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“There will be more innocent blood on your hands , Kenobi.” Maul had said in the holo, right before he killed the hostages.
The former Sith was right. It was his fault. He felt sick just thinking about that, going back in his quarters without really noticing what he was doing, his vision blurred.
He had killed him. Maul. He should have been dead. The Sith had killed his Master and Obi-Wan had-- had avenged him. It was not right for a Jedi to seek revenge, but in that moment, just in that brief second, it had felt good knowing that he had avenged his Master, killing the one who had taken his life. And now--
He was glad he was, somehow, already in his room by the time the need to retch overwhelmed him, barely making to the fresher before emptying his stomach. He went back to the room he was standing before.
It's my fault. He felt his knees give and he put a hand on the near wall to not fall, his vision blurred, his breath ragged.
Maul had killed his Master and he hadn't even managed to kill him-- he fell on the floor, the world had begun to spin around him and-- and he couldn't breath, the air just refusing to reach his lungs and he was barely aware about the fact that someone was knocking at his door, quite insistently, but he ignored it, his mind caught in the past, his chest filling with regret.
He had failed his Master, he hadn't been able to protect him, he hadn't been strong enough, and he hadn't even been able to avenge him.
He thought about Naboo, about Maul, while he gasped and tried to breathe, he remembered the anger, that blinding rage he had felt when he had killed-- no, almost killed-- Maul and wondered if maybe he had failed not only his Master, but also the Jedi, he had been unable to control his emotions then-- and even now he was not able to, he thought, his mind showing him with images of his commander, bright as he always was.
He was running into oxygen debt, some part of him was suggesting, and that was probably why the images he was seeing in his head started to change, his commander no longer smiling as he handed him back his lightsaber, but bleeding out in front of him, Maul's lightsaber through his chest and--
Suddenly someone was talking to him, his voice close, trying to reach into his head through the fog that was clouding it. But Obi-Wan couldn't hear him, not while he was still trapped in his own mind, witnessing Cody's death, murdered by the man he had failed to kill--
“-- at me, general, focus on me.” some of the words reached his mind and he noticed a steady beat under his right palm and he tried to focus on that, trying to mimic its steady pace with his breathing, feeling through the Force that someone was tying to project calmness to him, even though he could feel how worried they were.
“That's it, Obi-Wan, breath in and out, slowly--” his vision cleared a little and he could see Cody's face, so close to his, as he told him to breathe and Obi-Wan immediately did his best to do so because the last thing he wanted was to worry his commander.
He slowly looked down, everything seemed to move so slow, and saw Cody's hand holding his against his chest, right over his heart, making him feel the steady rhythm of the muscle pumping blood in his body and-- fragments of what he had seen before came back into his mind, making him sob at the thought of Cody dead, his blood spilling on the floor as his heartbeat slowed to a stop and going paler and paler--
“Hey no, no, no, focus on me,” his commander called him, touching his face so gently with his hand and moving it so that he was staring right in Cody's eyes. “Cody” he heard himself sob, a lonely tear falling from his eye as he slowly came back to himself. “Sh sh, I'm here, I'm right here” he moved his thumb, chasing the tear away.
“He's alive, Cody” he cried “I didn't kill him, he's back, he's back.” “Calm down, Obi-Wan, who's back?”
“Maul! He should have been dead, he had murdered my Master and I had killed him long ago, he can't-- he shouldn't--” the world started to spin again, Cody's face blurring again-- but then the commander was hugging him, trying to project calm through the Force again, trying to steady him.
“It's ok, it's ok, sh sh, everything is going to be alright, I promise Obi-Wan.”
And how could he not believe him, his beautiful, brave, smart, competent commander.
They stayed like that for a while: Obi-Wan sobbing in Cody's arms while he whispered soft words in his neck; until eventually, the Jedi' sobs stopped and he was breathing fine again, feeling lucid again.
He reluctantly moved from his commander's embrace and looked away, ashamed that Cody had to see him like that and then realized that something had to be burning because the burning smell was filling the room and it was coming from--
“Ah, yes-- uhm-- sorry about your door.” Cody said, his hand going to the back of his neck as he usually did when he was slightly embarrassed. “You weren't answering and-- and I tried to comm you, twice, and the sound of your comm was coming from here and I-- well I was worried something had happened and--”
“And you were right.” Obi-Wan finished for him, attempting a small smile.
“Yes. When I saw you on the floor I thought-- for a second I was afraid that I would have never had the chance to--” He stopped, looking away, and Obi-Wan noticed that his hand was still on Cody's heart and felt his heartbeat increase its speed (Or maybe it was just his own?) as he asked “The chance to do what?”
And then Cody kissed him, passionate and sweet.
The commander moved his lips again almost immediately and whispered “This.”
Obi-Wan was looking at him, shocked, his panic attack totally forgotten and Cody opened his mouth, an apology already leaving his lips and the Jedi stopped him, kissing him again, hoping to pass all his love in that kiss.
And, just for a while, nothing else existed, even Maul's return could be dealt with later as the commander and his general declared their love with their kisses, knowing that they would always be together no matter what.