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Natsuo - 12 years old
Todoroki Natsuo watched as his older brother and father fought, yet again. This time in public, right outside Touya’s new high school and Natsuo couldn’t be bothered to stop them, it’s nothing unusual. People were staring and Rei was trying to stop them with baby Shouto cradled in her arms but those two hotheads had always been at each other's throat.
“I told you, you don’t need to come!” Touya hissed.
“Our oldest child is starting high school, of course the whole family will come.” Enji’s voice boomed.
Touya groaned out loud and threw his hands, “You’re embarrassing me!”
Natsuo rolled his eyes and looked anywhere else but them. Wishing that people wouldn’t mistake him with them, but the resemblance was uncanny so doubt it. His family is so embarrassing.
Touya got in at U.A high school, their dad’s alma mater and Enji has been beaming with pride ever since. He dragged the whole family with him to send Touya off at the gate and Touya is blushing red in embarrassment.
Natsuo could be more excited but being 4 years younger, and starting his final year of elementary school, it felt like nobody cared. Touya always got the attention. He loves his brother of course, they’re like peas in a pod, but no doubt Touya is always the favourite. With Shouto being the close second as he’s the baby. Fuyumi is the only girl, so she’s special too. Natsuo? He’s the middle child, he’s the forgotten one.
Natsuo was about to open his mouth wanting to complain about his boredom when a big flapping sound sounded to his left. He turned his head to look and was awestruck.
It was pretty.
Big pretty red wings. The wings were majestic, and the red feathers shone in the sunlight, almost blindingly.
He watched as the wings folded behind the back of a blond man, he couldn't see anything but the back of his head and it looked fluffy. The wings were restless, it kept folding and spreading, like a bird that didn’t want to be grounded and instead wanted to fly, to be free.
Natsuo subconsciously raised his hand, wanting to touch those pretty wings, when it spread wide, flapped and flew away. Natsuo wanted to scream for it but his voice was stuck in his throat. Much like Icarus and the sun, it felt like Natsuo couldn't come close to the breathtaking red.
Frustrated, tears almost spring to his eyes. It was so pretty, he wanted it. But then he noticed something drifting towards the ground. It was a lone feather.
Natsuo wasted no time running there and picking it up. He stared at it in amazement.
It was heavy, for such a small feather, no bigger than both his hands. But it was soft, it felt wonderful running a finger over it.
Natsuo loved it.
Hiding the feather safely in his bag, he walked back to his still fighting family.
Natsuo didn’t know it then, but that single red feather would be his greatest treasure.
Almost a year later
“I’m home!” Touya yelled from the front door.
“Welcome back.” Natsuo yelled too from the living room. Too busy playing his switch to bother getting up and greeting Touya properly.
“Where’s mom?” Touya’s voice sounded closer.
“Kitchen.” He said offhandedly.
Touya hummed. “I’ve got a guest by the way.”
Still not lifting his eyes off his game, Natsuo replied, “Right, your boyfriend.”
A laugh sounded and then Touya hissed, “Natsu.”
Natsuo still didn’t bother lifting his eyes. Soon he heard footsteps moving away and finally then he died in the game. Sighing and waiting for the death credits to end, he raised his head and saw a glimpse of huge red disappearing from the door’s edge.
He didn’t think anything of it and saved his game and put it away, getting up to head to the kitchen too. Dinner’s probably ready by now.
As he arrived, he saw only Rei and Shouto in the kitchen.
“Where’s Touya-nii?” He asked Shouto who was setting the table.
“Went to show off his new boyfriend to dad.”
Natsuo just shrugged in response.
“Sweetie, can you go call them and Fuyumi? Dinner’s ready.” Their mother’s sweet voice asked him. Nodding in reply, Natsuo walked away.
He knocked on Fuyumi’s door first as she was the closest.
“Dinner’s ready.” He yelled through the closed door.
A thump and then Fuyumi replied. “Coming!”
Not even bothering opening the door, Natsuo walked away. Fuyumi has been in a mood now that finals are close and she’s graduating middle school. It’s better to keep his distance.
Natsuo is graduating elementary too but he couldn’t give a damn about his grades, he was already the top of his class. As far as he knows, Fuyumi is too, so he doesn’t get why she is so stressed out.
