Chapter Text
August 2020
It was strange, stepping out of the cab in front of her Seoul apartment. Almost ten weeks Sasha had been away. Landing in Korea and so early in the morning had been surreal, the city just waking up for another day as usual as she flowed through customs and out to the cab line for a very different day than any in the last two months. She was exhausted after days of travel and blinked against the morning light. She felt like she’d been gone so long, like it ought to be winter, but the air was humid and warm, not too different than when she’d left in June. She briefly considered stopping at a coffee shop on the way to grab something quick to eat --she'd felt like she would die of hunger during the customs line--, but the exhaustion that hit her as soon as she sank into the cab’s seats banished the thought. Surely Michele and Dominique wouldn’t resent her stealing some food before she collapsed into bed. She just wanted to be home.
[Sashaya]: I know you’re still asleep but I’m home! See you soon, whenever you’re free 😘
There was no reply, but he’d wake up to it in a couple of hours probably and text her back, and she’d find it when she woke up hours after that. They were very used to this time zone game of tag by now. She had a week and a half with nothing set to do, and after working her ass off in India she was looking forward to some rest and relaxation --which for her meant some pet projects, catching up on things she’d been putting off, and probably forgetting to rest at all.
Nothing in the building had changed, she noted as she made her way up. Her rolling bag sounded so loud in the hallway. Even the light bulb hadn’t been replaced, the one burned out right outside the elevator. She had to dig for her keys because she’d forgotten to put them in a convenient place, but finally she got them out and pushed open the door, trying to be quiet so as not to wake anyone up with her entrance.
“WELCOME HOME!!!”
“Jesus Christ!” She blinked back against the unexpected lights, then burst into laughter. A Welcome Home banner looped across the living room, streamers in the corners, a giant floral arrangement sat in the middle of the coffee table, and a whole breakfast was laid out on the kitchen table. And in the middle of it all, Michele, Dominique, and Jungkook yelled with their hands up.
“You guys! It’s seven o’clock in the morning!”
“Yeah…”
“Yeah! But you didn’t think we’d let you come home to a quiet dark apartment, seriously?” Michele demanded, wrapping her in a tight hug. “You’ve lost weight! Geez, you’re light as a feather now!”
“Don’t worry, mami, we’ll fatten you up,” Dominique assured her, patting her on the ass. Sasha moved to her arms next, letting out a deep sigh as Dominique swung her side to side.
And then, Jungkook. He’d waited until last, standing patiently to the side. He looked half asleep still, his hair all messy, but he was up and grinning. When she turned to him, he just scooped her into a hug, arms circling around her waist as he molded himself to her like an overgrown, overtired puppy.
“I can’t believe you’re awake!”
“Only for you, noona.”
He smelled so good, she had a hard time disengaging herself. And he was warm and his the skin of his neck was so soft to rest her forehead against. But Dominique and Michele were herding her to the dining room table despite his grimace and playfully complaints at the way they pushed Sasha out of his embrace.
“Don’t let him fool you, he’s been up since five,” Michele teased.
“No!”
“Yes, we could hear him, stumbling around—”
“Cooking!” he argued. “Not five! Maybe… six.”
Sasha shook her head at their bickering, then caught, “Wait, did you sleep here last night?”
“Yes.”
“Without me?”
“He tried on all your clothes,” Dominique tattled.
Jungkook gave her a horrified look and waved his hands, “No! No!”
“We opened all those boxes you sent home—”
“I want to see the Elie Saab!!” Dominique practically screamed.
“Jesus, you guys are loud,” Sasha sighed, letting her head drop to the table. Michele came up behind her and started rubbing her neck.
“Didn’t you sleep on the plane?”
“You know I can't sleep on planes.”
“You haven’t slept at all? God…”
She was actually very hungry and everything smelled amazing. With her head still on her arm, she grabbed a piece of canned ham and closed her eyes happily.
“Ok but seriously, the clothes,” Dominique said. “When can we open it?”
“Sit up and eat, you weirdo,” Michele pulled her upright just as Jungkook set a prepared plate in front of her. She gave him a tired but grateful smile as he took the chair across from her.
“Later today. It’s mostly lingerie.”
“Oooooh.”
“Designer lingerie?! From where?”
“Cadolle, Agent Provocateur—”
“AGH!” Dominique cried, covering her face and kicking her feet. Jungkook was the one she asked, “Is it all amazing??”
“Don’t ask him, he only saw one thing and it was just a night slip.” Sasha said it to tease him, because he was concentrating very hard on his plate.
“What colors?”
“It was—”
“No, Jungkook, you answer! What colors was it?”
“Um… uh—”
“You don’t even remember?” Sasha cried. “I wore it twice!”
“Lingerie is wasted on men,” Michele sighed.
“Did I really just spend 8 weeks in India and all you want to ask me about is shopping in Paris? See, JK, you should be glad it was Hana and Mee with me and not these two. We’d have blown through the budget.”
“I say do that!” he scolded. “She shops only a little bit.”
“Are you complaining about what I bought?”
“Nope,” he said quickly and shoveled some food in his mouth so he couldn’t say anything else. It made them all laugh. Even with his mouth full, his eyes were smiling, catching hers in a way that felt like another type of hello, an I’m going along with this morning party but I will actually tell you hello when we’re alone.
She ignored the shiver of anticipation because she was really too tired for it to go anywhere anyway, after almost twenty four hours of travel from village to train to taxi to plane. But now at least her roommates asked her some initial questions about India, and she asked them some questions about what they’d been up to, and by eight o’clock the food was gone and the sun was up and Sasha felt herself being pulled under.
“Aw, Sashenka, so sleepy,” Michele teased, giving her a hug and kissing her hair. “Stinky and sleepy.”
“I can’t wait to go to sleep.”
“Poor Jungkook! Came all this way to see that lingerie...”
“No, I have work,” he argued.
Sasha frowned and asked, “What time?” She had assumed that him spending the night meant he’d be able to go back to bed with her, but now she realized it probably was so he could get the most sleep possible before heading to work, rather than catching a cab over in the morning.
“I leave… 9:30.”
“You guys could totally have sex in that time,” Dominique suggested. Sasha leveled a look at her that made her laugh.
Michele snorted, “Sasha looks like she’s about to drop. Go shower and sleep, baby girl. Do you have to wake up at a certain time?”
“Nope. I have nothing currently planned until August 26th…” She stretched her arms and let out a bone-weary yawn and shook her head. “I’m going to fall asleep in the shower.”
“Go go, Dom and I will clean up since Jungkook did all the cooking.” She stood and yawned again and stumbled against Dominique, who hugged her and kissed her cheek noisily.
Jungkook picked up her bags, which had been abandoned by the front door, and carried them to her room for her. She followed him in and shut the door and for a moment just looked around her room. The boxes she’d mailed home from London had been stacked by her desk, beneath what little other mail had come for her, never much. Everything was clean and organized, exactly as she’d left it, except for her rumpled bed and Jungkook’s bag on the spare chair and his laptop on the nightstand.
“What did you do last night with—”
“<Sh, just kiss me, Sasha,>” he interrupted, catching her around the waist and pulling her in close. She instantly melted against him. Oh right, she hadn’t seen him in a month. His hair was noticeably longer between her fingers, but otherwise he was warm and familiar, his mouth a little chapped but eager as he gripped her clothing to pull her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and then jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist as he caught hold of her. After she was good and breathless from the greeting, she let her head fall to his shoulder and let out a deep breath.
“So… you’re still dating me?” she asked.
“Mm-hm, I think yes.”
“You aren’t sure?”
“I only half choose.”
“What?” she didn’t even have the energy to pick her head up as he suddenly started swaying, like he was rocking a baby. “What does that mean?”
“You still date with me?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok.” He carried her the few steps to the bed and sat down on the edge. Once there, she pulled back and looked at him, gaze roaming his face.
“Last time I saw you, you were recovering from me nearly killing you with too much sex.”
“Ah, before tour I almost kill you so… it is fair.”
