Chapter Text
A car in Gotham city.
Timothy Drake, still wearing a short sleeve red button-down shirt over a black T-shirt and blue jeans, is driving away from his friend’s house.
“Maybe I was a bit harsh,” Tim says under his breath. Catching his own gaze in the rear-view mirror, he tightens his hands on the wheel. At least Bernard was okay, after everything that had happened. That was what was really important, he supposed.
He ends up pulling over a few blocks later.
“Hey Bernard, me again.”
“Oh – Tim?” He sounds surprised, which is understandable given that they’d only parted not five minutes ago.
“Look, I get the impression that we left that conversation sort of – abruptly,” Tim pinches his brow.
“I feel the same way. I don’t know what came over me, slamming the door in your face like that. It wasn’t like me at all.”
“It’s fine, honestly. Sometimes uncharacteristic things happen, that’s just life.” They both let that hang for a moment, each waiting for the other to speak.
“-Do you want to catch a film tonight?” Tim blurts out, “maybe we could get a drink afterwards?”
“Sure!” Bernard says with an air of relief, clearly happy to have Tim lead the conversation. He still has a jittery tone to his voice, whether nervousness or happiness, Tim can’t really tell.
“Is it okay if I leave my car at yours?” Tim asks, checking out the area he’s in through the car window. Pretty shady, he’s been in a few fistfights here before. “I’ll pick it up tomorrow, but it’s just that I feel like getting the train into the city tonight.”
“So, what are we seeing?” Bernard says Bernardly, his twinkish eyes sparkling in the too-bright light of the train’s overhead lamps. He’s so obviously gay, Tim can’t believe he hadn’t realised before.
“Well, I had a look earlier – I was thinking of taking Bruce to go and see the new Sonic movie tomorrow, he loves Idris Elba – and I saw that this was on!” Tim turns his phone to face Bernard, who leans forward and squints at the screen, his soft hair wavering slightly as the train jostles them.
“Brokeback Mountain!” Bernard exclaims, “my favorite!”
“I’m not sure why Brokeback Mountain is showing in [current year],” Tim sniffs, returning to his phone, “probably something to do with SJW culture.”
“Haha, so true bestie,” replies Bernard. They sit in happy companionship for a few minutes.
“Whew, didn’t realize it was such a trail to the cinema!” Tim exclaims. Maybe he should’ve driven after all.
They’re sitting arm-to-arm at the back of the cinema when Heath Ledger begins to make sweet love to Jake Gyllenhaal. Tim is overly aware of the heat emanating from Bernard’s arm, but he still feels 100% straight.
“It’s a good thing this isn’t a date,” Bernard leans over and whispers, “otherwise we’d probably be making out right now.”
“Yeah, it’s lucky that this is just a friendly, even familial, bonding session between two best buds. No hidden gay motives at all.” Tim stuffs a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
On screen, Heath Ledger ejaculates.
It’s dark by the time they leave. The fluorescent lights of the high street sear Tim’s eyes; he’d almost forgotten what they looked like without his domino mask. The neon pinks, yellows, and blues paint Bernard’s face an almost ethereal hue, and Tim realizes that his friend has never looked so beautiful before.
“Good thing I’m so secure in my own sexuality that I can admit that without it being gay.”
“What?” Bernard asks, confused.
“Nothing.”
“Tim, there’s something I just feel like I need to get off of my chest.” Bernard is looking down at his own feet, and Tim feels a weight in his gut. Surely Bernard remembers their conversation from earlier that day? Anxiously, and as heterosexually as possible, Tim says, “go on?”
“Spending time with you in such a brotherly and non-romantic way has really opened my eyes,” Bernard chokes, and now he’s looking back at Tim with tears in his eyes. But those aren’t gay tears, Tim realizes with shock. Those are the tears of a newly retconned heterosexual character. He gasps.
“Bernard what are you saying?”
“I-I’m straight, Tim. All is right with the world again. I saw Anne Hathaway’s boobs on the big screen, and it all just clicked.” Bernard wipes away his masculine tears, and stares into Tim’s eyes. For a few moments they stand there, gazing at each other.
“Want to go get that drink?” Tim asks, numb lips moving before he can even think to work them. “Yeah,” Bernard smiles. They link arms and walk into the nearest Hooters.
THE END