Chapter Text
Hey Katsuki.
Do you think I'm weak?
Deku is staring at him. Katsuki doesn't want to see his face. He can already vision the contained judgment in it. The worry, the disappointment, the multitude of questions the nerd is probably holding from asking.
Katsuki couldn't care less.
"I don't regret it."
Saying it out loud just makes it clear he really doesn't. Just ascertains the fact he doesn't think there would be any other possible outcome, no other end to what his instincts and his own rage and want pulled him into doing.
A feeling Bakugou didn't even try to control, but instead embraced, willingly gave in without an ounce of restraint.
That is to say, given the chance, he would do it again.
"I didn't think you would."
Deku doesn't sound as angry as he expected him to be. In fact, he sounds like he understands. Like it was a well known fact that he would see Katsuki descending this low, that deep down he knew he was capable of it and that it was fated that one day they would find themselves in this position. Deku the hero, Bakugou a criminal.
The blond laughs, scoffs.
"What? Don't tell me you're surprised? Shouldn't you be glad people will finally see me as the person you know?” Katsuki the middle school bully with anger issues, the unstable animal the media was dying to see, the descent of a prodigy into ruin.
He knows Deku wouldn’t. Deku would never be happy at seeing someone he knows commit a crime, even if it was Katsuki.
But Katsuki doesn’t want to entertain that Deku’s seemingly resignation to acceptance comes from a place of pity rather than denial.
Alas, one cannot hope for anything less than compassion from the nerd.
"Kacchan, no one would ever think of you like that."
Wrong. Katsuki knows what he will try to say, a part of him is hoping for another reason to snap, not that he needs any extra motivation to rip Deku’s face to shreds. Not when he is tied to a bed with needles in his arms and a sluggish buzz under his skin that won’t settle.
He will go mad soon, he will.
"It was understandable.” Here comes the platitudes. Deku really can’t see wrong in anyone can he? “I can't say that anyone else in your situation would have acted much differently."
Katsuki could argue Deku is full of shit, that he, as a hero himself, knows that it doesn’t matter how critical the circumstances are, a hero has a job to do. Heroes don’t go on personal vendettas for blood. Deku can’t convince Katsuki that had it been him breaking down that door first he would have prioritised attacking than subsiding. Deku has more control than that.
Or normal circumstances, as a hero, Katsuki would say he has plenty of control himself.
But Deku doesn’t mean it in the hero perspective. He means it in the personal one, as a pack leader, as an Alpha.
Someone in that position? No, they probably would have not acted any differently.
But not all Alphas are heroes with explosive sweat and deadly combat skills.
From anyone that could have showed up that night, Bakugou was arguably both the worst and the best possible person to show up there, for many reasons.
Doesn’t change the fact the results were still a complete mess.
"What? Excusing murder now?” He has to press. Deku can be biased, no matter how much he tries to deny it. Pretty sure legally he should be kept far away from this case, too personally compromised. “What a hero you are."
"What?” The green eyed hero blurts out, startled. “Kacchan- no, you didn't kill him."
At that the blond finally snaps to look at the man standing a couple feet from his bed. Deku looks unsettled, rough and troubled by this whole situation and at the thought Katsuki believed himself to have done such a thing as purposely killing someone.
"Why would you think that?"
That is a stupid question, Deku should know that. Bakugou was sure he killed him. Hell, he was going for it, he was trying to. Not by blowing the guy to pieces no, that wouldn’t bring him any satisfaction, wouldn’t even make it close to extinguishing the absolute white hot fury coursing through Katsuki’s body. At the time, the voice in his head chanted for repayment, roared for rightful resolution.
It seemed nothing but death would instil it.
Why would it be unusual to think he hadn’t accomplished his goal when Katsuki is know for nothing else than being the hero that always wins?
Hearing Deku’s attempt at reassurance Katsuki can't say if the knowledge he didn't succeed is bitter with unexpected hope or regret over failing.
Apparently his face shows exactly how conflicted he is.
