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the first time it happens you tell yourself this is something all girls do. it’s a rite of passage to make out with scruffy boys with no prospects who you say you hate. okay, you tell yourself all that but you’re not like other girls, not ones in this town, and you don’t do things just because they do, but you know that for you it’s okay to be kissing steven hyde because you were bored. that first time you run your hand along his shoulder and down his chest, leaning into the feel of his fingers pressing at your neck and your waist, and you think you’ve had your heartbroken enough times, you deserve something like this.
that first time is really the second but do you really count the veteran’s day kiss on your daddy’s lincoln.
yeah. you do.
you lie back on that ratty old couch and he settles on top of you, his mouth warm and soft on yours despite that awful awful beard, and you sigh and open your mouth to him and you wish summer would stop for a second and just let you breathe.
your mom is barely around and your daddy is in prison and your best friend is hanging out with blonde bimbos over in california and so who can really blame you for making out with steven. you’re on a slippery slope here, have been since you entered this basement all those years ago, so if you’re going down you’re going down with a bit of fun. hey steven is a great kisser, yeah you’re surprised too, so, screw cheerleaders. seriously.
without the yearn for love to complicate things it’s so much easier to listen to your body and give it what it wants. who cares if it’s only been a few weeks since you started this with steven because your body wants you to wriggle closer to him and it wants you to fumble at his jeans and push your hand inside and god it wants you to push his head down between your thighs until you’re crying out and your legs are trembling and he’s smirking like he knows he’s rocking your world. you never had this with michael. your body wants all of this and so you let yourself have it.
it continues for days and then weeks and then a month has passed since the price is right gave way to making out whenever and wherever they can. it’s a secret and it’s fun and god it’s nothing you ever expected but the thing is you’re a gossip and you like to talk about yourself, you will freely admit all of this, and it’s killing you that don’t have anyone to talk to about all of this. it’s not as if you even want to complain about steven or analyse what the hell is going on but you just want someone to listen when you say steven is a great kisser, he really knows what he’s doing, unlike some people you could mention, and that you would never tell him this but you look forward to days spent in that dark smelly basement, just the two of you.
“shut up, jackie,” he mutters into your mouth because that’s right, you hate each other, remember? even though you haven’t whined at him in days and you can’t even remember the last time he said something about michael not coming back. you have jokes with him now, ones where you smirk at each other when eric stumbles down the stairs halfway through the afternoon going on and on about star wars and his lost destiny. but when you’re alone it’s no talk and all action. you can pull him apart at the seams and collect up the noises he doesn’t let anyone else hear but ask him if he’s heard from donna recently and suddenly that’s too far. you laugh into his neck and tell him that he can’t tell you what to do, that’s your job. “fuck that,” he says and then he’s shuffling down the couch, pressing his nose to your stomach, smudging a kiss on your hip, and look. he’s giving you what you want after all.
.
eric invades their basement halfway through july announcing that he’s completely better, who’s donna anyway, wait has she called? steven throws a popsicle at him and tells him he’s glad to see him out of bed but when he sits back down his ankle nudges against yours on the table and when you tilt your head he grimaces a little. you know what that means. you know zen and you know steven. what you know is that steven’s just as bummed as you that eric is out of his depression and back into the world.
anyway, eric claims he’s back now and they’re going to have fun, this is going to be a summer of seizing the day, and you notice steven doesn’t even burn him for spending half of the summer locked away in his room. you push his ankle a little, wink at him when he glances at you, and he can read you just as well as you can read him.
“what’s the joke, man?” eric asks when steven smiles, just a little, and you really want to knock eric out with something blunt but you might be up for a little fun too. don’t ever tell anyone you had the same thought as eric forman.
“just missed you, man,” steven says, “so, what’s the plan and does it involve naked chicks?”
eric forces you all to go to the pool which, as he points out, is where half-naked chicks live in the summer, right, jackie? well, he says you can’t come because he’s never going to quit the devil thing, not even now he’s eighteen and his friend group has decreased by half, but you’re not staying here by yourself. you fake a yawn and tug the neck of your dress down to reveal the stripes of your bikini, if there’s one thing your mother taught you is to be always be prepared for tanning opportunities, and huh, even eric can’t really bring himself to say no to you now.
boobs. show them off too much and you’re a whore but when you know what you’re doing, the subtle art of flashing a bit of side-boob here and there, pressing your crossed arms against your chest to reveal some cleavage, well, the world’s your oyster.
