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Cassandra noted that the Inquisitor was absent at breakfast that morning. Dorian, Iron Bull and Blackwall all seemed a little more tired than normal. Sera had come in late, her hair even more tousled than usual and the usually chatty girl was quiet and sullen. Dorian’s usually perfect skin had a slight greenish tint, Iron Bull drank an extra cup of coffee and Blackwall had bags under his eyes.
Cassandra didn’t want to ask, but she had to know. She found Iron Bull out in the training yard, and asked if he’d help her with her shield bash. He acted surprised, but quickly accepted. They worked in silence for a minute, Iron Bull offering advice when he could. Not that she needed much, she considered herself quite good at the technique. .
“You didn’t come over just for help, did you?” he said, as she landed another perfect blow, knocking him flat on his ass.
“Not quite,” she admitted, helping him up.
“I was just wondering if you knew why the inquisitor was missing at breakfast this morning. I know he was out late at the tavern last night.”
Iron Bull burst into raucous laughter. “I’m sure you do. It was quite an evening. One that will probably go down in Skyhold history.”
Iron Bull laid down his shield and rested his arm against a practice dummy, making himself comfortable. Cassandra dropped her shield next to her and watched the Qunari as he cleared his throat and began to tell the story.
“I guess they got back from the Hinterlands late, and Sera and the boss were all wired and had been riling each other up for most of the trip back. She’s a bad influence on him, I’ve always thought so. Sera was talking about that song the tavern singer wrote about her and how much she hates it. So they had the great idea to steal the lute. Sera distracted her, while the boss took it and hid it upstairs in Sera’s quarters. Then they proclaimed the tavern was too quiet without it, so they asked Rocky to teach them a dwarven drinking song. Of which there are many. At this point they were both stone sober. Then Maryden came down and noticed her lute is missing and she looks like she’s about to cry. So the boss is going to fess up, but instead Sera makes her have a drink with them. She does, and forgets about the lute for the moment. Then Blackwall shows up, and he is a mess. Sera gets on him, and she buys him a drink as well, all on the boss’s tab, by the way. She gets him to admit he’s mooning over Josephine, and so Sera starts giving him advice on how to woo her, which he is not listening to. Sera gets refills for both hers and the boss’s drinks, slaps the serving girl’s behind and starts giving Blackwall sex advice, loudly. I noticed the Inquisitor seemed quite interested in what she had to say.”
He paused there, sneaking a pointed look at Cassandra, who didn’t react, only kept her nose wrinkled.
“Is that the story then?” she asked, raising her shield again.
“Oh there’s more,” Iron Bull said, shifting his weight from his bad foot to his good one and leaning more against the dummy.
“At this point, the tavern is about half full, but then the rest of my boys show up from killing vints in the south. Krem buys the boys a round, and cute little Scout Harding shows up with her people from scouting in the west. Sera and Boss get that look they have when they are plotting something. They know Krem has a thing for the scout and they each have about two pints in them.”
Iron Bull stopped again, adding an aside. “Two pints is Sera’s limit. Everyone knows after three, she goes tits up.”
Cassandra sighed and rolled her eyes. “And then what?”
“Oh, okay so, the two of them, go talk in the corner, and Blackwall comes over to me and tells me that the two of them have been trying to figure out how to hook those two up. They’ve already tried a couple tactics that haven’t worked. I see the two of them split up, and Sera is talking to Krem and the boss gets Harding to dance with him. I overhear Sera tell Krem that the boss is sweet on Harding, I know that’s a lie but Krem didn’t so he goes right up to Harding after that and asks her to dance.”
“But there was no music?” Cassandra asked. “The lute was stolen?”
“Oh yeah, at some point before they started dancing, I went up to Sera’s room and brought it back downstairs. Had it stashed under the bed, sloppy. Sera didn’t even notice and Maryden thanked me profusely and said something about putting me in a song. So Krem and Harding are dancing, and so are Blackwall and Skinner and the boss asks one of the other scouts, and then I get roped into dancing with Dalish, while Sera shouts encouragement at us all. Oh and Dorian repeatedly asks to cut in.”
“When did Dorian show up?” Cassandra interjected, a bit frustrated.
“Oh, he was there the whole time,” Iron Bull said. “He started a weird drinking game where everyone had to repeat a gesture at the same time or you had to take a drink. The Sera started adding rules. Pretty much everything you did required taking a drink. But the joke was that Dorian wasn’t actually swallowing the ale and everyone was getting more and more smashed.”
Cassandra let out a small sigh. “Do I want to know the rest?”
“Oh yeah, it keeps going. So at some point, this scout from Ferelden and one of the mercs from Orlais are in a tussle, and Blackwall breaks it up and he gets an elbow to the cheek. He’s fine, just a little bruised, but the girls are all over him, bringing him a cold compress and asking if he’s alright. Lucky bastard. Then Sera and the boss invite them to have a drink with us and there’s no chairs. So Sera tells them to sit on her lap. So little Sera has a serving girl on each knee, and Blackwall is dying laughing, and the boss goes behind the counter to get more drinks. They started another drinking game that involves removal of clothing, and well you know the boss, he has no shame. First round in and he’s shirtless and Sera has nothing on under her tunic and she announces loudly that Dalish is not wearing any underpants, which just makes Skinner turn red. Those two run off, probably to screw in my bed again, good for them. Blackwall walks one of the girls to her room upstairs, and when he comes back he has two red lip prints on his face that Sera points out to the entire tavern. Which means more drinks. At this point Sera is completely red faced, and stumbling around the room, so Blackwall grabs her around the waist and carries her off over his shoulder, flashing her bare ass to everyone by the way. He told me later she kicked him in the shin but tripped over her own feet and passed out on the floor of her room. I convinced the boss not to have another drink and to put his shirt back on, but he said he wanted to stay, so I asked the serving girl, that cute blondie Mirabelle, to close his tab and make sure he got to bed. Last I saw they looked pretty cozy. I woke up on the floor next to Grim with Sera’s pants hanging off my horn.”
