Chapter Text
One.
Lan WangJi pulls open the doors to his balcony and feels the ocean breeze waft in, curling around the room and ruffling his gelled hair in the process. The sun is warm against his skin and the pale jade necklace that dangles low on his chest refracts the rays onto the balcony rails. Deep in thought, he reaches a hand up to trace the pendant - the edges rubbed smooth after years of wear. WangJi’s only memories of his mother consist of hazy singing, bright smiles, and the faint image of a circular jade necklace dangling above him. She passed away before he could even walk, and he’s held the pendant near and dear to his heart ever since. He kept it in perfect condition, until one fateful day - all he remembers is coming home after primary school, crying and angry beyond belief, clutching two halves of the broken jade pendant tight in one fist. His older brother spent hours trying to calm him down, asking him to explain how the necklace broke, but WangJi wouldn’t - or couldn’t - respond. Most of his childhood surrounding his mother’s death remains a blur, but the blank he draws when it comes to exactly how the necklace had broken bothers him especially, and he can’t pinpoint why, either. A few days after the incident, his brother had presented him with the two halves neatly threaded onto thin silver chains - one for him and one for WangJi - and they had worn the necklaces ever since.
WangJi recenters himself with a deep breath of salty ocean air and, with a novel in hand, takes a seat on one of the lounge chairs, propping his feet up on the glass table and basking in the view of the white sand. The sound of crashing waves in the background calms his mind, providing the perfect ambiance for some light reading. Glancing a little closer to shore, he spots a few colorful figures running amok on the beach, umbrellas and towels strayed about haphazardly. He watches for a few moments longer before turning his attention to his book, The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, and immersing himself in a fantasy world of demons and hot-blooded revenge; it was required reading for the Chinese literature class he picked up at the last minute. He barely notices as his glasses sink lower on his nose, reading leisurely until shouts of laughter drift up to his room. He looks up, annoyed, and tries to discern what dared to interrupt his reading. About 20 yards away, a blurry figure in bright red swim trunks jogs over, stopping just under his balcony as he finally catches up to a wayward volleyball. A handsome young man sharpens into focus as Lan WangJi re-adjusts his glasses. He silently scans the newcomer and is welcomed by a view of sandy, windswept hair; letting his eyes roam further, he discovers drips of sweat running in rivulets down a very defined six-pack. He licks his lips unconsciously, dropping his gaze even lower to where the thin swim trunks hug the guy’s hips - leaving almost nothing to the imagination. Suddenly, the figure is waving and he blinks back into focus, missing a beat as he catches the wide smile on the stranger’s face. He’s taken aback by how pretty the other boy is - enthralled by how his eyes crinkle at the corners and how his cheeky grin seems to rival the sun.
“Hey, you! Glasses!”
Lan WangJi finally realizes that the boy has been trying to catch his attention and for a moment, considers ignoring the calls, glancing nervously between the boy and his book. His body makes the decision for him as he sinks slowly down into the cushions, trying not to think about how he just (visually) molested the boy below him.
“Uhm, I can see you, you know?” the stranger says. “What’s a handsome guy like you doing reading during the last week of vacation? Play volleyball with us!”
Lan WangJi gulps and tries to calm himself, but his heartbeat quickens out of his control and a bead of sweat forms at his temple - he stares, unseeing, at the book in his trembling hands. When he doesn’t receive an answer, the stranger turns and starts walking away, volleying the ball to himself. WangJi sneaks another look and watches as the muscles in his back pulse every time the ball is bounced back up. He tears his gaze away to stop himself from violating the stranger’s body even more, and tilts his head back to look at the sky - which ends up being an even worse idea as he can only listen to the sound of the other’s soft grunts every time he hits the ball. The sounds slowly fade away, overrun by the chatter of the beach and the shhh of the waves rolling onto shore. He stays there a moment longer, reliving the past two minutes in his head before sensing the heat that’s pooled down below.
