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Things have been abnormally calm at the hospital recently. That isn’t a bad thing by any means––any good doctor, Jakurai thinks, should hope for less patients, less people suffering––but it’s just unusual. Regular check-ups, follow-ups, and less urgent matters with patients have been the same, but the ER at Shinjuku Central Hospital hasn’t been nearly as bustling and frantic as the staff are used to. Jakurai doesn’t normally work in the ER, but he’s highly experienced in the area of critical care, and his expertise is sometimes needed when the Emergency Medical Center is understaffed or when a patient is brought in in a particularly gruesome condition. Jakurai is friendly with the hospital staff, often offering a warm smile and a polite “hello” in the building’s halls, and checking in on the Emergency Medical Center every so often to inquire about how they’ve been faring lately. Compared to the usual atmosphere of the hospital, it’s been fairly peaceful.
It’s half past 7:00 PM, Jakurai’s meeting with the hospital director having run late. Most of the staff working in the Outpatient Care Center have left already, with outpatient services being far less critical than other hospital services and thus being offered only until 7:00. On a normal day, Jakurai would still be at the hospital until later in the evening, working in other wings. But with how calm it’s been as of late, the director told Jakurai he should go home early, and that the hospital was already well-staffed for the night.
As he steps out of the director’s office, Jakurai looks forward to being able to actually cook a nice dinner for himself, then perhaps take a relaxing bath in the extra time he has. Most of the hall lights in the Outpatient Care Center are turned off by now. The sound of Jakurai’s shoes on the tiled floor creates a click, click sound amplified by the emptiness of the hall.
But as he rounds the corner, a nurse coming from around the turn nearly crashes into him. She lets out a startled, “Oh!” and grabs his arm gently to steady herself. He recognizes her; she’s fresh out of nursing school and he’s spoken with her a few times before. He thinks that she seems like a very kind young woman.
“Jakurai-sensei,” the nurse says politely, taking her hand off his arm.
Jakurai looks at her and gives a gentle smile. “Yes?”
“There’s, ah,” she tries, then clears her throat before continuing, “there’s a man in room 212 who’s requested to see you.” There’s a pause, and then she adds, “specifically you.”
Jakurai’s smile falters, his pleasant thoughts of pan-seared salmon and lavender-scented bath salts having been interrupted.
“We don’t see patients in the outpatient center past 7:00 PM. I am sure you know this by now. Did you tell him to schedule an appointment for another day, or to come back tomorrow?”
He knows the nurse to be a timid young woman and tries to bring the same smile back to his face so as to make himself seem less threatening as an older male doctor, and to assure her that he isn’t disappointed in her.
“I– yes, but…” She looks nervous. “He is very persistent, adamant that he see you, Jakurai-sensei. Perhaps you should see what he wants and convince him to come back at another time.”
The nurse is clearly uncomfortable, not sure how best to handle the situation without the patient complying. Jakurai pities her a bit.
He sighs lightly, then says, “I will talk to him.”
The nurse looks relieved and thanks him. He replies with a low “Mm” and walks down the hall to room 212. The door is closed, but light peeks out from the crack underneath. Jakurai pushes down the handle and opens the door, silently praying that he can finish this up quickly and still be able to fulfill his evening plans.
He is startled, to say the least. The man sitting on the edge of the cushioned examination table turns his head to face him and flashes a wide grin, kicking his feet back and forth as if he can’t sit still. And he can’t. Jakurai knows this about the man sitting in the room, because he knows him better than anyone. It’s Ramuda, and Jakurai hates that despite the shock and irritation hitting him, the first word that enters his mind upon seeing him is “ cute .”
Jakurai turns to look down the hall, but the nurse is nowhere to be found, most likely having left in a hurry to get home. In a flash––or maybe Jakurai pretends it was that quick to avoid admitting to himself that he could have backed out of the way but chose not to––Ramuda hops down from the examination table and rushes to grab Jakurai’s arm. Jakurai shuts his eyes, his breathing already ragged.