As he neared his father’s study, he heard the voices as the door wasn’t all the way closed.
“How’s finals going, son?” Their dad asked in his gruff voice.
“Fine, only the practical exams left.”
“Are you prepared?”
“Of course I am, old man.” Touya replied, annoyed.
An unknown voice laughed, “I’ve been making sure he’s been practicing. Though he has no problem with his quirk, he just needed to study for tests, on account of how much he’s been sleeping in class.”
“Keigo!” Touya whined.
The unknown voice laughed, that must be Keigo.
“Touya!” Enji reprimanded.
“What? Like you never took a snooze? I’ve heard the stories from All Might.” Touya rebutted.
Keigo laughed again and Natsuo thought to himself, that’s a nice sound .
Finally deciding to make his presence known, he knocked on the door.
“Dinner’s ready.” He said as he pushed open the door.
Three heads swivelled towards him. Enji smiled and stood up, “Let’s go.”
“Don’t order me around.” Touya said prissily.
Enji just ignored it. Keigo poked Touya at the side, tickling him. They roughhoused a bit as Enji patted Natsuo on the shoulder when he passed by.
Touya and Keigo were walking past him too, each immersed in each other’s world barely noticing Natsuo.
But as they passed him and Natsuo got a good look up close, something about Keigo triggered something in him. A memory from almost a year ago that he can’t really remember.
Shrugging it off, Natsuo followed after them.
Dinner was nice, everybody made small talk, even Fuyumi was in a good mood. Shouto even piped in once in a while. Everybody loved Keigo. Natsuo did too, he was funny.
But still there was something about him that Natsuo couldn't place. It didn’t hit him until much later, when they’re done with dinner, after they hung out in the living room, and about to send Keigo off that Natsuo finally remembered.
Keigo said goodbye to everyone, with a special kiss on the cheek for Touya. He waved and spread his wings, and flew away.
Watching that, it all came running back to him.
The entrance ceremony, where they sent Touya off for good luck. Those red wings, the one that caught Natsuo’s attention. The single red feather.
Afterwards Natsuo hurriedly ran to his room and took out the box he had hidden deep in his closet. Inside were full of items that he treasured and wanted to keep secret. A movie ticket from when Enji took Natsuo to just them alone for the first time ever, a card Fuyumi made for him, even an acorn a newly-waddling Shouto had given to him. Digging further, he finally found it. It was the feather.
The one he had picked up nearly a year ago.
He laughed to himself, smiling softly.
He’s seen Keigo before of course, the sports ceremony where he beat Touya and came in first place. Pictures Touya had shown him of his classmates. But none of it triggered his memory. Only seeing Keigo flew away did he remember.
He really loved that feather and those wings, he couldn’t believe he forgot about it.
Running a finger on the still soft feather, he placed it back in the box, and hid it again.
Natsuo thought that it’s done and over with. He finally met the man with those majestic wings, what more could he want? Turns out a whole lot more.
He became jealous of Touya and Keigo’s relationship. At first he thought it was because he’s just lonely and needed a girlfriend. So he got one in his first year of middle school.
It gave him nothing. There’s no feelings as the girl held his hand and hugged him. He felt nothing when she gave him a peck on the cheek. He still felt nothing when he broke up with her, and she cried and slapped him.
He told Touya about it. How he felt empty with his girlfriend.
“Hmm.” Touya looked contemplative as he slung an arm over his same height, younger brother of four years who was still growing, “Maybe you’re not into girls?”
That stopped Natsuo in his tracks. He never even thought of that, but it made sense.
So the next thing he did was find a boyfriend. It was relatively easy, he told his friends he might be gay and by the end of the week a boy confessed to him.
It went way better.
Saiki was fun. They could hang out at an arcade, eat junk food or simply just play at the park, it was easy. When he brought Hori - his ex-girlfriend - to a fast food place she pouted and he had to bring her to a cafe instead. But Saiki never minded. It was just like hanging out with a friend, except more.
It’s definitely more, he finally felt nervous when Saiki first held his hands. Even more when they first hugged.
He was nervous for his first kiss, so he had to ask Touya how his first kiss was.
“It was good.” Touya shrugged.