Peeking at his lap, he groans as he feels the blush color his cheeks and the roar of blood rush in his ears. When he’s sure that no one can see him, he stands and, as casually as possible, makes his way inside with plans to take a very long, very cold shower. Just as he closes the balcony door, a knock catches him off guard and he whips around. There’s not enough blood left in his brain to think properly as he panics and tries to rationalize who it could be. Using whatever mental stability he has left, he tries to (unsuccessfully) calm the tent that’s formed. When he sees that it’s his brother pushing the door open, he nearly breathes a sigh of relief - before realizing that this is still quite an embarrassing situation to be caught in. Lan WangJi quickly slides the book in front of his crotch and waits awkwardly as Lan XiChen taps away on his phone.
“Hey WangJi, did you eat yet? Nie MingJue is here with some of his bros-”
Lan XiChen finally looks up from his phone to find WangJi hovering by the balcony door, staring pointedly at the ground. Lan XiChen isn’t sure what’s funnier, the death grip WangJi has on the book in front of him or how red his DiDi’s ears are.
“Oh,” he smirks. “Looks like you’ve got a problem... So you don’t watch porn, but you’ll read it? Noted.”
WangJi glares up at him and fights the urge to throw the book at his brother - if only to maintain a semblance of decorum. He almost applauds himself for the control he has, before realizing exactly how he got himself into this situation in the first place.
“Anyways, like I was saying. Nie MingJue and some of his bros rented the house next door and they’re throwing a party tonight.” His phone buzzes repeatedly. “I’m planning to head over around nine - oh, and they’re telling me to bring you. You wanna eat something first and then head over? After you deal with your problem, of course.”
“No, I don’t wa-” he starts to say, but XiChen cuts him off.
“It wasn’t really a question - you’re definitely coming with. They’re curious about the baby brother! Plus, I think they have a couple freshmen with them. Let me know when you’re ready for dinner!” Lan XiChen leaves with a wink, shutting the door on his way out.
“Don’t take too long,” he practically sings, and chuckles to himself when he hears the thump of a book hitting the ground and his brother cursing in the background. XiChen drifts down the hall to his own room and watches as his messages blow up, letting his friends know he’ll be over later with his brother in tow. He flops onto his bed, absentmindedly watching the chat bubbles float by, and laughs softly at his brother’s antics; he’s reminded of his past self and wonders if WangJi’s upcoming freshman year will be anything like his own.
Lan XiChen and his brother are uncannily similar, not just in looks but in their mannerisms - the product of a strict, upper class, Chinese household. Their widowed father, a prominent political figure, was always away on business, and as a result, he and his brother were mainly raised by their uncle, ex-naval captain, Lan QiRen. Growing up, they followed a military-like regimen, sleeping and rising with the sun, with impeccable behavior drilled into their very core. In terms of academics, they were expected to be at the top of their classes while also attending daily music lessons and playing varsity level sports. (They became something like legends in their town; it was said that the Twin Jades of Lan single handedly brought their school from being unranked to becoming national champions, and teachers lamented that they’d finally lost both of their star pupils at Lan WangJi’s graduation.)
In high school, Lan XiChen was quiet and reserved, exactly like how his younger brother is now. The only difference between the two was XiChen’s natural affinity for connecting with people; the friendly exterior was his trademark. He welcomed conversation from his peers, but was mostly known as the scholar that kept to himself - the perfect student that other parents would often compare their own children to. Barring his wiry glasses and the eye-sore, canvas backpack, he cruised relatively unbothered through all of high school - but it helped that he was attractive in his own right, standing at a handsome 6’2”.
The summer before college, his uncle gifted him a personal laptop for his achievements and it was here that he discovered DIY tutorials, fashion blogs, and the uncensored side of the internet. All his life, he had felt bound by the rules, adhering to them out of respect for his uncle but constantly struggling as they restrained his true desires. College was his chance to become who he always wanted to be - not just Lan XiChen, the perfect student and one of the Twin Jades of Lan (what a stupid nickname, honestly), but Lan XiChen, the cool kid, the one who didn’t just get along with everyone else, but the one who lived by his own rules and no one else’s.
