Chapter Text
Chapter One
Closure came at seven o’clock on a rainy Tuesday evening for Jackie Overhill. She signed a stack of papers, slid off the diamond band that had been weighing her down for years, and walked away. Just months shy of forty-five and starting over again. She should have been scared but instead felt liberated. Paul Overhill, football star turned coach extraordinaire and all-around good guy, looked on in silence as the heart he knew he’d broken retreated from the lawyer’s office and slipped away from him. This was not the ending either of them had envisioned, but it was theirs none the less.
“How’d we get here?” Paul asked no one in particular, his slow Louisiana drawl deep with emotion. As expected, his lawyer didn’t respond. He was still angry with Paul for nullifying the prenuptial agreement. What was it he’d said at their last meeting? Have you lost every ounce of common sense you ever had? And maybe he had, but he knew he’d done enough damage. Making sure Jackie was well taken care of for the rest of her life was the least he could do. He’d loved her more than anything once. All those years ago.
~*Twenty Years Earlier*~
“This is a terrible idea, Austin,” Jackie said for the hundredth time, glancing over at the driver of the old Chevy pickup truck they were in. “Your brother hates me, your father scares me, and let’s face it your mother thinks I’m cheap.”
“Mama doesn’t think you’re cheap,” he chuckled, shaking his head and causing an unruly brown curl to fall across his forehead. He brushed it out of the way and gave Jackie an encouraging smile. “And Paul don’t hate ya, either. He doesn’t know ya well enough to care that much.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” she mumbled in return. She went back to the task at hand, trying to cover the ugly purplish-blue around her right eye and down her cheek with nothing but a small bottle of liquid foundation and the tiny mirror on the sun visor in front of her.
Keeping one hand on the wheel, Austin reached over and took the makeup out of Jackie’s hand. He took his eyes off the road long enough for her to see that he was serious. “They won’t care, Jackie. It’s Easter. Mama always makes way too much food and she wouldn’t want anyone to be alone on a holiday. Especially not…”
“A girl that just got knocked around by her boyfriend,” she finished for him, eyebrow arched.
“That’s not what I was gonna say, but yeah.” He put his attention back on the road but didn’t return her foundation. “Now just relax, we’re almost there. Everything’s gonna be fine.”
Jackie slouched down in her seat and stared out the passenger side window. Her friend’s words had done nothing to comfort her. Austin Overhill was football royalty. He and his brother Paul were both playing professionally, and their father had played as well. There was more money in their family than she had seen in her entire 24 years, probably more than she would see in her entire life, and she knew how it looked for Austin to have befriended her. A bartender, college dropout, and wannabe fitness model that made terrible life choices and dated men that hit her. Not exactly the prize to bring home to mom, even just as friends. The truck turned down the long curving driveway to their expansive family home in the outskirts of New Orleans and her stomach dropped. Maybe Mrs. Overhill would do them all a favor and just throw her out at first sight.
The front door swung open and a pretty, petite blonde came skipping down the steps towards the truck. “Austin! You’re finally here!” Austin hopped from the truck and took the young girl in his arms, kissing her as he spun her around. “How is she?” Jackie heard her ask. She couldn’t hear Austin’s reply. The pretty blonde was Emma Brady, soon to be Overhill. Austin’s fiancée since they’d met in college and the honest to goodness nicest human Jackie had ever encountered. It was almost unnerving that one person could be that perfect. With a sigh, Jackie got out and walked around the truck towards them. Emma turned to speak to her but stopped in her tracks, giving a little gasp.
“It looks awful, I know,” Jackie said, dropping her chin so her long brown hair fell over the side of her face in a curtain. “But I’m fine…”
“Oh, honey!” Emma exclaimed then, sounding every bit the Georgia Peach that she was. And then she was taking Jackie into her arms and hugging her tightly. “I’m just so sorry. How absolutely awful. I’m so glad you called Austin. C’mon, let’s get you inside and we’ll get you all fixed up.”