Giving him a deadpanned look, Natsuo rolled his eyes, “That’s not helpful.”
“What do you want me to say? It was… nice?”
Even Shouto huffed out a laugh.
“Hey, little brats shouldn’t listen in on adult conversation.” Touya made a ‘shoo’ motion.
The youngest rolled his heterochromatic eyes, “You’re only 8 years older than me.”
“And your age is still in the single digit, shoo!”
Glaring and stomping his feet, Shouto got up and walked out. Most probably going to find their mother to complain.
“Now where were we?” Touya leaned back against the couch, satisfied that the little bugger was gone.
“How it felt kissing Keigo.”
“Hey,” He said, offended, “Why’d you think Keigo was my first?”
“Come on.” Natsuo raised his eyebrow.
“Fine.” Touya scoffed.
It’s not that his older brother was unattractive, it’s the opposite. Natsuo still remembers the time Touya got his first love letter. Natsuo was both incredibly proud and jealous as he held the paper in his small chubby arms, and couldn't even read the letterings on it.
But Touya had been focusing on his quirk, and relationships weren't even in his radar. After-school and weekends are all spent practicing, with their father right there with him to train.
Which is why when Touya told the whole family about his crush on Keigo, everyone was surprised and thrilled. Touya said that when Keigo beat him in the sports festival, it was instant love.
Their mother chuckled in adoration, their father narrowed his eyes in annoyance. But everyone ended up loving Keigo anyway.
“So how was it?” Natsuo repeated his question to Touya.
Sighing, he admitted with a blush, “You know those cheesy movies where there are fireworks in the background? Yeah, it’s like that.”
“It feels like an explosion?” Natsuo still didn’t get it.
“No, yes. Well.” He looked conflicted on how to describe it. “It feels weird at first. That’s how it was for me. But Keigo pulled me closer, deeper and it got nicer. And the longer we kissed, the more it felt exciting, and it was all I wanted to do with him. All the time.”
“Do you think I’d find someone like that too?”
“Of course you will, lil bro.”
Natsuo has always kept those words close, he waited for his first kiss, to feel that explosion. However when Saiki finally kissed him, he felt nothing again, he felt numb. It didn’t work, he was just disappointed.
He swore off dating after that. Nobody would measure up to the one he really wants.
And he wants, he really wants. As he had to witness Touya and Keigo fall more and more in love, the more distant he’d gotten, because it hurt too much to be close.
He can’t have Keigo, so it’s just better if he kept his distance.
It’s better like that.
“What’s your problem?” Touya glared at him.
“What?” Natsuo raised an eyebrow.
“Do you hate Keigo or something?”
That could not be more far from the truth, “No.” He huffed.
“Well it certainly doesn’t seem like it. You’re avoiding him.” Touya points a finger accusatively.
“Well, yeah it’s because I don’t want to watch you two act like idiots.”
“Rude.” Touya glared.
“You two are the rude ones. Hugging and kissing in front of us all, get a room.”
“Don’t blame me that nobody wants to be with you.” Touya’s words were scathing. Natsuo actually jerked in shock at the cruel words and ignored the pang in his heart. He glared at his older brother, tears springing in the corner of his eyes but he just turned around and walked away.
There was no way Touya didn’t see his tears, and he waited for Touya to call him back or at least catch up to him, but no. Touya turned away too. Leaving him to cry alone with the pain.
It’s one of their biggest fights and they didn’t talk to each other for two weeks.
Not that it bothered Touya much, because he had Keigo to distract him, to focus his attention on and someone to dote on him. Natsuo had nobody. He was alone.
He was alone.
They’re a big family, but Natsuo always felt alone. It has always been like that.
Their father has his sights set on Touya, to make sure Touya succeeds. And when Shouto manifested his quirks, he put every energy and time into training Shouto next. So even if Natsuo approached his father, all he would get is a brief pat on the shoulder and a ‘Later, son’.
It’s fine.
He was fine.
He learned how to do things by himself. He never depended on anybody, he knew nobody had time for him.
