Chapter Text
Ben Gross stood stock still in the bedazzled gym of Sherman Oaks High, lights swirling around him, the thumping dance music muted by the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears. He swallowed, and the starched collar of his dress shirt tightened around the lump in his throat. Watching Devi Vishwakumar dancing in the muscled and hairless arms of his biggest nightmare, Ben Gross knew for a fact that he was his own worst enemy. “She wanted to choose you,” Eleanor Wong had told him.
...me?
Ben had made a huge error. He didn’t know why Devi kept giving that dick chance after chance, but even Ben could see that Paxton had finally come through for Devi in a big way that night. Ben had seen her heartbreak after that dumb jock had rejected her dance proposal. And he should have been the one mending it.
I’m an idiot.
And now it was too late, and what had Ben been doing for months? Licking his wounds, nursing his hurt pride, and withholding his forgiveness. In his most bitter moments, he thought Devi had just been using him to make herself seem more desirable to Paxton, but now he wondered what he’d blinded himself to.
She wanted to choose me?
He felt a small hand touch his shoulder, and he came to with a start, as though he’d been doused in ice water. The music returned at full volume, or maybe even louder, somehow. Aneesa smiled up at him rosily, and the corners of his mouth turned upwards on cue. If she noticed the slightly pained expression on his face, there was no sign of it on hers.
“You keep disappearing on me,” she said, tilting her head to one side.
Had she seen him staring at Devi and Paxton? “Hey,” she paused, looking at him through long, dark eyelashes and making sure she had his attention. “Would you wanna get out of—”
“Yes,” he said, too quickly. God, yes. Get me out of here. Aneesa chose to believe that his enthusiasm was for her, and smiled shyly as she wove her slender fingers in between Ben’s. He followed her out of the crowd and the noise and into the cool California night air of the school parking lot. There was a light breeze, but he still couldn’t breathe. He tried to loosen his collar, but Aneesa brushed his hand aside and playfully undid the knot of his tie.
“So, now that you’ve got me all to yourself, what do you want to do with me?” she asked. Ben was genuinely grateful for the attention of this cool, fun girl, but looking at her now, even as she sparkled under the parking lot lights, all done-up in green satin and sequins, he felt a twinge of guilt. He knew he was comparing her to Devi, and that Aneesa deserved better. Now he thought he might have seen Aneesa search his expression, but whatever she saw did not stop her from pulling him to her by the ends of his necktie and kissing him. He could taste the plasticy fragrance of her lip gloss. Ben closed his eyes and let Aneesa lean into him, let her deepen their kiss, let her run her fingers through his hair. While he kissed her, he realized that he was wondering what she even saw in him, so he stopped thinking altogether.
Inside the dance, Devi came up for air. Paxton Hall-Yosida was very, very good at kissing. Her heart leapt with the rhythm of the music, and she was flushed and tingly and glowing all over. She felt the sticky weight of her false eyelashes, a trickle of boob sweat running down her chest, and most keenly of all, the tantalizing pressure of Paxton’s hands on her hips through layers of crinoline. Paxton chewed on his lower lip, smiling at her, and she smiled back, incredulous and magnificent. Paxton Hall-Yosida wanted to be her boyfriend, wanted to be with her badly enough to put aside all of her drama and put on a tie, not to mention put this thing they had going out there in front of the entire school. She had tried to be ready to forget him, but now she was really, really glad that she didn’t have to.
Paxton buried himself in Devi’s smile. He had caught the look Trent had given him when he walked into the dance holding Devi’s hand and knew there would be a reckoning, but he pushed that anxiety down and away. For now, Paxton was where he wanted to be. It was crazy, but he really liked Devi. He liked who he was when he was with her, even though he didn’t quite know who that was yet. At a young age, Paxton had adopted a cool exterior that allowed him to mirror back to others the person they wanted him to be. That way, he kept his distance, and everyone else could do the work of determining his identity. But as he grew more into his looks, people started responding, and he began to wonder if there was anything else interesting about him at all, anything worth coming out from behind the mirror for.
And then Devi—this weird girl, full of words and drive and intelligence and dreams—shattered all of that. He saw himself differently when she smiled at him. Devi was the kind of person, he was sure, who saw more of him than his swimmer’s body and his grandfather’s cheekbones and his mother’s eyes—and if she saw something in him, maybe there was actually something more to see.