“And you didn’t take the inquisitor back to his quarters?” Cassandra questioned, trying to hide her anger.
“Nah, he was trying to close the deal, I didn’t want to interfere,” Iron Bull grinned at her.
“That is quite the story,” she said, trying to compose herself, picking up her shield and adjusting her grip.
“Yep,” Iron Bull replied, cracking his neck. “Now let’s train for real.”
The next shield bash barely even set Iron Bull back an inch. He scowled.
“Really Cass?” Iron Bull said, looking down at her. “That all you got?”
Cassandra righted herself and tried again, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Don’t call me Cass.”
“You wouldn’t be distracted, would you?” Iron Bull tapped her shield lightly. “Again.”
“No, I am fine,” Cassandra lifted her shield up and tried again, this time meeting a stronger resistance from Iron Bull.
“You upset about something?” Iron Bull asked, hitting his shield hard against hers, knocking her back a foot.
“No, what is there to be upset about?”
“Oh, maybe the fact that we spent the night in the tavern, and last thing I saw was the boss with one of the girls?”
Cassandra gritted her teeth and shoved, hard. Her shield bounced off of his with a loud clang that rattled her teeth.
“No.” Cassandra lowered her shield. “I think that’s enough training.”
Iron Bull laughed. “He really got under your skin, didn’t he?”
Cassandra let out a disgusted noise. She wasn’t sure what bothered her more, the fact that it was upsetting her, or the fact that Iron Bull saw through her so clearly. She couldn’t leave letting him think he had the upper hand.
She gathered her reserves of strength and bashed with her shield. He gave a shout and tried to oppose her, but she had too much momentum, and he was swiftly knocked flat on his back.
“Give the boss my regards,” Iron Bull said from his position on the ground. Cassandra walked past him, not helping him up.
She ran into Jeremiah on the stairs. Other than the scruffier than normal facial hair, he looked like he always did. He didn’t even look tired. He didn’t have the slight greenish tint to his skin she noticed in the others, or the dark circles under his eyes. He looked well rested, actually.
“Morning Cass,” he said, cheerful and casual.
“Good morning,” she said, looking at him critically. “I didn’t expect you to be up, after hearing about last nights...activities.”
“Oh yeah?” he replied, running a hand through his messy hair. “Did you hear about how we stole Maryden’s lute? It was Sera’s idea.”
“Yes, that wasn’t all I heard about,” Cassandra replied.
“Oh yeah, Dorian taught us some weird Tevinter drinking game. I didn’t quite understand it,” Jeremiah shrugged and kept walking, beginning to pass her. “You should have been there.”
“It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing I would enjoy,” she said, following him.
“It’s a shame, out of everyone here, you seem like you would benefit from a night of fun the most.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cassandra didn’t bother hiding her indignation. “I have fun!”
“Sure you do,” Jeremiah stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “When’s the last time you took that hair braid down?”
“I’m sorry, Inquisitor, that my idea of fun doesn’t include dancing and drinking and debauching poor innocent serving girls,” she spat, already scolding herself for letting him rile her up yet again.
“Debauchery?” Jeremiah raised an eyebrow. “Where did you hear that? I mean sure, Sera ran around without pants, but the rest of us were perfect gentleman.”
“The Iron Bull made sure to tell me exactly what went on between you and some of those serving girls.”
“Oh yeah, Mirabelle. She’s nice and all, but um.. I have my eye on someone else.” Jeremiah began walking again, and Cassandra yet again followed despite her inner objections.
“That’s not how Iron Bull tells it.”
Jeremiah laughed, “No, despite what Bull has said, I did not entertain her last night. Or any other night.”
Cassandra gaped at him and Jeremiah leaned in conspiratorially. “And don’t go spreading that around. It will ruin my reputation if it becomes known that I, Jeremiah Trevelyan, the former Heartbreaker of Ostwick, haven’t bedded anyone since before you picked me up in Haven.”
Cassandra nodded, smiling a little, but quickly recovered. “Your secret is safe with me, Inquisitor.”
Jeremiah dramatically sighed. “Thanks Cass, I knew I could count on you.”
He stopped again, “Next time, you should come. If only to watch the show. It’s amazing what you can get Sera to do after 3 glasses of ale.” He winked at her and walked away.
“I’ll consider it,” Cassandra said, this time letting him pass. She turned back toward the main hall, fully intending on making her way back to speak to Josephine.
She got to the top of the stairs and paused, heading to the Main Hall. She thought of something that made her stifle a little giggle before she continued on.
“The Heartbreaker of Ostwick?”