s just a funny tweet, Jungkookie.” Namjoon lets a nervous laugh out.
Jungkook can feel how his hyung feels a little tense, clearly affected by what he read. Although something deep inside him tells him to not keep asking, he says again, “What does it say, hyungie?”
“Are you sure you want to know?” Namjoon asks seriously. Jungkook just nods to respond. “They are saying how you… How you and I can’t keep away from each other.”
“Oh.”
“They are saying that we always need the other one to look at him, we are always longing for the look of the other one… Longing for their attention.” The older finishes, looking at him, indescribably.
Jungkook knows that those kinds of fans exist. He had read tweets about how some Armys think Jimin and Taehyung are in a relationship. Others think him and Taehyung are in a relationship (he would never do that to Jimin, ever.), and the list keeps going.
But he never had thought the fans would think him and Namjoon would be a thing.
He knows it's not a big deal but he can't help but feel heavier in his stomach and his chest.
"What does that mean, hyung?" Jungkook asks, even if he feels he shouldn't ask.
"Nothing, I told you. It's just a funny tweet. Don't think about it too much."
Jungkook wants to keep asking questions but he is interrupted by one of the staff, telling them that their next interview starts in 10 minutes. Namjoon quickly gets up, to manage the questions and everything, he enters the office with one of the hyung's staff, not before giving him a heavy look.
He can't stop thinking about it.
Jungkook knows he should stop thinking about it. But he can't.
He even starts to lookup more tweets like that. He now knows that they have a name.
Namkook.
He sees drawings, videos, and for the love of God, there's fan fiction, stories about them.
He doesn't manage to read any of them.
But he looks at the videos. There are a lot of them.
Most of them had footage of their season greetings or concerts, with sappy songs on them.
But his favourites are the ones where they are looking at each other. Specifically, the ones where he is looking at Namjoon. So fondly, so soft.
So in love.
Jungkook had a huge crush on Namjoon when he was 17, but he thought it passed. That was only a teenage crush from the admiration he felt ( and feels ) at that moment (in every moment).
But maybe… Maybe it never went away.
Instead of that, it changed. It turned into something else. Something bigger.
He laughs alone in his room. Suddenly, everything feels too much. He feels how his eyes fill with tears, trying too hard not to let them fall.
He’s having a fucking epiphany alone. In his room. He’s crying alone in his room because he just finds out that he’s in love with his hyung.
He’s in love with Namjoon.
“Oh my god.” Sobs to himself. “I’m in love with him.” Says a loud, tasting those new words in his mouth.
He would be lying if he says something didn’t change after that. He knows everything it’s the same but at the same time, it’s not.
He becomes more aware of Namjoon. It’s like he now can see how he is always looking at him. He constantly catches himself checking-in upon him. He becomes more aware of himself, how he is always craving for his touch. For his attention. It’s like his mind is saying please look at me all the time.
How the fuck he didn’t notice before? It was so obvious. It is so obvious.
The right question is how Namjoon hasn’t noticed yet?
He has to, right? It’s impossible not to.
He keeps looking at Namjoon, searching for signs. Looking for something different in his gaze. But nothing comes to his mind. Maybe Namjoon is just as oblivious as him.
“Do you think Army notice things that we don’t?”
Seokjin looks at him, confused. They are the only ones in the kitchen, eating some leftovers from last night as a quick breakfast. The older one takes a sip of apple juice and asks, “What do you mean, Kook?”
Jungkook doesn’t know why he asked. He just feels the need to talk with someone about this. About his epiphany and being in love with his hyung. He feels lonely. “It feels like they know me better than I do, sometimes.” Seokjin looks at him, expecting him to continue. “Recently they helped me notice something that was there for a long time, but I couldn’t notice by myself,” Jungkook says, playing with his hand, nervously, “and now I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
“What is it, Jungkook-ah?” Seokjin asks, holding the younger’s hands, noticing how nervous he is. “You know that there’s no judgment between us, right?” He reassures.
Jungkook nods. He takes a big breath, trying to calm down. He doesn’t know why it is so hard to say it out loud. And this is Seokjin hyung. It’s not like he would say something awful or whatever.
