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Sana met Momo when she was ten years old.
They were both Japanese, new to South Korea having just recently moved here, and barely understood the language. Their teacher, Ms. Bae, sat them together for this reason. Sana liked having someone that wasn’t her parents to speak Japanese with, it was like a breath of fresh air (Sana found herself liking the breath of fresh air that was ten year old Hirai Momo.)
Momo was a bit shy, Sana noticed. She didn’t speak much. Nodding or humming along to whatever Sana was going off about this time. Usually Sana didn’t mind, she understood she was talkative and not everyone could keep up with her energy (especially for someone you had just met a few minutes ago), but she couldn’t keep the pout off her face when Momo was scribbling down into her notebook instead of genuinely listening to her. She peeked over to see what exactly was more important than listening to Sana’s story about how the boys from the class over had put a fake cockroach in her desk.
“Woah Momo, you’re great at drawing.”
The other girl startled, she hadn’t noticed Sana was watching her draw. She hastily closed her notebook.
“Sorry if you didn’t want me to see.. But you’re really good, you know!”
“Thank you..” Momo mumbled. Sana squealed. That was the most she had gotten out of the girl since the moment she met her (which was, approximately, thirty minutes ago)! Giving herself an imaginary pat on the back, Sana continued.
“I think you should participate in the art contest, you’d definitely get first place with your art.”
Momo seemed taken aback by the suggestion. “No way! My art isn’t that good compared to the big kids, have you seen it? You’re exaggerating. I’m too embarrassed anyways.”
Sana visibly deflated. Why was Momo so ashamed of her art? Well, to each their own, she wouldn’t force her to participate if she wasn’t comfortable. And that was that. Momo continued to draw in class however, when the teacher wasn’t looking. She’d let Sana take a peek as long as she didn’t say anything. But with Sana being Sana, she slipped in a compliment or two. She didn’t catch the small smile that formed on Momo’s face whenever she did.
//
Sana and Momo had been friends for a week. To celebrate their time as friends together, Sana decided to invite her friend over for a sleepover. Momo had to try her mothers delicious homemade cookies!
“You’ve never had a sleepover with friends before? Not even in Japan?!”
Momo had never had a sleepover before! It made a little more sense when Momo told her she didn’t have any friends in Japan either. So Sana was her first friend, ever. And the first person she’d ever have a sleepover with! In the back of her mind, tucked away into a small corner, she hoped she’d be many more of Momo’s firsts.
“If my father even says yes, Sana. I think he might if you ask him.”
“Then I’ll ask him! If he doesn’t say yes the first time I’ll just use my infamous puppy eyes, they always work!”
Momo can indeed confirm this. Exactly three days ago, Sana had forgotten to write down the notes for Ms. Bae’s class. When Ms. Bae asked to see her notes, she somehow got out of it with her magic puppy eyes. Yeah, it had to be magic, because how did it work so well? Maybe Sana’s cuteness was so irresistible that even the teacher couldn’t resist.
Momo giggled. It was soft and cute, like music to her ears, and it made Sana’s heart beat a little faster. She wanted to hear it again.
(New mission: Make Momo giggle more often.)
//
After Sana and Momo’s first sleepover, many more came after. Every Friday after school, Momo would pack her bag with her favorite pajamas and some extra clothes, her toothbrush, her bear stuffie that she named Dobby, and her night light. She would head over to Sana’s house and she would stay over until Sunday, because that’s when her mother came home from work for dinner, and Momo could never afford to miss that. If she could, Momo would stay forever.
Momo loved to stay over at Sana’s house. It’s not that she disliked her house or her family, but Sana’s mother made award winning cookies that would have Momo melt on the spot. She could pick the movies they wanted to watch, they could stay up until twelve in the morning talking about random things like how Ms. Bae’s homework was harder than usual, or how the boys from the class over got on their nerves. Momo didn’t consider her house home, not like Sana’s. She didn’t know why, but Sana’s home gave her warmth and made her feel fuzzy inside.
Sana always ended up falling asleep before Momo did. Momo didn’t have trouble sleeping, but she’d always stay awake a little longer just to hear Sana’s soft breathing and the calming rhythm of her beating heart. It never failed to make her feel safe.
Sana, her first ever friend. Sana, the first person she ever had a sleepover with. Sana, the girl whose mother made the best cookies in the world. Sana, her best friend.