“What are you doing?” Ramuda whines unhappily, and Jakurai knows better than to open his eyes, knows better than to look at Ramuda’s face this close, knowing what it does to him. And yet, his eyes snap open, greeted with Ramuda’s signature pout and puppy dog eyes that look so, so hurt. Jakurai knows he’s not that hurt, knows Ramuda’s doing this on purpose to get him to fall for whatever he has up his sleeve, but something still tugs at his heart a bit when he sees the look on Ramuda’s face. He tries to keep his composure, make Ramuda think he isn’t going to fall for it. A voice in the back of his mind tells him he already has, and that Ramuda knows it, too. He ignores that voice.
“Looking for someone who can escort you out,” Jakurai replies, eyes locked on the bright blue ones staring up at him.
“Eh? Why?” Ramuda whines, and makes his pout even more pronounced.
“Because I would like to go home. Why did you– how did this even seem okay to you, Amemura-kun?” Jakurai doesn’t miss the genuine hurt that flashes across the shorter man’s eyes for a split second at the use of this name, this way of putting distance between them. “Showing up at my workplace to– what, to mess with me? Honestly…”
Ramuda scoffs. “Of course you would jump right to the conclusion that I’m trying to mess with you. I’ll have you know I have a very urgent medical problem that needs to be attended to.”
Jakurai is in disbelief. “So urgent that you couldn’t wait even another day, but not so urgent that you take a trip to the ER?”
“Uh– yes, exactly. That’s why you have to help me.”
“Amemura-kun–”
“Help me and you won’t ever see me again, I promise,” Ramuda says quickly. “In person, at least. You might see my pretty face on ads across the city, or on TV,” he adds playfully. “Oh, you might also have to end up seeing me if I get severely injured in Shinjuku and urgently need medical care. But that doesn’t count.”
Jakurai can’t help but feel tempted by Ramuda’s offer. To never have to see him again, to never feel the pain and the leftover love that still remains in his heart. To eventually move on, maybe even forget about him one day…
He gives in.
Jakurai takes a step forward, making Ramuda step back, and then turns to close the door shut with a click .
“So,” he says, “what exactly is this urgent medical problem?”
Ramuda looks delighted and hops back up on the examination table, which is still lowered and is more like the cots one would find in a school nurse’s office than a table.
“I can’t pee,” Ramuda says matter-of-factly. “I have trouble peeing, I mean. ‘Difficulty urinating’ as you would put it.”
Jakurai stands in silence for a moment, half unconvinced, and Ramuda adds, “It’s seriously annoying. It’ll take me, like, fifteen minutes sitting there with a full bladder before anything will actually come out. It’s been going on for almost a week now and that’s why I think something’s wrong.”
Ramuda’s words sound genuine, and his face doesn’t show any indications that he’s lying. Jakurai tries his best to be professional and think of Ramuda only as a patient right now– nothing more than that.
“Do you find yourself feeling the need to urinate more frequently than usual?” he prompts.
Ramuda nods his head quickly. “Mhm, yeah. A lot. Like I said, it’s so annoying.”
Jakurai sighs, not liking where this is heading, but doing his best to stay professional and simply carry out his duties as a doctor.
“Okay, I would like to perform a digital rectal examination,” he says flatly.
Ramuda cocks his head to the side and Jakurai isn’t sure if he seriously doesn’t know what he means or if he’s messing with him to get him to spell it out. You are a doctor , he reminds himself. Just do what a doctor does. What you do. He is a patient .
“A prostate exam,” he clarifies.
Ramuda laughs softly and says in a teasing voice, “I know you have a lot of experience doing that with me. I didn’t know you’d be so eager to get back to it, Jakurai-sensei.”
Jakurai flushes a bit, and he knows Ramuda picks up on it. “Amemura-kun, please,” he says sternly. “This is solely a medical examination. You are describing symptoms of an enlarged prostate. I am doing my job as a doctor. Please do not insinuate that I–”
“I’m sorry, Jakurai-sensei,” Ramuda cuts him off. “Forgive me.”
Jakurai stares at him for a moment before asking, “Do you consent to the examination?”
