Chapter Text
Every day, the nightmares plagued Bellamy Blake, and every day he walked to the lake, sat there in silence hoping that the fresh, clean wind would blow away the guilt within the memories of her; settle the anxiousness within his chest, try to keep his breath steady. But it was hard, almost impossible to shove off - she was. Surprisingly, not all of the memories were bad - a few of them had been carved into his mind an eternity ago, and he struggled to remember what peace felt like. It might’ve surrounded him, yet he couldn’t let it in, not with them having taken her: The Ice Nation; an enemy feared by the coldest of hearts like The Commander’s.
However, they didn’t just take her.
Still, he was the only one who knew that.
Simply the thought of it caused him to clench his jaw, begging for the goddamn counsel to figure out something faster - if he was in charge here, he wouldn’t waste another second on fucking unimportant politics.
They used to sit here together, Clarke and him - watching either the sun or the moon, depending on what kind of mood they were in that day - depending on how frustrated their lack of influence in their society had played out. See, this was why they should have something to say. After all, he wasn’t a kid, but Clarke seemed to be the lone person acknowledging that - With her gone, there was not anything that he could do, aside from praying that they’d start action before they ended up killing her - Or something worse (Bellamy had never believed that he’d ever think that there was a worse scenario, and until three months ago, there actually hadn’t been)
***
“We need to talk.” It was a rare sight: Clarke standing outside of his tent, drenched from the heavy rain, a close to blank expression on her face, yet the request was one that he was more familiar with, so it hadn’t really surprised him, not even though it was a sort of weird time to talk about leadership.
“You don’t say - come in here, I can’t believe that they turned us down again - We’ve got our friends home from that mountain-“
Clarke, who normally had no problem with this topic, cut him off, her voice slightly shaking: “Please, don’t get too worked up. I know you’re angry, I am too, but I beg of you - that’s not why I’m here.” Despite appearing perfectly fine a moment ago, she was strangely upset now, having trouble retuning his gaze, which changed to confused at an instant, his eyebrows furrowing, creating a couple of concerned wrinkles on his forehead.
“Are you alright?” clearing his throat, he found the courage to continue, dreading the reply, “is something wrong?”
Glancing at him, she bit her lower lip as if pulling herself together - a view that didn’t quite calm his nerves, to say the least. She exhaled sharply, and when she turned to finally face him, the view of tears in her eyes threatened to paralyze him. Although he had seen her cry before, the current atmosphere was completely unknown; not caused by the typical, devastating situation - This was painful on a different level - somehow way scarier.
“I don’t wanna lie to you, though more importantly this is something that you have the right to know, Bellamy…. That night, I thought it was - perfect, right? No harm done, let’s move past this, maybe even throw it in the pile of memorable things that are sure never to happen again. Turns out, I was wrong. One, because I love you, and two -“ hitching, she paused for a second, allowing herself to breathe, “- I’m pregnant.”
What?
Upon looking at the tears on her cheeks, he gave himself just three seconds to recover before reaching out to pull her close in a way that was nearly awkward. But he didn’t know what else to do, and for a while he didn’t know what to say either.
“How long have you been trying to tell me?” Why on Earth did he choose to ask that given the fact that it obviously wasn’t the most burning question on his mind?
“Too long.”
***
A week later, they had taken her hostage, ripping her out of Abby’s arms like the people of The Ark had taken Octavia from him all of those years ago - Therefore, he had recognized the terror in her eyes, understood it. At this point, he hated himself for not returning her love confession that night, which he truly hadn’t - not because he didn’t love her, but because it hurt to do so.
People would never get it, and perhaps that was fair enough.
***
“I swear to God, if you don’t sanction a mission soon I’m going by myself.” Sadly, this was his third attempt at talking to Abby, Kane and Jaha, however there was a slightly bigger chance of getting through to them with a couple of their friends present - here to help him, he thought, which was why Raven’s words left him somewhat stunned: “Bellamy, calm down. Have you forgotten that it’s Clarke we’re talking about? I know that you care for her, but seriously - she’ll make it out.”
“I don’t doubt that.” Murmuring, he realized that he had to deal with more than three stubborn people.
“It actually sounds very much like it,” okay, Monty wasn’t coming to the rescue either, and this was beginning to look more and more like a dead end, “of all people, Bellamy, you should know exactly how badass she is. She’ll fight her way out. You don’t need to worry.”
“It’s not her that I’m worried about!” He was hit by a wave of frustration, which brought along anger and blended it to a ‘wonderful’ cocktail of emotions that he possibly wasn’t going to be able to control despite his every effort (promise) to stay calm while handling this, knowing that that was what Clarke would have wanted. Looking to Abby momentarily, his eyes were pleading - she remained silent, hopelessly returning the feelings behind them.
“Then what is worrying you, son? After the war, I’m afraid we at this moment don’t have-“
“She’s pregnant! With my child!” Not caring anymore, Bellamy cut Kane off, the words pouring out of his mouth - then, it caused his knees to buckle, the world spinning, nauseating him to the point where he collapsed into the chair behind them, running a hand over his face. Immediately, someone was next to him, presumably Octavia. And the rest appeared shocked enough to let him continue: “You say I shouldn’t worry because I know how strong she is? Anyway that is the reason to why I’m scared. She is a survivor, but the baby’s not. And I know that they’ll torture her - I know that she won’t say anything - It’s Clarke for God’s sake! She’ll do anything to escape, which will result in a miscarriage, and I-“ Internally cursing, he felt angrily burning tears behind his shut eyelids, clenching teeth to prevent them from spilling, “- If I had just known before, I would have been able to protect her.”
“Bellamy-“
“Wanna know the terrible truth? You are forcing me to sit here and wait for my child to die - you are expecting me to sit still and comfortable while they torture the woman that I love. Why you refuse to realize that, is beyond me. But I hope that you understand why I’m leaving.”