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Compared to the constant rush of growing up and living in a war camp, Konoha is a bastion of peace and equilibrium. The village has a low thrum of life to it at any hour, but it's not the same as the camp used to be - there's no worried murmuring, no hushed discussions or the haunting cries of the wounded and dying. It's the pattern of easy, agricultural life that rides on the evening breezes, the whisper of trees and not kunai. It's a blissful kind of serenity, for someone who's spent a life like he has, and one that not so long ago, he thought was a dream.
Today, however, felt different. Something in the air wasn't quite right, the rhythm of the day was misaligned.
For one, he woke up alone, which was exceedingly rare since their marriage. Hashirama would normally wake him to let him know if she got called in early, and otherwise, Hashirama was a lazy soul who loved to sleep. He was the one who got up with the rising of the sun, who would prepare breakfast while Hashirama dragged herself up and out of bed, spilling into the kitchen in a yukata barely done up. Once breakfast was done and she was more awake, Hashirama would lead him into their bedroom again and brush out his hair, then her own, and they would get dressed for the day.
But no, today Hashirama was long gone, and by the looks of the kitchen, hadn't even eaten before she left. Foolish woman.
He gathered himself together much more efficiently than their normal morning routine, then quickly made and packed a bento for her before heading out to the Hokage's Mansion.
When he arrived, he found Mito sitting on the edge of his wife's desk, reading over a report.
"Where's Hashirama?" He knew she didn't have any meetings today - she would have made sure to sleep in otherwise. "Or Tobirama, for that matter."
Mito slid off the desk with a weary sigh. "Tobirama was sent out with a small contingency last night. That border skirmish with Suna escalated, and he felt it prudent to make sure it didn't get out of hand."
He frowned, taking in the weary edge to Mito's straight shoulders. "What happened, Mito?"
"Tobirama's contingent was ambushed, and when he told them to cover the retreat, they left him there." She caught his arm before he could fully turn around. "He's fine - Hashirama got there in time. He's in the hospital now. The remains of the squad he was meant to save stayed with him, and they're in recovery as well."
"And Hashirama?"
"Chewing out his contingency in the training grounds, I suspect."
He handed her the bento he'd intended for Hashirama. "Have this, and go be with your husband."
"Hashirama was dead silent when she dropped them off at the hospital." Mito warned. "She'll be in no mood to be undercut."
"It's her I need to be there for, not them." He agreed. "How long has she been back?"
"Not long. A few hours, perhaps. But she only left the hospital less than an hour ago."
He nodded. "Thank you."
"Try not to kill them."
"It's not me they need to worry about." He answered darkly, letting the door click shut on its own behind him.
| | |
"I don't give a damn what you think he told you to do - the mission was to rescue your comrades, and you abandoned them all!"
He walked into the clearing, finding Hashirama in full armour, coated in dust and blood, standing in front of two full squads who were completely untouched. The leaders were young shinobi he recognized; Shimura Danzou and Sarutobi Hiruzen. Hashirama and Tobirama had been watching their progress, and it was no wonder Tobirama had chosen them to accompany him - they showed promise, and last night had been their chance to prove it.
"What were we supposed to do?" Danzou argued. "He ordered us back, and he's one of the strongest shinobi in the village!"
"Grow a spine!" She snapped in return. "You left the people you were there with to die!"
"There was nothing we could have done to change the outcome." Danzou argued again, which was almost an impressive level of stupidity.
"Nothing you could have done." Hashirama repeated, a cold stillness coming to her. She walked forward to stand directly in front of Danzou. "You believe that?"
Danzou raised his chin at her. "Yes."
She struck him so hard in the chest he was sent flying into the closest tree, slamming into it with enough force to at least crack ribs. "Wrong answer."
"Senju-sama, let me explain-" Hiruzen tried, but Hashirama's snap glare shut him up.