"Look, as far as I know he's still alive. Was alive when he was taken." So nothing concrete on that. There is a chance Katsuki will have done it, a chance he will have crushed that rat to oblivion, erased his existence from this earth by his own hands.
How does one stop violence knowing deep down the reasoning of ‘doing the right thing’ doesn’t really apply?
He is curious over how they did it. If Deku was there with whatever backup was probably called in to rip a feral Alpha, on a Cry induced frenzy off a transgressor. How was the sight of Katsuki, the bloodlusted look in his eyes while infringing punishment to someone that deserved it.
He must have looked like one of those gruesome paintings, of old war lords and battle Gods. Bathed in armour made of flesh and gore.
That would explain the added haunted edge to Deku's expression, the slow flashes of recollection he shakes out of his mind with a few quick blinks.
"Not to say you didn't do a number on him but... yeah, nobody died."
Nobody died.
Katsuki wants to laugh, a humourless act over the carefree way Deku said that. As if they don't know there should probably be another word added to the sentence.
Nobody died, yet. Nobody has died under Katsuki's fists that night, nobody has died over that man's barbaric game. Nobody died, but they might, and even that won't change the fact that consequences will follow. For Katsuki, for that excuse of a betrayer, for Eiji.
Katsuki wouldn't have regretted killing him. Of that he's sure.
"Should that make me feel fucking better?"
Figures they would send Deku in to attempt getting him to talk. The only other man synced up to be at the receiving end of Katsuki's retorts without cracking at his lack of patience and overall discontent. Of course they'd think he's their best bet, but Katsuki couldn't give a shit.
He doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to recount shit to anyone much less stupid Deku about what happened.
Not that he actually remembers much of it, his memories fogged by flashes of red and the sickening smell of pain.
Not the one he took delight in, no, not that one. But of pain which fuelled his lust for revenge, for attainment that wouldn't be conquered even after Katsuki made him pay with blood.
Katsuki half expected to find his hands still smudged with it. Knuckles scraped from meeting bone unprotected. His nose itches with the overpowering scent of medical grade bleach. They somehow got him washed off while he was down, scrubbing off the smell of enemy, to avoid his Alpha going into another bolt of manic filled hysteria over it. That or to get rid of the distressing scent of panic that no doubt clung to his clothes.
His lungs might be permanently stained with it, the wild feverish aftertaste of turmoil. His memories will never be able to totally erase it, the stickiness at the base of his tongue, a scar in the flesh of his inner self, his very soul, his Alpha.
You failed, they hurt, why did you let it happen?
Did he? He doesn't know. It doesn't matter the moment he showed up, it would always feel like he was too late. If he had made a move the second the itch started it wouldn't have been soon enough. He had ignored the feeling, he could have stopped himself from showing up- hell, he did, he held back, for hours, for fucking days- he was too proud to be seen as a regular overprotective Alpha, to show up acting like a lunatic without any other reason than to check up because his stupid instincts were acting up like a clingy pup does to its mother.
Too afraid to show he cared more than what he acts like, even for the one person he knows for sure would never judge, the only person who would never think of him as less.
You failed him.
Of that, Katsuki will never forgive himself.
"Kacchan, it will be okay. Kirishima will be fine-"
"Shut up."
Shut up. Don’t you fucking dare.
"Don't fucking tell me it will be fine, don't fucking treat me like I'm an idiot that doesn't know exactly what the fuck happened and what it could mean."
Don’t treat me like I don’t understand. Katsuki trembles, a dark sticky feeling cloying his lungs. He will do it, he will jump out of this bed and plummet Deku, tear him some new matching scars in his best looking arm and kick his ass into kingdom come if he thinks he can stand there and try to coddle him.
He can’t say that, he can’t promise Katsuki it will be okay, not when even the best case scenario will leave invisible marks, will leave bruises and ghosts Eiji will carry with him forever.
A memento of Katsuki’s failure that will never go away.
Sterilized air fills his lungs, the overpowering disappointment clawing inside his ribcage
Running from it won’t help.