.
the pool is packed with little kids and weary adults. fez shouts about fake promises and that eric is a lying sonufabitch but then you point out the stall that sells candy by the side of the pool and that settles him for a bit. until it turns out they’re sold out of fez’s favourite.
steven catches you when fez pushes you into the pool. his hands find your waist, holding tight. out here in the open, the sun shining down on them and little brats screaming a few feet away, you ignore all of this and lean back against his shoulder and for a moment it’s quiet. you’re a romantic, he can’t take that away from you, so you stay a few seconds longer and he lets you, taking the cover of a busy pool to duck his head to your shoulder and mouth at your neck. look how daring you are. just look.
“you’re not getting dressed,” fez whines when you’ve climbed out of the pool and arranged yourself on your lounger. you knot your sarong around your waist and glare at fez. “why are you ruining my day, jackie?”
“yeah, jackie, don’t ruin poor fez’s creepy fantasy,” steven says, dropping onto the lounger beside yours. “have a heart.”
“uh, she doesn’t have one, hyde, how could you forget?” eric bitches. he has sun cream smeared across his nose and they’ve only been here a half hour but his forehead is bright red.
“hey, me neither,” steven says, turning to you with a smirk. “how bout that?”
“the day we have something in common, steven, is the day the earth implodes,” you say, sliding your sunglasses onto your nose. you catch your reflection in his shades and oh. there’s something else.
“implodes? like the candy that pops in your mouth?”
eric takes on the duty of explaining to fez what implodes means and as they argue steven shifts closer, dripping water all over your legs. “you wanna keep that on till later?”
you turn your head towards him. arch an eyebrow. “yeah? what’s in it for me?”
he shrugs. the difference between eric’s weedy little shoulders and steven’s is astonishing. how has donna never noticed how frail eric is before? you’ve known this for a while now, that crush on steven way back when taught you a lot you hadn’t noticed before, but michael’s aren’t too bad either so it’s not been a real issue until now. now you’re watching a drop of water slide down his skin, along his chest and down, and when you drag your eyes back up to meet his you glare at the bend of his mouth. “looks like you know exactly what’s in it for you.”
“hey, hyde, stop hogging jackie! jackie, come play in the water with me again!”
“no, fez!” this is what you get for being a tiny woman, you guess, as you grab at someone’s arm, anyone’s arm, but fez drops you in the water and when you surface all you can hear is steven’s laughter.
.
you go to the hub once with eric and fez and steven and you sit side-by-side in the booth in the corner and when his fingers brush your bare leg you move closer, just a little. his hand is big on your thigh, his shoulder pressing against yours, and here you are in public with your friends and you pretend, just for a second, that this is the way things could be.
eric and fez stick around to try their luck with a couple of cheerleaders at the next table over but you ask steven to take you home and no one but you notices when he barely puts up a fight. you pass the cheerleaders on your way out and they ignore eric and fez in favour of watching you walking out with steven. you toss your head and strut past, wondering if they’ll ask you about it at the next practice and wondering what you’ll say if they do.
you invite steven in and laugh at him standing in your pink room with his ripped jeans and scowl on his face. you roll your eyes when he tries to protest and then you kiss him, your bodies pressed together all the way from chest to hip and he stops protesting after that funnily enough.
the bed is softer than the couch in the basement and you think you could stay here for hours. steven coaxes your thighs open, fits himself between him, and when you bend your knees to wrap around his waist you can feel him against you and what’s stopping you from hurtling past third base and straight into home?
he kisses you hard and undresses you carefully, more careful than before, and he asks you one two three times if this is definitely what you want. you nod and promise yes and pull him in for a kiss just in case he still doesn’t believe you.
you like to think that you don’t really have any feelings towards michael anymore, bad or otherwise, but when steven pulls you to the edge and holds you there, time and time again, you think what a fucking jerk michael kelso is because all you got with him was a quick fumble and a couple of thrusts and that was it. show over.
you watch steven come, his eyes tight close and his mouth open a little, and you think this is the closest you’ve felt to him and maybe this still isn't love but you think it might be a little more than a fling. on your end, anyway.
“not bad, eh?” steven says, dropping his face to your chest. he still has that beard and you don’t want to say anything positive about it lest it encourage him but it feels kinda nice.
“it was passable,” you say, a hand finding his hair. you squeal when his fingers scrabble at your waist, finding all of your ticklish spots instantly. you kick your legs and throw your head back, laughs coming from you in gasps. “fine! fine, steven! you were great -- the best i’ve ever had.”