He held things together even when Touya and Keigo graduated high school and became sidekicks together. When they moved in together, he shoved his feelings down, down, down as he helped carry boxes to Touya and Keigo's new place. When they were being so in love, Touya carried Keigo over the threshold in his arms, laughing and smiling at each other barely noticing Natsuo was behind them carrying boxes. Natsuo watched as those big wings dragged on the floor and resented himself in his desire to lift it and brush off the dirt.
It was wrong, his feelings were wrong. He always told himself that but his traitorous heart still wanted Keigo so much.
So he kept his distance, as much as he could afford. It was hard because all in all, he loves his brother. The golden child, the perfect child, Natsuo will always love him. He’ll remain in the shadow but it’s fine, because his Touya-nii was kind, he’s Natsuo’s big brother after all. Natsuo could never hate him.
He just kept his distance.
Which is why he never noticed it, he never noticed when Touya fell out of love with Keigo. He never noticed when Touya kept hanging out with a Shigaraki instead. He never noticed when Touya wouldn’t even go back to his shared apartment and instead slept over at the family home. He never noticed that Touya kept on declining and ignoring Keigo’s call.
He kept his distance, which is why he never noticed the pain and hollowness in Keigo’s eyes.
What once was bright and full of life, now sunken and red.
He never noticed.
If only he’d noticed sooner
Natsuo - 20 years old, university student
Natsuo doesn’t even know if Touya and Keigo's tendency to forget he’s in the room is a curse or a blessing. Right now he deemed it a burden.
They’d been going at it for close to an hour now. Screaming at each other. Natsuo is frozen, he doesn’t know what to do.
“You fucking bastard,” Keigo yelled through his tears, baring his teeth at Touya.
“We’ve been pulling apart for a while now, how could you even be surprised.” Touya narrowed his eyes at Keigo and gritted his teeth. Tone was condescending.
“Asshole, I’m trying and trying here, to fix our relationship and you go and sleep with someone else?” The way Keigo’s voice cracked made Natsuo flinch.
“What did you expect? We haven’t even slept in the same bed for weeks now.”
The way Keigo sobbed made his chest hurt. Those big proud wings now drooped and quivered. Natsuo turned his face away and tried to disappear.
He came to the apartment to help Touya pack his things, Touya had said that he and Keigo had decided to end things. But when they came in, Keigo was there and totally unaware of Touya's decision to move out.
It caused this huge fight, screams and insults thrown around. Cries and silences. Natsuo smacked dab in the middle of it all.
He knows Touya is in the wrong, but he’s his brother… Family is everything. But the excruciating way his heart clenched hearing Keigo’s sobs and watching him wipe away his tears, Natsuo felt like dying.
He couldn’t do anything as Keigo snapped his necklace off and threw it at Touya. He couldn’t do anything as Keigo strode to the big balcony and flew away. He couldn’t do anything. He felt useless.
He felt worse after Touya rubbed his eyes and asked him to continue packing. He felt dirty as he opened the closet and took away all of Touya’s clothes. He felt something break in him when Touya didn’t even take a single look back at the apartment he has shared with Keigo for years. He felt mad.
He felt rage.
He loves his brother. Touya is everything to him, the brother he idolized, the one who he used to chase after when he was kids, the one who was there to help him. But maybe, he loved someone else more.
And Touya hurt the one he loved most.
He debated on what to say, what to do, and what to bring. He debated on not saying anything at all, but he just had to see Keigo, he needed to see him.
Natsuo knocked on the door, and prayed that Keigo would answer.
He has seen the news ‘Sidekick Hawks rescued 4 children from a collapsing building’, ‘Sidekick Hawks first on scene at thwarted bank heist’ and ‘Hero Hawks, the fastest hero’.
Keigo has been throwing himself into his work and he’s steadily climbing up the ranks. Quickly becoming a hero instead of just a sidekick.
Everyone is praising him and saying how amazing he is. Natsuo has known that all along and he’s happy to see the rest of the world is seeing it too.
“Yes?” Keigo says as he opened the door, and stared in shock when he saw who it was.
“Hey,” Was what Natsuo managed to say. His first words after not seeing him for months, since that awkward, painful day.
“Natsuo?” He looked confused, then his eyes narrowed, “What does he want now?”
Natsuo shook his head, “No no, he didn’t send me. I came here myself.”
Keigo’s furrowed expression was adorable and Natsuo blushed a little seeing it.
