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As Bucky entered the apartment, he immediately heard Steve in his bedroom, even through the closed door. He sounded distressed, but also… frustrated? Bucky couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, but quickly went to check on his friend.
“Steve?” He said quietly, slowly inching Steve’s bedroom door open. The sight laid out before him froze Bucky in his tracks.
Steve was lying in the middle of his bed, nude body sprawled out, with his hand wrapped around and fisting his flaccid cock. His face was contorted into a look of misery; his lips pulled back, uncovering gritted teeth. His brow was furrowed deeply, causing deep lines across his forehead, and his eyes pressed tightly closed. Bucky had never seen such a pained and distraught expression on his friend before.
Without thinking, he took another step into the room and called out, “Steve?”
Bolting upward, Steve frantically grabbed at his blanket to cover himself.
“What the fuck, Bucky!” He shouted angrily. “Get out!”
“Are you okay, though? You looked-” Bucky paused, unsure of how to describe exactly what Steve looked like.
Scowling, Steve looked away.
“I’m fine. ” He huffed out a self deprecating laugh and gestured to himself. “Don’t I look it?”
Bucky found himself struggling with how to respond. He wanted to help Steve, in whatever it was that he was struggling with. However, he knew Steve, and he’d only fly into a rage if Bucky came across as sympathetic.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He finally answered, offering a hopeful smile when Steve finally looked up at him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Steve spat in return, though his words lacked any venom. “You want to have a heart to heart about my broken dick?”
Bucky nearly choked on his own spit and coughed out, “You always have such a way with words.”
When Steve gave a small grin, Bucky counted that as a step in the right direction.
“I try,” he murmured.
“If you don’t want to tell me,” Bucky began, shrugging nonchalantly, “I understand. I mean, I know in our college dorm you probably had to hear me jerking off all the time, I can handle hearing about a medical issue you’re having.”
Slumping down, Steve told him, “My doctor said it’s not medical.”
Bucky couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows in surprise.
“I know. She said it’s psychosomatic,” he murmured, sounding defeated. “Apparently my distrust of others is an issue.”
“You mean…” Bucky did his best to articulate his question. “You have this issue with your partners, too?”
Steve nodded. “Why do you think my relationships are always so short?”
“That’s such bullshit!” Bucky exclaimed angrily, clenching his fists.
“I guess I just gotta find someone I trust and go from there.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.
“You trust me,” Bucky blurted out, and immediately regretted it. Sure, he’d always wanted to take things further with Steve, but this was clearly the worst time to even suggest-
“Yeah, I do,” Steve agreed, smiling softly at him.
Before he could stop himself, Bucky went on, hating how his voice went up two octaves. “M-maybe I… could, uh, help?”
Steve’s eyes widened dramatically and Bucky could feel his entire face flood with heat.
Suddenly Steve barked out a laugh. “Oh man, you had me there for a second.”
“Huh?” Bucky tilted his head in confusion.
“Buck, I’ve seen your boyfriends.” Steve raised his eyebrows, as though expecting Bucky to understand. When it was evident he didn’t, he went on. “I am not your type. Like, I don’t even mean relationship wise, because I know that’s definitely not what you’re talking about right now. I just mean physically; you clearly have a type and it is not beanpoles with limp dicks.”
Once Steve had finished rambling, Bucky found himself gaping like a fish as his brain tried to process what he’d just been told. He did have a type, but he preferred his boyfriends to be the opposite of it; he didn’t want someone that would remind him of the man he truly wanted. The man he could never have.
“Steve, please.” Bucky hoped he didn’t hear the neediness in his voice. “Let me do this for you.”
“You’re serious,” Steve breathed, licking his lips.
Bucky didn’t even try to hide how his eyes tracked the movement of Steve’s tongue. “I am, if you’re okay with it.”
Time seemed to slow down as Bucky awaited Steve’s answer, and with each second that passed, the more Bucky began second guessing himself. Offering to help get off the person you’ve secretly been in love with for the past two decades couldn’t be a good idea. But, first and foremost, Steve was his friend, and Bucky would do anything for him; even if that meant breaking his own heart in the process.
“Y-yeah, okay,” Steve finally whispered.
“Is this okay?” Bucky asked, as he lifted the hem of his shirt. When Steve nodded his consent, Bucky kicked off his sneakers and removed the rest of his clothes, until he stood in just his boxers.
“I- um, how… how do you want me?” Steve looked away when he asked.