Ramuda nods his head with a soft smile on his lips. “Mhm. Whatever Jakurai-sensei thinks is best.”
Jakurai does not like how Ramuda is addressing him. He knows the younger man is trying to rile him up, and it’s working. He won’t let him know by asking him to stop, though. Of course, the voice in the back of his mind reminds him that Ramuda already knows that it’s working.
He turns around and opens a drawer, pulling out two latex gloves. He searches through some cabinets for a bottle of lubricant kept for these purposes. He turns around to approach Ramuda, who feigns shock and says, “Jakurai-sensei! Aren’t you doctors supposed to ask me if I’m allergic to latex before using latex gloves to touch me like that?”
Jakurai clenches his jaw. “Amemura-kun. You do not have a latex allergy.”
“Eh? How would you know that?” Ramuda questions, pretending that he’s genuinely confused. “Oh! That’s right, that’s right. Condoms are made of latex. Although we didn’t use them all that much– after all, you loved –”
“Amemura-kun,” Jakurai snaps. He knows the tips of his ears must be bright red by now. His face feels hot. “You are making this very inappropriate. Let us get on with this so that I may treat you, as your doctor .”
He says this very sternly, and Ramuda looks… pleased. His eyes are slightly glazed over, and Jakurai does his best to not think about how often Ramuda would beg him to be stern and demanding in bed. How Ramuda would whine out underneath him, squirming and moaning and– Jakurai clears his throat and mentally slaps himself to get away from the obscene thoughts that are, frankly, incredibly inappropriate for a doctor to be having about a patient. He takes a shaky breath.
“Please stand up and turn to face the wall behind you,” he instructs.
Ramuda complies without a snarky reply, surprising Jakurai by not going a step further and bending over already.
“Please pull down your trousers to at least your knees, and your underwear as well.”
Still no comment from Ramuda, who follows Jakurai’s instructions. He removes his pants completely and places them out of the way on one of the counters by the cabinets. His underwear is still on, plain white boxer briefs covering an area Jakurai is… all too familiar with. Ramuda stands in front of the examination table and brings his hands down to his hips, tucking his thumbs underneath the elastic waistband. He’s looking right at Jakurai’s face. Slowly, he pulls them down and off completely, placing them on top of his pants. Jakurai is trying so, so hard to not let his eyes wander lower, toward where he knows Ramuda’s small, pink cock must be sticking out.
Jakurai clears his throat once, then says, “Please bend over the examination table and rest your arms on it. Find whatever position is comfortable for you.”
He expects Ramuda to at least make a comment like, “Oh, you already know all the positions I like, Jakurai-sensei,” but not a word comes out of his mouth. Jakurai is beyond thankful for this. Ramuda only hums faintly and turns around, doing exactly as Jakurai instructed him to do. The moment he knows Ramuda cannot see where his eyes are looking, he snaps his gaze down to Ramuda’s ass, taking in everything he sees.
The skin on Ramuda’s legs and ass is pale and soft, shaved hairless. Jakurai knows Ramuda must shave all the time, but a small part of his mind wishes that it was just for him. He quickly waves away the thought and all the sexual thoughts about Ramuda that are brewing in his head.
He steps forward and kneels down for easier access, suddenly inches from Ramuda’s ass. He coats his index finger in lubricant and lets Ramuda know that he is about to begin the exam, so as not to startle him. The smaller man only lets out a soft “Okay.” Jakurai reminds himself once again that this is strictly medical, and pushes his finger in slowly.
All thoughts of being grateful Ramuda kept his mouth shut are quickly thrown out the door. Ramuda makes a high-pitched gasping sound as the finger breaches his entrance. Jakurai tries to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe it wasn’t on purpose, intended to rile him up.
Admittedly, Jakurai doesn’t have to search to find his prostate; he’s had his fingers in Ramuda’s ass enough times to know exactly where it is. He finds it easily, but barely brushes his finger against it when Ramuda lets out a loud, obscene moan.