She let herself be led into the foyer of the house, Austin right behind them. His mother was waiting just inside, a look of concern deepening the lines between her perfectly shaped eyebrows. Jackie braced herself for the worst. But to her surprise, Evelyn Overhill took her from Emma’s grasp and led her down the hallway towards the kitchen. “Emma’s told me everything,” she spoke softly, her voice gentle and soothing. “You just don’t worry about a thing, you hear me? Let’s get you a nice, big glass of wine and you can help with dinner.”
“Mrs. Overhill…”
“Jackie, please, call me Evelyn.” The older woman put her arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. “You’ve had a rough few days, darling. Now just relax and enjoy yourself.”
More than a bit stunned, she obediently did as she was told. Taking directions from Evelyn, she did her best to both help and stay out of the way in the bustling kitchen. All of the Overhill women congregated there, the cacophony of southern voices almost too much to comprehend for her midwestern ears. As she chopped vegetables on a corner of the large granite topped island, she wondered what exactly everything was that Emma had told. Did she stop at the part about her boyfriend beating her up or did she go all the way to her own mother calling her a tramp and hanging up when she’d called her in tears? Perhaps that was why Evelyn was being so nice, no doubt feeling sorry for her entire situation.
“God dammit, Austin! Why would you bring her here?”
The knife she’d been holding slipped from Jackie’s hand at the sudden outburst from what she knew was the living room. There was more shouting that she couldn’t quite make out and then finally, “stop being such an asshole, Paul! He beat her up!” She inwardly groaned as the entire house went silent. So much for trying to stay out of the way. It was only a few seconds before the looming frame of Paul Overhill entered the kitchen. He scanned the room for Jackie, found her, and visibly started. She gave him a slightly awkward, slightly sarcastic smile and waved. He stared at her bruises for far longer than was comfortable before clearing his throat. She thought he might say something, but he only shook his head before leaving the room. She flinched as she heard the front door slam.
“Well, what on earth has gotten into that son of mine?” Evelyn questioned, tossing a towel aside and moving to follow after Paul.
“Don’t,” Jackie spoke, holding a hand up to stop her. “It’s fine. I’ll go.” And in spite of all the protests being shouted after her, that is exactly what she did. She found Paul on the front steps with his head down and she stopped, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know, what did I ever do to make you hate me so much?”
“I don’t hate you,” came the honest reply from where he sat, nearly at the bottom of the lengthy steps. “At least not anymore.”
That gave Jackie pause and she stood silently for a moment or two before continuing, leaning against the wrought iron railing, and staring at his back. “Not anymore?” she asked softly. “Did something change from thirty seconds ago when you were fighting with Austin over my presence here?”
“There’s so much you don’t know, Jackie,” he responded, not answering her question. He ran a hand through his short blonde hair and turned to look back at her over his shoulder. “Tommy did that to you?”
Tommy Irvington. Standout wide receiver on the same team Austin quarterbacked for and the sole reason for the stars in Jackie’s eyes and the bruises on her face. She’d met Tommy at the bar she worked at several months back and for her, it had been love at first sight. That someone of his caliber would even look in her direction was more than she had been able to comprehend. Before she’d known what was happening, she’d been watching games in the owner’s box most weekends and meeting his teammates after practices most weekdays. It’s how she’d met Austin and, subsequently, Paul. Tommy was passionate and flirtatious and talented and handsome. He was also a little too full of himself with a tendency to get rough when he was angry. Austin worked well with him but had told Jackie early on that he didn’t think the guy was a good human being. An opinion that had fallen on deaf ears.
“Austin obviously already told you that he did. Do you think I’d lie to him about something like that?” She couldn’t keep the edge of animosity out of her voice no matter how she tried.
Paul turned his eyes from her, but she heard him grumble, “that son of a bitch.”
“I’m fine,” she spat defensively. “It’s fine. I only called Austin because I was upset. He didn’t need to bring me here. None of this was necessary.”
“It ain’t fine, Jackie.” The forcefulness of his statement startled her. His lazy drawl sounded pointedly different with that much anger behind it. “He had no right to put his hands on you.”
“You don’t even know what we fought about,” she shot back, quite aware of how contrite the words sounded.
“You accused him of cheating on you and he didn’t like it.”
Jackie opened her mouth to reply, but no words came so she closed it again.
Paul chuckled without humor, so it sounded a bit more like a scoff. “Nailed it, didn’t I?”