Goddamn it, he wasn’t sure of the last time a girl had made him feel this heightened. He was on edge, trying to ignore thoughts of how he had just hit her with his car, of how he had let her go to this dance without him, of how she walked out of his garage while he stood there like a dope. His leg had jittered the whole drive here. His palms were still sweating, actually, but at least she couldn’t feel that through the dress. And here she was, close to him, touching him, wanting him.
“So,” Devi began, hesitantly. “What changed your mind? You seemed kind of sure about us, earlier.” Paxton took a deep breath, and pressed his lips together into a firm line. His shoulders hunched, and Devi saw a flicker of his embarrassment.
Finally he said, “Ms. Warner.”
Devi laughed. “What?”
“She called me tonight and said that I’d improved my grades enough to get into college, and that you and me made a good team. And I think she’s right.”
Devi blushed a deep red. “That’s really great about your grades, Paxton.”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t have done it without you.” Devi smiled so big that he could see all of her teeth, and then pulled his face towards hers, caressing his not-quite-just-shaven cheek and catching his lips with hers. He smiled against her mouth, holding her closer. It felt really good to choose her. At this moment, any other choice felt like insanity.
“Bro,” came a familiar voice from over Paxton’s shoulder. Devi broke away from their kiss with a start. “Can I have a word?”
“Um, yeah, I guess.” Paxton let go of Devi reluctantly. “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere?” Devi couldn’t imagine a less likely possibility.
Trent dragged him off towards the men’s bathroom. “Dude,” Trent began once they were inside, walking straight over to a urinal and unzipping his fly. Paxton rolled his eyes. “You and Coyote Girl? What gives? Didn’t she like, two-time you with that try-hard?”
“Man, I really wish you would stop trying to talk to me while you’re peeing.”
“Nature calls,” said Trent, carrying on. Paxton sighed and leaned against a sink, trying to look anywhere but at Trent.
“I—” Paxton hesitated, but he didn’t know how else to say it, “I like her, dude. We’re kind of, like, dating.”
“No way. Get out.”
“She was tutoring me and then, uh, we kinda started hooking up.”
“You dog, gettin’ down with the nerds,” said Trent, re-buttoning his pants. “But like, why didn’t you tell me you liked her? I’m your bro, bro. You can tell me stuff.”
“I don’t know, man. It’s like, I know I’m opening this box and once it’s open, it’s all gonna be out there and I can’t put it back in, and like, I know I could get hurt again, but I just…”
“Oh, you’re like Pandora.” Trent moved closer to where Paxton was standing at the sinks and turned on a faucet.
“What?”
“With the box? It’s like mythology and shit. Read a book, bro.” Paxton wadded up a paper towel and threw it at him. Trent caught it and dried his hands.
“Well this has been fun, but I’m going to go back to my date now,” said Paxton, pushing himself away from the sinks.
“One more thing,” Trent said, holding up a finger. “Okay two more things. First, if I see her toying with your emotions again, I’m gonna… uh...” he paused, thinking. “Well I’ll probably sit her right down and have a long conversation with her about it. Second, do you wanna smoke this J with me?” He asked, producing a joint from his pocket. Paxton laughed and shook his head, starting towards the door.
“Nah man, not tonight.” Trent followed him.
“You must really like her, dude.” He slapped Paxton on the back. “Zoe’s gonna be pissed.”
Eleanor saw Paxton and Trent heading towards the bathroom, and sidled up next to Devi on the dance floor. “Sooooo, how are we feeling about how tonight's going now?” Devi laughed.
“I can’t believe that worked,” she admitted.
“Hm?”
“I told him what I needed and he like, responded.” Eleanor smiled at her friend.
“Maybe the boy isn’t so hopeless after all.”
“Or maybe I am just that foxy,” said Devi, flipping her hair.
“So what does this mean?”
“He told me he was my boyfriend.” Devi couldn’t contain her glee, and to her friend’s credit, Eleanor thought that maybe some of the madness that had overtaken Devi the last few months had turned out to be worth it. Girl was learning to use her intuition, and Eleanor was a little bit proud of her. “So what was that with Trent?” Devi asked.