“Okay…? Why?”
Natsuo shuffled in place and looked left and right at the corridor. “Can I come inside? It’s kind of awkward.”
Keigo looked conflicted and ultimately nodded, “Come in.”
The inside smelled like Keigo, and Natsuo thought he might be in heaven. It was a new place, and the inside was all Keigo and Natsuo loved it. It was a bit bare, minimalist style and fits Keigo perfectly.
“So how can I help you?” Keigo sat on the couch and gestured to Natsuo to sit too.
“I just wanted to check up on you.” He averted his gaze, shy now that Keigo’s attention was all on him.
“Why would you need to check up on your brother’s ex?”
“Well…” Natsuo didn’t know what to say. He had practiced a lot as he gathered the courage to come, but no answer was enough except the truth. He can’t lie to Keigo, Keigo has been lied to enough. But telling the truth… he might have to tell the truth.
“Natsuo,” Keigo breaks the uncomfortable silence, “Why are you here? You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.” He denied.
“Yes you do, you always avoided me, you never joined the family when I’m there, and you always glare whenever I’m with Touya.”
“It’s not because I hate you!”
“Then? Face it, you resented the fact that I took all your brother’ attention.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what Natsuo? Tell me, why are you here? Why are you checking up on me?”
“It’s because I love you.”
Natsuo expected stunned silence, he never expected laughter.
Keigo laughed, not unkindly and he shook his head, “That’s ridiculous.”
Natsuo felt embarrassment running through him.
“It’s not. I've liked you ever since I was little.”
“So What? A school boy crush? Hero worship?”
“No, I like you. You, your wings, everything.”
Keigo let out a chuckle and the look in his eyes was pity. He was looking down on Natsuo and it made him want to cry.
“You don’t get it.” Natsuo says. Resigned to his fate.
“Natsuo,” Keigo was about to say until Natsuo barrelled on.
“No just… listen to me first. Please? I liked you, way before I knew who you were. I first saw you at the high school entrance ceremony. Your wings were breathtaking and I was entranced. When you flew away I almost cried. You were like something forbidden that I wanted to have. But funny enough, me being a child I forgot about that. Until you came to the house as Touya’s boyfriend. Then I remembered that time and I got more and more obsessed with you. I wanted you to be mine, but you were someone else’s.”
Keigo looked so confused and Natsuo didn’t blame him, this felt like it came out of nowhere.
“I kept my distance because it hurts me to see you be with Touya-nii. I tried to get over you, trust me I did. But it was impossible. I loved you too much. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry he hurt you. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him.”
“Natsu,”
“No, just, I don’t need you to say anything. I just wanted to tell you, and say I’m sorry. Just wanted to let you know. I’ll be going now.” And Natsuo got up and walked to the door.
“Wait, Natsuo.” Keigo called out to him but Natsuo didn’t stop.
He felt vulnerable, and he knew Keigo didn’t really believe him or processed it enough, so he needed to leave. If Keigo outright rejects him, it’ll break his heart.
“Natsuo, stop.” He says as Natsuo opens the door.
“No. I just… You don’t…” He fumbled. “You don’t need to reply to me. I know you’ll just turn me down and I don’t think I can take it.”
Keigo looked troubled and that’s not a look someone has on their face when they’re happy someone confessed so Natsuo quickly turned away.
He was about to walk when he remembered one more thing.
“Oh, here.” He rummaged around in his bag.
And what he gave back to Keigo, was a single red feather.
“It’s from that time in the entrance ceremony. I kept it safe all this time. Goodbye, Keigo.” And Natsuo hurriedly walked away.
He doesn’t dare look back, to see or hear Keigo’s response. So he never saw Keigo’s wide eyed and amazed expression at the feather. A single feather that’s still perfectly soft and strong, that glimmered in the light and was cared for for almost 10 years.
The source of a boy’s happiness, and a grown man's treasure.
Just a single red feather.
Natsuo won’t know what will happen next but he bared his soul and took a shot.
He felt both relieved and troubled, he said what he needed to say, but he also had to give his most precious item back to its owner.
And now all he can do is wait.
Like that lone red feather, will he drift down onto the cold hard ground and be lost, or will finally someone pick him up and cherish him.