“Your hair is starting to get long.”
“I should cut my hair?”
“No, not for me. I love it.” She tugged on it, then brushed it behind his ear and ran her fingers across his cheekbones. Good god, he was beautiful. She’d forgotten, even with pictures on her phone she could stare at fondly. Korea had just all seemed so far away and unreal, Paris a dream, her boyfriend a fantasy. But now they were back in her bohemian bedroom, him warm and solid with his arms around her.
While she was studying him, he was studying her too and his fingers pressed to her cheek as he said, “Michele-noona is right. You look small.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Yeah, too small,” he insisted.
“I thought in Korea you were supposed to be small, waiflike—”
“No, not me. I like…” His hand squeezed her hips, then ran up her sides, his eyes following, before he finished, “I like… tits and ass. Yours.”
“Oh my god, stop it,” she laughed, hitting his arm. “I didn’t lose my tits and ass. I was working in poverty-stricken areas. Most of our food went to the poor people.”
“Now you are home. I can feed you again, ok?”
“Ok. Ok, Jungkook,” she agreed, kissing him, taking her time with the caress of her lips. She pressed her hands to the muscle of his neck and shoulder, then pulled back to look. “Are you bulking up even more muscle?”
“Ah… I go gym lots. Very sad, very lonely so... I workout and I eat too much.”
“Well, no more sad and lonely now. I’m home, you’re home… we fucking did it, Jungkook!”
“Yes? Did what?”
“We made it through your tour! You’re not going to like, change your mind and dump me tomorrow or—”
“No, no, not me.”
“Then we made it, baby.” She kissed him, easily, casually, which was just as good as desperate, she thought as his arms squeezed her again.
He waited until she’d stopped the kiss --never breaking off himself she noticed— to ask, “You think we break up on tour?”
“Yeah, I definitely thought you might dump me.”
“Why?!”
She leaned against him, resting her chin on his shoulder. Even keeping her head up was exhausting. She was so tired. Opening her eyes after a blink took effort. Still she shrugged and answered, “I don’t know. Because it’s a long time, and I’m difficult.”
“Yes, but… it is a long time, I forget so difficult—”
“Jungkook!” She dug her fingers into his ribs and he laughed and rolled onto the bed with her, growing more playful by the minute. “Go to work, get out of here.”
“No, I sleep one more hour with you.”
“You’re not going to sleep just an hour. There’s no way you’ll be on time.”
“I know…”
“I am probably still on everyone’s shit list after Paris. Don’t make it any worse!”
“They miss you too. They say ‘Bring her to dinner tonight! Right away!’”
“Am I going to dinner tonight?”
“With me! Not them!”
“Ah, ok. I guess I can make time.”
“Maybe you just wake up…”
“Maybe!” she agreed. Then, “JK… are we going to dinner or whatever plan you’ve hatched just because you’re glad I’m home?”
“Uh huh.”
“Or… because today… is 300 days since we’ve been dating?”
His eyebrows raised and then he squinted at her uncertainly and then he pulled his hand away and asked carefully, “Where is real Sasha, tell me now—”
“Stop! Stop it, you’re such an asshole today,” she laughed, rolling away. He grabbed her and pulled her back against his chest, leaning over her, waiting and watching. “Did you not know?”
“I know,” he told her. “But… I don’t say, you know? It’s ok…”
“I’m saying it though. I calculated it. I booked my flight so I could be home in time today.” He kissed her shoulder, barely able to hide his excitement, and it made her wonder why she’d ever made such a big deal about this. It was hard to remember the pains of her previous relationships when her current boyfriend had spent the night so he could wake up at 6am to make her breakfast for her return. If it went down in flames later, who cared? Why was she always casual about the wrong things? “I even have a present for you.”
His eyebrows lifted again and he watched her, his mouth still pressed to her shoulder.
“Do you want it now or later?”
“What is it?”
“Nevermind, now I feel silly.”
“Sasha!” he cried, rolling her onto her back to try to get her to face him. “Sasha, I want it! A present? What is it?”
“No, it’s nothing sexy, it’s stupid.”
“Sasha! I want it! Give it to me!” He grabbed her and rolled onto his back so that she was on top of him.
“No. You’re going to give me something stupid and expensive, aren’t you?”
“Yes!”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, “That’s dumb and I hate it even though I’ll probably love it. The thing I got isn’t expensive…”
“I don’t care! I like my earring,” he countered, reaching up to flick at it. He didn’t wear it all the time, but he’d worn it in Paris and enough times before that, that she thought he either genuinely liked it or genuinely liked that it was a gift from her. What a dopey boy.
She groaned and caved. Whatever. If he thought it was stupid, she’d go to sleep and never talk to him again. She crawled off and dug around in her suitcase until she found the small box and brought it back.
She hesitated when he gave her a poor excuse for a calm face; the anticipation was clear behind his pursed lips and shining eyes. She was too tired for this cute bullshit and gave him a grumpy glare.
“Don’t be so excited, you’re going to be disappointed.”
“What is it, Sasha? Food??”
She rolled her eyes and made a face and then handed him the box. He wasted no time in untying the twine and tugging the lid off. Inside lay two thin black leather bracelets, one larger than the other. Each looked like a braided leather bracelet with a metal clasp on the outside, that was it, but on the inside was actually a flat leather band with an engraving: 10-18-19 girl + boy + a good date. His was in Russian, hers in Korean.
“I know, it’s—”
“Sasha!!” he cried, throwing his arm around her and dragging her close, his smile absolutely infectious. “<Couple’s jewelry!>”
“Yeah, yeah, <couple’s jewelry.>” But there was nothing mocking or forced about his enthusiasm, she could see it right away. He just looked happy as he pulled his bracelet out of the box and ran his fingers over it. “I got them made in India,” she explained. “I’d go to the town to call you --a lot of times we were traveling around to villages— and there was a man across the street who makes jewelry. He always saw me coming and going and I’d talk to him. He was one of those old men who looks like they're a thousand years old, you know? And he guessed I was talking to a sweetheart, is what he called you, because he said you’re only as punctual as I was if you’re calling a sweetheart.”
“Ah, he makes these?”
“Yeah, I had an idea and he figured out how to do it. See, because from the outside, it just looks like a black braided bracelet. There’s no way anyone sees that and thinks there’s a secret message, right? But then on the inside, a reminder of the date.” He ran his finger over the engraving, then held it over his wrist and motioned for her to put it on. He had one other bracelet on, a little beaded one that looked perfectly at home next to the black leather. He picked hers up too and insisted on putting it on for her. “I need to shower first.”
“OK after, ok.” He gave her an eager grin and then laughed.
“You really like it ok? I figured… I thought if we made it this far, you might like it— you seem into things like that, but it’s going to be hard to not be obvious…”
“Sasha. It’s great. I like it.” He bundled her into his arms and kissed her cheek and then her mouth, playful and happy, and she relaxed against his shoulder.
“Ok, good. I’m going to sleep now…”
“Go shower! Hurry. I will wait.”
“You don’t want to come?” He gave her a patronizing stare that made her laugh.
It was hard to make herself shower. If he hadn’t been here, she wouldn’t have bothered. She didn’t care. But she wanted him to think she was as clean as he was, and so she made herself shower and brush her teeth and wash her face and then stumbled back to bed with her energy reserves depleted.
He’d stretched out under the covers again but spent the time messing with his phone. When she returned, comfy in her PJs, he lifted the blankets for her and set his phone aside as she slid in next to him with a happy sigh.
“I go in thirty minutes—”
“Noooo that’s barely a nap.”
“It’s ok. You sleep all day, ok? I text you about dinner.”
“Ok.”
“I am gone when you wake up, ok? But you see me tonight.”
“Mm-hm.” She was falling asleep already, drifting off as he clasped the leather bracelet around her wrist. Handcuffs, they sort of were. But it was ok to be handcuffed to Jungkook for a little while.
“I missed you so much, Koosha.”
“Yes, you too, Sashaya. Welcome home.”