Running from things is what brought him to this point, and look how that ended up for them.
He can't change the past, can't change what he's done, what he hasn't.
Katsuki is not making the same mistake again.
They stay quiet for a while, Deku has enough of a danger sense to know when he should back off. Katsuki can only grit his teeth so he won’t growl. The quirk inhibitors they dosed him with are probably the only reason his sheets aren’t smoking, fists tight on white scentless fabric.
Whatever tell Deku can read in the stiffness of Katsuki shoulders makes it clear he should just drop it, that Katsuki is at his limit, too raw to entertain any discussion about this.
Katsuki wants him gone, and Deku is not oblivious to it. He knows better than to attempt anything else, and has made his mind to leave, is about to, but not before some choice parting words.
"Kirishima is strong."
He is. Katsuki doesn’t need a reminder of it. Eijirou is strong and amazing and one of the few people Katsuki actually respects and trusts. He’s loyal and radiant and he never gives up.
Red Riot the hero is a shield, and in a fight he is an unshakeable wall.
But if you get to know who lies underneath like Katsuki does, you would know Kirishima Eijirou is not unbreakable.
All Katsuki can do is hope he has enough in him to keep himself from cracking all the way through.
For once in his life, Katsuki is not thinking about how he will bring things crumbling down but how he will restore, raise them up. His hands that are used to destruction are of no value if they can't keep Ei together.
There's a great hero in you.
This is his time to make true to that belief.
They won't let him out, and Katsuki understands that. They'd put him down for two whole days and have been keeping him hooked up on the drip since.
He knows what they are trying to avoid, and hell, he won't lie and say it won't happen if he leaves. The itch is a dull background thing that most likely will be there for as long as it takes for the other affected part to snap out of it.
Katsuki might go mad because of it. He might, but he also won’t complain and risk having the Doctors pumping him with something else so he won’t feel it. He would definitely lose it sooner if he couldn’t.
He can't help it; it's engraved in his bones now. He ignored it once and all of this happened, there is no way his brain won't get triggered into another protective primal streak now that it has seen what trying to rationalise things does.
Late, fail.
Katsuki can be a well known hero with enough of an influence to be able to force himself out of the situation, but he has no intention to. His agency and their PR team have mobilised a whole front to keep this under wraps, and Katsuki has made no move to fight it or to contribute in any way to help advance the case.
The situation is sensitive enough to have them leaving things be, too reluctant to push Katsuki into compliance, even more following such a recent feral incident involving another hero.
He has not given his statement and has refused to speak to anyone about the incident. Even with the first responders and his fellow hero colleagues input over what they stumbled upon in the Eijirou state, the force is still hesitant to let someone like him go before they get a clearer statement from the three involved.
Not that they should, when relapse feels less like a probability and more like a certainty. Katsuki can’t vouch for his self-control if he’s made to leave, to go further away from Eiji than he already is.
So they wait, and it is not less than eighty-six hours after it all started that Katsuki feels that pull inside him pulse, the bruising grip in his ribs easing.
The blond let out a breath so shaky no one would ever believe it came from him. Katsuki feels lightheaded for a second, heart rate slowing to a reasonable level for the very first time since the week started.
And has it been that long? Has it been almost a whole week since the itch had made it impossible for Katsuki to function?
A week from the morning Katsuki woke up and lifted weights until his arms started shaking while the sun came up in the sky, and then he run on a treadmill until his legs gave out because he thought that if he tired himself enough to shut down completely then he wouldn’t have to think about the fact Eiji was somewhere else spending his heat with someone that wasn’t Katsuki.
One week since he cursed himself from being a nuthead and believing he was losing his mind because it had never felt like that before, like there were bugs crawling under his skin and a ring in his ears that just wouldn’t shut up.
He felt like he was splitting at the seams, and at the time he believed it was just his own consciousness punishing him from running off, his Alpha whining at his inability to win an Omega, The Omega.