By the first week of classes, he had shed his glasses, grew out his hair, and invested in a whole new wardrobe (his uncle begrudgingly allowed him, as there wasn’t much else he could ask from such a perfect nephew). He was still Lan XiChen at his core - his single dorm piled with books in every corner, a keyboard propped up neatly on the side, and a tidy desk adorned with a picture of his family - but this time, he decorated his walls with posters of dangerously clad rockstars and kept a bowl of condoms and lube on his night table, fully embracing his new outlook on life. The bowl, of course, didn’t appear until after his uncle had gone home following orientation.
The fruits of his labor seemed deceptively sweet when a girl from his Chemistry class asked him out on day three of being lab partners. Unfortunately, despite his best efforts and honestly finding the blonde quite attractive, he found the date lackluster. There was no excitement, no spark, no urge to take her home. Apparently, the romance stories he read in secret had set his expectations way too high, because each subsequent date he went on ended in the same confusing mix of emotions - or rather, the lack thereof.
Within a fortnight, he had become friends with another freshman - Jin GuangYao, the student on the other side of the private bathroom connecting their dorm rooms - and began to reveal his frustrations with his college experience. They would stay up late, musing the ups and downs of campus life, complaining about their classes, and trying to find new things to do. After a particularly grueling week thanks to the first round of exams, the two made a pact to go out every subsequent Friday as a reward to themselves, but also to soak up every ounce of freedom they had. Jin GuangYao was a talented dance major who seemed to know everyone and had a constant queue of weekend plans. He brought XiChen to his first college party (where XiChen got spectacularly drunk for the first time), and he was the first to hold XiChen’s hair back as he hugged a toilet bowl the morning after. As almost roommates, they grew very close, very quickly, and XiChen felt comfortable enough to confide in him about his disappointing dates with supposedly some of the hottest girls on campus.
“What if it’s not about the date, but about your date?” Jin GuangYao commented, late one Friday night. Lan XiChen had come back not long ago, complaining about yet another miserable dinner with yet another girl, bemoaning the lack of “sparks.”
“You just said the same thing twice,” Lan XiChen pouted. “Are you already drunk?” The two laid on their stomachs, side by side in his bed with a laptop propped open as they watched (read: barely paid attention to) the latest Korean drama. When there was no exciting party to attend, they spent their nights drinking and snacking in XiChen’s room. Jin GuangYao called it “self care”, to which XiChen would just roll his eyes and declare as “bro time”.
“No, I mean,” Jin GuangYao hesitated, gaze flickering to the picture-perfect actress on screen and back to his friend. “Hold on.” He skipped back to the last time both male and female leads had appeared, freezing the screen once he found a flattering shot (which just so happened to be a kiss scene).
“Okay, hear me out. What do you think about her?”
He pointed to the female lead and Lan XiChen did a quick once-over.
“She’s pretty. I guess her clothes are cute. I like her hair - I’d probably ask her what kind of shampoo she uses.” Lan XiChen rolled his eyes when his friend nodded seriously.
“Okay, now what about him?”
“What are you getting at?” Lan XiChen furrowed his brows, and hoped that the warmth in his cheeks was from the two bottles of soju he had chugged.
“I’m serious. Tell me what you think about him. And don’t hold back.”