For some reason, Bucky hadn’t thought of that, but quickly answered. “Whichever way is most comfortable for you. This isn’t about me.”
“Oh,” Steve sounded surprised, as if it was news to him. “Um, I think I’ll- I’ll get on my stomach?”
“Just tell me if I do anything you don’t like.” Bucky smiled softly and approached the bed. When he saw Steve’s cheeks begin to blush, Bucky nudged his leg playfully. “That’s usually not a problem for you.”
That seemed to do the trick as Steve laughed. “Very funny, now get over here already.”
Bucky obliged and crawled onto the mattress, situating himself between Steve’s bony legs. ”Is this good?”
Steve bit his lip and nodded, but when Bucky tried to pull the blanket away from his waist, Steve grabbed his wrist with wide eyes. “If- If this doesn’t work-”
“Whether this does or doesn’t work, it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, this won’t-” Bucky swallowed around the lump in his throat, and forced the words out, “it won’t change anything between us.”
Steve looked away and gave a small nod as he yanked the blanket off of himself. Bucky bit his tongue, fighting back the moan that clawed at his throat; Steve was beautiful.
His alabaster skin and slender body were works of art, and Bucky wanted to map out and worship every inch of it. The first pang of heartbreak struck him when he was forced to remind himself that this was about Steve. This was for Steve. His friend simply wanted to come, not watch Bucky get all sappy and weepy eyed over this whole experience.
Steve rolled over on his front then. “Is- is this okay?”
Bucky took a deep breath as his eyes zeroed in on Steve’s round ass. It was surprisingly plump considering his slight frame. When he finally averted his gaze, Bucky realized how tense Steve’s body looked.
“I’m gonna rub your back, loosen you up, okay?” Bucky rubbed his palms together, warming them up.
“Um, yeah, that sounds nice,” Steve replied, and Bucky could hear the smile in his voice.
Bucky leaned forward and started on Steve’s shoulders, pressing and kneading on them firmly but gently. The moan Steve let out gave Bucky goosebumps, though he ignored them as he went on.
“Yeah? That feel good?” Bucky had to close his eyes when Steve whimpered his assent. “You’re doing so well, Stevie.”
The sensation of Steve shuddering beneath his hands made Bucky gasp; Steve enjoyed his praise. Pleased to have learned something new that would help arouse him, Bucky continued on.
“Just relax now, you deserve it.” Bucky shifted himself, trying to keep his growing erection from rubbing against Steve’s ass. “Look so good like this.”
It didn’t take long before Steve began to squirm, and Bucky wondered if he needed to offer more than verbal stimulation. Slowly, he moved his hands down Steve’s back, giving him plenty of time to object but received none. Instead, all Bucky heard was a deep sigh from Steve.
When Bucky took Steve’s ass cheeks in his hands, he was surprised to hear Steve murmur, “Please.”
“Gonna make you feel so good, ba-” Bucky caught himself just in time and hastily corrected his wording after clearing his throat, “-Steve.”
“More,” Steve groaned, and Bucky couldn’t deny him at that moment if his life depended on it.
He spread Steve’s cheeks and couldn’t hold back the moan that broke out of him. “Fuck, look at you. You’re so perfect.”
The flush that began creeping down the back of Steve’s neck told Bucky he was on the right track. He spotted a bottle of lube amongst the blankets and grabbed it, drizzling a generous amount on his fingers. Using his other hand, he tapped on Steve’s hip and asked, “I need you lift your knees for me, okay?”
Tentatively, Steve tucked his knees up under himself, before separating them and arching his back. He looked over his shoulder and, sounding uncharacteristically shy, asked, “Like this?”
“Just like that, you’re doing so good. I love it,” Bucky praised, feeling almost in a daze at what was happening.
Bucky circled his finger around Steve’s entrance, relishing how Steve let out the tiniest of moans.
“You don’t have to hold back,” Bucky encouraged him, “let out all the noise you want. I wanna hear how good you feel.”
Then, carefully, Bucky pressed into Steve’s body, biting his lip at how tight he felt.
“Oh, f-fuck!” Steve responded with an unrestricted gasp. When Bucky had his finger fully inside, he let out a deep breath of his own.
“Mmm, you’re taking it so good, Stevie. Is this okay?” He asked, needing to know this was what Steve was into. His task, he reminded himself, was to help his friend get an erection so he could come.
“‘S so okay. You can move.” Steve shimmied the tiniest bit, making himself moan.
