Work Text:
Sometimes, I wake in the middle of the night. As I get older, that seems to be my bane, sleeping even less than I did before, when I was younger. I lie awake in the dark listening to the City that Never Sleeps, outside my window. Yes, it is muffled because the windows are all triple paned, but you really can’t keep all the noise out. Sirens sound in the distance or rain patters against the window sills and cars do pass along the street on their way to somewhere. Late night party revelers walk past the silent doorways of the townhouses on the block. I hear all that along with the inside noises of my house, the grandfather clock ticking and chiming in the hallway, the sound of the heat or air conditioning clicking on or off and of Andrea sleeping soundly to my left. We have been together now for 13 years. She left me in Paris to find her way in the world and we reconnected at an event almost two years later. She had become a respected reporter for the Mirror, following her dreams of becoming a journalist. She has since moved on to bigger and better assignments and publications. I valued her determination after the Paris fiasco to escape me and find a life on her own terms. After all, I was never very nice to her and my expectations of her and of the rest of my staff are almost too high a bar for anyone to reach much less sustain over the years. I admit I am a horrible task master but, I work myself even harder than they do. I never apologize for being at the apex of my profession and of the world of fashion. Really, who would I apologize to for that?
As I age (now over 60 looking back and at the sunset of my professional career) I am beginning to reflect on my life a bit more. While not yet ready to retire, my Bobbsey’s have flown the nest for their own lives (college and beyond) leaving Andrea and me as empty-nesters. When I look over at her sleeping form next to me, hair splayed out on the pillow, her face at rest, I am overcome with the love I have for her. I have come to look at my life as one before Andrea and then after Andrea and each year that goes by makes those 50 years before her pale in significance with the years spent with her, except for the part of my life that has to do with Caroline and Cassidy, which has now comfortably meshed with my life with Andrea. All of those life experiences (struggling childhood, ex-husbands, cutthroat business encounters) were building blocks that helped form me and hence my relationship with the love of my life. Until Andrea, I never thought of soul mates or “life partners” but in reality, that is what she is. She found a way to break down my walls, shatter my barriers and scale the heights of the castle to tame the Dragon within and embrace the woman hidden beneath the scales.
I marvel at how the world has changed, how my views on the world have changed and how Andrea has initiated and bolstered those changes. I am in awe of her beauty, both from within and without. That I get to see her every day in laughter, in thought, in repose and in sleeping makes me so full of love I feel sometimes I will burst. That this lovely creature is mine to know and love astonishes me. That we each took a chance on breaking down barriers and creating our own family bubble still astounds me. Bravery in how she took the chance to ask me to dinner, and kept asking to see me until I had no option but to give in and say yes. I knew from the very first time we went out that I was caught by her. I remember saying to myself – uh-oh, as the realization set in to my brain. I will never stop loving her, wanting her, sharing my life with her. She makes me complete in ways I never knew I needed, until her.
And so late at night, when she is fast asleep, I look at her and smile, my heart overwhelmed with joy and then settle back down next to her, wrap my her in my arms, cuddle in to her, take a deep breath and let the City lull me back to sleep.