Lan XiChen turned his attention back to the screen and surveyed the actor. “He’s got great bone structure. He’s tall - really fills out his suit well. But he definitely looks better without the suit when you can see his arms. And he looks like he can kiss really we-” He stopped and realized what he just said, heart drumming wildly against his rib cage. He tried to backtrack, fumbling over his words and feeling the flush in his cheeks intensify. “I meant-”
He felt a cool hand brush against his cheek, silencing him, and he looked up at his closest friend. GuangYao was propped up on his elbows, whereas he himself had sunk lower and lower, resting his head on his arms in an attempt to make himself smaller - quite a feat considering he was at least a head taller than the other boy. The two made eye contact as Lan XiChen tried to control his breathing. He licked at his lips subconsciously and watched as Jin GuangYao’s gaze dropped down with the movement. His tongue slipped out again, deliberately this time, and Lan XiChen felt his heartbeat quicken as Jin GuangYao’s eyes followed accordingly and his hand dropped lower - almost cupping XiChen’s chin. Taking it a step further, XiChen bit down on his lower lip, letting it slowly slip back out from between his teeth. Something in GuangYao snapped and he lurched forward, turning XiChen’s chin up to take the other’s mouth with his own, biting down where Lan XiChen was just teasing him. A breathy moan escaped from XiChen as he gave into the sudden assault and returned the kiss, swiping his tongue against the other’s lips. They opened obediently and the kiss grew heated, the two becoming messy and frantic as GuangYao sucked on the other’s tongue and abused his mouth. He kissed down XiChen’s neck and reacted impulsively to the debauched sounds he was hearing, reaching to trail his fingers under the other’s shirt when he felt something firm press against his thigh - bringing his mind back into focus as he looked at the other man.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Jin GuangYao started to say. “I didn’t meant to-”
“The… The sparks.”
“What?” Jin GuangYao muttered. He swiped his tongue over his lips and tasted blood.
“That was it. Those were the sparks. Fuck. Am I gay? Shit shit shit - I got it all wrong, oh my god, dude - I think I’m gay?” He paused, shrinking down into something shaky and unsure. “I mean, I thought that... Maybe? But...” Lan XiChen looked desperately at his friend who was now in the same position that he was in - with his head resting on his arms - but looking thoroughly ravished. His lips were an angry red and his usually styled hair was all over the place - and fuck, XiChen felt the heat reignite in him as he fought the strongest urge to kiss the boy again, to touch, to strip every piece of clothing from his body and flip him over and-
“You felt sparks?” Jin GuangYao asked, lifting his head slightly with a lilt of excitement in his voice.
Lan XiChen mumbled something incoherently, still trying to reign in his jumbled thoughts and form a response. “Yes... No! I mean, it was nice, but-”
“Just nice?”
“Fuck, no I mean you’re great, that was great. It was really hot. I just-” Lan XiChen broke off into quiet giggles that quickly turned into full blown laughter, his alcohol-muddled brain slowly catching up as he realized the ridiculousness of the situation. Jin GuangYao couldn’t help but laugh along, but his laughter was cut with the sharp edge of disappointment.
“Yeah… So… About those sparks…” XiChen turned to GuangYao. He had sorted through his muddled mind, coming to the realization that while he appreciated his friend more than anything, he only loved him like a brother. “It really was great. I just-”
“Say no more,” Jin Guangyao stopped him, recognizing a rejection when he heard one - no matter how subtle. “We are completely on the same page. If we went any further we’d probably both regret it.” He took a deep breath to compose himself, biting down on his tongue to prevent any other pleas from slipping out that would reveal to XiChen exactly how untrue those words were.
Lan XiChen breathed a sigh of relief and reached for another bottle of soju. The cap twisted off smoothly and he was halfway through raising it to his lips when he paused.
“Wait, you’re gay?” XiChen squeaked, finally putting the pieces together. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
GuangYao smiled sheepishly, relieved that the conversation was changing course from his unrequited love. “Well, I’m bi actually. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how well you’d take it. I was in the closet for years, and I lost a lot of friends in the past when I finally came out.”
GuangYao caught XiChen’s frown and reached out for his hand. “I’m sorry - I didn’t mean to keep it from you at first, but then I heard about your strict childhood and your military family. I was afraid that you’d find me disgusting or something and…”
I didn’t want to lose you too, went unspoken but understood.