Little did he understand that it was both the Omega calling out and his Alpha trying to reach back.
The sudden looseness in his limbs brings a couple stray tears to form at his waterline. The sensation doesn’t drop his barriers but it is a type of sensory overload, numbness fading to a tingling rush from toes to fingertips, like pressing a reset switch.
It is relieving. If Ei snapped out of the Cry it means he's not going under, it means there is a chance and Katsuki only needs that. Just a chance and he will take it and make sure Ei can get better, Katsuki will make sure of it.
Katsuki expects he will hear from someone long before a nurse shows up in his room hours later.
He hopes she’s not there to only deliver a message.
"Mr. Bakugou, if you wouldn't mind accompanying me?"
She isn’t, and Katsuki’s limbs can barely restraint from shaking as she pulls out the needles so he can follow her.
The Omega wing is predictably far, and it takes both of them a while to make it there at the steady pace Katsuki forces himself to keep to. His allocated supervision personnel had been reluctant at taking the dismissal from the nurse, but after being informed their destination had its own pair of security that would be available just in case, they dropped it and went on their ways.
Katsuki was conflicted, unsure if this was the right course of action. His Alpha wanted reassurance but at the same time didn't feel like it deserved any.
Earning to protect, but unclear if they were allowed to.
It didn't matter, in the end. If he was being taken it was because Ei asked for him, and in situations like this you don't deny an Omega any comfort they might need.
Is not about Katsuki, but about Ei. And whatever Eiji needs, Katsuki will give it to him, no more hesitation.
Never again. Never.
To put an Omega through withdrawal was nothing but the lowest form of cruelty.
Omegas have very specific rituals for heats, a whole process of accommodating for a partner. It's the reminiscent mating season courting of the old, where they incite their bodies for a viable partner, exchange scents while their bodies prepare to be attended for.
It’s intimate, on a biological level, an Omega heat with a predicted partner and one without are completely different experiences.
An Omega only goes on a proper, fertile heat, when it's been made clear they won't be going through it alone.
A way to preserve the gender, to keep their strength and avoid succumbing to vulnerabilities. To ease out for reproduction when that is actually viable and to avoid the extra stress put on their bodies when making the effort would just be a waste.
To refuse an Omega after complying and reciprocating their biological reassurances is cruel.
Withdrawal in its less impervious form, is only know to happen in exceptional circumstances where their partner has become unable to participate.
In those situations Omegas are rushed to hospitals to be monitored. Injured Alphas have been know for fighting to get to their bonded mate at the edge of unconsciousness, draw by their Omegas distress to find them and soothe, appease.
Heat withdrawal is a condition born by crisis, as the Omega has already set themselves physically and mentally to mate. The hormones have been produced and circulated, the body readying for a mating, for a partner.
That state can't be reversed naturally once established, and to attempt so puts great strain on them, physically and mentally.
Is an arduous, painful process, that should never be made to happen on purpose.
But it doesn't mean it didn't use to happen, doesn't mean there aren't people capable of doing just that.
Disgusting, insensitive scum that trigger withdrawal as a punishing method, as a tool used to exploit an Omega.
As a means to force a bond.
Bonds are an exchanged vow between people. They cannot be unilateral, and can only form when both parts are willing and committed to honour it.
To demand a bond in exchange of satiating a planned shared heat is an intimidation technique- if it can even be called that- that is pretty harsh on Omega instincts and a very archaic way of straining them, manipulating them through exhaustion during a fragile time of need.
After goading them for extended periods of time during a triggered heat, the Omega instinct to call for mollification when their bodies are subjected to constant stress can make it so they start to release bonding pheromones as a defence mechanism.
The body tries to compensate for the unwillingness of the mind, tricking itself into complying to the desire of the Alpha in a purely self-preservation tactic, and as such a bite during that state can result in a lasting bond.
It is a leftover of a time of war and chaos, a horror story and a darker than black spot in the development timeline of humankind.
They call it the Breaking of an Omega for a reason.