***
Sasha nearly did sleep all day. She awoke in the late afternoon feeling fuzzy and heavy and gross. She showered again so she could wash and dry her hair this time, and by that then Dominique was home.
“Ok, good, come help me,” Sasha called, dragging Dominique into the room where her suitcases had exploded. She hated unpacking and would put it off as long as possible. “I want you to help me decide… I think I’ll wear lingerie for Jungkook tonight.”
“Oooooh.”
“And I don’t think anyone has ever worn lingerie for him before so I’m trying to decide what potentially his first lingerie experience is…”
“Wow, bracelets, lingerie… you are a very nice girlfriend.”
Sasha flushed and pouted and insisted, “It’s not that much…”
“No, chicka, it’s perfect. He’s going to be so happy. He was so excited about you getting back.”
“Yeah?” Sasha bit back her smile as she dug the lingerie bags out of the opened boxes. She sat on the bed and began pulling things out.
“He was like a kid at Christmas. He likes you so much. When he came over last night, he admitted it was your 300 day today and said we shouldn’t tell you since you don’t like stuff like that --as if we don’t know! We teased him about you sending a whole box of shopping back from Paris and he got very serious and said you were a brat about not wanting to spend his money.”
“He called me a brat!”
“Yes!”
“Well now he’ll really suffer,” Sasha scoffed, crossing her arms.
Dominique looked at the things Sasha had laid out on the bed and cackled, “Sashenka, he is going to suffer enough… holy fuck what did you buy ?”
“I spent like… I think this is like $5000 worth of lingerie…”
“Oh my god .”
“He told me to spend the money! So I figured I’d just stock up on two years of lingerie…”
“Oh my god, look at this stuff,” she sighed, running her fingers over the blue corset. “It’s gorgeous!”
“Honestly, I wanted to buy more. There was so much nice stuff… and I think he’ll like it. I bought a couple of these silky night things and Dom. This pink and black one… I didn’t think he’d give a shit about it and it like, blew his little mind.”
Dominique leaned back against the wall and laughed and waved her hand, “Ohhh, baby JK.”
“I did not expect it. I mean, he likes some of my lacy bras a lot but… I just didn’t expect he’d be interested in a lacy silky nightgown. I thought something like this would be more his interest,” Sasha explained, pointing to the black corset and the plum garter set.
“Korean boys, though,” Dominique argued. “There’s not much in the line of lingerie here. I bet you’re right and he’s never seen good lingerie in person, or maybe not much...”
“I don’t want to assume he hasn’t, so I want to make sure what I wear is good. I don’t know, maybe Ji-yu got to do a lingerie shopping trip too and wore expensive stuff while she gave him a terrible, resentful blowjob.”
“Poor JK,” Dominique shook her head.
“Not poor JK anymore!”
“No, definitely not anymore. Look at all this! Oh my god. Ok, I vote for that one, the basque.”
“The merrywidow?”
“Yes! It’s very classic lingerie. It’s black and red. He’ll like the lace up front while you ride him.”
“Why do I have to ride him? I’m tired…”
“Ok ok, but look at the back. Look, you can’t go wrong with this one… I think that’s a good first-time lingerie because it’s lingerie .”
“You’re right, you're right… ok that was easy then. Now I have to store all this somewhere he’s not going to go picking through… Tell me how work has been while I unpack?”
Dominique answered her questions, talking about the general drama at the salon she’d started working at over the summer, talking about a student film she’d been hired for. But eventually she commented,
“You still seem pretty tired.”
“I am,” Sasha agreed, sitting heavily beside her on the couch.
“India was good?”
“Yeah, yeah, it was good.”
“Hard?”
“It was hard,” Sasha agreed. “I was working with girls saved from brothels so… it was hard. Harder than I expected.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I mean it’s not fine, but, you know… it felt nice to do work that felt so personal and good but I also just felt really… guilty.”
“You don’t need to feel guilty. Guilt doesn’t help anyone. Guilt implies you did something wrong and you didn't.”
“No but… I mean, I took a break from helping girls learn how to manage money and recover from the psychological trauma of sexual slavery so I could run to visit my rich boyfriend in Paris and spend five grand on lingerie.”
“Don’t feel guilty, Sasha. It’s not that you don’t deserve this happiness, it’s that everyone does.”
“It feels like I didn’t do enough. I felt bad to leave at the end. Those girls still have so much to learn to become independent and at the end of the day they’re still in a country that’s going to make it difficult… I felt guilty pretty much every minute of the day.”
Dominique sighed and looped her arm around Sasha’s shoulder and admitted, “I wish you’d do something different for work.”
“I like the work I do.”
“You take on the injustice of the world as if it’s yours to personally solve. You are making things better. It’s more than most people can say. But don’t begrudge yourself the good things you’ve managed for yourself through hard work and luck and the support of some really hot friends.” Sasha laughed and took Dominique’s hand. “They’ll find happiness too, thanks to people like you and their own hard survival skills.”
“I hope so. It was just… emotional. It was emotional to see them. They were my age when I got out too. Some of them were angry and some were happy to be free and some were just resigned to what their lives had been before. Like they were angry at us for disrupting it. Those were hard. I remember what it was like to think…. This is all life is. This is all I’m worth.”
Dominique squeezed her hand, “I know. The voice is always there, huh? I couldn’t do it, be around girls like that. But you changed my life, and I’m certain you changed theirs too. You made it easier for me to understand what I deserve.”
“I didn’t.”
“Are you kidding? When we went to get my things and you were ready to throw down… you stared at my ex like he was scum you would scrape off your shoe, even though I knew what you’d been through. Maybe you were scared but you just looked like a warrior.”
“I would have scratched his eyes out if he tried anything.”
“Yeah. I felt very protected by this pepita,” Dominique giggled. “You’re a warrior, and you helped me discover my inner warrior. You did that for those girls too. Even if you never did anything else to help anyone, you've already have done enough. And they’ll go on and help others who will help others. The world is still a shithole, but some things get better and you’re helping make that happen.”
“I guess…”
“But aya, I can’t imagine how hard it is to be around new girls like that,” Dominique sighed, shaking her head. “I really couldn’t do it. I think it would drag me right back there.” Sasha pursed her lips and Dominique pressed, “It did for you?”
“Yeah…”
“Panic attacks?”
“Um… I don’t know about full blown attacks. Maybe just… just a little anxiety,” she admitted. She didn’t really want to admit it, but of all people who could understand, who would hear her say that and know she was under-representing. “Don’t tell Maxi or MIchele, yeah? Not enough to worry about. It just left me kind of tired all the time. I felt guilty to leave but I think for my own mental health, it was the right time to stop. I wasn’t sleeping well. Bad insomnia, nightmares, couldn't eat… that can wear you out.”
“Yeah, it can. I’m glad you’re home now, where someone else can wear you out for a much better reason…” Sasha laughed and gave Dominique a look. “But be serious, are you sure you’re up for sex again?”
“Of course I am.”
“I just meant… I think he’d understand if you’re too tired yet. Or if you need more time to distance the things you were dealing with.”
“Dom, he made me breakfast at 6am.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think he did it for sex. I think he did it because he likes you.”
“He’s got dinner plans for our 300 day anniversary which is a big deal to him.”
“Because he likes you, not because he expects you to put out your first night back.”
“You didn’t see him in Paris,” Sasha countered. “I mean, I know he likes me. But he really likes sex… so do I! I don’t feel used or anything, I just think… he’ll be disappointed. And I’ll be disappointed too, I miss sex, and I have all these pretty things I want to wear… I feel up to it, as long as I don’t drink too much and fall asleep.”
“Do you know where he’s taking you?”
“No… to be honest I wish we were just eating at his apartment…”
“You should tell him that.”
“But if he’s gone to a lot of trouble…”
“Tell him you either have energy for going out or sex but not both, then. Or maybe don’t mention sex in case you’re too tired for that. He’ll survive if you take the lingerie but then change your mind, ok? You aren’t obligated!”
“I know I know…”
“Maybe you should nap more… want me to do your make up tonight?”