“I know, right? He’s been like, telling me facts about Tennessee Williams that he read on Wikipedia,” Eleanor paused to reflect on what she thought of this. “Pretty cute, right?”
Devi and Eleanor locked eyes and dissolved into a fit of giggles over the absurdity of the night, of high school, of their lives. Their best friend had accepted a pair of rhinestone antennae from the meanest girls in school wearing her robotics club polo and accompanied by Gears Brosnan! They had not one but two (!) members of the Hot Pocket interested in them, in fact walking through the crowd towards them at that moment. And they had survived the first half of their sophomore year. Devi was even finding herself looking forward to studying for finals, maybe even with a certain new study buddy….
Paxton and Trent reached the girls at the same time as Fabiola and Eve. “Oh hey Paxton. Trent,” said Fabiola, nodding to each boy.
Trent went in for a fist-bump. “Congrats on like, making dance royalty history.” Fabiola was confused about why Trent was speaking to her, but awkwardly tapped his fist with her own anyways. Eve laughed and wrapped one arm tightly around her girlfriend’s waist, drawing them more closely together.
“We were just um, thinking of getting out of here,” said Eve. “I think I’ve subjected Fab to enough torture for one night.” Fabiola blushed and tried to protest, but Eve stopped her with a kiss and took her hand.
“Er goodnight, guys,” said Fabiola, giving them a meaningful look as she followed Eve towards the parking lot. Eleanor and Devi looked at each other, noting Fab’s nervous excitement, which was normally only reserved for robotics-related breakthroughs. They weren’t sure what to make of that.
Watching them leave, Devi realized that another couple had disappeared from the room, and without really thinking asked Eleanor, “Hey, what happened to Aneesa and—” Devi cut herself off before she said Ben’s name. At least Paxton was distracted for the moment goofing around with Trent.
“Oh,” said Eleanor, although her eyes were on Trent. “I saw them leave awhile ago. After you guys showed up together.” Devi frowned. Only now did she think about how Ben might react to seeing her with Paxton, and her stomach clenched when she remembered that weird moment they’d had in the girl’s bathroom on Thursday. But Ben had come to the dance with Aneesa, so it made sense that they’d leave together. Early. To go who knows where and probably do who knows—
“Mr. Hall-Yoshida, could I borrow Devi for a moment?” Mr. Kulkarni popped up out of nowhere, making the teens jump. Trent was quick to shove the joint he’d been twirling between his fingers back in his pocket.
“Uh, sure Mr. K,” replied Devi, “What’s up?”
“You should follow me. Oh, hold on.” The English teacher turned back to Paxton. “You drive right? You come too.” Devi and Paxton exchanged confused looks, but followed Mr. K out into the hallway. The three of them turned a corner to find Devi’s cousin sitting on the floor against a row of lockers in her sari, legs spread out in front of her, knocking back the dregs of something from a bottle.
“Kamala? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be getting engaged tonight?” Mr. K did a double take at Devi’s words, but couldn’t help smiling while he offered a hand to Kamala to help her up off the floor. She stumbled a little in her house shoes on the waxed linoleum, knocking over the empty glass bottle with a clatter.
“Oh, Devi,” she said, pushing a strand of hair out of her face and gripping Mr. Kulkarni’s hand firmly to steady herself. “Hello there, how is your evening going?” Devi looked at her older cousin incredulously. Kamala caught sight of Paxton, “Ah, Mr. Cheekbones!” She said, pointing at him and giving Devi a very obvious wink.
“Are you drunk?” Devi hissed. She wheeled on Mr. Kulkarni, “Did you get my cousin drunk?”
“Whoa there! She had like one cider, and then when I came back from checking up on all of y’all, she was like this.”
Kamala giggled. “Mrs. Paloma had Jell-O shots!” Mr. K rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. Laughter and sounds of revelry could be heard spilling out of Mr. Shapiro’s room down the hall.
“I just wanted to make sure she made it home ok,” he said to Devi.
Kamala suddenly grabbed his shoulder, turning him to face her full in the face. “I do not have a fiancé.”