“H-how did you know that?”
“Like I said when you first came out here, there’s a lot you don’t know.” With a sigh, he patted the cement on the step next to him. “Come sit down. You’re not gonna want to be standing for this, I’d bet.”
She silently descended the steps and sat where he’d indicated, glancing at him warily. “All of this feels way too ominous for my liking.”
“Yeah, well…” Paul trailed off and shook his head, seeming very much like he’d rather have any conversation other than the one he was currently having. “Look, you’re not wrong about Tommy cheating. It’s just not exactly how you think.”
“I don’t understand…”
“He told you that strawberry shampoo in his shower was for you, right?”
Jackie only nodded, not trusting her voice.
“And the milk and honey bubble bath?”
Another nod, her eyebrows crinkling together.
“What was his excuse for the makeup under his shaving kit?” For reasons beyond her comprehension, Paul sounded full blown angry again. She didn’t like where any of this was going.
“He said it was his sister’s…” her choked response came out as lamely as she felt. “Paul, why do you know…”
“It’s mine,” he interrupted harshly. “All of it.”
Jackie blinked, trying to force the words he’d said to make some sort of sense in her mind. “I’m sorry, wh-“
“He’s not cheating on you, Jackie,” Paul went on. “He’s cheating on me.”
Something important snapped inside of her, though she couldn’t put her finger on what. Pain tore through her heart and up into her throat. And then she found herself laughing, unable to stop, hands over her face to try and hide it. Nothing at all was funny but she had no other reaction.
Paul glared as she laughed. “Really? It’s that hilarious? God damn, it’s easier to just hate you.” He stood to go, and Jackie reached out, putting a hand on his leg to stop him.
“Wait. Wait, I’m sorry. I just…what? What are you even talking about right now? You’re telling me that Tommy Irvington is gay? And with you? Who is apparently also gay?”
It was clear from the look on his face that Paul didn’t appreciate her synopsis of their conversation. “What I’m telling you is that Tommy and I have been together for almost two years. And that all that shit at his place that he said was for you was mine. I guess it’s not quite cheating because obviously I knew it was happening, but I warned him he was making a mess of the whole thing. And I was right because here you sit with a black eye and that asshole has been texting me all day asking me to fly to California tonight to see him.”
Her laughter finally subsiding, Jackie was quiet for a long time. She stood, pacing back and forth down the front walk, her hand rubbing absently along her bruised cheekbone. She tried to let the newfound information soak in. Tommy. Gay. Or at least a little gay. Bi? She didn’t know what to call it, but it didn’t bother her as much as she thought it probably should. But with Paul? That one was hard to swallow. Though it did clear up why Paul had been so unfriendly to her from the very beginning. “Hang on,” she stopped pacing, looking up at the house. “Does Austin know?”
“Don’t be angry with him, Jackie. I begged him not to tell you.”
She felt like she’d been slapped. “Why? Why would any of you let me go through this? Without even a warning…”
“To be fair I think Austin did try to warn you.”
“He told me Tommy wasn’t a good guy,” she shouted, on the verge of hysteria. “He didn’t tell me Tommy was fucking his brother!”
Paul flinched visibly, casting his eyes quickly towards the front door. “Would you keep your voice down,” he hissed. “Please, Jackie.”
“Oh, what?” she continued, still shouting. “I’m supposed to care about keeping your secret after you’ve just dropped this bombshell on me. Fuck that! One of you should’ve told me right from the beginning…”
“And risk being outed in a sport that doesn’t take too kindly to things like this?” he cut her off, voice still low and seething. “There wasn’t a damn thing I could’ve said to stop you from sleeping with him short of the truth. And I couldn’t tell you that. I didn’t know you at all. I didn’t know what you would do. Hell, I still don’t.”
That subdued her some. She stopped pacing and lowered her voice. “Paul…I would never…”
“Well, lots of people would,” he snapped. “It’d make a hell of a front-page story. Tommy Irvington and Paul Overhill. Rivals on the field, lovers off. The media would have a damn field day.”
Jackie sighed, unsure of what else to do. “So…are you going to California, then?”
