Chapter Text
Adrien is familiar with the feeling of helplessness. He has never had much control over his life. There is almost always someone dictating what his next step should be. Rarely does he get to decide his own fate, so he isn’t surprised by the fact that his first relationship seems to be about to end for circumstances beyond his control.
Kagami is a wonderful girl. She is smart, driven, determined, pretty, and comes from a similar background. Plus, she is more socially inept than him, which is both a blessing and a curse. To an outsider's eyes, Adrien and Kagami were a perfect match. However, no outsider had a clear picture of who he is; thus, subtracting validity to their assessments.
He isn’t just Adrien Agreste, professional model and sweet, picture perfect son of France’s top designer Gabriel Agreste. He is also one half of Paris’s beloved superhero duo: brave, dorky, flirty, and confident Chat Noir. That being said, neither one truly encapsulates Adrien’s full essence on their own. He is something in between, an amalgamation of his personas.
The truth was that no one was privy to his true self. He feared what whoever was the first person to truly see it would think. To Adrien, rejection and ridicule were scarier than anything else. Thus, he developed a fool-proof strategy to never have to deal with them. He never showed the entirety of himself. He hid behind masks, all of them carefully designed with just enough truth to be believable. Adrien Agreste could bend and mold himself into exactly what the person he was with wanted him to be. Even so, this came with a strong draw back. When one focuses on pleasing those around them and spends all their time behind masks, they forget what it is that really lies beneath the façade.
Most of the time, not knowing what his real self was didn’t really bother him; he took it in stride. He viewed it as something that with time would solve itself. Nevertheless, when situations like his current one took place, he realised just how much damage not knowing one’s self could really cause.
Looking back on it, he now realises that even though he cared about Kagami deeply, he did not love her. Sure, he felt a special connection to her. After all, none of his other friends could understand his home life like Kagami could. He admired her deeply. She is a go-getter with a can-do attitude. She fears nothing, and never hesitates. He holds her on high regards, but he can now see that that is where his feelings for her end.
Adrien had hurt Kagami. He gradually and painfully broke her heart and did not realise that was the case until it was too late. He couldn’t see how much he was putting Kagami through, until her trust in him was almost completely gone. After all, if Kagami still trusted him, she would not have set that trap using the lucky charm Marinette gave him. Kagami was perceptive, and she knew Adrien was holding something from her. She gave him a final chance to come clean, but he simply could not explain himself. It was his deception that got Kagami akumatized again. He felt like her akumatization was on him, regardless of how out of his hand that affair was.
Each mask came with responsibilities for Adrien as the wearer, and the Chat Noir mask came with the biggest one. Even if he wished to show his true self to anyone, he couldn’t. Being one of Paris’s protectors required anonymity. He didn’t want to lie to Kagami. Even if in hindsight he could tell that their relationship was a stagnant one, Adrien would have loved to at least clear the air between himself and Kagami. She deserved an explanation, but he just could not provide one, not without putting her in danger and Paris on the line.
Adrien Agreste was tired. He didn’t want to have to be perfect all the time. He was exhausted of always being told what to do. Not having any control over anything in his life was slowly wearing him out. He was teetering over the edge, and needed a reprieve. The only moments when he can let go, are when he is clad in a leather cat-suit. Considering the fact that said outfit comes with the duty of keeping Paris safe, it is certainly concerning to say that when he donned it is when he feels the freest.
Adrien was looking out of his bedroom windows when the severity of everything that transpired that day hit him. His hands went to grab onto his hair and a frustrated groan escaped him as he fell to his knees. He wanted to scream, cry, kick, and punch. His skin felt prickly. Air felt as though it was in short supply. He was restless, yet couldn’t move. He kept so much bottled up and hidden. Adrien felt like he was going to explode.
After what felt like hours but could just as easily have been seconds, Adrien stood up. His countenance became stony and unreadable as he let the words out, “Plagg, claws out”.
Chat Noir ran. He ran as fast as he could. He needed to get away, away from a neglecting home, away from endless responsibilities, away from the wounds he caused, away from his castle of lies. The further he moved, the easier breathing became.
Chat had no destination in mind. He just knew he wanted to escape, at least for a small while. He traversed the rooftops of Paris. His run was tense with rigid yet erratic movements. His turns were sharp and his pace gruelling. Chat wanted to burn. He had hurt someone dear to him. He deserved to feel at least a fraction of her pain.
The night’s cool breeze unrepentantly hit Chat Noir’s face, alerting him of the wetness beneath his eyes. His lungs felt as though they were on fire. His legs felt ready to fall off. He didn’t stop. He pushed himself harder.
A leap approached, for he was about to reach the end of the rooftop he currently found himself in. His legs were begging for respite, but he reproached it. He pushed himself off the ground and flew. His body however refused to keep enduring abuse.
Chat’s right leg does not stick the landing. His right shoulder takes the brunt of his fall, making him hiss. His momentum makes him roll around the rooftop. He stops and lies face-up. He lets out an embittered scream. His hands fly to his hair and pull hard in a pitiful attempt to ground himself. He pants heavily and stares at the sky.
Slowly, his breathing evens out. Chat sits up and brings his knees to his chest. He hides his face behind them, and lets sobs wrack his body as his tears run freely. He embraces his despair and agony. He feels horrible about himself, and for once, instead of keeping it all in, he lets it all out.
He stays like that for a while, impossible for him to say how long for with exactitude. He cries until he’s got no more tears left. Once the burden he carries feels at least a little lighter, he looks up.
Twinkling lights on a familiar balcony a few blocks away catch his attention. He stares curiously. It was 22:00 when he left his home. He is certain it has been a good while since he did. He knew Marinette was a night owl, but it seems like an odd time to be outside on her balcony, especially given how cold it was tonight. He studied his friend’s silhouette more closely. She was leaning on her railing, resting her cheek on one of her hands. She appeared deep in thought as she gazed into the horizon. Overall, she appeared quite dejected.
Marinette is one of the most amazing people he knows. She’s a beautiful, kind, gentle soul who is willing to do whatever it takes to help those she cares about out. She’s his Everyday Ladybug.
Lately, she has been having a rough time. Even though Marinette hasn’t said anything about it, Adrien could see how the circles underneath her eyes were growing darker every day. He could see how his bubbly friend who lit up every room she walked into was withering.
He could see Alya was becoming more and more concerned about her best friend. He could see how her boyfriend Luka got more and more restless asking her to let him in. Her friends kept trying to reach out, but Marinette kept pushing them away with one excuse or another. Adrien knew something was wrong with her, but he had no clue what to say. If neither her best friend nor boyfriend seemed to be able to do anything about it, what could he do?
Adrien only knew one thing. His friend should never feel low. Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserved the world and then some. She was an ever-burning flame whose warmth uplifted everyone around her. That flame was getting extinguished, and a world without her light was not something Adrien wanted to see. Thus, he decided that he was simply not going to allow that to happen.
Feeling slightly better after his cathartic break down, Chat Noir stood up with renewed purpose. He had hurt someone he cared about today, that was a wrong he couldn’t right anytime soon. He’s being given the chance to help someone else who is dear to him, to at least restore some sort of balance in the world. He’d be damned if he didn’t take it.