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The air outside was hot to the point that it felt as though it weighed down on Dick’s shoulders as he made his way down the street in the heart of the city, looking for one shop in particular. He had never been into this antique shop before, but Damian had mentioned finding a Samurai sword hidden in the shelves and after some hard work, that sword now gleamed as if brand new on display in his room, and he figured it was worth a try. Especially since he didn’t have the time to head out of town to look at some of his usual shops. He had lost too much time while his memories had been locked away, he had to make sure to make up for it.
He had missed too many of Jason’s birthdays without adding his amnesia to the mix, he had to make up for them.
So he had planned a party for the man, involving the whole family because it was the first year Jason would be celebrating without Alfred and Dick had to make sure the absence didn’t ruin the day for the other man. Or for any of them. They had reason to be sad, but they still had reason to celebrate as well.
“Good morning,” an elderly man greeted from behind the counter as Dick slipped into the cool shop away from the heavy heat outside. Dick smiled at the man and glanced around the shop before moving over to him. “Is there something in particular you’re looking for?”
Dick nodded. “Japanese pottery? Particularly traditional Japanese tea ceremony items.” The man looked surprised, but Dick just smiled, knowing he didn’t really look like the type to try and find those kinds of items. But the man recovered quickly enough to keep it from being awkward and rounded the counter, gesturing for Dick to follow as he made his way to the far back of the shop.
“This back wall is all our Japanese wares. Not sure what is what, honestly, but perhaps you will.”
Dick nodded his thanks as he moved closer to look over the items. He heard the man’s shuffling footsteps moving back toward the counter, but kept his focus on the items displayed. There was a kama and kensui in the center, surrounded by some hishaku and chashaku but those were all things he had found in other places. Frowning, Dick glanced around at some of the other pottery pieces that were decidedly not Japanese, but pretty all the same.
That’s when he saw something tucked behind some British looking tea pots, something dark in color and almost crudely made. Carefully, he reached to the back of the shelf and pulled out the bowl that was most definitely hand formed, glazed black and perfect for his hands to hold. It looked similar to other Raku wares he had seen in the past and wondered why it was away from the other Japanese wares if that’s what it was. Twisting the bowl, he took in all the “imperfections” that made it so unique before he paused on the gold seal on the underside of the bowl.
Tilting his head at the Japanese character imprinted and painted over in gold on the underside, Dick tried to think of what he had learned about Japanese pottery over the years he had been gifting these items to Jason. He knew of the man that the Raku pottery was named for, but the style and character reminded him of something else.
He took a quick picture of the symbol and sent it off to Damian with a request for him to look it up for him real quick as he scanned the rest of the shelves for anything else he might want to buy for Jason, even though the bowl was definitely enough and would complete the eclectic set he had been building for his display.
“Tanaka Chōjirō lived in the 1500s and was the first of his generational line of Raku potters. Did you find this at the shop I told you about?”
Dick stared down at Damian’s quick response, surprised he was able to identify it so quickly and even more surprised to see how old this piece was. It was worth so much more than the price on the tag. He sent a quick text back telling Damian he was buying it now and if he knew any authenticators that worked quickly.
“Do you have an authentication letter with this item?” Dick asked as he set the bowl down on the counter in front of the waiting shop keeper before pulling his wallet out to show he was planning on buying it no matter what.
The man picked up the bowl and looked it over, frowning before setting it down again and going under the counter where Dick assumed he kept his files. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t remember this piece ever coming in. Wife must have been the one to accept it.” The man gave a shrug and Dick just nodded, handing over his card to be run for the cost.
“Actually,” Dick stopped the man before pointing to a wooden box on the wall behind the man’s head, “can you put it in that?” The man looked at the box and shrugged as he pulled it down and added the cost to the total before wrapping up the bowl and placing it inside. He swiped Dick’s card and handed it back before wrapping the box in tissue and placing it inside a bag for Dick to carry. “Thank you,” Dick smiled as he took the item and held onto it carefully.
He felt that familiar sensation of excitement and nerves he got each time he had purchased an item like this in the past for Jason. The question of whether or not he would actually like it always made him nervous and the idea of him loving it as much as the previous items filled him with excitement.
His phone rang the moment he stepped back into the heat of the day and Dick picked up the line without looking at the caller id. “Yeah?” He asked as he made his way back toward his car on the street a few blocks down.
“Why is Damian asking me about antique authenticators for you?”
Dick chuckled at Barbara’s curious tone. “Because I just got Jason’s gift and it didn’t come with an authentication letter. It’s old, Babs, like hundreds of years old. And I want to authenticate it before this weekend so he knows.”