Maybe it was a little too early to be thinking about things like that. They were only in the fourth grade after all. But Momo felt it, a feeling deep inside her heart, that Sana would be her best friend, forever.
//
Momo was twelve when she realized Sana could throw a mean punch.
It was lunch time. Sana was chatting her ears off to one of their friends (Momo didn’t know them well, but a friend of Sana’s is a friend of Momo’s.) Momo was quietly enjoying her own lunch before it got cold when she heard footsteps approach their table.
“Hirai.”
She looked up. It was Kim Namjoon. She remembers him from elementary school. They never spoke, but his friends liked to annoy Sana, and Momo sometimes. By association, she didn’t like him.
“Hi.”
An awkward silence filled the air. That’s when Momo realized Sana and her friend had stopped talking.
“What do you need, Namjoon? Are you here to bother me again?”
Sana’s tone was clearly annoyed. Sana had tried her best to ignore Namjoon and his group of friends (they liked to call themselves “BTS”, short for Bangtan Boys. Sana and Momo always made fun of them during their sleepovers.) but they always showed up for some reason. Momo thinks Sana’s just about had it with these guys, as she sits up from where she sat and steps towards him.
Namjoon is a good 6 inches taller than Sana. She doesn’t look intimidating in the slightest, not on her own and especially not next to Namjoon. Curse him and his weirdly fit and tall body, he was only thirteen!
“You know, if you didn’t spend all your time being loud and annoying, you would’ve heard that I said Hirai and not Minatozaki. Also, you’re not scary.”
Namjoon laughs, a big, ugly and mean laugh, one that makes Momo frown. There’s a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she doesn’t like, it makes her shift in her seat and makes her uncomfortable.
Momo doesn’t exactly know when it happened, but she blinks, and suddenly Namjoon is doubled over on the floor like a fetus crutching his stomach in pain. There’s people standing around now, a lot of people, and it makes Momo want to get up and run. But Sana, where’s Sana?
“I’ve always wanted to- Ouch, no one told me giving punches actually hurts.”
Momo gets up from her seat and weaves her way through the massive group of kids surrounding Namjoon, makes her way towards the voice she could recognize anywhere.
“Sana, what the hell?! Did you punch him!?”
“Well, I didn’t know what to do, okay! Knowing him, he probably wanted-”
“Listen, I don’t really care right now. You’re hurt, aren’t you?”
Momo grabs Sana’s hand and sees a nasty bruise beginning to form. She can see from the corner of her eye that tears are beginning to well in the other girl's eyes, and cringes internally. She grabs Sana’s uninjured hand and pulls her towards the nurses office.
Of course, the Nurse lectures her. Not in the way their homeroom teacher Mr. Moon would, or the way their principal Mr. Park would, but in the nice, firm Nurse lady way.
“You can’t go punching random kids just becasue they piss you off a bit, Sana.”
Momo nods, but she secretly always wanted to put at least one of those annoying boys in their place. While punching them wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, she hopes that after this they’ll leave them both alone. However, she’s still mad at a certain someone.
“Just look at your hand, Sana! It’s all bruised. You need to be careful or else you could seriously get hurt again.”
Sana pouts, her cute adorable pout (they’re all cute and adorable, if Momo’s being honest) that makes it impossible for her to stay mad at the other girl for long. Instead, Momo sighs.
“I’m sorry Momoring!”
Momoring? Momo can feel a blush creep onto her cheeks. Sana’s never called her that before. But she likes it, and officially decides that she’s no longer mad.
“It’s okay. Just promise you won’t do it again, Satang?”
Sana smiles a full toothed grin.
“I promise.”
Momo doesn't find out why Namjoon even wanted to talk to her in the first place, but she doesn't care much either. It's a Friday and they're tucked into Sana's bed laughing about stupid things and Momo's happy, she's content and there's a good feeling in her heart. Momoring.
//
Sana and Momo meet the enigma that is Park Jihyo in the middle of eighth year. She’s loud like Sana, but she could match Momo’s energy if she wanted to. They both liked cute things, they both liked anime, they had a lot in common. And Momo was a bit jealous if she was being honest.
Momo didn’t like the feeling of jealousy. It was nasty, bitter and dark, and it made Momo want to cry. She swallows the feeling. Jihyo is too kind, for her to feel that way about her.