“YES!”
“Ok, rest more and then I’ll help you get dressed.”
“Thanks Dom. I love you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too. It was very quiet around here without you!”
Sasha watched Dominique leave the room and then fall back onto her bed. She was soul-deep exhausted. She really did just want to curl up next to Jungkook and go back to sleep. But… he’d been up at 6am to make her breakfast before his day of work. And she did miss him. She was confident she’d rally…
She decided to text him.
[Sashaya]: hey what exactly did you plan for dinner tonight?
[Sashaya]: are you planning a big going out thing?
[XOJK]: no
[XOJK]: you want to go out?
[XOJK]: we can go out I can find a place
[Sashaya]: I really don’t want to go out!!!!!!!
[XOJK]: ???
[Sashaya]: I really just want to spend time with you and stay in
[XOJK]: yeah dinner with me at my place
[Sashaya]: oh thank god
[XOJK]: it’s what you want?
[Sashaya]: yes is that not what you were planning?
[XOJK]: yes it’s my plan
[XOJK]: I expect you to be tired to just be home
[XOJK]: also we can kiss
[XOJK]: it’s not enough to celebrate?
[Sashaya]: it’s the perfect way to celebrate since you insist on celebrating
[XOJK]: you give me the bracelet! You celebrate too!
[Sashaya]: no no that wasn’t me celebrating anything
[XOJK]: yes! Too late! You can’t take it back!
[Sashaya]: I’ll just be really cranky about it all night
[XOJK]: it’s ok cranky sasha is cute
[Sashaya]: What??
[XOJK]: you are so cute
[XOJK]: work day is very long
[XOJK]: you sleep ok?
[Sashaya]: yeah I got some sleep. I think my sleep is just all messed up
[XOJK]: it’s ok we eat dinner and you can sleep maybe play games
[Sashaya]: it sounds perfect
[XOJK]: you mean it? You don’t want to go out?
[Sashaya]: are you just pretending you had planned to stay in and I’m ruining your plans?
[XOJK]: no I plan us to stay in
[XOJK]: I don’t think you know it’s 300 days so I plan very sneaky
[Sashaya]: well I have something sneaky too
[XOJK]: 👀 something sneaky? What sneaky?
[Sashaya]: I’m going to dress kind of nice for dinner even if we’re saying in
[XOJK]: you can dress nice?? Pantsuit??
[Sashaya]: lol you want me to wear that again?
[XOJK]: I like it
[Sashaya]: well too bad, I have another dress I bought in Paris I’m going to wear
[XOJK]: I like dress too
[Sashaya]: you don’t know what it looks like
[XOJK]: it’s ok, I can like it, I know
She realized the challenge of wanting to wear the lingerie under her clothes though, was that it was August, and the things she was considering all had tights. It was a little too professional or formal to wear black stockings in August but… she spent some time deliberating and finally just decided to tell him she was dressing up. It would be a little silly until she took her clothes off, but she suspected if she wasn’t ready to disrobe in an instant, she'd lose steam. Besides, then taking her clothes off could be part of the fun. She doubted Jungkook paid enough attention to women’s fashion to find it strange if she wore stockings anyway.
“Is it silly?” Sasha asked Dominique and Michele of the black dress and heels once she’d put it on.
“Silly is definitely not how I’d describe it,” Michele assured her. “Why are you nervous anyway? You know he’ll want sex no matter what you’re wearing. You could show up in a duck costume and he’d have a new fetish.”
“A duck costume!!!”
“Fortunately this is very much the opposite of that,” Dominique quickly assured her. “You look incredible and there are just a few little hints that you’ve got something on under there…”
“That’s the idea.”
“Go get him, girl,” Michele teased, pinching her ass as she passed.
**
Jungkook’s apartment smelled nice as soon as he opened the door. He’d lit candles along the kitchen counter, and most of the lights in the apartment were off so it was much more romantic than usual. He was just transferring a very elaborate sushi dinner to the table and hurried to finish that task as she set her purse and phone down. He pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge as well and set it on the table.
“Woah.” She looked him up and down as he turned back to her. He had nice slacks on, a belt, and a short sleeved button up in dark plaid. He’d styled his hair. And also had the funny, endearing Jungkook combination now of bare feet with his nice outfit.
“Huh?”
“This is romantic,” she mused, looking around the set table and candles as she reached for his shirt. “And you are very good looking.”
“I want to say that,” he frowned.
“To tell me I’m good looking?”
“Yeah…”
“You can still tell me.”
He kissed her first, then murmured, “You look much nicer after this morning…”
“Hey!” she cried and pinched his arm as he laughed. But he’d looped an arm around her waist and didn’t let go as he looked down, clearly taking a moment to appreciate her chest. “See something you like?” she teased.
“You want a present now or later?”
“Ugh,” she groaned, pulling dramatically away. “I don’t want a present. Just dinner.”
“You want to eat now?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, here we go.” He pulled a chair dramatically out for her, and pushed it in when she sat, barely keeping a straight face at his own performance. He was cheeky tonight. He hurried to his seat across from her and set to pouring wine as she leaned in to observe the dishes --mostly sushi, but also seaweed salad like she liked, and a beautiful fruit plate. He explained the different rolls to her, even fed her one. He looked so elegant and sophisticated, so graceful with the chopsticks. The bracelet looked good on him. She couldn’t stop smiling at him.
“What?” he asked, smiling nervously back at her.
“Nothing,” she assured him. “This looks amazing. This is way fancier than I expected.”
“You dress nice for ramen?”
“Yeah, I don’t care. I don’t do anniversaries so I don’t really know the rules…”
“No rules,” he quickly assured her. “Just… be happy.”
“Ok. That should be easy. Oh my god, this one is amazing!”
Sasha found herself actually feeling a little shy, now that she was sitting across from him in his fancy ass apartment, eating a fancy ass sushi dinner. She wasn’t exaggerating that she didn’t do anniversaries, and this was an anniversary, and she’d brought this on herself by giving him the bracelet. They were a couple now. Couples did these sorts of things, and she wanted to do that sort of stuff with him, especially because it made him happy. But she also had seen him only for Paris in the last two months. The morning had been a fever dream and now it felt unreal to just be here again, where nothing had changed but so much time had passed.
Maybe he felt weird about it too, because he kept looking at her like he expected her to start talking and when she didn’t, he’d sort of smile uncomfortably to himself and take another bite.
“Ok, it feels a little weird, doesn’t it?” she finally asked. “We were apart for a long time. I think it feels weird to be here again.”
“You don’t want to be here?”
“I do want to be here. I just don’t know what to talk about,” she admitted. “It kind of feels like a first date again…”
“A first date? No! I know you better now!”
“Ok, tell me what you’ve been up to this week then. How are your hyungs?”
That helped break the ice, at least, because Jungkook was happy to talk about them. They’d filmed another episode of the variety show the day before and they had a concert in Korea and a fan meeting coming up, and a radio interview, and photoshoot tomorrow several hours away and they’d be away overnight. In between interviews and rehearsals, they were recording for a mini-album that would drop in a month. The anecdotes he told were funny but she could read between the lines even secondhand that they were all feeling tired and cranky after so much travel. Jungkook said they were glad to be back in Korea but that there was a lot of promotional stuff still going on for the old album, which would bleed right into promotion for the new one.
She’d been worried he would just shrug off her questions but the fact he’d poured out so much made it easier for her to talk about her final weeks in the program, and the volume of email awaiting her that she hadn’t even begun to sort through yet, and how happy she was not to go back to work yet. Conversation became easier, particularly once they started talking about the shows they’d missed and the manga that had updated without them being able to read and discuss --she was amused to learn he’d held off on consuming any of it, even bickered with his hyungs who had teased him and tried to spoil stuff because they knew he wanted to wait for her.
“You didn’t have to wait,” she insisted.
“I like to talk to you.”
“I like to talk to you too,” she grinned. It was sweet. He was sweet. And the longer they took eating, the more she could remember it, especially when they began recounting Paris.