Deny them of their needs to achieve compliance, instil fear and psychological torture on a once keen companion. It is slow, takes time and persistence- intent. It is a play at distorting nature, is beating up their barriers to steal a mock, unsavoury version of control, a twisted kind of power.
Force on them a mark they will never be able to get rid of.
Is abominable. Is vile.
Katsuki should have murdered him.
The fact that they had been at it for over two days says how much of Eiji wasn't willing, refusing to bend to that part of his brain that was crying to be soothed, confused over why it was being rejected, trying to find a way to appease, to make Alpha happy, to fix whatever was wrong, to show Omega could be good in order to be accepted, cared for.
Shows how invested that bastard was in robbing Eiji of his choice, of taking him and violating an Omega's trust. Eiji's trust.
'I was thinking of sharing my heat with him this time.'
'You mean a full one yes? That's big!'
"I wanna show him that I'm serious you know? That I really like him.'
Remembering that, Katsuki never felt so destructive, so capable of atrocities. His fury could blast a whole city down, makes him long for the feeling of tearing flesh in his teeth, for the sick crunch of bones underneath his fists.
How dare he? How dare he betray Eiji like that? How dare he.
Katsuki should have killed him. He would not regret it.
He regrets not succeeding.
Katsuki stops mid-way through the short brick path, has the urge to double check if he locked his car because he can’t remember if he did it right even when knowing he probably did, almost setting the remote on fire in the process, his sweaty hands making the thing more of an accidental hand grenade than anything else.
He’s crazy. All his friends will say so when they hear from Eiji that he showed up at his doorstep in the middle of his heat because Katsuki felt itchy. What the fuck is he even trying to accomplish? Does he want to make Ei upset? Does he want to look like he’s challenging his boyfriend? Does he want to officially become the psycho overprotective best friend?
‘Hey, I know you are in the middle of a heat, but could you two stop fucking for a second and tell me everything is cool? Scream your safe word if not; traffic lights?’
What the fuck is wrong with him.
He can see it, he can see the disappointment in Eiji’s face, the hurt, the anger.
Are you trying to ruin things for me?
The world doesn’t revolve around you.
You can’t just show up now.
It's too late, Kats.
Katsuki will ruin everything. He will ruin everything because he’s having an Alpha jealousy crisis because his best friend- which Katsuki has been deliberately refusing to admit he has feelings for- is going serious for a guy that isn’t him.
You have no right, you have no right to go there, not after rejecting him for so long.
Because that’s what he has been doing. Katsuki has taken every more than casual touch, every charged lock of eyes, every lingering look and tender sign of affection and met it with indifference.
He has taken all of Eiji’s devoting and sincere offerings of intimacy and made him think the sentiment was not reciprocated.
Because Eiji has been telling him he loves him for years, and all Katsuki has ever done is leave him wanting.
Eiji shouldn’t live begging for Katsuki’s love, he shouldn’t linger around and wait forever for someone that won’t take his hand. He deserves better.
And so Eiji, always so admirably resilient, licks his wounds and goes, tries his hand at a love that isn’t lacking, tries to get from others what he so craves and Katsuki refuses to give.
Katsuki is a fuck up. The fact Ei is there and Katsuki is outside just makes it more clear. Katsuki is a fuck up, he’s bad at feelings and he’s shit at caring and shit at loving and Eijirou should not content himself with having a fucked up mate that can’t even say he loves him to his face.
Katsuki isn’t here because he wants to beg Eiji to choose him, although his Alpha is screaming those words inside him- Katsuki is here because he feels ill and jittery and he can’t sleep or eat or work- and God, is this how life without Eiji will be?- and his whole being is just saying something is wrong and maybe if he finally talks to Ei it can be over.
They can end it, this attachment Katsuki has, this craving his Alpha has, this string that connects both of them. If Katsuki can see that Eiji is content and sheltered then he will know for sure it’s only him, it’s only him that has to let go now, only him that has to kill that part that won’t let go of Ei, that won’t stop longing for him.
