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Childe was usually having nightmares.
Even though he pretended that the abyss never got to him and he only becomes stronger it was all a blatant lie. The abyss did make Childe stronger physically but his psyche was getting worse even after his time in the abyss which led Childe to start pushing people away. He could push away anyone…
His family?
He is just always busy in Liyue and through the letters they can never see the depth of his actual pain.
Harbingers?
They want him dead anyways not like they care what’s going on with him.
Lumine?
Lumine was a huge problem. She was his partner, the one person in the whole world who saw him vulnerable in bed when he woke up from a nightmare.
She was there to calm him. Lumine was there for him when his inside demons didn’t let him rest. Childe would never push Lumine away she was his everything and he loved her deeply. The huge smile on her lips when he came back home from his harbinger duties, even the way she acted when he kissed her, Childe could almost always predict her reaction which usually consisted of her eyes fluttering in surprise and her arms tangling around his neck and pulling Childe closer (and then they would go to their bed and the fun begun…)
But today he felt more vulnerable than usual. His demons sometimes got to him even more then usual and Lumine wasn’t around to help it for the past couple of days, she decided to visit Mondstat for some Adventure Guild commissions that helped her to stay active while Childe was at his work. He was angrily walking around the harbour trying not to attract too much attention but people still turned around to him in horror “Do they hate me because I tried to drown Liyue?” questioned the voice in his head.
Another voice replied “They probably do Childe, you should just go home and cry your pitiful heart out and wait for Lumine to return and see your pretending to be happy again? Isn’t that what you actually want Childe?” “Childe” did want that indeed.
Wait a minute.
Childe wanted this.
Was he Childe? The always cheerful and intimidating member of the public but extremely vulnerable and depressed one in the home setting, in Lumine’s company that was. Childe’s family never saw that side of him, for them he was just a cheerful Jaxie who always brought gifts from overseas and supplied them for the family.
The real him, the Ajax was the only version of him that almost died off the day he came out of the abyss, he was no longer cheerful, careless, and a weakling, he turned into a Childe and a Tartaglia, and right now his Ajax was taking control and told him to get his act together and not cry for once.
And Ajax listened to him. Ajax did really want Ajax to have control over him, his Childe and Tartaglia personalities were dominating him for the past 7 years.
That time Childe was walking home with his head held up high. But his confidence was slowly fading.
It completely faded when he saw Lumine in the kitchen cooking dinner. He ran up to her and his hands tangled around her waist with his head sinking down to her neck. “I love you” was said almost silently and Lumine wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t right next to her ear. She started caressing his hair and felt her shoulder becoming wetter. Lumine grabbed Ajax by the shoulders (which was complicated because he was basically tied to her back and was very heavy). Her expression softened and her mouth went into a frown filled with love and care “Hey what happened big boy? Intrusive thoughts again?” He nodded.
“I am scared you would leave me…”
Lumine was stunned… Did she really just heard that? Did she give any signs of that? She was terrified but tried not to show it, it wasn’t that hard since Ajax’s eyes were filled with tears that were forming rivers on his cheeks. She softly sat down on the couch and put Ajax on her lap while slowly caressing his hair.
“Sssh.” She ruffled his hair “You are safe I won’t ever leave you alone.”