Something shifted in Paul’s eyes at that. Their normal bright hazel bled to a dark almost-grey. “Hell no,” he said emphatically. “I know Tommy’s got a temper, but the man I fell in love with wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a line in the sand I’m not willing to cross.”
“Thanks…I guess. …now what?”
“Please don’t tell anyone, Jackie. You don’t owe me nothing, but please. Mama and Daddy have known about me for less than a year. If they found out about Tommy…”
She was surprised at how much it hurt to hear him plead with her over this. More surprised that, at 30 years old, he’d so recently come out to his parents. “I won’t, Paul. I promise. I meant what I said. I would never.”
He nodded then, seeming to relax a bit. “I’m sorry he hit you. I’ll kick his ass the next time I see him. I’m bigger than him, it won’t be hard.”
That brought unexpected laughter bubbling from her lips and she smiled in spite of herself. “You’ll have to get to him before Austin because he threatened the same thing.”
As if on cue, the front door of the house opened, and Austin stepped outside. Five years younger than Paul, he was his older brother’s polar opposite. Dark eyes and hair with a straight nose and crooked smile, Austin very clearly took after their father. Paul was just a taller, more muscular version of their mother. Yet somehow both men were devastatingly handsome. Austin’s eyes flicked first to Jackie and then his brother. “Everything okay, y’all? Mama’s getting worried.”
“You should’ve told me,” Jackie said pointedly, before softening and continuing with, “but yes, everything’s okay now.”
Relief washed over him, visibly changing the features of his face. “Oh, thank God, I don’t have to lie to you anymore. I told Paul you wouldn’t say nothing but he don’t ever listen to me and Lord knows he’s stubborn as all hell.”
“Thanks, little brother,” Paul shot back sarcastically. “Nice to know you’ve got my back.”
Jackie rolled her eyes and closed the distance between herself and Austin. “Come on,” she smiled, hooking her arm through his. “Let’s go before Miss Evelyn decides to come out here looking for me herself.”
~*~
The rest of the afternoon and evening went surprisingly well. Jackie was able to assimilate her way into the Overhill household with more ease than she’d thought possible. Her own family being exceedingly dysfunctional and toxic, she had to admit that it was nice to see siblings and parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all interacting jovially under the same roof. It was an atmosphere quite foreign to her. She was still reeling from all the new information she’d taken in over the course of the day, but thought she was handling it pretty nonchalantly. So, it didn’t come entirely as a surprise when Paul announced after dinner that they, by which he meant himself, Jackie, Austin, and Emma, were going out for the night. Evelyn had protested, citing Easter Sunday as a terrible holiday to go to a bar. Mr. Overhill, or Charlie as he’d insisted Jackie call him, referenced the mint julep in Evelyn’s hand and the bourbon in his own, and the decision was made that it was fine for them to go.
That’s how, at quarter to eleven at night, Jackie found herself sitting on a leather couch in an apartment that Paul and Austin shared in New Orleans. Why the two brothers, neither of whom lived in Louisiana on a full-time basis, needed an apartment in the city when their family home was more than large enough to house a small army was beyond her. But she was learning not to take anything about the Overhill’s at face value. Emma and Austin were making out on the other couch in the room while she took a long drag off the joint Paul had placed in her hand before disappearing into a back bedroom several minutes earlier. How or why any of this was happening, she really couldn’t say. But she took another hit, tried not to blatantly watch the couple across from her, and willed herself once more to relax. It wasn’t long before Paul returned, his appearance shocking her enough to send the still lit joint tumbling from between her fingers.
“Oh shit,” he laughed, lunging to pick it up quickly from the carpet. “Let’s try not to burn the place down, shall we?”
Jackie stared, mouth agape. She heard Austin chuckle from somewhere off in the distance and Emma said something along the lines of ‘well you broke her.’ All six foot five inches of Paul was clad in black. His long, muscular legs were covered in the tightest leather pants she’d ever seen and knee-high, lace up boots that should have looked ridiculous but didn’t. His top was honest to god long sleeved fishnet and the way his abs showed through it was almost obscene. But it was his face that, as Emma had said, broke her. Lips the color of a good merlot, lashes that could not have been achieved with even the best mascara, and a smokey eye that made her rethink all of her makeup choices ever. Even his blonde hair, which she had only ever seen parted and combed to one side, was spikey and rebellious. Paul Overhill was standing in front of her looking much more the part of lead singer of a goth band than All-American quarterback.