"There is nothing to explain." She answered coldly. "You walked out of these gates, thinking you're going to play battle, like you're still students in the Academy. You think because you've come home from skirmishes in the past, that you're invincible. You feel the chakra rush to your command, the blood pumping hard in your veins and it feels almost like joy, like unlimited power is in your hands. It doesn't cross your mind that your little games are paid in blood. You abandon your comrades so easily, as if they've merely been called away from the playground instead of being left to die."
The men around her couldn't meet her eye, not even the cocky Danzou.
"If it is the hard way that you'll learn, it's the hard way that I'll teach you. There will always be someone stronger," Her chakra flared, wild and untamed, and men around her immediately wilted, "faster," She dashed at Hiruzen, who didn't manage a block in time and was launched through a tree, "and smarter than you." She rushed the other men, laying them out with quick and efficient strikes, so cleanly and effortlessly cutting through them.
She gazed down at them impassively, dispassionate and frigid. Her gaze settled on Danzou, and she walked over to him. He managed to pull himself out of the tree, scrambling away as she approached.
"You've been blessed to be raised away from war, from chaos and death." She continued. "But it is not so far away, and this cowardice and disloyalty is abhorrent. How can I trust you to defend this village when you're so afraid for your own life? We built this village to shield our people and children from the horrors of conflict, and you stand before me with the audacity to say nothing else could have been done when you have never even been close to hopeless odds.
"What would it take for you to understand you're playing with lives? Do you need to hold them as they die, screaming for a medic nin you know will be too late? Do you need to wander fields of corpses, hoping beyond hope that your brother or friend isn't among them, but too scared to consider he might not be? How many funerals and memorial services do you need to attend? How many mass graves do you need to dig and leave unmarked to understand the cost of war? How much death do you need to taste before it sinks in that these are your former classmates' lives you were holding in your hands? How can you face yourselves when you consider these people you know and love to be expendable?"
"Easy to say when you're not the one fighting all the time." Danzou shot back.
"What do you think she was doing all that time before you were born, hmm?" He finally intervened, pushing off the tree he'd been leaning on. The men seemed to shy away from him too. "Her natural healing prevents her from scarring, but I certainly bear the wounds she inflicted on me in my skin. Shall I show you?"
He shed his jacket and robe, revealing his patchwork chest. It was something Hashirama would run her fingers over in their quiet moments, eyes distant with memory as though she relived giving them to him in real time.
"I am just about the only opponent Hashirama has faced who's lived." He carried on. "And I'm alive today because she let me live. Tobirama was prepared to kill me, and without her there, he would have."
The assembled squads stared at him, floored as to what to say. Hashirama's power was always undercut by her naturally pleasant demeanor, but his own ruthless reputation was as alive as ever.
"No amount of power makes you infallible, let alone invincible." He gestured to his torso, torn apart by blades and branches too many times to count. "I am the last surviving of six brothers, one of whom I held for the days it took him to die. Believe me when I tell you that living can be much harder than dying, especially when you never tried to save them. Even if I could expect nothing from a civilian clan shinobi like you, Shimura, you should know better, Sarutobi. Where is your excuse? Surely your parents couldn't have failed so wholly in educating you?"
Hiruzen hung his head, but said nothing. He full well knew, and yet he had fallen under Danzou's sway regardless.
He shrugged his robes back on, returning to a position behind Hashirama. She watched him go, expression veiled, then returned her attention to the men before her.
"Hokage-sama?" One of them managed to find his voice. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"How many of the border squad survived?"
"Six, including Tobirama." She replied, gazing coolly at him. "Three of the squad were able to move on their own, but three were critically injured. Tobirama had the most extensive wounds and chakra exhaustion. If I hadn't have arrived in time, they would have been dead."
The man who'd asked lowered his head.
Hashirama turned away from them. "We'll address your failure at another time, when the border squad and Tobirama are recovered. I can't stand to look at you any longer."
She walked away from them swiftly, and he followed in her footsteps. He followed her back to the hospital, and joined her at Tobirama's bedside with Mito. Her cold stillness didn't dissipate, and his gut told him this wasn't just about Tobirama's near-death experience.
Tobirama woke up the next day, close to dawn.
