Chapter Text
Ignis was an enigma to most people. He was studious, hard-working, efficient, reserved, quiet—except on matters pertaining to Noctis—but overall, he was mysterious. A secretive young man who walked the halls of the Citadel, holding himself in a tense and proper manner. Much too tight laced compared to those around him. Such anonymity brought whispers along with it. Rumors and ill-begotten stories that held no truth. It was nothing Ignis wasn't familiar with at this point. At 17 years of age, and over 10 years spent with the royal family, Ignis had heard it all; received all the insults first-hand, overheard whispers as he passed by his gossiping coworkers, been openly scrutinized and looked down on by the council members he was supposed to be equals with. Such childish behavior was beneath him though. He had no reason to care for how they viewed him. They were not his priority.
There were times however where Ignis found himself wondering if they were right. The sneered remarks that he thought he was better than everyone, that he held himself in such high regard because of his Tenebraen blood. Perhaps he did think he was better than them, if only because they acted so immaturely. He had no time to entertain such pointless things. Drama and gossip were beyond his understanding. Why someone would want to deliberately take time out of their day to start, oftentimes, harmful rumors was beyond him.
In this manner, he was better than them. Every waking moment of his life was dedicated to Noctis or his job as the future King's advisor. Such dedication had no time for child's play or horsing around. This was his job, his career, his lifelong dedication. He was brought- no , he chose to leave his homeland to follow in his family's footsteps and continue the line of Scientias that worked for the crown. And at such a young age. He had been capable of making such life altering decisions even back then, proving that he was capable of making such weighty decisions. That did put him above the rest. He had been chosen, a foreign boy barely old enough to begin schooling, had been given a job that held more importance than almost any other member of the royal employment.
Ignis shook his head, trying to free himself from the grips of his overworking mind. It never stopped, constantly going on and on about pointless and trivial matters. Always things that never truly benefited him. It was exhausting, annoying. He looked down to the papers laid out on his desk before him. He had been lost in his thoughts for much too long. He needed to finish going over the meeting notes from this morning so he could give them to Noct. Nothing new, nothing he'd never done before, but it was always such a menial task. Ignis' thoughts almost always began to wonder when he did it. And that was dangerous.
Even at night as Ignis lay in his bed; exhausted from a too long day of meetings, paperwork, physical training, and caring for the prince; his mind whirled endlessly. All the minute mistakes he had made, the conversation he had with the King earlier in the day, what he would start working on first when he reached the Citadel the next morning, it all buzzed endlessly.
Looking to the side table beside him, Ignis tapped the screen of his phone. Even with the brightness turned down and the night filter on it nearly blinded him. Midnight. Again. He hated it. Hated when he did it. He never meant to stay up so late. He was always tired the next day, sometimes even finding it hard to get out of bed. Thinking to himself "Tonight I'll go to bed early, at a decent time." But tomorrow night would be just the same. He would lay in the dark and think, until his body inevitably decided it had had enough and crashed.
Readjusting onto his stomach, Ignis tried to close his eyes again. It would be easier if he took a sleep aid. Maybe then he would get some semblance of a good night's sleep. But it was a bit late for that now in his opinion. It would linger into the morning and leave him drowsy anyways.
Ignis shifted in his position, trying to get comfortable. Surely he could come up with something to think about to distract him enough to fall asleep instead of stressing. It had always been like this, he figured he'd be used to it by now. The number of times he had yelled at himself to stop, to think of nothing. He'd lost count.
Reading would only keep the advisor up longer, as would using his phone. If he wanted to sleep anytime soon, he knew he needed to continue laying down and attempt to slow his thoughts. Being unable to read, he decided to think of his most recently read book instead. He had found time just before he laid down to read a little of the book Gladio had loaned him. The shield had said it was very good, a story about a young man whose mother had disappeared. He sought to find answers, but until he was able to afford a private investigator, made his way as a dishonest psychic. It was a strange plot when Ignis really dissected it, yet he found himself enjoying it enough to continue on.
Ignis found himself wondering how Gladio had even come across it. Perhaps a fellow crownsguard had recommended it, or maybe a glaive. He often trained with both members of the guard. Where he found the time to even read the book though, Ignis had no idea. Gladio was often just as busy as himself. Even finding time for important meetings between each other to discuss upcoming events or Noctis' progress tended to be a tedious task. Not only that, but Gladio seemed to uphold an amazing social life. Maybe he was simply charismatic enough to maintain simple acquaintances everywhere he went. With a charming smile, confident personality, impeccable muscles, and a dashing good looks to match; Ignis had no doubt that everyone he met or interacted with were simply drawn to him.
Quickly shaking his head, Ignis let out a frustrated sigh. He was supposed to be sleeping, not thinking about Gladio. Why would he even do such a thing? Thinking about his friend and colleague was… unprofessional. And rude! In bed no less!