Jin GuangYao trailed off, brought back into focus by a tight squeeze around his hand. He felt his heart skip a beat and looked up to see Lan XiChen giving him a soft smile. It was a rare smile and not one he gave out easily - the kind of genuity you’d try to capture on a polaroid, memorialized on a single film, but even then it would never hold a candle to the real thing. Jin GuangYao returned the gesture with a silent strum of his fingers and smiled back.
“Well, you obviously have nothing to worry about here.” XiChen stuck out his tongue and GuangYao almost leaned over to bite it before restraining himself and rolling his eyes. He pushed himself off the bed, citing early morning classes as the reason why he needed to sleep in his own bed for once. (They usually ended up curled tight around each other after a night of binge watching and drinking and he didn’t know if he could handle that right now. But also, maybe that should’ve been the first clue that XiChen wasn’t completely straight.)
“It’s too cramped here. Plus you’re probably gonna wanna do some gay exploring on your own now,” Jin GuangYao teased with a finger wave thrown over his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, see ya. Thanks for putting yourself out there tonight and uh. Really helping a brother out? I guess...” XiChen watched as his friend made his way through their shared bathroom, not entirely sure if the whole exchange had just happened. Wait - it’s Friday. What early morning classes? XiChen thought to himself, confused by his friend’s thin excuse, but an undercurrent of nervous energy flowing through him swept away his concern as he turned his focus to the exciting prospect of actually experiencing “the sparks” on his future dates.
On the other side of the wall, Jin GuangYao wrapped himself in all the fuzzy blankets he owned, trying to settle his scattered thoughts. Curling up in the corner, he grabbed his phone and unlocked it to see the background of him and XiChen eating lunch on the green, like they did almost every day. XiChen had stolen his phone that afternoon, taking random pictures of anything and everything before spamming it with selfies of the two of them. GuangYao felt his eyes water - a single tear escaping before he quickly wiped it away. It’s okay. At least we’re still best friends. He had nearly confessed tonight, but knowing the fresh weight of discovering that you were different, that you were gay - he knew he couldn’t just dump his own messy feelings on top of XiChen, too.
GuangYao leaned back against the wall, heavy with heartache, and ruminated over his actions that evening. Had he exercised just a bit more restraint instead of straight up kissing his friend, he wouldn’t be in this situation now. Gone were his careful plans to court XiChen - they were wrecked by a single move fueled by alcohol-induced courage. The remainder of the night was spent in restless sleep, where GuangYao dreamt of fairytale endings, a hand to hold, and someone to call his own. He woke up late the next morning to the familiar shuffling of XiChen showering in their bathroom, and what was once a comforting sound to wake up to now caused his emotions to tangle, the pit in his stomach growing larger and larger. He furrowed his brows, determined to keep things between them as normal as possible - since that’s what XiChen seemed to want - but he knew in his heart that he would always be searching for the slightest hint of reciprocation.
All in all, Lan XiChen looked back at his first kiss (and his gay awakening) quite fondly. He remained close with Jin GuangYao to this very day, but that moment had led him down a whole rabbit hole of firsts - all of which made his freshman year all the more special.
Closer to the middle of the semester, Lan XiChen let loose at a particularly wild frat party - an event that ended with him being rudely awakened by loud snoring. Disoriented, he sat up, sheets pooling around his bare waist as he tried to sort through the blur of the previous night. It took him an embarrassingly long time to realize that he didn’t know the guy snoring next to him and that it wasn’t just one of his friends crashing at his place as usual. The next realization hit him a split second later - he was entirely nude. (Lan XiChen was the kind of guy who liked to sleep in silk jammies.) His head pounded with the vengeful rage of a thousand fierce corpses as he tried to remember what happened. He groaned, a little too loudly, and winced as a jolt of pain shot up his lower back. The snoring by his side ceased. Slowly, he turned and followed the line of admittedly attractive broad shoulders up to an even more attractive face staring blearily up at him. The stranger’s biceps bulged as he stretched his arms out, letting out a long yawn as his body slipped out from under the covers. XiChen stared shamelessly at the bare torso next to him until he was pulled back to attention by a soft “hey” from the other.
