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Valentine's day was always something that Harry loved - he liked the cheeriness of people and all the pink and red decorations. The hearts and happy smiles and he liked seeing people go out on dates and looking so in love. He liked making those cute small heart cupcakes and then putting the light pink frosting on them just like every year. He loved putting the small sprinkles on them and then setting the cupcakes on a tray. He loved buying presents for the people he loved and he loved making cards with stupid little captions on them, mostly silly jokes that he'd made up in his head. Harry just, simply, loved Valentine's day. But more than that, Harry loved Louis.
Louis was, in many ways, Harry's world. It was almost like Harry thought Louis was the sun, the moon and the stars all at once. Like Louis lit up his world and made him so much happier and so much more content with life. Harry swore he could stare at Louis for hours and still not find any flaws in the boy, claiming he was the most perfect person that had ever existed. Louis on the other hand, adored Harry. Despite him being a couple years older, he wanted to be with Harry; he knew that Harry was the one for him. And Harry, of course, thought just the same about Louis.
But this year, when Harry was sitting in their kitchen and decorating the last heart shaped cupcake, waiting for Louis to come home so they could celebrate Valentine's day together, his phone began ringing. Harry's eyebrows furrowed in the utmost confusion, wondering who on earth it could be. It surely wouldn't be Louis, the lad had just texted him that he was on his way home, just a 15 minute drive away. And when Harry saw Louis' mom's name flickering on his phone screen, he couldn't help but feel like something terrible had happened. It took him a while to pick up the phone, he was fumbling around with the tray of cupcakes and the bowl that still had some pink frosting in it, almost dropping both in the process. And when he finally picked up the phone, his heart beating wildly, he really didn't know what to expect.
"Harry?" Louis' mom's voice rang through his ears and for a while, Harry was almost frozen. Because fuck, she sounded sad and scared and terrified all at once. And Harry wanted so badly to know why, he wanted to know what had happened, he wanted to know if Louis was okay because hell, why else would she call him.
"H-Hi, uh, has something happened?" Harry spoke worriedly, his gaze fixed on the cupcakes that were somewhat messily set on the tray. And that was all it took for her to burst into tears, causing Harry to become even more fearful. And he wished Louis would just now walk through that door and that he would be okay because right now Harry was scared that Louis wasn't okay and that something had definitely happened to his precious boyfriend.
"There has been an accident, Harry, and- You need to come to the hospital now, darling, it's Louis." And those words were what it took for Harry to break down, to become a trembling and shaking mess as tears rushed down his cheeks because Louis was in the hospital and Louis had been in an accident. Louis Louis Louis Louis. Louis had to be okay, he had to. And Harry hung up the phone, sprinting to the door and grabbing his car keys in the process. Louis had to be okay, he had to make it. He just had to.
Harry cried, he cried so much when he made it to the hospital. Louis was so pale, so lifeless. And yes his heart was beating but he still looked so dead. Harry sat by his hospital bed, holding Louis' pale hand in his own as tears dripped down his cheeks. Louis was in a coma, he had been injured pretty badly when that stupid drunk driver had hit him with his car. Louis didn't look like he was in pain though, he looked so damn peaceful it hurt Harry. Louis looked so at peace, so relaxed. It was almost like he was just sleeping. And despite all the cuts and bruises covering Louis' body Harry still thought Louis was the most breathtaking human being in the world. He was perfect, he always was. So beautiful it made Harry cry because he was so scared of losing Louis.
His face was pale, his hair was all over the place and there were wires all over Louis, plugged into various monitors and machines. The heart monitor was beeping at a steady pace but it was too slow, so slow Harry thought it would stop any second. But it didn't and Harry thought Louis could make it, he really did. Harry laced their fingers together and brushed his thumb against Louis' soft skin. And it would be okay, Louis would wake up and Harry would kiss him and tell him how much he loved Louis and they would go home and Harry would make Louis breakfast and shower the man with kisses because he loved Louis. And then Harry was crying again because Louis was so so so perfect and Harry wasn't and Harry would have given anything for Louis to open his eyes and look at him.
