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Juwon stares at the vast honeyed expanse of Dongsik’s back. Freckles dot his shoulder blades and moles like constellations connect his butterfly bones to his spine.
What would he do if Juwon were to move closer and press a kiss there? To brand each vertebrae and count each one, to make sure they were all there, to memorize every inch of his skin?
To press a hand to his back and feel the movements of his bones under the palm.
To press his body against Dongsik’s and feel his warmth and to trace every inch of his skin right on this sandy beach. He imagined their bodies moving against each other in unison, like the waves lapping against each other on this seashore. He imagined grains of sand under his finger, grains of sand in his teeth and specks of sea-shell in his hair, a reminder of the time he and Dongsik claimed the beach as theirs.
Suddenly he felt very selfish. He wanted to have the ocean and clouds as witness, that he, Han Juwon had touched Lee Dongsik. He wanted the heavens to fume, he wanted every boy and every girl who ever loved his Dongsik to fume. He wanted Dongsik so badly it was becoming difficult to think properly.
The cold ocean air hits his face, and he’s snapped back to reality. Dongsik is lounging in front of him, hands propping him up from behind. He’s waiting for Juwon to put the sunscreen on. Then they can go to the water. Dongsik loves the beach.
He loves the sand and the salty air and even the seagulls who steal your food if you looked away. As they were driving here, he had prattled on and on about this little Jeju beach, one hand on the steering wheel, the other gesturing wildly around the car. Juwon smiled and listened to him, sunglasses perched on his nose with the window down and the wind hitting his face.
He had loved to see Dongsik animated like that. He was beautiful all the time, but right then, Juwon understood what it meant to want to die for someone because you love them too much. If Dongsik were to ask him, he would drive a knife through his heart. Heavens knows he would.
Juwon squeezes a thick dollop of sunscreen into his hand and presses it into Dongsik's back.
He rubs the sunscreen onto every inch of skin, from his shoulders to his lower back. His torso tapers to a slim waist and here, he curls his hands around, feeling Dongsik tense as the tips of his fingers touch his lower stomach. He had unconsciously leaned his head back, eyes closed, throat exposed.
Just for me, all just for me, he’s here with me, I have him, and he’s looking like this, with me! Juwon thinks.
He's so close to Dongsik that his thrown back head is nearly resting on Juwon’s shoulders. Enjoying having Dongsik splayed before him, his body shivering as Juwon’s breath brushes his throat, he gets bold. He begins running his hands from his lower back, digging his fingers gently into his spine where he eventually makes it back up to his shoulders.
He moves his hands up and over, large hands splayed against his chest, fingers brushing against his nipples.
Dongsilk's breath catches in his throat, still pulled back and taut and his Adam’s apple bobs. His eyes snap open and he immediately sits up, back ramrod straight. Had Juwon not moved away in time, Dongsik’s shoulders might have knocked into his mouth.
“You punk, you better watch where you’re shoving your hands,” Dongsik says, getting up and grabbing the sunscreen from his hands. “Your turn now,” he adds, lips pulled back into a hungry smile.
This is unexpected and Juwon is startled. Dongsik usually lets him do whatever he wants with him, but now that he’s actually pushing back, Juwon starts thinking of excuses. Dongsik’s hands all over his bare skin? On a beach in public? No way.
“Ah, hyung, it’s okay, I’m okay, I got it,” he begins, backing up, trying his best not to show how panicked he is, how fast his heart is beating. His hands are ice cold right now.
“No you don’t “got it”, Dongsik replies back, exaggerating the way Juwon spoke the last two words.
“You’ll get burnt if you don’t put some on and then you’ll complain and get cranky, so lie down and I’ll help you,” he reaches Juwon and places a hand on his shoulder, rubbing circles on the bare patch of skin. Juwon really wishes he opted for a turtleneck instead of this flimsy wife beater.
Juwon sighs very deeply and suddenly wishes he had just put the sunscreen on, slapped Dongsik’s back and said, “Good to go.” Instead, he manhandled him on the beach and fondled his chest all because his stupid hands were getting curious and greedy. And now Dongsik was punishing him.
He lies on the beach towel, stomach down and bites his lip as Dongsik straddles his waist. He has his head propped up on his hands and in the corner of his eye can see the other man get comfortable on top of him.
“Are you going to take this off?” Dongsik asks, hands on Juwon’s lower back, fingers entangled in the hem of the wife beater.
The pressure of Dongsik on him makes his head go dizzy and he just sighs, “No, just reach under it.”
He hears humming as Dongsik fiddles with the sunscreen bottle. The sun is so warm and the breeze from the ocean makes him feel sleepy. Just as he’s about to doze off, he jolts up.
There are hands under his shirt, moving up and down, massaging him with ease. While yes, he technically did say it was okay, the actual act of them, warm and calloused makes his breathing become laboured.