" How disrespectful ." The advisor had thought as he tossed over onto his side. He pulled his arm out from under the cover that had been pulled up to his chin. It was hot now, and certainly it wasn't because he had caught himself thinking such strange things while laying in bed, absolutely not. He would never be so childish as to get embarrassed over his wandering mind in such a way.
As he lay with tightly closed eyes—as if he could will any intrusive thoughts away with the sheer force of his frown—he gave his mind a second chance at an aimless train of thought. He returned to the book. The main character along with his female coworker were planning on doing some traveling as a client had requested help looking for a lost family member. It was funny, in a sad way. The main character was suffering from the same situation, yet in order to help himself, he was hurting this customer in turn. Both he and his coworker knew they wouldn't be able to find the missing person, however with bits of information from the client lining up with what little the main character knew about his mom's whereabouts, the two scammers were taking a heavier interest than they normally would. Ignis couldn't imagine what could possibly be happening for these two unrelated people to have some sort of connection in their disappearances. He could see where Gladio found it interesting.
Ignis would never say he was hesitant to accept Gladio's suggestions, they had known each other well enough to be able to make almost spot on recommendations every time. If anything, the advisor was usually excited when Gladio brought up a new book he had read. While he was mainly interested in history and, believe it or not, romance novels, he still read a wide variety of books. Should Ignis ever be looking for something in particular, Gladio typically had something in mind.
A soft huff escaped Ignis as he smiled at the knowledge of Gladio enjoying romance novels. It had been a surprise when he'd first found out. He had attempted to hide it when he had been told, though he hadn't done a very good job at it. Gladio had waved him off with a somewhat forced smile and Ignis had been quick to correct his mistake. A large and powerful looking man like Gladio just didn't give off the soft air of enjoying such material.
If he really thought about it, he supposed such reading could be why the other was so confident in his social interactions. Could it be that those books weren't as raunchy and fake as he had been led to believe? Gladio was a master flirter, perhaps everything he knew he had learned from those books. Or rather, perhaps he had gained a sense of what people wanted and needed to hear. Gladio not only had the admirable ability to simply appeal to many with just basic conversation, but he always made people feel welcomed and appreciated with his nonchalant compliments and praise. Six, when he'd first praised Ignis, the bespectacled man was so caught off guard. He remembered his face feeling warm, his chest growing tight. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, and for what? For Gladio having praised him and telling him he was proud of him for standing up to those stuffy council members. It was…
Ignis tossed onto his back and forcefully scrubbed his hands over his face. He frowned harshly as he rolled onto his other side and smashed his pillow over his head. He would suffocate himself to sleep if he must.
xXx
Noctis was 15 now, almost 16. Ever since he had met a blonde boy named Prompto, his personality seemed to have changed with the flip of a switch. He smiled more, became more independent, more inquisitive. While Ignis found that it could be from his simply growing up, something told him it was this new friend from school.
Ignis had made sure to have a background check run on him, even kept him under a scrutinizingly close eye to be sure he wasn't here for the wrong reasons. But from all angles, he appeared to want nothing more from the prince than his companionship. Seeing how much of a positive impact he'd had on Noctis this far, Ignis would let him stay.
The prince had asked to live on his own several months after meeting Prompto, going as far as to give several pros as to why it would be beneficial for him.
"I can be more independent, get a better feel for what the citizens do and how they live, plus I could get a job and pay rent and stuff…"
As Ignis had listened to his young leige's persuasive speech, he couldn't help but be impressed and proud. While Noctis had shown no interest in any of the royal proceedings he'd sat in on or been asked to look over, he seemed to have taken some notes on the process of arguing a topic or proving a point. That, or this Prompto was just that good of an influence.
Ignis supported Noctis in the end, albeit reluctantly and hesitantly. While the young prince would say it was to help him better understand the crown citizens, the observant adviser knew it must have had something to do with Prompto. Still, he put forth the extra effort to transport Noctis from his new apartment to all his meetings and other affairs. Even going as far to make sure his living space was as acceptable as it would have been in the Citadel. Which, being a young teenager living alone, was never done until Ignis did it himself.
It was in this apartment, in the kitchen where Ignis stood chopping vegetables for dinner, that Noctis' ever inquisitive state brought forth a question Ignis never once thought he would have to deal with from his liege.
"Have you ever liked a guy?"
It was nothing short of a grace from one of the Six themself that Ignis hadn't removed his own finger while cutting a bell pepper.
"No." He answered quickly, harshly. As forceful as he had slammed down the knife he had been using. He wished he could have been as hesitant as Noctis when he had answered. The look on the raven haired's face, though quickly wiped away a moment later, was pure fear and worry.
"Oh…"
"There's nothing-" Ignis cut himself off as he took a breath. He must steady himself before he continues. He's already hurt Noctis with the simple answer, he can't let him get the wrong idea. "There's nothing wrong with liking a man." He tried again, his tone still too tense.
Noctis gave him a side glance as he nervously tapped a finger on the counter. His eyes dropped again and Ignis worried he had already ruined any chance he might have had at helping Noctis with whatever he was feeling. He knew the younger boy felt like he couldn't go to his father for hardly anything. The last thing he needed was his only, or rather, his childhood friend coming off as someone he couldn't discuss something with.