“Has your manager forgiven me yet for almost killing you?” she joked.
“Yes, it’s ok, he understands.”
“Understands what?”
“He has a wife. He knows… women…”
“What about women?” she demanded, leaning across the table, knowing it would make her tits pop in her dress.
“Um… it’s very nice.”
“What’s very nice?”
“Uh… women?” he asked, looking at her nervously.
She laughed and teased, “A little distracted?”
“Huh?”
She lifted a strawberry slice with her chopsticks and ate it, hoping it looked at least a little erotic. He blinked at her, and she tried to lean into feeling sexy and alluring, because that would be a comfortable role for her. But she also felt a little silly and self conscious… she’d never done this sort of thing before, dating someone for this long and being apart and then seeing each other again. She felt a streak of doubt about the lingerie, and her own appeal, and the discomfort of a gift, and it threatened to make her doubt the whole thing entirely… maybe she shouldn’t have given him the bracelet just yet…
“You want dessert? Or present?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Dessert.”
“Ok, dessert and present,” he corrected. She gave him a look but he rose and went to the kitchen. She poured them both more wine and glanced around the apartment as she sipped it. They just needed to fuck and let time pass, she decided. Paris had ended on a weirdly emotional note, and then she’d gone back to work which had been wonderful but distressing and jumping back into Jungkook’s world was disorienting. Now she was back but she was tired, even after sleeping all day. She just needed a good orgasm and they’d be better.
He set a bowl with mochi in front of her and a little box.
“Jungkook…”
“Yes?”
“Small boxes are expensive…”
He shook his head as he retook his seat, “This one, not so much. Only a little, you know? Just small. You can wear it to work.”
She glared and tried to ignore the box as she ate the mochi. He ate as well, silently watching her, glancing at the box, clearly eager for her to open it. It made her even more nervous. What if he’d gone totally crazy? Some of the things in his closet looked crazy… but he said she could wear it for work… but he might be completely out of touch with what a normal person wore to a normal job...
Finally unable to withstand the eager way he watched her, she lifted the box to open, bracing herself…
She needed to stop underestimating him.
Inside was a set of pearl earrings, each with a small diamond tucked on the underside. They were elegant and simple and lovely, and she felt immediately flushed with embarrassment by such a nice gift and by how much she liked them. Her stomach roiled with the conflict: no gifts! but also it's beautiful I want it!
“Stop buying me diamonds!” she cried.
“Tiny! It’s pearls!”
“Jungkook…”
“Just little!” She groaned and he gave her an uncertain look. “Too much? You don’t like it?” Damn him.
She sighed, “Of course I love them, that’s why I’m annoyed. They’re very pretty and I don’t want to give them back but I feel like I should on principle. Those bracelets weren’t as expensive as pearl earrings…”
“No, not expensive,” he muttered, more interested in watching her, leaning over the table to see better as she pulled the inset out of the box. They really were pretty. She supposed he could have gone way crazier. The diamonds were small, just a little sparkle, and the pearls… well, she had always really admired pearls, probably because they were classic and she had this idea that classic styles were uber elegant. He was right that they were just simple enough she could get away with wearing them for work, but also for a nice night out. They were the kind of earrings you kept your whole life. Timeless, ageless. She found herself tugging her current earrings, cheap fake opals on small gold hoops, out and fastened the pearls in.
“You need a, um… <mirror>?”
“A mirror? No.” But then she realized she couldn’t see what they looked like, so she pulled out her phone. “Oh.”
“Eh…?”
She sighed and gave him a pouty look, “No more nice things, ok? This can be it…”
“You like them?”
“I really like them,” she admitted, looking again through her phone. “They’re so pretty… I’ve never had pearls before…”
“You have small pearl earrings. I see you wear them but no diamonds so it’s different.”
“Those aren’t real,” she laughed. “They’re plastic ones from H&M.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t need you to keep buying me nice things, Jungkook. I appreciate that you want to but you can’t just buy me all this nice stuff... not for every anniversary you Koreans come up with…”
“OK, special anniversary only.” He was still watching her closely, she could tell, and she was still admiring them in her phone. She loved them. It was not the kind of gift she had expected from Jungkook. They were beautiful. Somehow, despite being simpler than the necklace he’d given her in May, they seemed an even more sophisticated gift, though somewhere in her mind she thought he was probably right, and that pearls were less expensive than the gold and diamond necklace. It felt like such a mature, sophisticated gift he’d given her for this random made up anniversary. She wondered if it was the women retaliating against the men for such a conservative country and all the sexism, that at least there were a million anniversaries where the men ought to give them gifts.
But she had a gift for him too. And the combination of embarrassment by the elegance of his gift, the wine, and pretend annoyance at the smug grin he was giving her because she was happy with the gift, gave her the impulse she needed to take matters back into her own hands.
“Well,” she said, taking one more swig of her wine and swishing it around her mouth to get rid of any final sushi taste. “They will go nice with the rest of your gift.”
“Hm?” He chewed his lip innocently, his gaze following her as she walked around the table. His eyes lit up like he suspected she was going to sit in his lap and kiss him and that it would probably lead to more. He clearly did not expect for her to untie the string at her waist, and then the hidden internal tie, and then let the dress fall down her arms to the floor. Leaving her standing before him in the black and burgundy merrywidow, garters holding up the stockings now revealed to be thigh-highs.
Jungkook stared with wide eyes and open mouth. The smile reached his eyes first and then he uttered with beautiful clarity, “Fuck.”
Sasha’s nerves were gone. What had she been nervous about at all? He didn't make her work for approval, it was always right there on his face, in his big sparkling eyes.
“Yes.” She curled her finger at him. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”
He was up in an instant, following close behind her, making no secret of the way his gaze wandered. By the time they reached the bedroom he was all smiles and enthusiasm, quick to respond when she knelt on the bed, pulled him close by his belt and kissed him.
“Sasha,” he murmured, hands running up her sides. His mouth was overly eager; it amused her, the energy in his kiss despite her trying to slow him down. “Sasha, can I look?”
“Yes…” She leaned away, leaned back on her heels, as he stood straight and studied her with dark, sparkling eyes. She grinned and arched an eyebrow. “You can touch, too.”
“Paris?” he asked.
“Mm-hm.”
“Ah, I see.” He bit his lips and then crawled onto the bed beside her but still just looked her over. So she took his hands and pressed them to her hips. He ran his fingers down to hook beneath the garters, tugging a little, then ran them up and around her hips to slide beneath the garters stretched across her ass.
His next kiss was impatient as he squeezed her ass, and ran his hands up the lacing down the back. She slid onto his thighs, not surprised when he tugged her rather aggressively across his lap. So she rocked on him and kissed him back just as hard, thrilled with the grabby, needy response. His hands roamed everywhere, slipping beneath the top of the stockings, tugging the garters, squeezing her breasts, even dragging one of the frilled shoulder straps down and sucking at her collarbone. He groaned against her neck as she rocked, feeling herself growing flushed and reckless at the friction and the demands of his hands. Her own hands pinched those muscles at the base of his neck and slid through the gaps in his button-up, unbuttoning when he didn’t stop her.
He must have felt it too, the budding urgency. It had been so long… so long since they’d had sex, and his mouth was sloppy against her throat as she began to rock more quickly. She might cum, she realized. He was appreciating her so much. She felt so sexy. And she was so horny after so long without him. He looked so sexy with his hair done and in his gaping shirt. She pushed it down his arms. His sexy arms, the sexy muscles, his warm skin, the cute moles she traced an imaginary connecting line through when they snuggled sometimes. Months ago. But now they could again.
He kissed her throat and she moaned, “Fuck, baby, I missed you so much,” and ground down on him. There wasn’t time, she realized, she needed him now, and judging by the way he was grabbing and sucking at her, the urgency was real.
“Take your pants off,” she ordered. “Hurry.” She unbuttoned them for him and shifted but he actually lifted her and tossed her onto her back on the bed, clumsily yanking his pants off. It made her heart race to see him so eager, so hard for her, to see the way his wide dark eyes roamed her body. He crawled over her and kissed her and grabbed her ass, groaning as she ran her hand along his cock.