Normally, with any other patient, Jakurai would assure the patient before beginning the exam that it is perfectly normal to accidentally make some vocalizations during the exam. This helps to make the patients, who are usually men that have never experienced pleasure through the prostate, feel less embarrassed if they do moan involuntarily. But Jakurai knows Ramuda. Ramuda doesn’t need reassurance that it’s perfectly normal, because he is experienced when it comes to being pleasured through the prostate. And Jakurai, who would otherwise not say anything to the patient after a vocalization during an exam, knows that Ramuda did this on purpose.
“Amemura-kun,” he scolds.
“Ah, Jakurai-sensei, it wasn’t on purpose, really. It’s just… been so long.”
Jakurai freezes momentarily. Has Ramuda really not… since they broke up…? No , he thinks quickly, knowing Ramuda’s sexual appetite. He definitely has. But he doesn’t say anything to Ramuda, and instead tries again. But the moment he touches Ramuda’s prostate, he feels the tight walls clench around his finger as Ramuda lets out another loud moan.
“Ame–”
“I– I’m sorry, Jakurai-sensei, I swear it’s not on purpose.”
Jakurai huffs in disbelief, but says simply, “Try to relax.”
“Okay…”
He gives Ramuda some time to relax, and after a moment Ramuda says, “Okay, try again, try again.”
He does, and this time Ramuda clenches hard , a long, lewd moan spilling out from his lips. But this time, Jakurai actually gets a good enough feel of Ramuda’s prostate to feel that it is exactly the same size as it always has been .
He knows this has been Ramuda’s intent all along. Ramuda never had a urination problem. There was no “urgent medical issue” that needed attention. Ramuda just wanted to feel this– to feel Jakurai’s long, thick fingers pressing deep inside him. Jakurai knows this.
And he snaps.
He draws his finger out of Ramuda’s hole and rips the gloves off. He lubricates two fingers and, not even giving Ramuda enough time to apologize or ask what he’s doing, shoves his two fingers into that tight hole and presses right against Ramuda’s prostate. Two fingers all of a sudden may seem like a bit too much, but Jakurai knows Ramuda can take it, knows he’s used to being stretched out, knows he loves it.
Ramuda chokes on a moan. Jakurai is relentless, fucking his fingers inside Ramuda hard and fast, ramming into his prostate every time. Ramuda’s hands try to grasp onto the examination bed but the sensation is too much and he can’t do it.
“J-Jak– ah! Fuck, Jakurai, p… hng … please, please.” Ramuda manages to get the words out as Jakurai finger-fucks him at a brutal pace.
Jakurai thinks for a moment and then pulls his fingers out entirely. Ramuda’s pink hole clenches around nothing, desperate , Jakurai thinks, so desperate to be filled . Jakurai stands up. Ramuda cranes his head and looks over his shoulder at Jakurai, just standing there. “How can you just stand there?” the look on his face seems to read, “Can’t you see I need it? How can you leave me empty all of a sudden?”
Ramuda pulls himself up and turns to face Jakurai. The older man is staring at him, face hardened, and Jakurai sees Ramuda gulp.
“Jakurai–”
“The examination table.”
“What?”
“Get on the examination table.”
Ramuda looks stunned for a moment and Jakurai grits his teeth, adding “I won’t ask twice, Ramuda .”
Ramuda visibly shivers, eyes widening at the use of his given name. He turns back to the cushioned examination table and scrambles up on top of it, getting on his hands and knees with his ass facing Jakurai. Jakurai takes a step forward and grabs Ramuda’s hips, pulling the lower half of his body off the small bed. Ramuda yelps, and Jakurai grabs his asscheeks with both hands, kneading the soft, plump mounds. He can hear Ramuda breathing shakily. He pulls Ramuda’s asscheeks apart, exposing his hole. Jakurai lets go of one cheek, keeping his hand firmly on the other, and lightly touches a finger to Ramuda’s hole. Ramuda lets out a small noise.