Jihyo is a ball of energy. If Sana is the living embodiment of the sun, Jihyo is the living embodiment of…. Something. That has a lot of energy. It’s a bit tiring when people who never seem to get tired of jumping around are a constant in your lives, but Hirai Momo pushes through, she can live with it.
Jihyo is nice. Jihyo is cute. Jihyo is funny. And Jihyo really likes Sana and Momo, and they really like her too, so Sana officially decides one day that their duo is now a trio.
And by the end of the day, Momo’s not even sure why she was feeling jealous.
//
Momo is thirteen, and it’s the last day of middle school when she realizes, some people don’t keep their promises.
Her mother promised. Pinky promised. You’re never supposed to break a pinky promise. That makes you a liar. Momo’s mother is a liar. And Momo is angry, and sad, and it’s too many feelings at once for a middle schooler. High schooler? Who cares.
She promised she’d be back home for this entire week. That she’d come and see Sana and Momo and Jihyo graduate, that her mother and her father and her sister and Momo would all go to a fancy restaurant to celebrate Momo’s graduation. Momo even cancelled her weekend sleepover with Sana so that she could be with her mother all week.
And it’s the next Monday, and her mother hasn’t come home yet. Momo hasn’t come out of her room. Not when her father knocks softly and begs her to eat something. Not when her sister knocks and asks if they want to watch Momo’s favorite movie together on the couch.
Only then, when she hears a familiar and soft “Momoring?”, she decides to unlock the door. Momo thinks it's been about a day that she’s been locked in her room. Sana must be here because she missed school.
“Hi, Satang.”
Sana doesn’t ask if she’s okay. Doesn’t question it when Momo finally snaps and crumbles in front of her, in her arms. Doesn’t pry when they’re cuddled in her bed, just lets her be. If Momo wants to talk, then she will. Momo finally sleeps to the sound of Sana’s soft heart beat, the way her fingers slowly comb through her tangled hair in a way that has her eyes drooping.
Sana, Sana, Sana. It’s all she hears. Replayed over and over in her mind and in the depths of her soul, like a mantra, ingrained in her brain. Sana, Sana, Sana.
//
Sana is fourteen, a freshman in high school. Big, scary high school.
But Sana knows that with Momo and Jihyo, it’s not as scary or intimidating, because they’re her best friends, and they’ll get through it, together.
The first week went nicely. They met a girl named Yoo Jeongyeon on the second day. She was a sophomore, and she was definitely a testament to Jihyo’s patience. She was smart and witty. Tall and handsome. Sana thinks with a little bit of touching up, Jeongyeon could easily be the resident bad girl that everyone wanted.
Along with Jeongyeon, was a girl named Im Nayeon. She was also a sophomore, and had a huge ego ("huge" was an understatement). If Sana thought Jeongyeon and Jihyo bickered a lot, it was nothing compared to Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Those two couldn’t live for five minutes without hurling insults at each other. Sana finds it amusing, Momo just wishes for some peace and quiet. Jihyo cackles in the background.
Sometimes Sana feels a bit selfish. Sana and Momo always have their weekend sleepovers. Wednesdays were also a day just reserved for the both of them. Sana likes Jihyo and Jeongyeon and Nayeon but she likes her alone time with Momo just a little bit more.
So then why does Sana have a feeling, that sits in the back of her mind. One that she thought she’d locked up and threw away the key to a long time ago? Momo has a lot on her back. Even if she doesn’t like to admit it. Her father is sick and her mother is never home. Her sister is out doing god knows what just to get the three of them a meal because her mother stopped providing a while ago. Sana knows. She knows all there is to know about Hirai Momo.
But even so, Sana wants to know more. Of what? She’s not too sure. Sometimes she wishes that Momo would sit down and tell her every little thing and fourteen year old Minatozaki Sana would move the world just to make her happy.
Not right now, though. If Momo’s content with their weekend sleepovers and Wednesday afternoons spent at the mall or buying ice cream from the old lady down the street, Sana’s content too.
//
Freshman year goes by quickly, they’re in sophomore year now. Momo’s life is getting worse by the second.
No one but Sana knows. The knot in her stomach has twisted and churned and Sana feels like a knife has been stabbed into her chest repeatedly when she finds a broken girl sitting at her doorstep in the rain. Fifteen year old Hirai Momo looks like a ghost of what she once was, and Sana wishes she could carry the hurt, whatever the hell she was feeling, on her own shoulders.