“Hey, love. What is happening? Please don’t cry. Everything will be fine, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He can’t tell when he starts crying. He just feels too much, like he’s holding a huge secret, and it hasn't even been that long since he realized his feelings for his hyung, but it is too much to bear alone.
“I think… I think I’m in love with Namjoon hyung.”
Seokjin looks at him, biting his lips, trying to contain his laugh. “It’s not funny!” The younger one yells, sobbing.
“Sorry, sorry…” Says his hyung, trying to stop his little laughs while he hugs Jungkook. “It's just that you really need Army to notice that? Ah Jungkookie, everybody already knows how in love you are.”
“Everybody?” Jungkook asks, terrified.
“Well, I mean, everybody except Namjoon, he can’t see it even if it’s in front of him, he’s oblivious as fuck.” He responds.
Jungkook hisses. “That’s mean. Don’t be mean to him.”
“Oh god, you’re already so fucking sappy. It makes me sick.” Seokjin laughs, feeling the younger one hitting him in the left arm.
They stay like this for a couple of minutes. Loving the feeling of being safe in his hyung’s arms, just breathing in and out. They don’t have a busy day today, only a couple of voice recordings and some arrangements on the album’s new tracks.
“... Jungkookie?” Jungkook hums to respond. “Is that’s why you’ve been avoiding Namjoon these days?” The older one says in a low tone.
Jungkook breaks the hug and looks at him, eyes widened. “I’ve been avoiding him?”
His hyung nods, “I don’t know if someone noticed, but definitely, Namjoon and I did. You usually spend the breaks with him, but you’ve been with me or Hobi. He asked me if I knew if something was off with you or if you were mad at him.”
“Oh fuck.” Jungkook rubs his face with his hands, stressed. “I swear, I didn’t mean it.” He says, “I’ve been so fucking self-conscious about how am I always looking at him or how much I want him that I restrict myself to my time with him this week.”
“That’s ok, love. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Seokjin assures. “You just need to explain to him.”
“Yeah. I will, thanks, hyung.”
He doesn’t.
He knows he should talk with Namjoon but the time never comes.
Or he kinda doesn’t let it come.
He doesn’t know.
The only thing he knows is that it’s been weeks since he was alone with Namjoon.
In his defense, he’s been really busy.
Since the arrangements of their last album have finished, he just started working on his mixtape.
It’s funny (no, it isn’t) how he just now is aware of his feelings when it was on everything. Especially in his lyrics. Maybe he needs to name his mixtape RM or something related to him because his hyung is in every fucking lyric. In every rhyme of every song.
Seokjin hyung is right. He’s fucking sappy.
He can’t tell how much time he’s been locked in his room when someone abruptly opens the door.
It’s Namjoon.
“Hyung…” Jungkook says surprised.
“ Don't , Jungkook.” He cuts him off. “ You had a lot of time to talk, and you didn't say shit, so now it's my turn.”
Jungkook opens his mouth to talk again, but Namjoon loudly closes the door with an intense gaze towards him.
Oh, he is in trouble.
“Don't tempt me Jungkook, I swear to god I will lock us the entire night if that means you will listen to me.”
Jungkook doesn't know if he's scared or turned on. Maybe both.
“You've been an unfair little shit these past weeks–”
“I know.”
“Oh, you don't know shit, Jungkook. Because I've been killing myself thinking what did I do wrong to deserve this silent treatment and I can't come up with nothing, so you don't fucking know shit.” Namjoon repeats.
The younger one knows that his hyung asked him to shut up, but he's too tired of avoiding his feelings, so he says, “I'm in love with you.”
“You've been avoiding me because you're in love with me?”
Jungkook lets out a broken laugh. “Yeah, kind of. I didn't notice at first, but then I did, and I keep doing it. Sorry.”
“Well, I don't forgive you,” Namjoon says angrily. “Commonly, when you're in love, the last thing you do is avoid the person you love.”
Jungkook raises an eyebrow, shocked. “I told you I am in love with you, and you focused on how I've been avoiding you?”