“i don’t see that as such a compliment knowing the only other person you’ve been with is kelso.”
you push at his hands until he stops. “well, it wouldn’t be hard to be better than him,” and then you reach for his chin and duck your head to kiss him before he can say anything. he licks into your mouth, pulls you flush against him, and yeah, this is a thousand times better than michael. no contest.
.
you get carried away sometimes. steven is pushing you up against the wall and your knees around his waist and you’re so focused on further further more more that you don’t hear footsteps above their heads until eric starts whistling and shouting for hyde. you push at steven’s chest and he drops you, pushing you into his room and banging the door shut behind him. you fall onto the bed, watching the dust settle in the air, and when steven comes back you’re half asleep, tangled in his sheets.
“what’d he want?”
“advice about one of those cheerleaders from last week. i can’t believe he scored.”
you roll over to look up at him. you hold out a hand and pout until he huffs and fits onto the bed behind you. “what did you tell him?”
“that cheerleaders are always horny. play your cards right and they’ll be eating out of your hand. or they’ll be on their knees sucking you off, either way --”
“steven!” you squawk, hitting his arm. “i’m a cheerleader and i’m not like that.”
“oh, yeah?” and he kisses your neck, his hand lifting your hair out of the way. “what was last night then?”
you blush and curl over to his chest. “that’s different.”
“sure it is, jacks. sure.”
you listen as eric comes back down the stairs, shouting for steven again. you freeze. if eric comes in here then that’s it, isn’t it? game over. eric’s voice comes closer, just outside the door, and then mrs forman is shouting down that she’s just made cupcakes and that if eric wants any he better come quick because your little foreign friend has had three already.
“man, i want a cupcake.”
“get one for me too, will you?”
“get your own damn cupcake,” he replies, hand sliding down her arm. it’s warm in here, almost too much, but you don’t feel like moving just yet.
“but it’s so comfy, steven,” you say and you stretch the e out just enough that he groans and moves you to the side so he can swing his feet to the ground. “thanks, steven, you’re the best.”
“i’m not getting you one.”
you steal his when he comes back and when he goes again he brings another one for you. you both know how this works.
.
you’ve had a boyfriend since you were fourteen but this is the first time you feel like something is building up inside of you, too big and overwhelming to think about. see, you know this is a fling, just making out because michael and donna aren’t here and fez and eric are useless. you know all of this and yet here you are lying on that couch kissing steven and daydreaming about what it might be like when summer ends.
“hey,” you break away. “steven, stop a minute.”
he hovers just above you, hands either side of your head resting on the arm of the couch, and looks down, frowning. “what’re we stopping for? fez and forman won’t be back from that car auction for ages, you know what red’s like.”
you pull at his shades that are hanging in the neck of his shirt. he never wears them when he kisses you, not unless it’s a hurried one with fez and eric in the next room. he lets you see what he’s feeling sometimes, even behind all the zen. you flip the legs up and down, the clack clack against the lens an odd sort of comfort. “summer’s almost over,” you say when steven ticks over into annoyed.
“yeah. so?”
“well, is this going anywhere? are we stopping? what’s happening?”
“i can’t believe i thought we could get through the whole summer without you asking something like that,” he groans, dropping his head down. he’s still on her, his leg fitting in between hers.
“it’s like you don’t know me at all,” you say.
he moves off you now and you curl your feet up under you so he can sit at the other end of the couch. “look, jackie, all i know is that this has been a hell of a summer and that -- well, it hasn’t been the worst one of my life.”
you beam. “that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me, steven.”
“what about that date we had and i took you to mount hump?”
“was that the most magical night of your life?” you know it meant a lot to you even if you didn’t say so at the time. that kiss has gotten you through a lot of sloppy messes with michael. you were just worried that you had pushed too much for once. maybe you should have told the truth. maybe you could have started this so much earlier.
“tied with edna running out on me. hey, don’t -- i meant that in a good way, jackie, don’t cry.” he folds himself back against the couch and pulls you to him. see, everyone says oh hyde doesn’t feel anything hyde doesn’t know how to be nice to people but over the summer you’ve been privy to little slivers of emotion that show you steven does know how to be a decent human being. plus, he’s a phenomenal kisser and that doesn’t hurt. actually sometimes that helps more than any words.