“Are you two still doing the tea ceremony thing?” Dick just hummed as he turned the corner to where his car was and unlocked it. “I know a guy who can do it before the party on Saturday. I’ll let him know you’re on your way and send you the address.”
“Thanks, Babs.”
“Yeah yeah, I’ll just be glad when you two stop this song and dance and actually do something,” she muttered before hanging up. Dick just frowned at his phone for a moment before a text from her pinged his phone and he was looking at an address across the city.
It wasn’t until late Friday afternoon, almost six days after having dropped the bowl off with the man that he wouldn’t have trusted if they hadn’t been vouched for by Babs, that he was finally wrapping the gift for the party the next day. He had found someone to outfit the box with a special cushion for the bowl to sit in safely and beautifully, completing the presentation for when Jason opened the present. He had put the letter of authentication inside with the bowl and carefully wrapped the whole package in black wrapping paper, finished off with gold ribbon. To match the black and gold theme he had gone with for the decorations.
“Richard, I have those items you asked for. Isn’t Todd too old for streamers?” Damian questioned as he walked into Dick’s room at the manor as he finished wrapping the present and setting it on the shelf in his closet.
“They’re for when you all jump out and say surprise after I bring him into the room,” Dick explained as he took the bag from Damian and glanced inside before setting it with the other items he would put together as decorations for Jason’s birthday.
Damian frowned at the pile of items before looking back to Dick. “Shall you require assistance putting up your decorations tomorrow? I was going to have lunch with Jon, but we could have brunch instead and then help you after that.”
Dick shook his head and put a hand on his shoulder to guide the teen out of the room. “Steph and Cass already offered. You have helped enough. Enjoy your lunch with Jon and let us worry about the decorations. You could invite Jon to the party if you wanted? He’s practically family.”
He glanced at Damian when the teen didn’t respond and stopped walking to try and discern the look on his face. It was almost like guilt, but Dick couldn’t figure out what Damian could be feeling guilty about right then.
“Dami?”
“Do you think Todd blames me for Pennyworth not being here to celebrate their birthdays together?” The question was asked quietly and Dick froze unblinkingly as he stared at Damian. He knew the family had told him it wasn’t his fault, but Dick hadn’t been around when Alfred had been killed by Bane and hadn’t been able to reassure the teen himself. To make sure he had really understood because the rest of them weren’t very good at that.
“Of course he doesn’t blame you for that, Dames. No one does. You understand that, right? It wasn’t your fault. The fault lies solely on Bane.” Dick put his hands on Damian’s shoulders, faintly aware of the growth spurt he had missed while away from the family and how much taller the teen had gotten. “I know it’s hard to not blame yourself, but Damian it really isn’t your fault. No matter what anyone has ever said in the heat of the moment, you are not responsible for someone else’s actions.”
The teen looked away from him and Dick held back a sigh, knowing he didn’t believe him. And Dick also knew that because this had festered for so long, there was little chance that Damian would ever believe him.
“Come on, I have to go pick up the cake. We can go to that Mediterranean place down the street from the bakery.”
Damian looked back to him, eyes shinny with unshed tears that Dick knew not to mention. “With the good hummus?”
“That’s the one,” Dick smiled, wrapping his arm around Damian’s shoulder and pulling him along to head downstairs.
It wasn’t until the afternoon of the party, just before he was supposed to head out to pick up Jason and drag him to the manor for “dinner” that Dick felt like maybe he shouldn’t have bothered with a party. No one had said anything to him, but he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe something much quieter would have been better. But perhaps he was still feeling a bit raw from the time he had spent at Alfred’s grave earlier in the day, drinking the man’s favorite tea and just sitting in silence. He had never struggled with words when he had sat at the man’s grave, but for some reason words just wouldn’t come to him.
“Silence can be telling as well, my boy,” Alfred had once said to him when he had been complaining about how Bruce never really talked to him anymore. It had been a few years after he had become Robin and Dick hadn’t understood why all they did was fight or ignore each other. He hadn’t understood it then, but a few years later he knew Alfred was trying to tell him that Bruce didn’t want to fight with him about everything, that his silence was the only way he knew how to say he wanted peace between them.
Silence had meant respect then, but he hadn’t understood that. Silence today had meant the same.
“You good?” Roy questioned when he found Dick staring at the banner that said ‘Happy Birthday Jason’ in gold foil letters on black material.
Glancing over the concerned face of his friend, Jason’s best friend, Dick furrowed his brows. “Maybe we should cancel this.”