"L-Lou, I, um, I don't know if you can hear me but, uh-" Harry paused for a second, sniffling as tears slipped down his cheeks. Louis didn't even budge, he just laid there, his hand so limp in Harry's own. But Harry didn't care, he liked to believe that maybe Louis could hear him. Maybe Louis understood what was going on and he knew that Harry was here but just couldn't wake up just yet. And Harry needed Louis to know how much Harry loved him, he just felt the need to say it out loud. "I love you, you stupid wanker, I love you. And you need to wake up because I cannot imagine a world without you anymore Louis, I need you like the earth needs the sun. You're my sun and if you're gone there isn't going to be a light in my life anymore, Lou. I love you, I love you so much. Please just, wake... wake up, Lou", Harry cried, burying his face in Louis' chest that was covered by the thin hospital gown and he cried.
Tears pooled in his green eyes and slid down his cheeks, dripping onto Louis' chest. It hurt so bad, Harry just wanted his Louis, He just wanted Louis by his side - awake. Those bright blue eyes gazing into his own and Louis' perfect lips on his. And it hurt to sit there every single day, seeing absolutely no improvement in Louis' state, seeing him just lay there motionless. The stupid heart monitor beeping so slowly and irritating the hell out of Harry. Harry would read through his copy of The Fault in Our Stars, a book that Louis had got him for his birthday. It had small notes scribbled at the bottom of every page, each signed by Louis. And it made Harry want to cry because Louis was so sweet and kind and gentle and such a person shouldn't die. No one should, really. Harry could still remember the day Louis had given him the book, it had only been two weeks ago, on his birthday.
"Hazza?" Louis called for him, causing a massive smile to erupt on Harry's face. He practically stumbled down the stairs, almost falling over a couple of times when he made his way down to the living room where Louis was. He wrapped his long arms around Louis, hugging the older boy tightly before pressing his lips onto Louis' in a loving kiss, his arms never loosening their grip around Louis who was smiling at Harry like he was the goddamn sun. And it really was such a cliche but it was true, Louis' eyes sparkled with such happiness and joy and love and it just looked like he had never seen anything more wonderful. Harry's cheeks flushed and he squeaked, trying to cover them in utter embarrassment but Louis took his hands in his own, pressing a kiss to both of Harry's rather flushed cheeks, chuckling.
"Hi Lou", Harry breathed out and smiled at Louis. His dimples were showing, those goddamn dimples that Louis absolutely adored and cherished. Harry pushed his messy curls out of his face, cursing himself for not putting on a headscarf today. Louis just smiled, picking up a wrapped up box from the floor. Harry hadn't even noticed it, but there Louis was, holding it out for him. Harry smiled brightly, kissing Louis' lips briefly before taking the package.
"Happy birthday love", Louis spoke, smiling at Harry when he slowly opened the package, nearly tearing up when he saw what was inside. The box held a copy of The Fault in Our Stars, a book Harry had wanted to read for so long, some packets of candy and pictures of him and Louis. And it was just so perfect and Louis was so beautiful. And Harry attacked him with a hug, nearly crushing Louis in the process but neither seemed to care.
"Thank you Lou", Harry whispered, his fingers tangling themselves in Louis' hair. He pulled Louis closer to him, a bright smile on his face as he nuzzled his head in the crook of Louis' neck. Louis smiled, kissing Harry's cheek as he wrapped his arms around Harry. Harry felt so loved whenever he was around Louis, like he mattered to someone and like he could be so happy with everything; whatever life brought to him he could take as long as Louis was there. Louis' arms fit around Harry so perfectly and the way his name sounded coming from Louis' lips was so perfect and everything was so perfect about Louis that Harry could name a billion things and there'd still be a billion more.
"Now read the first page, I wrote you something there, you wanker", Louis spoke playfully, smiling so brightly. And Harry did, he opened the book and looked at the first page, it was filled with Louis' rather messy handwriting. He could read it perfectly though, he had gotten so used to it during the past years of them being together and Louis writing him those incredibly sappy love letters every girl dreams about.