Bucky ran his free hand up and down Steve’s back but it was impossible to look away from the sight that was his finger being swallowed up Steve’s tight ass. When he finally began sliding it out, then back in, Bucky was sure this had to be the most glorious thing he’d ever seen in his life.
“God damn,” he couldn’t hold back any longer, “you look so good like this; so fucking gorgeous.”
“Nnnngh!” Steve whined loudly. “More, Buck, please!”
Happy to comply, Bucky removed his finger before adding a second and sliding back into Steve’s inviting warmth. And only a short while later, Steve was asking for a third, which Bucky gladly gave. Once he was sure Steve was comfortable with the stretch, he curled his fingers, searching for the sweet spot that would surely have him seeing stars, if nothing else.
Then, suddenly, Steve was shouting out loudly. “Don’t stop, Bucky, don’t stop. I need-”
Bucky waited a moment but when Steve didn’t finish his statement, he asked, “What do you need? I’ll give you whatever you want, whatever makes you feel good.”
“K-kiss me,” Steve whispered so quietly that Bucky almost didn’t hear it. He did hear it though.
Without hesitating, Bucky leaned over Steve’s body and kissed his back, up to his shoulder blades, and to the back of his neck; all while continuing to finger him. Bucky sped up his ministrations, and stealthily, or so he hoped, gave his neglected cock a few strokes over his boxers.
Bucky felt dazed by his desire, the more he kissed his way across Steve’s body, the stronger the urge was to roll him over and press their lips together until their lungs burned for air.
In an attempt to collect his wits, Bucky rested his forehead between Steve’s shoulders, but his mouth seemed to be running on automatic as he breathed against Steve’s slick skin. “So beautiful, sweetie, I’m so proud of you, taking it so good for me.”
“Bucky!” Steve shouted, sounding completely overwhelmed. “I’m gonna-”
It was then that Bucky felt Steve’s walls clenching around his fingers, and the sensation nearly made Bucky shoot off in his boxers. Steve is coming, he thought to himself, I made Steve come.
“You did it,” Bucky rasped, slowly moving off of him.
“That was-” Steve panted for breath, “amazing.”
Bucky smiled to himself, proud to have made his friend feel so good. “I’m glad.”
As he continued crawling down the bed, Steve suddenly looked over his shoulder, and his eyes widened when he realized Bucky’s intentions to leave.
“Please,” he begged, turning to sit up. “Please, don’t go.”
Bucky’s heart began racing even faster, Steve sounded like he wanted him, not just sex. That was ridiculous, though, Bucky knew. It was simply a post orgasmic dopamine rush; it had to be. Yet, Bucky didn’t want to say no, he didn’t want to leave and never know what could’ve happened. Shoving down any doubts he had, Bucky returned to his spot between Steve’s legs.
“What do you need?” He asked, giving a soft smile, and the way Steve blushed made Bucky’s dick twitch in anticipation.
“Keep talking to me, telling me those things while you… while you fuck me.” Steve took a deep breath, then quickly added, “If you want to, that is.”
Even as his brain turned mush, Bucky still found himself cupping Steve’s cheek. “You need me to make you feel good again?”
Steve licked his lips and nodded slowly. After shuffling around to shove the comforter to the floor, Bucky placed a hand against Steve’s chest and gently pressed him onto his back.
“Lay down, baby, I’ll take such good care of you, okay?” He leaned down and kissed Steve, soft and tender. Bucky moaned when he felt Steve’s hands roaming across his back.
“M-more,” Steve whispered, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush together. Bucky didn’t have it in him to even try to resist the urge to rut against Steve’s hip. “Oh, god, yes! Take these off, please!” He began tugging frantically at Bucky’s boxers.
“Yeah?” Although it sounded like a question, Bucky stated it even as he was pulling his boxers off. “You want me inside of you?”
“Yes,” Steve hissed, grabbing the globes of Bucky’s ass and forcing him back down.
They resumed kissing, and as the seconds passed, it became deeper and sloppier, with each of them moaning into one another’s mouths.
When Bucky felt Steve wiggling around, he sat up and saw that he was struggling to reach the drawer of his bedside table. Bucky leaned over and opened it, quickly spotting and picking up what Steve had intended to retrieve: condoms.
“Here, let me.” Steve took the rubber out of his hand and deftly rolled it down Bucky’s cock.
Bucky cursed under his breath as he watched Steve’s nimble fingers at work, giving Bucky’s cock a few slow jerks before lying back down.
“Pull your legs back for me.” Bucky felt his breath bursting out of his lungs as Steve obeyed, exposing every vulnerable inch of himself. “Fuck, you’ve got such a pretty little hole, Stevie.”