“I told you that makeup in his apartment was mine,” he quipped, breaking the silence.
“Jesus Christ…” she whispered slowly, eyes still wide.
Paul chuckled. “I don’t think He has anything to do with this. But don’t tell Mama I said that.”
“I’ll add it to the list of things never to say in front of her.” Jackie was still rocked to her core, but she was at least forming coherent sentences. “Okay, seriously, where are we going with you looking like that?” She glanced down at her own outfit; a sensible, floral print sundress perfect for Easter. “Because I have to think I’m not dressed right for wherever it is.”
“First of all, we,” he gestured at the four of them, “aren’t going anywhere. They,” his finger waggled back and forth between Austin and Emma, “are staying here because my little brother is acting like a horny teenager and Mama won’t let them have sex at the house until they’re married. Apparently, it’s still 1950 in her mind.” Austin threw one of the pillows from the couch in Paul’s direction, but he dodged it. “You and I, however,” he turned his gaze back to Jackie, “are going to a private club I belong to. And don’t give me that look. It’s not that kind of club.”
“It’s kind of that kind of club,” Emma giggled, drunk on too much sangria. “But you’ll have a blast, Jackie. I promise. And you look fine but if you really want to change, I keep some clothes here. I’m sure you can find something.”
It took Jackie a few prolonged moments to move, but she eventually did stand and make her way towards the bedroom Emma had pointed at. Paul followed close on her heels. “Too much, too soon?” he asked with a smile.
Jackie stopped in the doorway, turning to look at him with one eyebrow arched. “Twelve hours ago, I thought you hated me.”
“I still only sorta like you,” he drawled, and she wasn’t entirely sure he was joking. “But you’ve had a shit week and I ain’t had the best time of it either. We both deserve to go out and have some fun. And I promise you, this will be that.”
~*~
Her cellphone ringing was what woke Jackie from a dead sleep, the sun shining evilly through the open curtains was what kept her up. She groped around blindly for the phone, not finding it before it stopped. With a groan she flopped back down and closed her eyes. Her mouth was a desert and her head felt like someone was beating it with a hammer after every breath. The phone started to ring again, and she wanted to cry.
“If you don’t turn that thing off…”
Jackie froze just as her hand landed on the phone on the floor next to the bed. The ringing stopped but she didn’t move. That voice. No. It couldn’t be. Slowly, half believing that she was hallucinating or dreaming or something of the sort, she rolled towards that voice and opened one eye. “Oh my God!” she shrieked, moving faster than her pounding head should have allowed, clutching the sheet to her chest as she sprang away.
Her outburst fully roused the man lying next to her and he sat up looking ready to fight. His face changed almost instantly when his eyes focused on Jackie. “Oh, holy shit…”
Jackie pulled the sheet away just enough for her to look down at her body and verify what she already knew. Her stomach lurched. She slowly backed her way off the bed, pulling the sheet with her. Paul grabbed the comforter to keep himself covered but said nothing. “Okay. I’m gonna…shower…and umm…yeah. Shower. So. I’ll be back.” It was the most awkward exit from a room she’d ever experienced, but Jackie all but ran to the adjacent bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. “What the fuck?” she said aloud to her reflection in the mirror. “What did you do?”
The answer to that, in its simplest form, was pretty obvious. But she struggled to piece together details. The club. Lots of drinking and dancing and smoking. She remembered an argument about something. And after that it was blank. In the shower Jackie scrubbed until her skin was raw and red and her scalp hurt from her nails digging at it. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and then twenty. She had to calm down. This was ridiculous. They were adults. So she’d gotten drunk and slept with Paul. So what? That meant nothing except that they could both regret, and laugh about it, later. But how had it happened? Why couldn’t she pull that from her memories? Taking a deep breath, she ventured a look down at her naked body as the hot water slid over it. She had scratches on her inner thighs. Okay, well that was different. She touched the scratches gingerly and an image flashed before her.