“Look at this,” Jakurai says lowly, plunging the lubed finger inside, met with a gasp from Ramuda. “You were clenching around me so much, as if you wanted to keep my fingers in there.” He starts to fuck Ramuda with his finger gently, and the other man makes a “ngh” sound. “Look at how your greedy hole is taking my finger so eagerly… Are you that desperate to be filled? Can’t stand being empty?”
Ramuda doesn’t answer, and Jakurai stops moving his finger.
“Jakurai,” Ramuda lets out, “why did– don’t stop– please…”
Jakurai ignores his pleas and says only, “I asked you a question.”
He hears Ramuda whine. He presses his finger to Ramuda’s prostate again, then pulls back. That’s all it takes for Ramuda to give in and give him a response.
“I– yes, yes, I need it, need you in me, can’t stand not having it– please, Jakurai, please –”
He’s cut off as Jakurai shoves in a second finger and picks up the pace again. He’s fucking Ramuda with his fingers so roughly, and he can tell that Ramuda’s loving it. Ramuda doesn’t stop making noises, small moans and whimpers and whines leaving his throat every time those long fingers hit his prostate. Jakurai leans over Ramuda’s back, his long hair falling like a curtain around their two heads. His hot breath is hitting the skin on the other man’s neck, goosebumps rising on the nape.
“You want it, don’t you?” he asks lowly. “You want my cock.”
Ramuda sobs out, Jakurai’s fingers still fucking him at the same relentless pace.
“ Yes ,” he moans out, “need it– need your cock in me, please , Jakurai.”
Jakurai hums and pulls out his fingers, met with a loud, displeased whine. He pulls Ramuda up and moves him over, then climbs up onto the table and lies down, his head resting on the small ‘pillow’ cushion at the end of the table. Ramuda looks at him dazedly, another displeased noise leaving his throat. Jakurai pats his lap, signalling for Ramuda to come sit there. Ramuda climbs up and into Jakurai’s lap, squirming as his ass presses against the bulge in Jakurai’s pants. Jakurai reaches a hand over to Ramuda with the thumb and pinky tucked in. It’s the hand with the lubed up fingers, slick and warm.
“If you want my cock so bad, get yourself ready for me.”
Ramuda’s eyes widen slightly and he makes a “mm” sound, moving to straddle Jakurai’s hips. He grabs Jakurai’s hand and guides it to his hole. When it’s clear that Jakurai isn’t going to do any of the work for him, he shifts a bit and raises himself up with his thighs. The fingers are pointed up toward Ramuda’s hole, which hovers just above them. Ramuda looks Jakurai in the eyes and sinks down, using his hand to hold Jakurai’s hand just right so he can sink down onto all three fingers. Jakurai feels the tight warmth surrounding his fingers, and the temptation to start fucking Ramuda with them is strong, but he doesn’t give in, only looks back at him to meet his gaze.
Ramuda lifts himself up again until the fingers are only in him up to the first knuckles, and then sinks down on them with a moan. He keeps fucking himself on Jakurai’s fingers, obscene noises leaving his mouth every time he drops back down and impales himself on them. Jakurai can tell he’s having trouble setting a steady pace, unused to bouncing on fingers rather than on a cock. The next time Ramuda sinks down, Jakurai spreads his fingers apart a little and Ramuda gasps, then moans at the stretch. Jakurai decides to be nice and starts moving his fingers, allowing Ramuda to lean his body back so Jakurai is driving his fingers forward rather than upward.
He keeps going until Ramuda whines and says, “I can take it, I’m ready, please .”
Jakurai pulls his fingers out and moves them around to switch places. Ramuda’s sitting with his knees in front of him, legs bent and facing outward. There’s a little bit of drool on his face and he already looks so wrecked. Jakurai leans over to brush his lips against the other’s, each feeling the other’s hot breath on them.
“Hands and knees for me,” he murmurs, then pulls back to allow Ramuda to turn around, getting on his hands and knees with his ass facing Jakurai.