She heard his grunt at the same moment she felt his stomach muscles clench, felt the twitch of his cock, and then cum shot across her stomach and hand.
Before he could even think of apologizing she kissed him fiercely and pumped him until he finished. She dragged her fingers through the mess and hummed happily, “Oh, moi sladki, you like it that much…?”
“Sorry,” he gasped.
“If I knew you were so close I would have just used my mouth,” she lamented. “I’m sorry it was just on my stomach, baby.” She kissed him, thrilled at the way his breath stuttered in his chest, his body still twitchy until he fell to his side.
The cum had mostly landed on the mesh side panels of her lingerie. She wiped it discreetly off with his shirt, then tossed it to the side and leaned on her arm to trace shapes on his chest. His hand roamed up her side, his gaze following. Post-orgasm, he was definitely slower, fingers taking their time.
“Do you like it?” she asked coyly, already knowing the answer. Her body hummed with want for him, but she didn’t mind the temporary slow down actually. Her body felt a little too… something. Maybe too full from dinner. She liked being admired by him, so it was nice to slow down for a few minutes and feel like he found her overwhelming.
He didn’t say anything but gave her a very happy grin, like he found her really silly for even asking. His finger brushed against the damp spot and his smile flickered.
“Ah, I tried…”
“We haven’t had sex for a long time,” she pointed out. “I almost came too.”
His face fell further, “Sasha, I--”
“I don’t mind,” she assured him, leaning down to kiss him. “I’ll cum so hard once you’ve recovered.”
“You want me to touch…”
“You can touch, but don’t try to get me to finish. I didn’t wear this for fingers, Jungkook,” she teased. However she was glad of his fingers as they slid up and across the curves of her breasts and down the line of her cleavage. He rolled her onto her back and kissed her more, and tugged at the garters, and squeezed her ass. She couldn’t complain about the kissing; it felt dizzying and wonderful to kiss him. The two month absence evaporated at the molding of his lips against hers. Making out was so fucking nice. And when he’d pull back every so often to look at her again, she found herself amused to have ever felt strange at all.
She could feel his cock rubbing against her but didn’t rush him. She waited until he pressed his fingers between her legs and then tugged at her panties. The check always felt rehearsed because it was rehearsed, she’d taught him to check her readiness, and he repeated the steps without deviation every time. Adorable.
“Do you want something?” she teased, biting his lip playfully.
“<You are not a good Korean girl, Sashaya,>” he complained, pressing his knuckle against her.
“Did you just complain I’m not a good Korean girl?”
“I don’t complain,” he argued. “I am so happy…”
“I can tell,” she murmured, stroking his cock again, petting the head of it. “Make me happy too, baby. I want to feel you inside.”
“How…”
She grinned and kissed him more as she slid her underwear down. Dominique had taught her the trick of putting it on over the garters so that it could be easily removed. It didn’t work with all lingerie but it did with this, and without any further prompting he buried himself between her legs and took her request seriously.
It did not take her body long to resume, not when he stroked into her like that, not with his eager groans of pleasure against her throat competing with her own in the silent bedroom. But she worried he couldn’t see her and that was the whole point, so she pushed him onto his back and took over. He admired her so openly. It killed her. The stretch of him inside killed her. The way the muscles of his abdomen twitched and clenched under her palms killed her. He was sexy and gorgeous and he made her feel sexy and gorgeous and he felt so fucking good inside of her. She crested into a mind-blowing orgasm, crying out and shuddering on him, clutching at his chest, yelping as he pressed deep into her only seconds later with his own orgasm. She felt like such a good girlfriend to make him cum twice, and for him to be so happy about the lingerie. It didn’t matter whether it was a new thing or not. Who cared about anything that came before? He liked it.
“<Good, darling, you made me happy,>” she murmured in Russian. “<You made me feel so good.>” His hand pressed to the lingerie again and caught the garter and tugged before letting go so that it thwacked her thigh. She pinched his nipple in response, which made him twist away and laugh, his eyes still closed, a goofy grin on his face. The movements pulled him out of her, which left her feeling achy and hollow, but at least the rest of her was satisfied. She sighed and rolled onto the bed beside him and let her eyes close for a moment, enjoying the full body release. She had been right. It had been a very powerful orgasm after the intermission and she could feel her pulse in her temples.
Suddenly he sounded nervous, “Ah, Sasha! I hurt you?”
“Hm?”
“Blood!”
“Huh?” She sat up quickly and immediately saw what he’d noticed, that there was a reddish tinge to his dick, a few streaks, and blood caked around his pubes. She pressed a hand between her legs that came back covered and immediately understood what had happened.
“Fuck!” she yelled, jumping from the bed on jelly legs and sprinting to the bathroom, leaving some bloody smears with her heel from where she’d briefly sat on it after sliding off. She yanked her lingerie off and peed. The emptying of her bladder sent several clots of blood into the toilet, and also set off the telltale cramping of the start of her period. Too fucking late! She wanted to scream at her body for the lack of warning. She huffed with annoyance and embarrassment as her uterus cramped again, subdued after the orgasm that had started it all.
“Sasha??” Jungkook called from the door knocking. “Sasha, are you ok??”
“I’m fine!”
“I hurt you??”
“No,” she assured him. “Hold on. I’m so sorry, I’ll be right out…”
She tossed the lingerie into the sink to rinse off, watching as semen and sex juices and period blood flowed from the panties. Goddamnit. She’d thought she had a few more days because she hadn’t noticed any PMS symptoms, but she must have been closer than she thought and at the powerful orgasm her body just thought sure why not get this started with that opening act? Fuck. Her face was bright red. A trickle of blood ran down her leg and she realized the terrible state of things. The IUD made the heaviness of her periods hard to predict; they'd been nearly non-existent in India. Apparently saving up for this one.
“Hey, do I have any underwear here?” she called through the door. “I need some clothes… Oh! I brought clothes for tomorrow in my bag…”
“Ok!” While he scurried away to get her bag, she hopped in the shower just long enough to rinse off, then rolled up toilet paper into a makeshift pad. “Sasha?”
“Just set my bag in the door!” she called from the water. She heard the door open and the bag tossed inside but he didn’t come in.
It took her a few minutes longer to get dried off, dressed, and then to clean up the blood that had smeared around the toilet, dripped along the floor, and filled the sink where her lingerie had been soaking. She bundled the lingerie up in the towel to throw in the washing machine, took a deep breath, and prepared herself to be brave. This was a normal thing. It happened. They should both be adults about it. But fuck it had ruined the first time she’d worn lingerie for him… And it was going to continue to ruin the night because while the orgasm had dulled the cramps at first, apparently not for very long.
She opened the bathroom door to find he’d ripped the sheets off the bed and put them in a pile, and was now spraying and wiping up the smeared heel prints from the floor. He’d also gotten dressed, so she assumed he’d cleaned himself up in the other bathroom. But he stood when she opened the door and hurried over.
“Are you ok? You need the doctor?”
“What? Oh! No, baby, you didn’t hurt me,” she realized. “I, um… I’m so sorry. I started my period… I knew it was almost time but I thought it wasn't yet and…”
“Oh…” he let out a deep sigh of relief. “Ok.”
“I’m so sorry. I hate that it ruined the lingerie… I should probably head home--”
He looked immediately sad, “It is ruined?”
“I mean, the lingerie itself isn’t, but it ruined the first time I wore lingerie for you--”
“Ah, no,” he said, shaking his head and grinning. “It’s ok.”
“Um… you’re ok that I bled on you?”
“Yeah, it’s ok.”
“Ok… you’re handling that better than I hoped.”
“Why? It’s ok… I don’t know anything but I don’t care about that…”
It was her turn to let out a sigh of relief as she rocked onto her toes to kiss him and then said, “Bless you, thank you for not making a big deal about it.”
“I don’t care,” he said again, as if pleased she had been pleased with his reaction and wanting to emphasize it.