Paul placing two tablets of ecstasy under her tongue before taking two himself. A brief wonder of how he passed what she knew were mandatory drug tests given by his team. Then laughter, and lots of it. More dancing. And then the arguing. Her screaming at him in the middle of the dance floor that he probably didn’t even know what to do with a woman. Oh. OH. It all came back quite suddenly then. The way he’d pulled her into that small, dark room in the back of the club (Emma had been right, it kind of was that kind of place). Paul crouching in front of her, hooking her knees over his shoulders and holding her against the wall. His nails in the sensitive flesh of her inner thighs, his mouth between her legs. He’d proven his point. He knew just fine what to do with a woman.
Silent, Jackie turned off the shower and stepped out onto the plush white bathmat. She grabbed two towels from the cabinet near the sink, wrapping one around her long hair and the other around her body, trying to cover herself completely for reasons unknown. He’d already seen everything there was to see. Mindlessly, she brushed her teeth using the toothpaste she found and her finger, thinking that borrowing Paul’s toothbrush would be a step too far. When she was finished, she stared at the door for a long time, calculating how long he would let her stay in the bathroom. Maybe indefinitely?
“You can come out, Jackie. I won’t bite.”
She flinched at the sound of his voice. But she also stepped forward and opened the door. Paul was sitting on the end of the bed and by the looks of him, he’d snuck off to have a shower of his own in Austin’s bathroom. He was wearing forest green pajama pants and a white muscle shirt. His hair was wet and a little messy. There was no makeup in sight. Seeing him fully clothed like that made her even more uncomfortable. “Do you, uh, have something I could…put on?”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” Paul sprung to his feet and she heard him mumble, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Rushing around in an almost comical fashion, he pulled out a pair of red basketball shorts and a black t-shirt from his dresser and handed them over to her. She retreated into the safe haven that was the bathroom and put on the clothes. The shorts had to be rolled several times at the waist to get them to stay on and the top draped off her shoulder, but it was better than a towel. She kept her hair wrapped up and reluctantly returned to the bedroom. Paul was back sitting on the end of the bed, doing his very best to look what she assumed was supposed to be nonthreatening. She swallowed hard and kept her back to the bathroom door.
“So…yeah. This happened.”
Paul cleared his throat and nodded. “It did.”
There was a part of her that didn’t believe her own memories, so she had to ask, “did we really take Ecstasy last night?” Another nod, but he stayed quiet. She shook her head. “What the hell was that about? How drunk was I to even say yes to that?”
“Pretty drunk,” he laughed, but only briefly. “From what I can remember, we both were. Which is not all that uncommon, being at the club and all.”
Jackie couldn’t find the lie in that, so she didn’t speak, though she had many unanswered questions. Why was Paul Overhill a member of a private basically sex club being at the top of the list. Where did the Ecstasy come from was a close second. And how did they get back to the apartment because she had absolutely no recollection of that trip. Also, was there aspirin and coffee anywhere in the vicinity. Finally, she went with that. “Can we make some coffee? And before my head explodes, do you have any aspirin?”
Paul stood. “I made coffee while you were in the shower, I’ll get you some. There’s aspirin in the bathroom.” He stepped towards her and she shrunk back even closer to the door. He sighed. “Jackie, this is weird. I get it. But let’s not make it worse. We’re both adults. We had sex; we didn’t kill anybody.” He gestured towards the bathroom. “Just get something for your head and come on out to the kitchen. Austin and Emma already left for the airport so we’re alone.”
Back in the bathroom, Jackie took another lengthy look at herself in the mirror. Overnight the bruises on her face had slid to that ugly greenish blue that means healing is taking place. The color change didn’t make her feel any better. She found a brush in one of the drawers beneath the sink and did what she could with her long brown locks before grabbing a couple of aspirin and swallowing them dry. And with nothing more to keep her, she joined Paul in the kitchen. He was sitting on one of the stools pushed against the island, coffee mug in hand. A second cup sat beside him with a container of hazelnut creamer and a pourable carton of sugar also in sight. She picked up the cup, added creamer, and hesitantly sat down. She left a stool between them for extra space. After a few sips spent in complete silence, she turned to look at him. “Sorry, I’m not much of a one-night stand kind of girl, so I don’t really know what to say now.” Paul snorted but tried to cover it by taking a drink from his coffee. Jackie’s look turned to a glare. “What? You don’t believe me?”