Ramuda looks back at him with a pleading look on his face. Jakurai sits up to remove his belt and pants, the look on Ramuda’s face getting more and more desperate with every second that passes. Jakurai almost wants to take his time stripping his pants off, but his cock is so achingly hard that he doesn’t want to wait another second either. Once his cock springs free, Ramuda’s eyes look hungry with lust. Jakurai wonders if he’s taken a cock as big as his since they broke up.
As if reading his mind, Ramuda whimpers and says quietly, “I missed how big you are, fuck.” That’s enough for Jakurai to confirm that, no, Ramuda hasn’t.
“There’s, ah, there’s a packet of silicon lube in the pocket of my pants,” Ramuda says.
Jakurai doesn’t say anything, having already deduced that Ramuda had this in mind the whole time. He gets up and digs through the pockets of Ramuda’s pants before finding the lube and moving back to his place behind Ramuda, who looks so, so perfect like this, flushed and needy with his ass out. Jakurai tears open the packet of lube and slicks up his cock, not missing the whimper that leaves Ramuda’s mouth as he waits for Jakurai to finally fuck him.
Jakurai presses himself against Ramuda, leaning over so his head falls between Ramuda’s shoulder and neck. Ramuda whimpers again in anticipation. In a moment of tenderness, Jakurai presses an open-mouthed kiss to Ramuda’s skin and murmurs, “Ready?”
Ramuda nods his head enthusiastically. “Yeah, yes, fuck, please .”
Jakurai lines his cock up to Ramuda’s hole and pushes in slowly, groaning in Ramuda’s ear at the sensation of the tight, warm walls squeezing around him. He pushes in all the way, and Ramuda makes a high-pitched needy sound when he bottoms out. Jakurai pulls the top half of his body back up, now having the view of Ramuda’s back and round ass. He grips Ramuda’s hips and starts fucking into him at a ruthless pace, angling his hips the way he knows Ramuda loves, hitting his prostate with every thrust. Every hard thrust lurches Ramuda forward a bit and has the smaller man making all kinds of lewd noises.
Jakurai knows he can drag this out, go slower and tease Ramuda, prolong the experience… But right know both of them are set on chasing that high, not wanting to slow down or make things gentler. Ramuda keeps trying to fuck himself back on Jakurai’s hard cock every time he thrusts into him, and he’s so lost in the haze of pleasure that he’s doing a bad job aligning it with Jakurai’s thrusts, but Jakurai finds it cute nonetheless.
“Is this not hard enough for you? You have to fuck yourself on my cock to make it hit harder?”
“ Ngh , it’s n-never hard… enough… You know I– ah , fuck, right there, yes – you know I like it rough.”
Jakurai tightens his grip on his hips and fucks him with everything he has, and Ramuda’s moans turn animalistic in response.
“ Ah , Jakurai, you’re so good, so big, you fill me so well, fuck me so well, can’t wait to come on your cock.”
“ Ramuda …” Jakurai groans.
“I’m gonna come so hard, Jakurai… Missed this so much, missed your cock, missed– ah, fuck! Missed you ,” Ramuda babbles.
Jakurai knows he’s lost in the lust and the pleasure and most likely means “missed you because you fuck me so good,” but he wants the words to mean “missed you because you’re Jakurai.” Wasn’t he, just moments ago, thinking about how much he wants Ramuda out of his life? But now he’s fucking that same man senseless and thinking about how much he wants him in his life again.
Jakurai tries to push the thoughts out of his mind and focus only on this, on fucking Ramuda and making them both feel so good .
“Did you miss fucking me, Jakurai? I bet you did, I’m so good, was always so tight for you, so good at taking you like this and making you come… Ah , I can’t wait for that, can’t wait for you to come…”
Sometimes, when they were together, Jakurai would be more vocal during sex, saying such dirty things to rile Ramuda up and make him squirm. But in moments like these, Jakurai doesn’t feel like talking, too focused on chasing his own pleasure to think about words to say. It was always in moments like these that Ramuda would do the talking, babbling on and on as Jakurai fucked his brains out.
“You’re so big, Jakurai, I bet you could feel your cock through my stomach if you pressed on it, you just fill me so good and so much better than anything else can– better than anyone else can. I love it, love your cock, love being stuffed full with it.”