“Are you kidding? After all this work you did?”
“I just…” He looked back to the banner, not sure why he was so fixated on it.
Roy’s hand fell heavy on his shoulder and Dick sucked in a sharp breath before releasing it slowly. “Look man, no one really celebrated birthdays while you were gone. I hung out with Jay last year and we just sat in his living room, watching shit tv and not talking. It wasn’t a good day because it was missing something, someone, important.” Dick looked over and caught the imploring look on the man’s face, sighing. “Besides, he mentioned more than once this week how he hoped you remembered your tradition but wouldn’t blame you if you had forgotten.”
“We don’t have a tradition.”
“You can’t lie to me, man. I know you have some old Japanese piece in that fancy present over there,” Roy laughed, and Dick ducked his head. “That’s what I thought. Look, we’re done here. You should go get him and I’ll get the rest of ‘em in order for the big reveal.”
“Good luck getting Damian to let you have that role,” Dick laughed as he patted his pockets to make sure he had his wallet, keys and phone before heading out.
By the time he was pulling up to the building Jason had purchased a permanent apartment in, Dick had stressed himself out again. He tried to repeat the things Roy had said to him back to himself, but it wasn’t having quite the same effect as when his friend had said it. He just couldn’t stop the whispers of fear from taking hold in his mind like the talons of a bird. He couldn’t stop asking if it was enough, if it made up for what was lost.
But he forced himself out of the car and up to the floor Jason’s apartment was on.
And he forced himself to raise his hand and knock on the door before he lost the nerve and left. Because he knew even if he didn’t know, Jason was probably already aware of the fact that he was there. Sometimes Dick thought Jason’s paranoia rivaled Bruce’s.
“It’s open!” Case in point. Jason never would have just called out like that unless he knew the person on the other side of the door.
Pushing the unlocked door open, Dick’s eyes immediately fell on Jason walking out of his bedroom with a towel pulling excess water from his hair. In a pair of low-slung jeans that weren’t even buttoned and nothing else.
Que brain failure.
“Goldie, you’re early,” Jason smiled, pulling the towel away from his hair and quirking an eyebrow at Dick. That was when he realized he was still standing just inside the apartment, door still in hand and wide open.
So he cleared his throat and looked away, shutting the door to try and get his brain working again. “Uh yeah, sorry. No traffic,” he shrugged and Jason nodded. “Happy birthday, Jay,” he said quietly, moving further into the apartment as Jason hung the towel over the back of one of his dining room table chairs.
“Huh, thanks man.”
Dick’s eyes shifted from Jason’s sheepish look as he pulled on a shirt Dick hadn’t noticed in his hand before over to the shelves that Jason had put up with the help of Roy. Shelves that held numerous books, old and new, but center stage was the previous gifts Dick had given him. A set almost complete once he gave Jason the chawan he had found.
He hadn’t realized he had moved over to look at the shelf more closely until Jason’s voice disturbed his inner thoughts about how if he hadn’t missed the last birthday, the set would already be complete. Mismatched and eclectic, but complete.
“Roy helped me build the shelves mostly so I could put the set on display,” Jason’s voice was quiet but close and Dick turned to find him just a few feet away, dressed outside of his shoes. “I forgot you haven’t been here since it went up.” Dick looked at it again before nodding.
“It looks good. You two did a great job.”
When Dick looked at Jason again, the man had an unreadable expression on his face and Dick wished he could ask what he was thinking. He also wished he had brought Jason’s gift for him to open while it was just the two of them, no other eyes watching their every move and analyzing their actions.
Just when Dick thought he might have to say something to break the silence, Jason looked at his watch and nodded. “I need about five minutes. Then we can head out. Though, I don’t know why I couldn’t just drive myself. Not like I haven’t been to the Manor before…” Jason grumbled as he walked back into his bedroom and Dick released a heavy breath. He had been seconds away from telling Jason he hadn’t forgotten, he had gotten him the last piece. Because as unreadable as Jason had been, Dick knew. He knew Jason well enough to know he wanted to tell Dick it was okay if he didn’t remember. Because there were still a few things that were hazy or just missing.
But not Jason. No, all of that was present and accounted for, much to Dick’s pleasure and dismay.
Moving away from the bookshelves, Dick took a few deep breaths to try and get his mind and heart under control. He just needed to get himself back on steady ground. All day he had felt a bit untethered, and it was bleeding out for everyone to see. He had to get it under control.