“Kook, you've been in love with me since you were twenty. Well, maybe nineteen, but what is time anyw–”
Wait. What?
“ YOU KNEW?!”
“ What? Of course I know! Everybody does!”
He doesn't know if he wants to cry, laugh or scream for a moment. He chooses the last one. “I DIDN'T KNOW! I just realized when you read that stupid tweet, weeks ago! How the fuck you knew before me? How did everyone know before me?”
Namjoon starts to laugh so loud. Jungkook swears he sees tears in his eyes. He huffs indignantly. “It's not funny!”
“ Baby, it kinda is.” The older one says.
Jungkook squeals. “Don't- don't call me that! You can't-t– Seokjin hyung told me you didn't know!”
“Why in the world would I talk about you being in love with me, with Seokjin hyung? I would rather die.”
Well, that's acceptable. “I had Yoongi hyung for that.” Namjoon smirks.
The younger shrikes again. God, he feels so embarrassed. He could live with everybody knowing, but everybody and Namjoon knowing? He wants to die. He hides his face with both hands, letting out another squeal.
“C'mon, baby , talk to me.”
Namjoon is mean, Jungkook thinks. “Don't- don't call me that! Fuck, this is so embarrassing.”
His hyung laughing sits next to him in his bed. “Twenty-three.” He says.
Jungkook stops hiding, looking at him, he frowns. “I was twenty-three when I realized I was in love with you.”
“I’m sorry, what ?!”
Namjoon laughs again and says with a bright smile. “I’m in love with you too, Jungkook-ah.”
Jungkook’s eyes widened. He gets up quickly out of bed and yells. “Why didn’t you say something?!”
The older one sniggers, “I could ask you the same thing…”
“I already told you! I didn’t know! I had a fucking epiphany after reading that tweet! Worst experience of my life.” Jungkook complains childishly.
Namjoon shakes his head. “I can’t believe that was your call. God, you’re so stupid.”
Jungkook gasps, being dramatic as he always is. “Well, sucks to be you because you just said you are in love with this stupid, so who is more stupid?”
Namjoon burst into laughs. “I love how that already has gotten into your head.”
They are silent for a moment, just looking into each other.
“Can I–”
“I want–”
They both laugh. “You first, hyung,” Jungkook says.
“Can I kiss you?”
He's always been glad of how his hyung can read his mind. He just smiles and nods.
“Words, please. ”
(Fuck consent is sexy, he thinks.)
“Just kiss me already.”
And, oh.
There are no fireworks or sparkles in the room when his hyung bring his lips into his, but fuck.
He always thought he was made to sing, to perform, to dance.
He always thought he was born to be a singer, to be the maknae of Bangtan Sonyeondan.
But he has been wrong this whole time.
He was made to kiss Kim Namjoon. He was made to kiss his hyung.
In Namjoon’s arms, with his lips brushing together, everything makes sense. Every tear, every laughter, every breath he has ever taken.
They break apart after minutes, or seconds, he doesn’t know. Jungkook with tears in his eyes, both smiling. “Why are you crying, baby? Don’t cry, please. I hate to see you cry.”
“Happy tears, hyung.” Jungkook responds. “Those are happy tears.”
Namjoon wipes his tears, gently, with his fingertips. “I’m happy too.”
Jungkook cups the older’s cheeks, pecking his lips. “Want to spend the night here?”
He smirks in response, “Want me already in your bed, Jungkookie?”
The younger one wheezes. “Not in that way, hyung! Ugh, I just missed you.”
“Well, whose fault is that?”
“Don’t be mean, hyung! I had an epiphany. I told you, it was the worst experience of my life.” Jungkook pouts.
“Such a dramatic baby.” Namjoon laughs, “Ok, you will have to give me clothes though, I didn’t bring anything and I really don’t want to run into Yoongi hyung.”
When Namjoon is finally in his bed, next to him, wearing his clothes, Jungkook has another epiphany.
He wants this , every night for the rest of his life.
“So what now?” He asks, cuddling his hyung.
“Want to check twitter?”