Harry, my love, I can't really begin to explain to you how much I love you. Because God, I'm in love with you you stupid wanker, I'm in love with every single inch of you. You're so flawless baby, so perfect. And You're my sun, I can't live without you because without the sun there's no life. You're my everything, Haz, I mean it. Don't you ever leave me, because if you do, I don't know what I'd do. You mean so much to me and I love you so much. You're literally so beautiful, your dimples are the most adorable thing I've ever seen and your eyes are captivating and your lips, don't even get me started about them. I love you Harry Edward Styles, more than you'll ever know. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I just love you so much and I'm lucky. I love you. xx Louis
And Harry was crying again because it was all so sweet, so beautiful and he couldn't handle it. How had he gotten so lucky? Harry didn't know. All he could do was wrap his arms around Louis and kiss the older boys' cheeks so many times he lost count himself and then press his lips to Louis', capturing them in a loving kiss. He loved Louis so damn much.
Two weeks had passed and Louis was still not awake, he still looked as lifeless as ever and it was killing Harry, it truly was. And just today he'd been told by the doctors that there was a 95 % chance that Louis would not wake up. That Louis would never open his eyes again and that his heart would stop beating and that Harry would never get to hear his voice again. And maybe Harry wouldn't even get to kiss Louis again and it was such a terrifying idea, because Harry needed Louis. He loved Louis. Harry was just staring at Louis, how he looked paler every day and how his heart rate was so fucking slow. And the fact that it was more likely for Louis to die than to live made Harry want to die, too. Because he didn't know how to live without Louis Tomlinson; he didn't even know a world without Louis and he didn't want to. And as Harry sat there, the salty tears dripping down his cheeks, he wished nothing more than to see Louis' eyes.
"I love you Lou, so much", Harry spoke honestly as he kissed Louis' pale cheeks. He pecked those beautiful lips and traced his fingers over the outline of his boyfriend's face. He placed small kisses all over Louis' face and neck, smiling to himself ever so slightly. He knew that Louis probably couldn't feel those kisses, that he wasn't aware of his surroundings, but it couldn't do him any harm, Harry thought. He took both of Louis' hands in his, kissing each finger gently, while keeping his eyes on his oh-so-prefect boyfriend who looked so damn lifeless. But, nonetheless, Louis was beautiful in Harry's eyes.
"You're my world Lou and you're not allowed to fucking die on me. You just can't."
It was quiet, too quiet. Of course the heart monitor was still beeping but it was slower than usual. Harry looked around, his eyes settling on the heart monitor. Louis' pulse was so slow, it was like his heart was tired. And maybe that was the case, maybe Louis' heart just was tired and was about to stop beating and the thought alone brought tears to Harry's emerald green eyes as he stared at his boyfriend in terror and with such sadness that no one could really describe. His hands held onto Louis', their fingers laced together.
"Lou, don't you dare. Don't you die on me because I love you and your family loves you and you just can't die!" Harry cried, his voice trembling from the fear he tried so desperately to hold back. And that's when the tears came, all at once, streaming down his cheeks for the umpteenth time. And the only thing Harry needed was Louis, he needed Louis there with him, he wanted Louis.
Through the day Louis' pulse kept slowing down, not all at once but slowly. Slowly, bit by bit, his pulse was slowing down and soon there would be no pulse left, Harry thought as he saw outside of the room. Louis' family had been called to the hospital due to the fact that Louis was potentially dying and they had been called to say goodbye, or whatever. Harry had, of course, left the room. As much as he hated to leave Louis because hell, he could die while Harry was away and Harry wanted to say goodbye too, his family deserved that privilege more than Harry ever would.
That night, when Louis' family had left - well, his mom had stayed, Harry was sitting awake by Louis' bed and staring blankly at the heart monitor that was still beeping at an agonizingly slow pace. Louis' mom was asleep in the chair by the window, Louis himself was, well, just as lifeless as usual. Harry took in Louis' features, trying to memorize every single one of them because maybe soon he really would have only photographs and his own memory to rely on. And it was so sad, so damn sad that things like these had to happen. And it was unfair, Harry thought. It was so damn unfair that some people just drove drunk and didn't think of the consequences their acts would have and it was unfair that young people had to die because they had their whole life ahead of them. Death in general was unfair, Harry figured, so goddamn unfair.