“All right man, let’s go before your phone starts blowing up,” Jason said as he came back out of his bedroom, shoving his wallet and phone into his pockets. Dick took the moment of his distraction to look the man over, the comfortable and casual attire that Dick would never get tired of seeing him in. The relaxed set of his shoulders and naturally windswept motion he styled his hair in these days. Too many times had his fingers itched to touch the shaved sides before slipping into the longer, wavy strands on top.
When Jason looked over at him, Dick smiled and headed for the door, forcing himself to act normal and relaxed. Two things he definitely wasn’t feeling at the moment. “Oh hey, Damian said something to me today and I wanted to be sure it wasn’t actually a thing before you saw him,” Dick said as they headed down the stairwell.
“Let me guess, Alfred.” Dick glanced back at Jason and quirked a brow. “What? I know he still blames himself about it even though we’ve all told him it wasn’t his fault. But it’s not us he needs to hear it from.” Dick paused and turned sideways, Jason stopping one step above him. “Bruce hasn’t told him, Dick. He said it to the rest of us, but he never told Damian.”
Dick’s jaw clenched at the thought of Bruce doing that to Damian, not comforting his own son at one of his most vulnerable moments, but instead of letting the anger wash over him he just sighed. With a shake of his head, he turned and continued the trek down to the first floor where his car was waiting for them.
“You good, Dickie? You seem…” Jason trailed off, squinting his eyes to regard the man closely and Dick just waved him off.
“Not worth it today. Today is about you. This morning was for mourning, tonight is for celebrating you.” Dick knew Jason wasn’t too happy with that answer, but he didn’t push and Dick didn’t offer more. Instead the conversation turned to music as Jason messed with Dick’s radio while he drove them back to the Manor, sending off a quick location text to Roy so he would know they were on their way. The security cameras on the grounds made surprise parties easy because you couldn’t miss the arrival of the person, but better safe than sorry.
Dick was laughing at a story Jason was relaying to him as they pulled onto the grounds and he felt his phone buzz, probably someone letting him know they were in place. “You not cool enough to park in the garage?” Jason teased as they headed up to the front door and let themselves inside.
“Or maybe I’m too cool?”
“Nah, Big Bird,” Jason bumped him with his shoulder and laughed quietly when Dick stumbled a step before bumping him back. “You just think you’re cool.”
“I’m the fucking coolest,” Dick said indignantly, giving Jason a playful glare before he gestured for Jason to head into the dimly lit dining room where he knew everyone was hiding. He did his best not to laugh at Jason’s frozen expression when the entire room exploded in sound and motion.
“SURPRISE!” The group called out as the streamers and poppers rained confetti down on top of them all.
It took Jason a moment to blink himself back to reality, much to Dick’s amusement, before he turned narrowed eyes on Dick. “You,” he pointed at Dick, who shrugged and gave him an innocent smile.
“Happy Birthday Jay,” Dick said again, leaning up and giving him a tight hug that was returned after a split second. Once they parted, Dick found himself being nudged out of the way as family and friends moved in to give their own well wishes and hugs. Dick took the moment to head into the kitchen to check on the food he had brought in from Jason’s favorite Cuban restaurant.
It was another hour and a half before Jason and Dick’s paths crossed again, just long enough for everyone to have full bellies and flushed cheeks from the alcohol the was flowing from the bartender in the corner. A professional at the request of Bruce, so someone had control of the number of drinks being consumed. Even if keys had been taken from just about everyone for the evening.
“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me all week?” Jason’s voice surprised him from his spot on the back porch where he stood, champagne flute in hand, trying to cool off from the overheated room where everyone was still celebrating in full force.
“I wasn’t avoiding you.”
“Bullshit,” Jason said as he came to a stop right beside him, eyes trained up on the dark skies of the Gotham night. “I’ve been trying to catch you all week on patrol and after work, but you have been so illusive.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you. Just busy. It’s a lot to plan a party like this in less than two weeks.” Jason’s brows raised and Dick took a sip of his wine. “I’m still getting my feet back under me so a lot of things are slipping. When I saw today on the calendar, I may have freaked out a bit,” he admitted.
He looked away from the intense gaze Jason was giving him, downing the rest of his drink before looking back toward the house. “Wait here for a minute,” he said quickly, holding up a hand to Jason before rushing into the house.
“Dickie!” Roy called out from where he stood with Kori and Kyle, but Dick just waved and grabbed what he had come in there to get. He saw smile on Roy’s face as he hurried back out of the room back to where Jason was still waiting for him.
“Here,” he said, thrusting the present he had wrapped to match the theme into Jason’s hands before shoving his own in his pockets. The look on Jason’s face was quizzical, but Dick just gave him a half smile. “It doesn’t feel right to have everyone else see you open it.”
