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I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so done with feeling this way, so done with feeling useless, like I meant nothing to no one.
Tonight was the night.
Connor was going to be home within a couple hours, I have time.
Tonight is the night
I repeat to myself, getting up and walking to bathroom before returning to my tear stained bed.
I lay back down now, my wrists now throbbing, my head starting to feel lighter. It is done, I tell myself. I’m gonna get to leave, I hope Connor will be okay without me. Scratch that, I tell myself. He’s an android. I mean nothing to him. Although, maybe I should’ve left a note…
~
Connor came into his home, right on time, 7pm. Immediately, he could tell something was off. “Honey?” He called out, trying to shake off the feeling that something was wrong. “I went to the store and I-“ He dropped the brown paper bag resting comfortably in his arms, racing to your shared room.
No, no, no!
He thought to himself, praying he just needed a repair.
He couldn’t hear your heartbeat.
He raced to your room and immediately relaxed when he saw your back facing the the wall opposite to the door. He sighed with relief, oxygen filling his nostrils once again. “Oh man, darling…” He shook his head and looked down, rubbing his hand over his eyes before sitting down next to your arms. “I thought something had happened to you while I was-“ He uncovered his eyes and saw the ungodly sight before him. The No, no, no! returned now, only so much louder.
“Y/n!” He practically sobbed out, he held your bloody arms in his lap before sitting you upwards. He made a call to emergency services through the wiring in his head. The call went something like this, Connor called EMS and reported your address first things first, “There’s been an attempt at suicide!” He cried out, insisting that it was merely attempt, his lover was still with him. They were okay. The operator said they were sending out a bus immediately.
Waiting. So much waiting. Connor was an officer for fuck’s sake, and he’d never felt that any waiting he’d done had taken this long. Eventually, the paramedics were down the block and he locked down at you, caressing your face. “See, doll? They’re here for you! You’re gonna be alright, okay? You have to be!” He pleaded more to himself than them.
The paramedics rushed into their bedroom, kindly but forcibly pushing Connor out of the way. The paramedic stopped after seeing Y/n’s condition. She pulled up the radio and muttered some code before waving the staff out of the room. She finally turned to face Connor, whose face had hope and confusion written all over it.
She hated this part of the job. “Sir, I’m so sorry but-“ Connor’s knees buckled to the ground as he stared up at the paramedic. The paramedic who told him his lover was gone forever, that they took too many pills, pressed a little too deep…
Connor stared blankly ahead as his lover wasp into a body bag. He began to sob into his hands, not knowing what to do with himself. He sobbed and didn’t stop until Y/n was put away and the sheets were removed. The only thing that snapped him out of his grieving temporarily was the kind eyed paramedic from before,
“Would you like to ride with-“ Before she could even finish her question, Connor was standing. “Yes.” The paramedic nodded and escorted Connor to the vehicle as he looked at his lover’s body bag.
The entire ride to the morgue, Connor blamed himself. He blamed himself for not being home soon enough, that the grocery trip was what killed Y/n. Maybe he hadn’t said enough ‘I love you’s’ lately. Maybe he hadn’t been showing Y/n enough love. So many maybes, yet no answers.
~
Staring down at the body of his everything, the human who’d stolen his heart and turned him deviant lay unmoving on the cold slab of metal. Connor gripped their hand, placing it on his cheek, remembering earlier that da, crumbling at the fact that he should’ve read it as a sign to call out and prevent this all from happening.
Earlier that day
Connor yawned as he pulled his arm tighter around Y/n. Y/n let out a tired little yawn themself, causing Connor’s heart to soar. “Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?” He asked, his voice an octave deeper than normal due to his grogginess.
“Mmm, fine.” He thought he noticed Y/n holding them tighter than normal before they plopped directly on top of Connor, holding his cheek with their left hand. “Do you have to go in today…?” They asked, almost sadly; but surely Connor was just hearing things.
“You know I have to, honey.” He said, yawning again as he leaned forward and kissed his partner lovingly. Y/n felt stiffer on top of him and Connor completely overlooked the sadness in their last, “Oh…Well, when you’re at work. Remember me, okay? I love you so much.”
Y/n’s last words sent a bullet through Connor’s heart. He held their lifeless hand to his cheek, reliving the moment over and over again, trying to get a different result, trying to get Y/n back.
After another 20 minutes of sobbing over his past mistakes, Connor came to his own decision. He closed his eyes, composing an email to his father, Hank Anderson.
Connor kept a hold of Y/n’s hand before whispering, “I’m on my way to you, baby. I’m on my way…” He chuckled sadly, tears racing down his face. He pulled out the gun given to him by the Detroit City Police Department, flinching at the cold metal touching his skin. He closed his eyes, smiling and he let go of his worries for good.
“Y/n, Con-“ The man raced in, falling against the wall in a mix of shock and grief. “No! No…!” He yelled out hoarsely, sticking his head out of the hallway before screaming “HELP!” as loud as he could, repeatedly until someone came in.
Hank Anderson, father to Connor Anderson, aka RK800, had just witnessed his son shoot himself over the corpse of his son’s life partner. “No…” Hank said again, losing his son all over again.
~
With a sharp gasp, Connor sat up in bed, drenched in sweat. He was panting now and he quickly flipped to his side, seeing Y/n, alarm evident in their tired face. “Connor? What’s wrong baby?” They asked him, causing him to sigh in relief. Connor scooped his life partner into his arms and held them close to his chest, kissing their head repeatedly, muttering several ‘I’m so sorry, I shoud’ve been there for you,’ and ‘I love you so much.’s.
Completely confused, Y/n held Connor as tightly as their arms would let them. “Honey, honey, it was just a nightmare.” They pulled away, sitting up to hold Connor’s face in their hands, running their thumbs across the android’s face, wiping away the tears that began to fall from his eyes.
“Shhh…” Y/n cooed, pulling Connor into their shoulder. “Let me hold you, okay? Do you want that?” With a quiet sniffle and a small nod, Connor lay on his partner’s chest as they stroked his hair and place kisses all over his face and head. “Do you want to talk about it?” Y/n asked, looking down at the face of the clearly distraught. Connor shook his head,
“No…No, not now. Please just promise me you aren’t going anywhere.” The desperation in his voice just about killed Y/n. “I promise baby, I promise.” Connor took a hold of Y/n’s hand, placing it on his cheek before sighing shakily, starting to fall asleep to their quiet hums of his favorite song.