“Did I get blood on the sheets?”
“Yeah, I can wash now.”
“I can do it. I want to throw the lingerie in too right away, if that’s ok, maybe it won’t stain. I wish I had a bag--”
“I have it. I can do it.”
“You have a lingerie bag?” she asked, surprised enough he was able to take the towel and lingerie from her arms.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Laundry!” At her confusion, he glared, “I have nice things too.”
“Ok…” She failed to counter with more teasing though as she felt another rush of blood and her abdomen cramped uncomfortably. This was not what she wanted to deal with right as she got home. “Ugh, I’d better get going…”
He frowned and turned back to her, “Why? You are sick?”
“Yeah, I don’t feel great. I’m sorry. I had wanted to spend the night with you.”
“I can take care of you?” Her skin tingled with pleasure at his offer and she gave him a soft smile.
“You’re sweet, but I don’t have anything I need here. I have to go to the store and then I’m just going to feel like curling up and watching a movie.”
“I want to watch a movie with you,” he frowned. “What do you need?”
“Bufferin, tampons, chocolate, and a heating pad.”
“Heating pad? Oh! Hot… um…” He looked excited, then crestfallen. “I don’t have tampons.”
She laughed, “No, I don’t expect you would. It’s ok. I’m going to sit down for a second…” She went to sit on the bed, but then worried her makeshift pad would quickly bleed through and she didn’t want to risk staining his mattress, so she just sat on the ground. She hated that feeling, like her organs were going to start dropping out of her body.
He gave her a horrified look and asked, “You hurt bad?”
“I’m ok. It’s just unpleasant…”
“Maybe Mee-noona?”
“Oh. Ok, I’ll text her.” He passed her phone over from the nightstand without being asked, then grabbed the blankets and disappeared from the room as she texted. But Mee was apologetic and not at Hoseok’s and didn’t think she had anything stashed there, though admitted she should, and then joked they should ask the guys to keep a stash in the bathroom upstairs.
She was certain she’d bled through the toilet paper and was back in the bathroom changing it when Jungkook called for her from the bedroom. She washed her hands and went back, grabbing her bag.
“No, don’t go,” he frowned, taking the bag from her. “I can buy things… tell me, ok?”
She laughed, “You’re going to go to the store and buy me tampons?”
“Yes, it’s ok!”
“I really want to see the statement BigHit issues when there’s a scandal because Jungkook was found buying tampons at the grocery store.”
“For eomoni. I am a good son! And a good boyfriend!” She gave him a searching look. Truthfully, she didn’t want to go, but she also didn’t feel like going to the store and coming back, but if he was willing to go… She really wanted to just curl up with him... He sensed impending victory and pressed, “You are sick? I can take care of you. Go to the couch. I have a hot pad and bufferin and then I go to the store.”
“Ok…”
“Yeah!” he grinned. “Ok!” He shooed her towards the door and gave a victorious grin when she went, grabbing the throw blanket to wrap up in just in case she leaked through her sweatpants. Of course this had to be a particularly heavy one.
He scurried about grabbing a hot pad and plugging it into an outlet cleverly hidden in the floor, and then brought her bufferin and a glass of water. She actually felt a little bit like a princess, appreciated just this once as travel fatigue and now her period dragged her down.
“Text me picture,” he told her.
“Ok.”
“I go now!”
“Ok…”
[Sashaya]: [picture of tampon box and pad box] both please I’ll pay you back
[Sashenka]: dom I started my period when I orgasmed
[Dom]: nooooooooo what did he do
[Sashenka]: he was afraid he hurt me! But after that he’s being really cool about it and is out buying me tampons and chocolate right now
[Dom]: seriously??
[Sashenka]: did all the bloody laundry
[Dom]: big point for JK! But I’m sorry you started on lingerie day
[Sashenka]: 😭
[Dom]: and on your first day back! That shit sucks. I thought the iud was supposed to stop your periods anyway
[Sashenka]: I am very unlucky, it didn’t stop them but I only have them like every 2-3 months but they’re worse
By the time Jungkook got back, the cramps had gotten worse and she’d curled up on her side with the heating pad and taken a stronger dose of Bufferin. Plus she’d had to change the pad again and it was definitely staining her underwear and she hadn’t been able to find another pair.
He sat on the coffee table and pulled the boxes out of the bag, and then a pile of chocolate next to it, including a pint of chocolate brownie ice cream.
She laughed, “What’s all that?”
“You said chocolate!”
“You cute boyfriend,” she grinned, sitting up.
“This is right?” he asked, pointing to the boxes.
“Yes. Thank you. You’re sure it’s not going to cause a scandal you bought them?” He waved off the concern as she kissed him on the forehead and grabbed the boxes. “I’ll be back…”
He’d put the ice cream away by the time she came back, already feeling better just to have the security of a tampon + pad combo since so much of his apartment was white and gray. He’d left the pile of chocolate on the coffee table and the TV was on as he scrolled for something to watch. She collapsed next to him with a sigh, leaning against his arm, and grabbed the heating pad again to press into her abdomen. He glanced at her, then did a double-take.
“What?” she asked.
“Um… you feel better?”
“Better to have a tampon, thank you.”
“How long you are sick?”
“Four or five days.” This was clearly not what he had expected and he lowered the controller, giving her a look of horror.
“Five days?” he gasped. “But… so much blood!”
She gave him a careful look and asked, “How long did you think a period lasted?”
“I don’t know,” he said just as carefully.
“You don’t know anything about periods?” He shook his head. “You didn’t learn anything about periods in school?”
He shrugged, “Maybe a long time ago? I don’t know. I don’t remember…”
“You don’t know anything ?” He pursed his lips. “What do you think you know?”
“Uh… nothing,” he said quickly.
“Jungkook.”
He grimaced, “Maybe cranky? Because you don’t feel good…”
“You think I’m cranky?”
“No, not today. Ahhh, have chocolate…” he suggested. She laughed and playfully shoved at his face as he grabbed a bag of M&Ms and held it out to her.
She looked at him but then took the bag as she admitted, “I actually think it’s a problem that you don’t know anything about it. I think all men should understand what they are so that people aren’t afraid to talk about it. Periods hold women back in a lot of parts of the world.”
“Ok, tell me,” he said eagerly, turning on the couch and crossing his legs.
“ But I also just bled on your dick unexpectedly and you’ve been very sweet getting me all these things, so I also feel like maybe today isn’t the time to lecture you…”
“I want to know.”
“Do you? Are you going to be grossed out?”
“I don’t think so,” he assured her, and she thought he might actually be right. She had yet to really see him grossed out by anything yet, and while she knew he must have his limits… well, he hadn't seemed bothered wiping up her blood so maybe it was fine. Jungkook was made of good stuff.
“Ok… well. I’ve actually taught this in clinics before.”
He grinned and then nodded seriously, “Ok, seonsaengnim, I want to know.”
So she started with the fundamental explanation with the familiar aid of the translation app for vocabulary: “A woman has a uterus that goes through a cycle. It’s about a month on average but some women have it more frequently and some less than that. At one point in the cycle, an egg drops and if the egg is fertilized it implants in the wall of her uterus and she becomes pregnant. If the egg doesn’t get fertilized, then at the end of the cycle her body cleans out the uterus, getting rid of the egg, lining, some blood.”
“Egg is tiny, yeah?”
“It’s too tiny to see, yeah.” She appreciated the question but was also a little horrified… he really didn’t know anything…? “The uterus cramps to get everything out. For some women it’s bad, others it’s not so bad, or it can change each time.”
“It is bad for you?”
“I think I’m in the middle. Sometimes it’s not too bad. I’ve never had to like miss work or anything. Some women can’t even get out of bed, it’s so bad. My birth control implant means I don’t have periods as frequently anymore or they're really light, but then I'll have a bad one.”
“Oh.”
“I just feel crummy.”
“How does it feel?”
“Cramps?”
He nodded and guessed, “Like stomach ache?”