And as Harry kissed all over Louis' face and held his hands tightly, whispering raspy I love you's, all he could think about was how life would be without Louis. And he knew it would be impossible. He didn't know life without Louis, without the perfect blue-eyed lad, who had become so important to Harry during the past years. The lad he was supposed to eat heart cupcakes with on Valentine's day, the lad who promised Harry they'd go watch The Fault in Our Stars when it would be released as a move, the lad who Harry wanted oh so badly to marry. But now it probably wouldn't happen and it hurt so bad, so so bad. Harry squeezed Louis' hands tightly, hoping for at least some response, any kind, but got none.
"Lou, I uh, I want you to know that I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I swear to God, no one can ever take your place in my heart. You're so special to me, I love you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever known, inside out. A-And I, I can't imagine a life without you but now I have to and it hurts so bad, Lou, it hurts. It's so fucking unfair that you're going to die and leave me here all alone and leave your family here just because of some drunken idiot who was driving that car and hit you. I... I love you Lou, I love you", Harry choked out, his eyes pooling with tears as he tried to get some strength in him to utter the last few words that he still had left in him, there were only a few left, but to Harry's mind, those were the most important one's.
"A-And Lou, I don't know if you hear me, but you should know that... That's it's okay if you go, we've all said goodbye. We all know you're... That you won't make it and fuck, we just have to accept that. I-I'm so sorry I never got to propose to you, Lou, I swear I was going to. I love you, Louis Tomlinson. Fuck, I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. And, now I'm saying goodbye, I'm letting you go, you know? I'm telling you that it's okay if you want to go now, if you have to, and I love you. I love you, Lou, so much", Harry was nothing but a sobbing mess as he collapsed onto Louis' chest, his cries racking through his body as he trembled, tears flowing down his cheeks. He didn't want to say goodbye, he didn't. But it only felt appropriate to say a proper goodbye and telling Louis he loved him, even if Louis would never hear. And Harry was still holding Louis' hand, his head still on Louis' chest when the heart monitor erupted in a long beep, a single straight line displaying on the screen.
Harry sat by Louis' tombstone, a bottle of vodka between his crossed legs, a red rose sitting on the snow covered ground. Harry's hair was still the same curly mess, he'd placed a beanie over his head to keep his hair out of his face. Louis' beanie, to be exact. He wore tight jeans and black boots along with a sweatshirt. He didn't look like the Harry he was when Louis was still alive, he was a much sadder Harry nowadays. He took a long swig from the bottle of vodka, allowing it to burn at the back of his throat as he stared at the tombstone, hating how it had Louis' name on it. He hated how Louis was dead because Harry was still in love with Louis. He was in love with a dead boy who had the eyes of the bluest skies and a smile that lit up Harry's world.
And Harry was just a kid with stupid tangled and curly hair, green eyes and tattoos. He wasn't anything special but yet Louis still loved him. And as Harry sat there, he wondered why Louis ever loved him. And he stared at the scars covering his wrists, hating that he did it because Louis would've been so disappointed in him, he would've yelled at Harry for being so irresponsible and hurting himself. But Louis wasn't with Harry, and Harry couldn't really bare the fact that he wasn't. Harry just sat there, in the snow, until his fingers were numb and the bottle of vodka was empty and until he was shivering, his lips blue.
And then he got up, making sure the rose was placed perfectly and just stared at it for a couple moments, imagining Louis sitting there and holding the rose in his hands. Then he turned around, walking away from the graveyard, leaving behind footsteps in the snow. And Harry was thinking about Louis, and how his eyes were so blue and how Louis' was probably the most beautiful angel ever, how Louis shone brighter than the sun and about how he loved Louis. He loved, loved, loved, loved Louis. And he always would.