Ramuda keeps moaning and whining so loudly, and Jakurai is so thankful that the rest of the staff from this part of the hospital are gone. Jakurai knows he’s getting close, almost doesn’t want it to end but also knows how good it’ll feel to come from fucking Ramuda. He picks up the pace and aims to hit Ramuda’s prostate harder, and all he gets as a warning is a series of choked sobs and a “Jakurai, ngh, fuck ” before Ramuda convulses and comes, thick white ropes hitting the surface of the examination table.
Ramuda’s ass clenches as he comes, and Jakurai moans loudly at the feeling. Ramuda is pliant in his arms, making small whimpering noises as Jakurai continues to fuck him in search of his own orgasm. Ramuda deliberately squeezes around the thick cock, trying to bring the other man to climax. Jakurai is panting as he fucks him, thrusts getting erratic.
“Jakurai,” Ramuda moans, “you feel so good, can’t wait for you to come in me– please do it inside me, don’t you dare pull out, I need it, need you –”
And Jakurai is seeing stars, letting out a loud groan as he drives his hips forward to push deep inside Ramuda one last time as he comes. Ramuda whimpers as Jakurai’s come fills him. They stay like that for a few moments, catching their breath before Jakurai pulls out slowly. White come oozes out of Ramuda’s ruined hole and Jakurai is quick to get up and grab a small towel from inside a drawer. He runs it under warm water from the sink for a few seconds and then brings it over to Ramuda, who is trying desperately to stay in his doggy position and not fall over.
Jakurai gently cleans Ramuda up, all soft touches and tenderness. He cleans himself and the examination table last, only after making sure Ramuda is okay and taken care of. He puts his discarded pants back on and then helps Ramuda sit up and get into his own pants. They’re sitting side by side on the examination table, legs hanging off the edge. Ramuda looks wrecked but content, a peaceful, sleepy look on his face. He offers a tired smile and Jakurai feels his heart swell. He’s unable to push back these feelings. He still has a deep love for Ramuda in his heart, and he feels a pang of regret as he remembers Ramuda’s earlier promise to never see him again.
“Ramuda…”
“Mm?”
“You don’t… have to keep your promise.”
Ramuda blinks up at him. “Huh?”
Jakurai feels a little embarrassed. “From earlier. You said that if I helped you, I wouldn’t see you again… You don’t have to do that.”
Ramuda smiles at him and nudges him with his elbow. “Are you saying you want to see me again, Jakurai-sensei?”
Jakurai looks at him and says, sincerely, “Yes.”
He’s ready for Ramuda to laugh at him, to say he’s moved on and doesn’t actually want to be in Jakurai’s life, that this was just because he wanted sex, that Jakurai doesn’t mean anything to him. But Ramuda hugs him. Jakurai is taken aback, and Ramuda seems to know this because he laughs, and Jakurai is weak in the knees at the sound of it because Ramuda is happy because of him .
“I’m sorry,” Ramuda says, voice muffled by Jakurai’s shirt. “I can’t– I don’t have the energy to talk about everything I did wrong, everything I did that hurt you, everything I can’t take back… Because I’m really fucked out right now and am so ready to pass out.” He laughs that sweet, genuine laugh again. “But… fuck, I wanted to make you be the one to say this, but I miss you. Like, really miss you. The ‘try not to think about you but do every single day’ kind of ‘miss you.’”
Jakurai’s heart throbs almost painfully.
Ramuda continues, “And I– I’m pretty sure you do, too, because I’m really good at reading you. But you can tell me if I’m wrong, and I’ll back off…” He trails off.
“I miss you, too,” Jakurai says after a moment of silence. “The ‘try not to think about you but do every single day’ kind of ‘miss you.’”
Ramuda laughs again and he pulls his head back to look up at Jakurai with those bright blue eyes.
“Let’s go home,” Ramuda says. “I wanna sleep in your bed tonight.”
Jakurai gives a smile, and he hopes that the warmth he feels in his heart is reflected in it. “Let’s go home,” he says.