He shrugged, but there was no apology coming from him. “I know damn well you went home with Tommy on the first night.”
“But that wasn’t a one-night stand,” she replied defensively.
“You didn’t know that when it happened though, now did ya?” The way his hazel eyes bore into her deep chocolate ones was unnerving. She looked down and away. Paul chuckled mirthlessly. “It’s alright, Jackie. I don’t think any less of you. I was there too, remember? It is what it is.”
“But it’s…you,” she offered up lamely. “You don’t even like me.”
“Enough drugs and alcohol can apparently make me like anyone,” he laughed. She wasn’t amused and he sobered when he noticed it. “Listen, I’m not trying to be an asshole so I’m sorry if I am. It’s just…we don’t have to dwell on any of this. Last night happened,” he shrugged, noncommittal. “It’s a new day. Nothing’s any different than it was yesterday. Tommy’s still a jerk, we’re still sort of friends, and everyone’s life goes on.”
Another silence stretched between them and her nerves calmed some. The coffee certainly helped. She stood up and walked around the kitchen to pour herself another cup. When she was done, she turned to look at Paul, leaning against the counter instead of returning to her seat. “Can I ask you something?”
He held out his mug to her. “Top me off and you can ask whatever you’d like.”
Jackie did as he requested, placing the coffee pot back on the burner before continuing with her question. She didn’t look him in the eye as she spoke. “So…are you not gay, then?”
There was that mirthless chuckle again. Paul took a long drink and then sat his cup down. “Does it matter?”
“I mean, not really,” she shrugged. “But I guess I’d like to know. The last 24 hours have been pretty confusing when it comes to that word.”
“So actually, you wanna know about Tommy but you’re asking me about myself because it’s easier?” He arched a brow in her direction and she absolutely hated that he was right.
“I don’t like that you can do that.”
“Do what?” he smirked.
“That,” she gestured with a small wave of her hand towards his general presence. “Knowing exactly what I mean and calling me out on it.”
A real laugh this time, low and slow. Paul shook his head. “It’s a gift. But to answer your question, your real question, Tommy isn’t anywhere close to what I’d call gay. He just likes to sleep with people. Any people,” he paused, his face screwing up in a touch of disgust. “Let’s be honest, all people.”
Jackie was caught off guard by the soft giggle that escaped her lips at Paul’s utterly deadpan tone. She took another drink. “Good to know. Not that I plan on sleeping with him again any time soon.”
“Oh, honey, we’ve all said that before.” Paul rolled his eyes dramatically and his voice went up almost a full octave. “You should stick to it, though. Don’t fuck people who hit you. It’s not a good look.”
“And what about you?”
“Well, he’s never hit me, so…”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, right,” Paul finished his coffee and sat the mug aside, leaning across the island towards Jackie and fixing her with the slightest of smiles. “Am I gay? I guess you can call me that if you want. I certainly prefer men,” he shrugged, “but I think last night speaks for itself regarding women. If something happens, it happens.”
“You’re very nonchalant about it,” Jackie noted, not entirely sure of why she chose to speak the thought aloud.
“Does that surprise you?” he countered.
“I don’t know if anything should surprise me about you at this point,” she answered honestly. “But it’s a little unexpected.”
“Here’s the thing,” he stated plainly, “I spent a good twenty-five years not being honest with myself or anyone else about who I really am. I know I still have roles to play. Quarterback. Southern Boy. Charlie Overhill’s Son,” he rolled his eyes a bit at that one and Jackie wondered if maybe that relationship wasn’t as solid as it appeared. “But life’s too short to play a role when it comes to my…” he paused, searching for the right words. “…love life, for lack of a better term. I am who I am.”
“Then why are you still in the closet to basically everyone not your family?”
“Because most people not my family care more about those other roles I was just talking about. A lot of my teammates know,” he continued with a shrug. “I trust those guys and I know they’ve got my back. But the league as a whole? I don’t think so. And the general population of the earth? Not so much. I’d rather keep my job and my paycheck. What happens in my bedroom ain’t their business.”