Sana sits next to her. They don’t speak, just watch the rain. Pitter patter. Sana notices the girl is drenched, but she doesn’t say anything, just waits.
After three minutes or three hours, Sana can’t tell, Momo speaks.
“The doctors said my father is dead.”
Her voice wavers. It sounds two seconds away from breaking. Sana acts quick and envelops the girl in her arms, and Momo cries so much that she feels like she’s been the one standing in the rain but Sana doesn’t care.
They sit there for hours, and Sana can see the sun begin to rise. Sana hasn’t gotten an inkling of sleep, and today is a school day. This won’t be good for her, but her priority is Momo over anything.
Momo is not very light. She’s about the same weight as Sana is, so Sana can dream about picking her up. So she waits for her mother to exit the house and she does; Sana’s mother has questions but Sana is tired and she just wants to sleep with Momo, and forget about it all. Tomorrow-Sana and Tomorrow-Momo can deal with this. Together.
As Sana and Momo are sound asleep in her bedroom, Sana’s mother leaves a note to the school.
//
Of course, their friends are worried. They show up at Sana’s house in the afternoon after school and knock loudly on the front door. Sana jostles awake and stumbles to the door, checking through the glass to make sure it’s not a stranger.
Sana’s a mess, eye bags darker than they’ve ever been and her hair hasn’t been combed out yet, but she opens the door, because her friends would understand. Nayeon began spilling words from her mouth as soon as she took off her shoes.
“Sana.. Are you okay? Where’s Momo? You look like a mess. No offense.”
Sana giggles. It sounds weird. Husky and empty. “Momo’s in my room, sleeping. I won’t tell you what happened with her because it’s not for me to tell, but she’s doing okay, I think.”
And Sana hates how she’s not certain that Momo’s okay. That she’ll be okay. No matter how many times Sana cradles Momo in her arms and whispers that everything will be alright, she’s never sure. There’s nothing that Sana hates more, then uncertainty. It’s scary. She never wants to lie to Momo.
Jeongyeon silently nods. “I can cook you guys up a soup or something. Just to make you feel better, I dunno.” She sheepishly rubs the back of her neck which has Nayeon and Jihyo laughing.
“I’d like that, Jeongyeon.”
So Sana, Nayeon and Jeongyeon (mostly Jeongyeon) spend about an hour cooking soup for Momo in the kitchen. Jihyo checks up on Momo and Momo’s still knocked out, so she joins them in their cooking shenanigans and they do more joking around then actual cooking. It’s nice.
Sana hears footsteps coming from near her room and turns around. Momo looks years younger, and not like she’d been crying her heart out until her voice broke just hours ago.
Her voice is raspy from the sleep and lack of speech, and she’s shivering. And sweating heavily. And Jihyo screams, “Oh my god, Momo’s fucking sick!”
//
Things get better after that. Sana’s mother had decided to take matters into her own hands, even if no one told her anything, because she finds everything out anyways. She thinks, What good is being a mother if you won’t even take proper care of your child?
Momo doesn’t understand any of this legal stuff, so she doesn’t. She’s fifteen, she sees her friends more than she sees her own god damn sister, and she doesn’t care anymore. She wants to go insult Namjoon at school and then laugh it off because they’re friends now, like she always has. She wants to go back to regular weekly sleepovers on the weekend with Sana, like she always has. She wants to go back to being a regular kid that does regular things, she just wants one thing to go her way for once.
She’s done with her friends acting as if they have to walk on eggshells around her, like she’s so fragile she might break any moment.
So she sits them down one afternoon, in Sana’s house because as much as she wants regular back, she’ll never go back into her house willingly.
“Can we just go back to being.. Regular? You guys act as if you so much as touch me, I’ll shatter into pieces. I don’t like it.”
Jihyo’s the first one to speak. “I’m sorry, Momo. I don’t really know what to do in a situation like this.”
Nayeon’s thinking so hard that everyone can hear it. Jeongyeon rubs her neck. Sana is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, then she perks up.
“Okay. If that’s what you want, we’ll do it. I’m sorry too, Momoring.”
The use of her nickname never fails to send a fuzzy feeling throughout her body, from the tips of her fingers to the ends of her toes. Momo can’t stay upset for long, because they’re all hugging and they’re all laughing and it’s normal again.