“Yeah, that can happen too. To me, it’s like a big hand reaches in and squeezes,” she explained, demonstrating wringing out a rag. “And it’s uncomfortable to stand. It feels like all my guts are going to just fall out of my vagina.”
“Oh…” It was incredible, the serious way he listened to this. She had underestimated him, yet again.
“Women bleed different amounts too. Sometimes there’s not much blood, sometimes there’s a lot.”
“A tampon is inside?”
“Yeah.”
“I want to see…” he admitted, then gave an embarrassed laugh.
“You want to see me put a tampon in??”
“Ah… um--”
“If you actually want to see, I can show you when I change it. But if you’re going to be grossed out then I can just explain it. There’s a plastic piece that helps push the cotton up and there’s a string you pull to take it out. You have to change it every few hours or you can leak or even get really sick because of the bacteria.”
“Tampons hurt?”
“Not to me. Some women feel pain or discomfort, so you can use pads or a cup. I actually have washable pads at my place. There are lots of things you can use these days.”
“Hm. So…” He trailed off, thinking about this.
“You can still pee with a tampon in,” she answered a question she often got.
He gave her a narrow look, “I know. Different places.”
“Oh ok! A lot of men don’t know that…”
“Oh… It’s ok to have sex?” he asked instead. “It hurts you?”
“No, that doesn’t hurt me. Actually, orgasms make my cramps hurt less…”
His eyebrows raised, “Really?”
“Yeah. It’s fine to have sex, although some women’s cycles are strange and they can still get pregnant so you should still use birth control. Some guys are grossed out and don’t want to, and some women just don’t feel up to it, if they feel like garbage. I have to admit, I don’t exactly feel my sexiest right now…”
“I know about that. Um… I know some guys have sex and some don’t. I don’t care.”
“You don’t mind having sex while I’m bleeding?”
“No, it’s not so bad.”
“Were you afraid of it before?” she teased.
“Ah… I don’t know before… I am curious…”
She laughed and shoved his shoulder playfully, “Well, I guess I’m glad you aren’t so disgusted you never want to have sex with me again.”
“Uh… ha,” he laughed.
“What’s that face mean?”
“I don’t care,” he admitted, giving her what she thought was supposed to be a cool guy smug grin but just looked cute. “I am…” He narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out in thought. “Progressive.”
“Progressive!!” she repeated with a howl of laughter. “Progressive!” He waved his hands in embarrassment, probably afraid he’d used the wrong word. “Oh my god,” she laughed. “You’re something else. I think you just really like sex.”
He made a face at this injustice and insisted, “For you! You say it helps!”
“I said orgasms help me, I didn’t say sex does.”
“Uh… oh! Oh…” She winked and held the bag of M&Ms out to him. “So… it’s true, girls are cranky? Or not true?”
“Well… we tend to feel like garbage, so that can make us a little cranky. There are a lot of hormones changing, so that can make some women irritable, or cranky, or weepy.” He didn’t know all the words, and they looked them up. “It can also give us acne. We tend to retain water so our clothes don’t fit. It can give us headaches or migraines… it just kind of sucks.”
He looked at her for a moment, thinking about this, then said, “Sometimes… I can get um… a boner at a bad time.” He raised his eyebrows and she burst out laughing at what was clearly meant to be a joke. He laughed as well, his cute little bunny grin, and shirked his shoulders.
“I can’t believe you said boner. Who taught you that?”
“David-hyung.”
“Don’t ever listen to David,” she laughed. “Anyway. Ignorance about periods causes a lot of problems. In some cultures, women are considered unclean and have to stay home or separate from men. In some places girls don’t have access to pads and tampons and so they have to miss school and work every time. That’s a lot of unpaid time or lost education, you know? And this stuff is expensive, and women have to buy it all the time. There was actually a really good documentary last year that won a bunch of awards about women in India who are making pads to sell.”
“I can watch it, ok.”
“It’s called Period.”
“Ok, I can watch it,” he said again.
“You don’t have to--”
“I like to know things.”
She grinned, “Yeah, I’ve noticed that. Me too. Like… do you ever get boners on stage?”
“Ah… Sasha…”
“That’s a yes!” she laughed. “What do you do?”
“Ignore it,” he answered emphatically, giving her a very pointed look. She giggled and leaned against the back of the couch.
“What if it doesn’t go away?”
“Uh… it is very embarrassing so… it goes away.” She giggled again and ate a few more M&Ms and felt better now actually, to know that he knew more about periods than he had before.
“I can’t believe you actually went out and bought me tampons.”
He gave her a grin that was wider than she’d expected and admitted, “Like in movies.”
“What?”
“Good boyfriend thing to do, you know? Go buy tampons and chocolate.”
“Oh my god,” she laughed. “Have you been waiting for the day you could go buy me tampons? What else is on your good boyfriend from the movies list?”
“Uh…”
“Is there a list?!”
“No! Just things I think…”
“You’re so goddamn cute,” she sighed and leaned forward and kissed him. He seemed pleased at the praise but also slightly confused.
“Maybe how to brush hair,” he said, to her surprise. “Um… you know? You have confusing hair…”
“It is a little confusing,” she agreed.
“I can learn to braid…”
“What sort of movies do you watch? I’ve never seen a boyfriend braid his girlfriend’s hair.”
“Korean movie…” He named two she wasn’t familiar with.
She gave him a serious look and admitted, “I would love for you to be able to braid my hair. Dominique likes to brush my hair and braid it.”
He frowned, “See? I am your boyfriend…”
“Ok, I’ll teach you how to braid it another night. You’ve done enough sweet boyfriend things tonight. I have to catch up.”
“Uh… Sashaya… lingerie…”
“Oh yeah. Was that a good girlfriend thing?”
“Ah….” He did his cute little head tilt and shifted, sitting back against the couch to face ahead.
“Just like in the movies?” she teased.
“Better,” he said quickly. “Much better.”
“Yeah?”
“This thing,” he said, pointing to his leg and hip. “What is it named?”
“The whole thing is called a basque or a merrywidow. Do you mean the garter straps? The things holding my stockings up?” He nodded. “You liked them?” He nodded. She laughed, and admitted, “I really like lingerie with garters too. I feel sexy in them.”
“You buy more things in Paris?”
“Yeah, I bought a lot more. More garters and other types of lingerie too.”
“Oh.”
“Some men don’t like lingerie,” she said. “Some guys are just like ah, get it out of the way, let me see the tits. You like it?”
“Yeah…” He gave her a sideways look, then leaned in, “You need more orgasm, Sasha? For cramps?”
“Bahaha!” she cried and shoved his arm. “No!”
“Oh, ok…”
“Jungkook! Do you have an inconvenient boner now?”
“Um…”
“Poor baby. Just think about how I bled all over your dick.”
He waved his hand at her and pouted his lips and assured her, “It doesn’t stop me.” Fucking hell, this man made her laugh.
“Well you’re going to have to ignore it until it goes away because I feel like hot garbage.”
“ Very hot-- not garbage!” he quickly corrected at her look. “Ok ok. You want a movie?”
“Yes.”
She leaned against his arm as he scrolled, asking a couple of options as she snuggled the heating pad. But she could see him still tenting in his sweatpants and eventually asked,
“How long will it take to go away?”
“Huh?” She lifted her eyebrows in response. “Uh…” He made a little hissing noise and chose a movie. Finally because she was still waiting, he admitted, “I need to stop thinking…”
“You’re just sitting here thinking about me in that lingerie still?” He stuck his lips out and didn’t answer. “You came twice!”
“Ah…” He gave her a helpless look and sighed, “It is very nice. I like… it.”
“Want a handjob?”
“No,” he answered and caught the hand she’d crept forward, holding it in his. “Ok ok watch the movie…”
Several minutes passed before she whispered, “Jungkooka, stop thinking about me in lingerie.”
“Yeah yeah…”
Eventually his boner did go away, after he’d put a pillow in his lap and nudged her to lay down. He combed his fingers through her hair, like she usually did to him, as they watched, and long before the end of the movie, it lulled her to sleep.