It will be over, and Katsuki will come back to his apartment and watch that part of him that didn’t want to give up take its last wheezing breath and be laid to rest.
He will let himself feel the loss, for that one night, in the silence of his room. An evening clearing out the dust of his crumbling walls, withstanding that lone howling in the void of his chest.
On Monday, they will be best friends again, only that.
Katsuki won’t love him any less, but Eiji will never know. Ei will have his best friend, and soon enough, all the love he deserves.
Katsuki will have a little empty space, a missing piece, never to be filled again.
Once in a while it will cause him pain, but it will be alright. He knew what he signed up for, anyway.
You let him go and now you can't beg for his heart.
Katsuki is a fuck up, and now he is going mad.
This is one of the most stupidest, insane thing he’s ever done, and it is paired up with one of the most relevant, turning points of his life.
He won’t go back before settling this though, at this point, he can’t, really.
Katsuki made all the way through here knowing something must be done. Be it his emotional suicidal mission or his and Eiji's relationship breaking point, the red line had been crossed the moment he blinked and found himself turning the ignition on, a single destination in mind.
Now he’s here, and Every step closer feels pressing, Katsuki wants to try and make sense of why but he can’t stop himself from moving. He feels like a puppet that has lost control over his limbs and this is bad, very bad because he though he would feel better but the itching is only getting worse.
He's too agitated, high wired in a way that he's never experienced before. Katsuki doesn't feel like himself at all, hasn't for days. Something is wrong with him and he should have fucking driven himself to a mental hospital instead of Eiji's fucking house.
He doubts his legs would have taken him anywhere else though, doubts his brain would let him drive further and not towards Ei's direction.
Katsuki can barely think clearly at this point, his back is soaked with sweat and he feels hot and cold and maybe this is just a bug, a nasty bug that has Katsuki running a fever so high he is delirious, acting up on imaginary pulls.
He bets he smells like the total mess he's become, bets his stink is a face curling atrocity of sickness and anxiety.
Eiji will be so angry.
He might pass out before he makes it to the door, he's got tunnel vision, the colours and shapes too defined and sharp to the point it hurts to focus. Katsuki's got goosebumps, hair standing on end as something akin to electricity courses through him, his eyes throb, his tongue feels heavy and he can taste the air in his bared teeth.
It tastes foul.
Katsuki breathes in the scent that surrounds Eiji’s place, the hints of sunshine and fresh thyme, an edge of chili spiciness that seeped into the wood grain of the windowsills, that clings to the flowers he tends to so often, to the faint unmistakable trail of Eiji Katsuki would recognise in a sea of thousands of others.
It smells rotten.
Katsuki’s Alpha trashes, incensed, outraged, feral. The itch becomes flames.
Everything feels wrong. There is something hanging in the air, a tingle that zaps at Katsuki's skin, that hardens him like the weapon that he can be in seconds. His brain doesn't need more to understand what his senses detect, what the cloud of pheromones has to say.
Help me.
The beast in Katsuki breaks lose.
It wants many things, including destroy, defend, avenge.
It knows there is only one thing it has to find.
Eiji.
And there will be nothing that will stop Katsuki from getting to him.
Looking at him, red hair down and surprisingly soft, something Katsuki has learned from too many hours spent helping him colour it, Katsuki is once again struck by how unfair the universe is, to allow pain to be dealt to those who are so undeserving of it.
His eyes are tired, weighted by too many shed tears and little rest. The look he levels Katsuki with is not a cold one, as he expected, and Katsuki is so relieved to see a resemblance of the person he knows still there that his eyes fill up with moisture. He was scared of entering the room to find out Eiji was nothing like he remembered, a shell of his former self.
In retrospect he should know, as Eiji is strong. Human, and not immune to everything around him, but still strong, still a fighter through and through.
Eiji looks at Katsuki and his eyes are tired but not empty, his face is a little pale but still full. He looks at Katsuki and Katsuki feels seen, feels transparent, open and bare.