Noctis appeared to want to say more, like he knew Ignis' upset wasn't with what he had asked, but with something else. Whether it was because he struggled with how to continue or was too nervous to carry on like normal, Ignis couldn't tell. His own heart was hammering in his ears, as if he were the one asking some life altering, deeply serious question.
"Is there something you'd like to talk about?" Ignis asked. Deep down—or maybe it wasn't all that deep at all—he didn't want to talk about this. Truly, he didn't care how others presented themself when it came to attraction or love, it was none of his business. Those sorts of things were a waste of time for Ignis himself. Why go through the pointless trouble of worrying about something that had nothing to do with him anyways? So long as people didn't talk about it all the time. So long as people kept their extra affairs between themselves and those that actually wanted to hear it. So long as he didn't have to think…
"Um," Noctis hesitated. He was still unsure. "I just, mm, have you ever had a crush on anyone?"
A change in tactic. Perhaps Ignis really had messed this one up. Although, he supposed he wasn't really the one to talk to about these sorts of things.
"No." He said slowly. He… wasn't sure if that was the truth.
"No one?" Noctis asked with a frown.
"Have you?" Ignis tried. Anything to get the prince to move on with the subject.
"Well…" The boy's pale complexion allowed the dusting of pink on his cheeks to become noticeable quickly. "I guess so…"
"Would you care to say who?" Ignis asked slowly, carefully.
Noctis didn't answer. His eyes remained cast downward as he picked at his nails. Though he didn't give an answer, Ignis had an idea of who it might be. As he attempted to come up with a way to continue, Noctis finally spoke.
"I-if it was a guy… it'd be okay." It was more a confirming statement than a question. Those blue eyes finally landed on Ignis, and in that moment, he could've sworn he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Yes." He answered with a nod. Noctis would have no confusion on such a topic about himself. Ignis would always support and love him, no matter what.
There was another pause from the younger as he thought. "I just," Ignis waited quietly. "I really like hanging out with Prompto."
Oh no .
"We always have a lot of fun and, I always get excited when we're gonna hang out." Noctis refused to look at Ignis again. "And… he's touchy, and I don't really mind…"
Oh no . Noctis had never been too fond of being touched or hugged on, especially after the incident when he was younger, when he had first closed himself off. But Prompto…
"Is that normal?" Noctis asked with questioning eyes.
It made sense that Noctis would ask such a thing. That he would ask if being happy and enjoying his time around someone was normal . He'd never had a normal life, not even in attending public school. Noctis had never had friends, nobody outside of Ignis or Gladio. It only made sense that Noctis just didn't know.
"I think it all depends." Ignis started slowly. Noctis waited patiently for him to continue, but Ignis didn't know what he was meant to say. What did it depend on? He… had no idea… and that was terrifying.
"What do you feel when Gladio touches you?" Noctis asked as the silence grew too long.
Ignis felt hot. Too hot. Like a blinding light was shining on him, threatening to burn him alive. His chest felt tight and he blinked a couple times to try and calm himself down again. It was a sudden question, one he absolutely wasn't expecting. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Clearing his throat, he tried again.
"I feel nothing."
"Nothing?" Noctis asked, a confused frown crossing his features.
"Not- I suppose it's not nothing." Ignis was torn, should he tell Noctis how he felt in those moments? Was it too personal to talk about? Or maybe he couldn't admit to himself how it felt. "Gladio is very touchy too." Ignis agreed. "He's like that with most of his friends, and the crownsguard, the glaives… He uses it to express his affection for others. So, when he does show me, I know that he looks at me as a friend. Someone he enjoys to be around."
"Is that it?" Noctis asked after a pause. "Because, when Gladio touches me, I know it's because we're buddies, and he's proud of me, or I did good in training. But when Prompto touches me, when he hugs me, I," a dopey grin crossed Noctis' face as he chuckled.
Gods no.
"I'm happy. I feel warm and… like I belong I guess."
That left Ignis with a lot to think about. Like he belonged? Noctis always belonged with Ignis and Gladio. Had he always felt alone? Like he had no one? No, he was talking to Ignis about such a serious topic, surely he felt some sort of connection with Ignis. But Prompto made him feel something else.
"I can't explain it. But Gladio is different than Prompto."
"Well, Gladio and Prompto are very different people." Ignis tried to argue.
"It's not like that." Noctis sighed in frustration. "Prompto is different ."
Clearly upset now, Noctis slumped over the counter to hide his face in his hands. Ignis bit his lip as he looked away. The sudden tension in the air was thick, suffocating. He knew that staying silent was not the correct option this time.
"No matter how you feel, Noct, you are not wrong." Ignis settled on. "I'm here if you need to talk."
Noctis ran his hands down his face before giving Ignis a small smile. He pats the counter once before turning to go into the living room, leaving Ignis to sort out his own feelings. Or ignore them.