There was a flash of understanding before Jason sat on one of the lounge chairs and carefully untied the ribbon before being just as careful with the paper. “Oh wow,” he said quietly as he took in the hand-carved box, running a hand over the smooth carvings of swirls and other intricate patterns. With a steady hand, Jason raised the lid of the box and Dick held his breath. “You remembered.” Jason lifted his gaze up to Dick’s and Dick swallowed at the depth of emotion swirling in his sea-colored eyes. “I didn’t think…the way you stared at them today…”
“I remember all of it,” Dick admitted just as quietly as Jason. The man stared at him for another moment before looking back down to the chawan, reverently taking it out of the box to examine more closely.
He watched Jason pause at the Japanese character, much as he had, and forced himself to let Jason have his moment before he gave him a history lesson on the piece. Soon enough, Jason had set the chawan back inside and opened the letter of authenticity. His eyes scanned back and forth over the page, eyes widening and head shooting up to look at Dick.
“1547?!”
Dick shrugged. “That’s what the guy said. When I found it, I sent a picture of the character to Damian to figure it out. He came back with it being from the 1500s, but it was a friend of Babs who gave me the final estimation date.”
“Dick, this is way too fucking expensive. A piece like this costs way too much for a birthday present.”
But Dick shook his head and put a hand against the box that Jason was now trying to hand back to him. “It’s not. Plus, the dealer didn’t even know what it was or what it was worth. He didn’t have the letter and didn’t even have it in the right section of the shop. The box cost me more than the chawan itself.” Jason’s brows furrowed and Dick knew he was still going to protest, so he spoke again before he got the chance. “Jay, last year sucked. Probably more for you than for me but it still sucked. I sat in my apartment trying to figure out why I felt like I was forgetting something important. But I remember now and even though I know you aren’t mad, I still feel like shit.”
“That’s no excuse for extravagant gifts. I don’t need things to make up for last year,” Jason said, setting the box on the chair as he stood from it. “The party, the gift, it’s all great. But I would have been thrilled to just get take-out with you and watch a fucking shitty rom-com like you always force me to.”
“I do not! You picked the last one,” Dick said, rolling his eyes. But Jason just chucked and stepped closer to him.
“Not the point, Dickie.” Dick sighed.
“What’s the point then?”
“The point is you don’t have to buy me back.”
That made Dick pause. Was that what he had been trying to do? Was he trying to make Jason think he was still worthy? That their time apart when Dick had gone astray and fallen for someone else didn’t change the way he felt about the other man. He hadn’t been consciously doing it, but he supposed that probably what it looked like to anyone watching him the past two weeks. The comments from Barbara and Roy made a lot more sense with that revelation.
Rubbing at his forehead, Dick mentally yelled at himself for being an idiot. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just feel really shitty about last year and maybe I was trying to make myself feel better while I was trying to make it up to you. Like…”
He paused and looked at Jason, who was grabbing his face with both hands the moment Dick looked up and pressing their mouths together. It caught Dick so off guard that it took him long enough to respond that by the time he was about to, Jason was pulling back to look him in the eye. And when Dick recognized the hesitancy in his look, he pushed up and tugged Jason down by the back of his neck to connect their mouths once more.
“This is what I wanted, more than the gift,” Jason whispered, kissing the corner of Dick’s mouth as the older man tried to catch his breath. “I’ve just been waiting for you to show me that this was still a possibility.”
“Since the moment I remembered,” Dick promised, gazing into Jason’s eyes. “I didn’t know what it was that had been missing, not until the memories came back. You, it was always you I was looking for without knowing it.” The smile that spread across Jason’s face stole the air from Dick’s lungs and he tried to burn this image into his memory. “Happy birthday, Jay.”
“Yeah, happy birthday you fucker!” Roy’s voice interrupted their moment, pulling them further apart to see the redhead standing in the doorway to the inside. “Get back inside, your guests are starting to pack it in for the night. You two can continue this later once we’re all gone and don’t have to be scarred for life.”
Dick laughed and shook his head, smile growing painful at the blush that had risen Jason’s neck to his cheeks at Roy’s teasing. “We’re coming, we’re coming,” Dick called out to Roy, who seemed to accept that and walked away with a muttered ‘not yet, thank fuck’. Turning back to Jason, Dick hooked a thumb toward the door. “Let’s get everyone out of here and then we can head back to mine for that rom-com, yeah?”
Jason’s eyes danced in the moonlight and his smile still struck Dick right in the heart. “Yeah, Dickie. Let’s do that.”