The nerves shot up his spine as he came to his senses, trying to keep the anxiety from showing on his face as he had absolutely no idea where to go from here. Even if he was a wild child, he had never been wild enough to end a drunken night with a one night stand.
“Hi… Uhm…” He turned completely to face the extremely hot man in his bed while frantically pulling the sheets up to cover himself. Luck was not on his side as he tugged the shared blanket off of the stranger’s lower half as well, revealing his morning wood starting to perk up.
“Oh fuck, I am SO sorry.” XiChen frantically tried to cover up the stranger as his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, but in his rush, ended up brushing a hand against the other’s dick. “Shit shit, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help-”
“Help, you say?” Low chuckles curled their way into XiChen’s ears, and he felt the blood rush to his own dick at the suggestive tone.
“No I-”
“I’m kidding,” the other said, grabbing XiChen’s wrist and pulling him back down next to him. XiChen laid down on his side, stiff as a board (in every sense of the word), and made no attempt to speak as the blush coloring his cheeks bloomed.
“So… I’m Nie MingJue. Nice to meet you properly,” the not-stranger said in a deep, rumbling voice that sent a shiver down XiChen’s spine. A few moments passed, before he tried again, with a cocky smile this time. “You weren’t talkative last night either. But, uh, that was for another reason.”
Mortified, Lan XiChen looked over to catch the stranger’s teasing grin. “I… I’m Lan XiChen. Sorry, I’ve never…”
“Never woken up to a hot stranger in your bed? Never before received the best blowjob of your life? Never had your brains fucked out?”
XiChen huffed, trying to steel his expression into something other than embarrassment, but still felt his cheeks flush even brighter (if that was even possible) in response. “Can’t be the best blowjob of my life if I don’t remember it.”
“Guess I’ll just have to play it back for you.” Nie MingJue licked his lips and pulled the covers over his head before Lan XiChen realized what he meant and darted off of the bed. MingJue’s low chuckles followed him again as he looked down at his own, now exposed body, and grabbed a pillow to cover his half-hard dick.
XiChen pouted. “Be nicer to me! I’ve never been a bottom before…”
“Shit, what? Are you okay? Does… Does it hurt? Why didn’t you say anything?” Nie MingJue’s attitude made a complete one-eighty and a look of concern flashed across his face. He wasn’t particularly gentle last night…
Lan XiChen shook his head, a bit too enamored by Nie MingJue’s sincerity. “I’m a little sore but I feel okay.”
“Oooh… A natural bottom I see.” Nie MingJue’s playful smirk returned. Lan XiChen threw the pillow at his face in response but immediately covered himself back up with his hands.
“Okay, okay, no more teasing, I promise. I’m sorry,” Nie MingJue crossed his index and pointer fingers as if they were back in middle school and slipped out of bed, buck naked without a care. “Are you hungry? I know a good spot.”
“What?” Lan XiChen wasn’t listening, distracted by the muscles rippling on the man as he searched for his clothes. He almost regretted not letting him go down on him (again. Oh, it was truly a shame that he could only remember vague flashes.)
“Breakfast, XiChen,” Nie MingJue repeated. “As in bacon and eggs? Some OJ? Or would you rather have me? Cause I don’t mind-”
“Breakfast sounds good.” Lan Xichen stopped him, finally coming to terms with the situation and regaining his composure. Although he was still a bit flustered, he admired the confidence that Nie MingJue carried himself with, and it even inspired a little something in him. He dropped his hands, walking towards his bathroom completely bare. “But…don’t you want to get washed up first?”
He made sure Nie MingJue caught the wink he threw over his shoulder and stepped inside, leaving the door open behind him. The deep laughs that followed sent vibrations through his body and, this time, he did nothing to will away his growing erection.
Outside, Nie MingJue dropped his clothes and stared amusedly at the open door. Now that’s closer to what I remember from last night. This kid is damn adorable, he thought, and followed the other into the bathroom.