Only Eiji can do that, see the whole of who he is so effortlessly.
In return, Katsuki can read Eiji just easily, let him know there is nothing of him he wouldn't notice.
Is out of habit that Eiji tries to smile, but doesn't try to push it when he doesn't succeed.
He doesn't need to hide, doesn't need to fake it in front of Katsuki, doesn't need to be strong every single second in his presence.
Katsuki is powerful, and he will have Eiji's back any day, any time, always.
Ei is Katsuki's shield, and Katsuki, his.
An unbeatable foe, a hero that stands up in the battlefield, roars a winning cry. Katsuki will never lose if Eiji is there, together they are a force to be reconned with.
You, and me, unparalleled.
Eiji smells too much like sadness and not enough like himself. Katsuki buries his face on his neck, and there is a hint of metal there, broken skin where it could be harder than steel but is just too soft when unguarded. The omega curls up on his chest and tightens his arms around Katsuki so tight it hurts but he doesn't care, Eiji could crush him to dust and Katsuki wouldn't bat an eyelash at it.
Eiji is in pain and it tugs at all the strings inside Katsuki. He wishes Eiji didn't had to go through this, didn't have to feel like this. Worn, abused, fooled.
I think I really like him, you know?
Katsuki would take it for him if given the chance, would swallow the suffering and the tears in a heartbeat if it meant Eiji wouldn't have to. He would bleed and split his own skin open, he would take any blows and any humiliation or scorn for the sake of his pack member, of his best friend, his treasured person.
Alphas provide, Alphas protect- they are there not to exert dominance over a pack but to earn a place of leadership, to build strong bonds and share freely given respect. Alphas are to join and seed prosperity, growth.
Alphas bring safety to their peers, foster fear on any who tries to challenge the balance in their pack, overpower the equilibrium.
I should have told you I love you back.
Eiji was his to protect, but Katsuki was too scared to take on the responsibility.
Now Eiji is paying the price of his attempt at finding someone else, of his misjudgement. The price of Katsuki's own mistakes too.
He doesn't deserve him. But Katsuki will be dammed if he won't try to be the best for Ei, to give him what he wants. There will not be another being in this earth who will be more devoted to Eiji than Katsuki, who will care and support him for all days and all seasons to come, up to the day they are gone and long thereafter.
Katsuki will never let him go again. Never hold back from locking their fingers, never look at his back from a distance.
If Ei will still have him, that is.
He can't ask but he will offer, his flesh and his heart, his whole being. All the time he has left and all else he has to give.
Katsuki has always belonged to Eiji, no matter how much he tried to dodge it.
Katsuki was Eiji's, he has know that for years now.
Deep down within himself, he imagines he's know so forever.
There might not be such thing as true mates, or a perfect match. But there would be not, there will never ever be, anyone that lights a fire in Katsuki like Eiji does, no one will ever get even close to the breath-taking sigh of Ei's smile, of the airless sound of his laughter, of the searing warmth of his skin or the otherworldly quality of his presence.
Eiji is Katsuki's first morning thought and his main source of joy. Eiji is firm strikes and powerful boulders that withstand Katsuki's strongest moves. Is not looking over his shoulders knowing he will be there, in or outside the battlefield.
Eiji brings out everything that is good, everything that Katsuki is proud of. He is alive and honest and the biggest example someone can change themselves as long as they never give up trying. Katsuki should have learn that, and live by example.
He sees the part of Katsuki that is most human, he understands him without need of an explanation. He accepts his flaws and tells him that is okay to have weaknesses and that it doesn't make him less of a hero.
Hey, Katsuki.
Do you think I'm weak?
Katsuki would never.
Then don't beat yourself up for the smallest things. We are people Kats, if you're having a bad day remember I will be there to watch over you, there is no need to worry.
You will do the same for me, won't you?
Katsuki doesn't know everything that awaits them ahead, but whatever it is they will face up, they will do it together.
And there is no stronger duo out there than them.
You, and me, beyond doubt.