“Buckyyyyyy!” Steve whined out, his blush spreading down to his chest.
Taking himself in hand, Bucky applied more lube and lined himself up with Steve’s entrance. He couldn’t help but tease for just a moment, using the head of his cock spread the slick across Steve’s perineum.
“You ready?” Bucky finally asked, as he took note of Steve’s dick, which looked like it was beginning to chub up again. The thought of actually getting to see Steve come was overwhelming.
“I need it.” Steve wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist, pulling him closer. “Need you in me, Buck.”
The way Steve’s eyes looked close to tears and how his voice trembled, made Bucky freeze. Hearing Steve begging for him so intimately was doing things to his heart that he knew he’d never recover from. It was far too late to stop now, though, and he caved in to his desires.
Steve let out a raspy moan as Bucky penetrated him, and Bucky couldn’t stop until he was fully seated inside of him. He couldn’t decide what he wanted to look at more, the way Steve’s face was contorted in pleasure, or how his cock looked pushed past Steve’s hole.
“You’re so fucking tight,” Bucky breathed. “You feel so good, babe.”
“Touch me.” Steve tightened his legs around him, making them both moan as it pushed Bucky even deeper.
Bucky leaned forward and ran his hands from Steve’s hips, up across his abdomen, stopping at his chest to tweak his nipples gently, before resuming up to Steve’s face. Their eyes met and the connection felt electric, Bucky lowered himself to his elbows and pulled Steve into a deep kiss. At the same time, he began slowly thrusting in and out of Steve, only moving inches at a time, and Bucky knew he’d never felt anything this good in his life. He knew he never would again.
“More,” Steve gasped against his lips.
Groaning, Bucky began pulling back further and thrusting in faster and faster, until they could only pant into one another’s mouth. It didn’t take long before Bucky felt himself losing control.
“Never felt so good, Stevie,” he grunted, “you’re so perfect, taking my cock so good, baby.”
“So good for you,” Steve repeated. “Only for you, Buck.”
“Yeah? Only want me to make you feel this good?” Bucky felt the tell tale coiling of his impending orgasm building inside of him then.
“Always knew,” Steve gasped, “I always knew you’d make me feel-”
Before he could finish, Steve threw his head back, moaning, and Bucky could feel hot come shooting between their bodies. The sensation of Steve coming on his cock felt like a trigger, and Bucky’s hips stuttered as his own climax washed over him. He tucked his face into Steve’s neck as he gasped for breath, the pleasure roiling through him, more intense than anything he’d ever experienced, and felt tears pooling in his eyes.
“I love you.” For a moment, Bucky wondered if he was hearing his thoughts out loud, but then he realized it was Steve’s voice he was hearing.
When Bucky lifted his head, he saw Steve’s eyes pressed tightly closed, and his lips parted as he silently repeated the phrase over and over. Words failed him at that moment, and Bucky decided now was the time to take action; he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to Steve’s open mouth. He’d intended for it to be chaste, but it seemed Steve had other plans, as he ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair and clung tightly to it, deepening the kiss. Bucky didn’t try to pull away or fight it, this feels too right to be wrong, he thought to himself.
Eventually, they had to part as their lungs burned for air, and when they did, Bucky was happily surprised by the smile on Steve’s face.
“Thank you,” he whispered, touching Bucky’s face. “I’ve never felt like that before.”
“Oh,” Bucky breathed, and he could feel his face falling at the implication that Steve was only acting this way because of the sex.
Then, as though he was reading Bucky’s mind, Steve tapped his cheek. “Hey, I don’t mean because of the sex. Well, not because of just the sex.”
Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion.
“I hope I’m not ruining everything by saying this but-” Steve took a long breath, “-I love you, and I have for a very long time. Doing this with you-”
“It was more than just fucking,” Bucky finished, finally realizing, and Steve nodded. “I’m really glad to hear that because, well, same. I mean, I’ve loved you for longer than I can remember. Probably before I even knew what love was.”
The blush on Steve’s cheeks returned then, and Bucky grinned, lowering his voice. “You made me feel so fucking good, baby. You’ve got the sweetest ass I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to taste it.”
“Oh my God, Barnes,” Steve groaned. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“But what a way to go, eh?” Bucky waggled his eyebrows dramatically, and Steve burst out laughing, right before pulling him into another kiss.
“You’re lucky I love you,” he sighed happily between kisses.
“I am,” Bucky replied, softly, “I really am.”