“Juwon-ah are you okay?” Dongsik still has his hands hidden under Juwon’s shirt, which by the way has ridden up, letting the breeze hit his back. Warm hands and cold ocean breeze; it’s too much, too much and Juwon can’t think.
Dongsik leans over Juwon’s shoulder and whispers this in his ear, his voice deep and husky. His breath brushes Juwon’s neck and ears and throat and he really thinks that he’s going to pass out.
He shivers and just as he thinks Dongsik has finished, he feels lips against his shoulder blades.
“Lee Dongsik, that’s enough,” he tries to say it roughly, he really does, but it only comes out as a whimper.
His ears burn in shame and he feels hot all over. Dongsik cackles in triumph, slaps Juwon’s back and runs to the ocean, yelling out behind him, “I win!”
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“Juwon-ah do you want some?” He’s swiped a streak of ice-cream across his lips and was now pouting in Juwon’s direction, eyes scrunched shut.
They had checked into an inn not too far from the beach. It was late; five at night and the sun was slowly lowering herself to sleep. Why Dongsik wanted ice-cream this late, he could not know, but he would tolerate whatever Dongsik wanted to do if it meant that he could see him beaming up at him.
The dying streaks of sunlight make tawny patterns across Dongsik’s face and he could see freckles, so light that if he were not drinking him in with his eyes, he would have missed it.
“Pretty,” Juwon breathes out, and reaches for his cheeks. He thumbs them gently, and places a kiss underneath his eye.
He then brings his face close to Dongsik’s and licks a stripe from the bottom of his lip to the tip of his nose.
He hums in approval, “Vanilla right, hyung?”
Dongsik was wearing Juwon’s clothes, the excuse being that, “My clothes are too thin, and its so cold here, Juwon-ah give me yours.” And he snatched a pair of blue pants and a white turtleneck from his suitcase slamming the bathroom door before Juwon could protest.
The other man sitting in blue blanches and nods meekly.
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They hold hands as they dance. The inn’s old record player skips and whirls as old blues songs pour out, engulfing the two in a trance.
Dongsik rests his head against Juwon's chest. Juwon has his hands clasped behind the nape of Dongsik's neck. Juwon prays that he hears his heart, beating so loudly that it sounded like a caged bird. He wants Dongsik to know the effect he has on him. He wants him to know how a slight look from him, brings he, Han Juwon to his knees like a devoute church go-er.
Dongsik's fingers run up and down Juwon’s spine with a languid curiosity as if he knows he's tracing circles on the most sensitive parts of him. If he were to die right now, he would die happy.
“Juwon-ah, thank you.”
Juwon pauses. He was playing with the hair at the base of Dongsik’s neck and replied, “For what?” He adjusted his head so he could see the man perched on his chest. Dongsik didn’t move and doesn't show any intention of moving away, instead he nestles his head further in Juwon’s neck, mouthing against it, “For holding me, like this, for taking me to the beach, for buying ice cream for me. I haven't done this in a long time.”
He tilts Juwon’s head back and presses a kiss to the inside of his throat, “You really are my salvation you know.”
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They hold hands as they tip onto the balcony. Their fingers brush as they let go and Juwon’s hand has found its way to Dongsik’s waist. The moon above them is full and white and shines light onto the two lovers.
They giggle like children, and grasp at each other’s clothing, pulling desperately at the fabrics and putting their hands under each other’s shirts. Dongsik throws his head back and laughs, the moonlight glinting off his teeth. The record player skips through the night, this time playing jazz, slow and smooth like honey.
The alcohol has loosened his mouth and Juwon presses kisses to Dongsik’s throat. He supports his head with his hand, his fingers tangled in his hair.
“Juwon-ah I love you, let’s run away together!”
Juwon likes this idea. He likes any idea from Dongsik. “Where would we go?” He cradles Dongsik’s head in his hands and brings him closer, to press kisses to his forehead and nose.
“Paris...let's go there and see the Eiffel tower and the lights, they must be so pretty, then we should go to New York.. I want to see all the lights!” He presses a kiss to Juwon’s lips and backs them up against the balcony wall. He has to tiptoe to reach his lips, but he doesn’t mind.
Juwon looks so beautiful tonight, cheeks tinged pink from the soju and the frigid night air. His lips are red. Dongsik bites when he kisses and Juwon seems to enjoy it, little whimpers escaping whenever Dongsik tugs his lips between his teeth.
His hair has gotten longer and Juwon reaches Dongsik’s face to tuck it behind his ear. He tilts Dongsik’s face up and places a kiss on the corner of his jaw. Pink lovebites have already started to bloom all the way down his throat.
Looking at him in the pale moonlight, Juwon falls even harder. The waves crash against rock below them and the moon reflects in his eyes. The stars twinkle and dance in his pupils. He doesn’t need Paris, he doesn’t need New York or the lights of the heavens; “You are enough light for me, Dongsik hyung.”
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