“Yeah, okay,” Devi interrupted, uncomfortable. “We really need to get you home.” She turned to Paxton, trying not to show her disappointment at this abrupt end to their evening. “Hey, do you think you could give us a ride?”
“Yeah, of course,” Paxton looked a little bemused, actually. “That was already, like, a given. I’ll bring my car around.”
“And could you tell Eleanor that I won’t be getting a ride with her and Sharon?” Paxton nodded and turned, digging his hands into his pockets as he walked just to do something with them. He was sort of relieved to be getting away from all the prying eyes of the school. Taking Devi’s wasted cousin for a car ride wasn’t really how he imagined the evening ending, but then none of his night had really been planned. Walking down the hallway, he felt like he was floating on air.
Mr. Kulkarni and Devi helped Kamala outside into the night air. She closed her eyes. “Oh, what am I going to do now?” She whispered under her breath.
“Hey,” Mr. Kulkarni said softly, squeezing her hand a little. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Thank you, Manish.” Kamala and Devi’s favorite teacher locked eyes, and Devi had the distinct and unpleasant feeling that they kind of wanted to make out.
“Okay! That’s enough!” Devi said, dragging Kamala away from Mr. K as Paxton pulled the red Jeep up to the curb. She helped Kamala climb into the back, and then got into the passenger seat beside Paxton. “Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” he responded with that slow smile. If Kamala hadn’t been directly behind her, Devi would have kissed him again, but she was kind of banking on her cousin remembering none of this later. Paxton put the car in drive and headed for the Vishwakumar residence.
“Soo, you two look very nice. Are you here together? Devi, don’t make that face at me, I’m just asking a question,” came Kamala from the back seat.
“Kamala! What is going on? Why are you here?”
“I ran away from the dinner.”
“You what?” Devi turned around in her seat and stared at her hot, smart, put-together cousin, who was currently trying to pick an errant hair out of her mouth.
“I said I would get the dessert, and then I ran out the back door,” Kamala laughed weakly. “I’ve really fucked this one up, Devi.”
Devi was kind of confused. She thought that Kamala had liked Prashant, but on the other hand, she certainly wouldn’t want her mom telling her who to marry. Soon, Kamala’s head rolled back, her mouth open, and she began snoring softly. Devi snuck a glance at Paxton and he caught her gaze. He reached over and took her hand. As he drove, his thumb ran back and forth over her knuckles. She felt the vibration of the car through her seat as they drove.
“So,” Devi said as the Jeep turned onto the end of her street. “I’d uh, invite you up, but this is probably going to be a shitshow. You’re going to want to steer clear of the nuclear fallout.” Paxton pictured Nalini’s disapproving stare. They pulled up in front of the yellow house and he parked. Nearly all of the lights in the house were on.
“Right. Good call.” He watched Devi checking her phone worriedly, making sure she hadn’t missed any messages from her mom. “Hey,” he said. “Text me tomorrow?”
Devi looked up from her phone with a soft excitement. “I will.”
Paxton glanced up at the house to make sure that the coast was clear before leaning in to kiss her goodnight. As their lips met, he ran his hand down her neck and shoulder, and traced the thin strap of her dress down her chest, where his fingers skimmed the tops of her breasts. She made a sound in the back of her throat, and suddenly her hand was in his hair, pulling him into her kiss. When they finally drew themselves apart, he felt a little winded. Devi’s contentment was clearly displayed across her face, and for a minute, he imagined climbing up to her window again anyways and not leaving until morning. But Devi had already jumped out of the car and opened the back door. She unbuckled her cousin’s seatbelt and was trying to shake her awake without success.
“Um, Paxton? Could you give me a hand?” He went around to Kamala’s seat and, as respectfully as he could, slung her over his shoulder.
Just as the three of them reached the front door, it swung open, revealing Nalini, still dressed for her niece’s supposed engagement dinner.
“Uh, hi, mom.”
“Devi? Kamala? What… Where was she? What is the meaning of all of this?” She looked from Devi to Paxton, who was still carrying Kamala, and back to her daughter.
“Don’t look at me!” Devi exclaimed, “I was at the winter dance with Eleanor and Fabiola and Kamala just showed up.”