“so what’s going to happen when michael and donna come back?” you just want to know.
steven shrugs, his shoulder jostling yours. you turn so you’re more in his lap, your head on his shoulder. this isn’t what you do, you know. this is purely physical, nothing romantic, but look, he’s not shoving you off and you’ve always been known to grab opportunities as you see them. “i don’t see why it has to be different.”
and that’s what you’ve been holding out for. you kiss him quickly, smiling when he mumbles, “you can’t go all crazy on me, okay? promise me.”
“oh, steven, you worry too much. come on, eric and fez are going to be away for hours.”
“that’s what i said!” but he follows you into his room, kissing you when the door swings shut. “man, jackie, does this mean you’re going to let me do that --”
“no, it doesn’t, and stop bringing it up.” here is where you would cross your legs and tug your shirt back into place but steven’s looking at you like he wants to do that thing he did last night when your toes had curled in the sheets and you had felt like you might not ever breathe again. you gesture for him to get undressed, pulling your shirt over your head and dropping it behind you. “quick before mrs forman bakes something else and you go running off.”
“cookies or sex,” steven asks, dropping onto the bed. “i really can’t decide at all. hey, jackie, what do you think?”
“cookies didn’t get me this way,” you say, stretching your body alongside his. he rolls on top of you, kissing your neck, collarbone, the swell of your breast above your bra. “but by all means, go, i’ll just be here.”
he kisses you then, kisses you quiet, and you let him because it’s so hot out there and you’re sticky with sweat and you feel disgusting but summer is almost over and you have no way of knowing what’s going to happen when everyone’s back together. you pull at steven’s hair and let it all fade into the background.
.
“they’re back!” fez announces, stumbling into the basement. you fall away from steven, dodging the hand he throws out to catch you. “hey, wait a minute, what were you two --”
“who’s back, fez?” steven interrupts. “use your words.”
“my best friend kelso and my also good friend donna. oh, wait till i tell red, he’s going to be so pleased.”
“so. kelso’s back,” steven says and ugh he’s using that voice, the zen voice that’s barely been used these last few months. “you better go give him a kiss hello.”
“don’t be an ass about this, steven,” you say, following him over to his chair. you balance on his lap and find that you actually prefer that goddam couch. “i told you i don’t want michael anymore. we talked about this.”
he doesn’t push you off but he slips his shades over his eyes. you reach out and take them back off, leaning far enough back that he has to choose you over the glasses in your hand. “i know what we said, jackie, but that’s different from kelso being across the country and being right here. i don’t mind --”
“you’re so full of shit, steven hyde, and if you continue this way i’m just going to have to tell everyone that you love abba and you know they’ll believe me.”
“are you blackmailing me?” and he even looks a little proud at that.
you smile. “of course not, steven. all i’m saying is that i’m a good thing for you and you know it, so, we’ll go out and greet michael and donna and eric in a couple of minutes because right now i really want to kiss you.”
“i guess i can deal with that,” he says and then he’s kissing you and you can almost feel the shift from summer into more.
.
when everyone finds out it’s not as bad as you thought. everyone’s irrationally angry and somehow you’re the one getting all the blame but donna understands once you explain it to her and fez gets over it once he gets his job at the dmv. steven says kelso is pissed but that was always going to happen so you don’t worry much about that and eric’s being as much as a baby as usual and all that results in is you pushing up on your tip-toes and kissing steven every chance you get. hey, if it gets eric to leave the room then it’s something you’ll continue for the foreseeable future. it’s not like steven ever complains.
it turns out you really quite like this scruffy guy with no prospects and a soft spot hidden way down deep and it turns out you’re not someone he actively hates anymore, if they ever really hated each other at all.
“i found you abrasive,” steven says. “that doesn’t necessarily mean i hated you.”
“so you’ve been in love with me all this time?” you laugh, wriggling out of steven’s grip. “oh, steven, i always knew you cared about me.”
when you hear eric pretend to throw up behind you you throw him the finger and grin when steven applaudes you.
.
you walk into school on monday and you don’t have donna with you any more but steven appears sometimes. you don’t seek each other out but when you cross paths he’ll grab the books from your arms like you aren’t stronger than eric and walk you to class. you kiss him goodbye and he rolls his eyes behind his glasses and says he’ll meet you by the car after practice.
becky from the squad watches the exchange with her mouth hanging open, her gum visible between her teeth. you flounce into history and call over your shoulder, “you’ll catch flies that way, becky, and goodness knows you’ve already picked up enough this year.”
just because you’re dating a burnout who lives in a basement doesn’t mean you have to let your rep slip. you’re jackie buckhart and if people want to talk about you behind your back your boyfriend has a great right hook. actually, you’re not so bad yourself.