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You have a distinctive look when you’re deep in thought. Kiyoomi isn’t sure if you’re aware of it or not, but as you’re curled into his side with Mochi balanced on your lap - and with one of his paws resting on Kiyoomi’s leg, as he often did lately - your bottom lip is curled inward between your teeth. You’re staring at nothing in particular, your gaze too low to be focused on the TV.
He rouses you with a kiss to your temple, the arm that’s slung around you pulling you a bit closer. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” You answer easily and lean further into his chest. “Just...spacin’ out.”
“Did you want to talk about it?”
You hum. “I think so? I was kind of just...thinking. Ugh, I said that already.” You run a hand down your face; another one of your tics. “I think I just need to get my thoughts together first.”
He nods, but is a bit uneasy. Normally while watching TV you liked to make small comments at the expense of some characters, or give small predictions on where you think the show will go. It wasn’t all the time, of course, but today you seemed so demure.
His brain was going haywire. Did someone say something mean to you? Did he say something you didn’t like? Did something bad happen? Did your last doctor’s appointment not go well? He wasn’t able to make that one due to having a scheduled practice, but you reassured him that you’ll be more than able to look after yourself, but he hates not hearing any updates about your health.
“I was just…” you start, then trail off. Kiyoomi waits patiently for you to continue, his thumb stroking gentle circles into your shoulder. “So uh...my brother and his fiance are expecting. Did I tell you?”
“I heard about it from Atsumu. Congratulations on eventually becoming an aunt.”
He pulled one of your stray curls behind your ear and you grinned. “I’m so happy for them! It must’ve slipped my mind, I honestly thought I told you-”
He frowns. You only really had trouble focusing when your symptoms were flaring up. Did you tell your doctor?
“-I think I told everyone else, though. Anyway,” you gave Mochi one last pet before setting him next to you on the couch, only for him to immediately try to get back into your lap before you put him on the floor in a huff.
“Omi, have you ever thought about havin’ kids? With me, I mean.”
He raises a brow at you. “Who else would I have children with?”
“Atsumu?”
He makes a disgusted sound. “Surely you know by now that I have much better taste than that.”
You only smile somewhat before laying in his lap completely. From your new position, you reach up to gently stroke his cheek. He leans into your touch, as cold as your hands are. “Your taste is impeccable, Omi.”
He kisses the inside of your wrist. “Joking aside, why do you ask? Has this been on your mind long?”
You fold your hands in your lap. “Occasionally. I mean, even before you and I started dating, it’s something that I’ve always thought about. But of course that’s different than when you’re actually dating someone, and for a while I pushed it out of my mind because I had you and Mochi, and that was enough for me. I wasn’t really thinking about kids that often, but when my brother called and told me that he’s gonna be a father, I just…”
He lets you trail off, one hand gently nesting his fingers in your hair while the other rests with your hands over your belly. He doesn’t press, instead waiting for you to figure out how to continue while he mulls his response over in his mind.
You sigh again through your nose and ask again, “Do ya want kids?”
Omi’s eyes soften at your sullen expression. “For a while I didn’t think I did.” He states honestly. “They’re messy and smelly, they make too much noise, they get dirty easily and frankly I hate it when there are kids at the park because they’re germy and I don’t want any of those hellions getting you sick.”
You crack a smile. “That’s a bit much, dear.”
He shrugs. “Point being that if you’d asked me before we started dating, I would’ve said no.”
“And now that we are?” You’re worrying at your lower lip again. “Ya mind change at all?” Kiyoomi regards you carefully.
“Now, I don’t know. I’m not in a rush to have any at the moment. If we as a couple decide to not want children, then that’s fine with me. And if we decide otherwise, I’d like to be more prepared.”
You hum at his response. “Of course you’d be so sensible,” you say dryly. “I’m just…”
“Love,” he says quietly, “do you want to have children?”
You stare. He notices your breathing has picked up a bit and he frowns, holding you close to him. “You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable-”
He wasn’t expecting to see your eyes get misty so suddenly. You get off of him in a flash, quickly wiping at your eyes before he even realizes what’s happened. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to upset-”
“’s not you, Omi!” You sniffle and take a steadying breath. “I dunno what’s goin’ on with me...I’ve been up and down and…whatever.” You wipe your eyes again. “I’ll just say it: I’m scared to have kids, Omi. I was talkin’ to my doctor and I didn’t want to have the conversation without you but it just came out, and I asked the doctor if it would be safe for me to have kids ‘cause I’m scared of havin’ a baby and havin’ them turn out like me.”
Silence settles over the living room like a stifling blanket. In your haste to sit up you’d flung yourself to the opposite end of the couch. He approaches slowly, testing the waters by gently putting a hand on your shoulder, holding you so gently like you were fragile and about to break.
(In a sense, you had, even just a little bit.)
You continue: “Growing up I didn’t have any friends. ‘Cause I kept getting sick, and every time I got sick it was horrible . If I made friends with someone during flu season, it was a given that I’d get so sick that I’d be out of school for weeks , and I had to take so much medicine and I was only allowed to eat certain foods. I never made any friends besides ‘Tsumu and ‘Samu and I only got to see them every so often ‘cause I kept getting sick! And it...sometimes I’d cough so much, Omi, I’d start crying ‘cause of how sore my throat was or how much it hurt .”
He does what he can at the moment, which is hold you close. You guys are in your mid-twenties, and he’s known you for six years now. Kiyoomi could say he knows almost everything about you - your weakened immune system, your favorite foods to eat and the ones you have to eat, your love of cats, your favorite shows - but only scarce bits of your childhood. It’s a sore subject for you, he knows, filled with staying inside due to sickness and various doctor visits to keep you in good health. They’re issues that existed long before he came into the picture, and yet it somehow feels like a personal failure on his part.
You wrap your arms around him tightly. “I feel like we shouldn’t,” you mutter into his shirt, “I feel like it’d be irresponsible, but…”
Kiyoomi kisses the top of your head. “But?”
“...is it selfish to even consider the possibility?”
“No.” He says it firmly. “If you want to talk to your doctor about the risks at your next appointment, please do, but don’t ever think that you’re selfish for wanting a family. Plenty of people dream of having children in the future and plenty of people decide against it. Both sides are equally happy with their choices, so please don’t feel pressured to want to go one way or the other if it’s something you aren’t comfortable with.”
He sits with you like that for several minutes. The TV acts as white noise, while Mochi has made himself comfortable next to you on the arm of the couch, his tail occasionally tapping against your leg. You’re the first to move, shifting in his iron grip before pulling away and gently kissing his jaw.
“Thank you. I just...I wanted to have that talk with ya. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and...well, I’m sorry for keeping it from ya for so long.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize.”
“Next time, do ya think you’d be able to make it to my appointment?” You hold his large hand in two of yours. “I’d rather have that talk while you’re there and, well, we’ll see where we go from there. Okay?”
He nods. “Of course. And in the meantime, we can focus on the four-legged child we have currently.”
As if on cue, Mochi, having had enough of being ignored, bullies his way back into your lap. When you look down at him, mouth ajar at his brazenness, he simply stares you down and lets out a short “ merow. ” He looks over at Omi and sniffs a couple of times before setting a paw on his leg, as usual.
You smile and squeeze his hand once more. “Thanks for...just...hearing me whine.” You give each of his knuckles a kiss, just like he often does to you, and gently intertwine your fingers with his. “I love ya. So much.”
He smiles back. Once a rare thing, but a common occurrence when he’s with you. “I love you too. No matter what.”