Paxton cleared his throat. “I’m just, uh, going to…” Nalini stepped out of the doorway to let him pass, and Paxton went to the couch in the living room to deposit Kamala. When he’d laid her down, she turned herself over and burrowed her still made-up face into the cushions. Paxton backed away, trying to will himself out of Nalini’s sight.
“Has she been drinking? Have you been drinking? What is Paxton doing driving both of you home?” Paxton winced. Coming out of Nalini’s mouth, his name sounded like a curse.
“I would never drink and drive, Dr. Vishwakumar.”
She whirled on him, “With my girls in the car, I should think not!” Then, with a deep sigh, Nalini deflated. “Thank you for getting them home safely. You may go now.”
Paxton’s eyes darted to Devi’s face, and she jerked her head towards the exit. He smiled politely at Devi’s mother and then booked it out the door, making sure he didn’t slam it behind him in his haste to retreat. Once he was gone, Nalini sunk onto an armchair. “What a disaster,” she sighed, covering her eyes with her hand. “I don’t know what has gotten into that girl. What was she thinking, running off like that?”
“Mom?” Nalini looked at her daughter. Then, to Devi’s surprise, she smiled faintly. “How beautiful you look tonight, Devi. Would you please go upstairs and bring down a quilt for your cousin? I will talk with her in the morning.” Devi pursed her lips, but obeyed, wondering what the heck was going through her mother’s mind right now. She was, however, very relieved that Nalini hadn’t made more of a big deal of Paxton’s appearance at their home when less fraught encounters had gone far more poorly in the past.
As she climbed the stairs for the final time that evening, she had to stifle a laugh. What a difference a day could make. As she unzipped her dress and pulled it off her shoulders, she remembered Paxton’s hands moving across her skin, the way he held her hips while they danced, the feeling of his lips pressed against hers in the car. She wriggled into her pajamas and then went into the bathroom to wash her face, unable to stop smiling.
When she returned to her room, she picked up her phone and found a text from Paxton. All good?
My mom was uncharacteristically chill. I wonder if Prashant’s parents tired her out after Kamala ran off.
Is your cousin okay?
Sleeping on the couch where you left her. Devi paused, and then typed: Thank you again for helping. I know it wasn’t, like, the sexiest end to the evening.
She saw his three dots appear and then disappear, and then appear again.
There will be more evenings. See you tomorrow?
Devi could have squealed into her pillow. She felt like jumping on her bed, like pumping her fist into the air.
See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Paxton. She wrote.
Goodnight.
As Paxton put his phone down on his bedside table and laid back against his pillows, he bit his bottom lip. He felt like he had no idea what tomorrow would bring, and the idea thrilled him. Turning off his light, he thought to himself: Idiot.
Back at Sherman Oaks High, right around the time the cleaning crew was turning the lights back on and getting out the mops, Fabiola and Eve tumbled out of their hiding place at the back of the parking lot, crowns askew and covered in bits of grass and twigs. The girls clung to each other in the barely cool night air, and ran straight into another flushed and disheveled couple they recognized.
“Oh, hey Fab,” said Aneesa, once her eyes had adjusted to the light. “Dope crown.”
“Err, thanks ‘Neese,” said Fabiola, blushing. Eve was clinging to her side and looking at her beatifically, their fingers interlaced.
Ben Gross cleared his throat, “Um, we should probably get going.” Aneesa curled herself into his side, wrapping her arm around his waist. “Benny, are you sure if it’s okay if Patty gives me a ride home?”
“Yeah. It’s not that late yet, otherwise your parents would worry, right?” Aneesa reached up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.
“You take such good care of me.” Ben swallowed the lump in his throat, already pushing aside his true feelings about how the night had unfolded.
“My pleasure,” Ben held her hand lightly, afraid to hold on too tight or too loose, letting his pulse come back down to normal. He bid a goodnight to the Cricket Queens, and then checked his phone to confirm that Patty had received his text. Although he was used to having an abundance of time to himself, at that moment he wanted nothing more than to be in his bed at home, completely alone.
Ben held Aneesa’s hand in the back of his dad’s second favorite car as Patty drove them home through the streets of Sherman Oaks. When she got out of the car, she snuck him a quick kiss on the lips, and waved at him coyly before heading up her driveway. As soon as Aneesa was out of sight, Ben buried his face in his hands.
Shit.