//
Now they’re juniors. Momo’s sixteen and she’s happy. Sana’s a ball of sunshine again, everything is normal.
They meet Myoui Mina, Kim Dahyun, Son Chaeyoung and Chou Tzuyu this year. Dahyun and Mina are sophomores, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are freshmen, and their group of people becomes nine.
Momo’s never felt so complete. The family shaped hole in her heart is slowly mending thanks to a group of silly girls she’d never trade for the world.
And Sana.
Momo realizes, in this very moment, when they’re on the balcony of Sana’s home on New Years Eve, that she is in love with Minatozaki Sana.
That she always has been.
Sana. Sana. Sana.
Her heart beats her name as she stares at Sana from where she sits. Jeongyeon is next to her and they’re bickering about something with Nayeon’s roaring laughter in the background, but all she can focus on is Sana.
She’s gorgeous. She always is. Sana has barely any makeup on today. Just some simple lipstick, and Momo thinks barefaced Sana would rock the world.
“I see you giving her heart eyes, Mo.”
Momo turns to her right expecting to see a smug looking Chaeyoung, but she finds her smiling softly instead. For the short period she’s known this girl, she feels like she could tell her every single of her secrets and she wouldn’t judge her at all. She’s never outright told anyone her feelings for Sana, but Chaeyoung is observant. Damn Chaeyoung and her smarts! (She didn’t mean that.)
“What’s stopping you from telling her how you feel?”
It’s said quietly, so quiet that if Momo wasn’t completely tuned into their conversation she would’ve missed it. A lot of things run through her head when she thinks of why. She owes Sana so much for the things she’s done for her. Asking for more is selfish, and greedy, and Momo hates that feeling.
Instead, she goes for the answer that makes the most sense. “Rejection. Like anyone else.”
“I don’t see why Sana would reject you. She seems like she’s just as head over heels for you, if not more.”
Momo sits upright and stares Chaeyoung in the eyes. What does Chaeyoung know? “Either you’re lying and trying to get me to confess or you know everything for some reason.”
All Chaeyoung does is wink before she goes back to her spot where Dahyun, Mina and Tzuyu are seated. Momo stares at the sad, watery fruit punch in her red solo cup, then at Sana because Sana's really pretty and immediately back at her fruit punch because now Sana’s staring at her and her heart’s beating really fast (Sana, Sana, Sana.) and- she considers her options.
Option A:
Confess.
She weighs the pros and cons. She’d finally be able to kiss and touch Sana the way she wants to. But she’d be asking for too much. She doesn’t want to feel like a burden anymore.
Option B:
Don’t confess.
She’d miss out on a lot. She wouldn’t be Sana’s first kiss, she wouldn’t be Sana’s first- that’s a thought for another time. She wouldn’t be Sana’s, and Sana wouldn’t be hers, and that’s all it takes for Momo to stand up and grab Sana by the wrist.
“Satang, can we talk in private, please?”
Momo’s at a loss for words. She got too brave and acted without thinking, now they’re in Sana’s bedroom, alone, together, just Sana and Momo. What was she supposed to say, now? “I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, it’s always been you.”?
Momo realizes a second too late that she’s just said her thoughts out loud and Sana’s staring at her with this look on her face and it makes Momo feel weird and scared and uncomfortable. It’s been thirty seconds, or thirty minutes, she doesn’t know, but Sana isn’t saying anything.
“Sana. Please say something.” Her voice is wavering again, she can’t look Sana in the eyes and she doesn’t want to cry, but if Sana doesn’t say anything in the next five minutes she’s bolting out of this house and never looking back. Stupid, stupid Momo. Stupid Momo and your bad ideas.
Momo’s fists ball up and her nails dig into her skin and her knuckles are turning white and she’s afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of her stupid little confession ruining everything they’ve ever built and the fact that they’ll never be able to be normal friends again.
But then Sana’s hugging her, and whispering an “I love you, Momoring,” into her ear, and her fears are washed away. Sana, Sana, Sana. She places a kiss onto her earlobe which sends tingles all throughout Momo’s body. A kiss on her cheek, on the corner of her mouth, and a soft kiss on her lips that already has Momo wanting more.
Forget New Years Eve. Momo will spend her night with Sana, just Sana and Momo, alone, together.