He'd sent Hashirama and Mito home - specifically, back to the Senju compound together, to sleep in Hashirama's old room - with the explanation that his Sharingan could help him monitor Tobirama's chakra levels. Mito's coaxing hands had finally torn Hashirama from her brother's bedside.
"I can honestly say I never expected to see you keeping vigil at my bedside." Tobirama rasped, wincing as his dry throat caught.
He handed the albino a cup full of ice chips and helped him sit up to suck on them. "Count yourself lucky then that I love your sister so much."
Tobirama snorted. "How long have I been down?"
He checked the clock on the wall. "Twenty-eight hours, since your return to Konoha, anyway."
"I remember passing the village borders." The Senju nodded. "I managed to get the gist of the mission out to Mito before I passed out."
"So she told me." He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms and gazing thoughtfully at his brother-in-law. "Care to share the debrief with me now?"
Tobirama crunched one of the ice chips in his mouth, then shrugged. "Sure."
"Mito said you were called to the border to de-escalate tensions." He prompted.
Tobirama snorted again. "Yes, because my most infamous talent is at de-escalation." The albino rolled his eyes. "But yes, I was. Suna's been getting more pushy about a firm border between the nations, which is supposed to be the Infinity Canyon according to the daimyo's maps. Regardless, they'd been harassing the border patrol units there, and specifically targeted two of them near the eastern end of the canyon - the closest two units to Konoha. So, I went as a show of force, that such provocation would not go unanswered."
He nodded - sounded like pretty normal politicking to him so far. He'd done the same himself on a few occasions, though his reputation being much more volatile meant he was used less than the 'cooler' avatar of Tobirama.
"I summoned two squads to go with me, possibly to temporarily replace the patrols if they had downed or injured members. I figured it would be a good chance for the Shimura and Sarutobi boys to show me what they'd made of in the field." Tobirama's lips pulled back into a scowl. "My own error in judgment."
"I'd say." He crossed one of his legs. "Once you arrived?"
"The patrols were in worse shape than we'd been informed, and an ambush had been set up, specifically because they guessed I would appear." Tobirama grimaced again. "The patrols were four-man squads with a message runner apiece. Only five of the eight men were alive when I arrived, and one squad's runner had been killed - the other had managed to make it to Konoha to raise the alarm. Of the five, two were gravely injured and the other three were low on chakra and injured themselves. How they managed to hold the position, I don't know.
"Seeing them, I immediately took the offensive, springing the enemy trap and driving them back. I told Shimura and Sarutobi to cover the patrols' retreat and get them out of there - six Suna squads were there and the position could be retaken later."
"What, specifically, was your order to your squads?"
Tobirama frowned. "Specifically?"
He nodded.
Tobirama narrowed his eyes. "To cover the retreat. Why?"
"Shimura insists you told them just to retreat."
Tobirama's eyes narrowed dangerously. "That worthless rat."
"So, I ask again - what were the specific orders?"
"I'll hold off the Suna shinobi. Recover and retreat with the patrols." The Senju recounted. "We were in the middle of an ambush, but we were close enough there should have been no way to mishear me."
He couldn't help the smirk that crept onto his face. "Hashirama is going to love this."
"Hashirama?" Tobirama sputtered indignantly. "Wait until I get my hands on them. They'll regret the day they were born."
"Oh, but dear little brother," He crooned, "was it not big sister who had to rescue you, to keep you alive until she could reach the hospital?"
Tobirama scowled. "Save your theatre, Madara."
"It's nothing remotely close to theatre, my dear brother-in-law. Hashirama was so cold, I'm surprised there wasn't frost on her breath."
Tobirama sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I'll never see a day of peace in my life, will I?"
"Not at this rate." He chuckled. "What do you plan to do?"
"Smash Shimura and Sarutobi's heads together." Tobirama snarled, but then his face softened. "How did the patrols fare?"
"All five managed to survive, though one of them looks like he'll wind up on gate duty for the rest of his days." He sighed in sympathy. "Even Hashirama isn't that powerful."
Tobirama hummed. "Poor bastard. What was wrong with him?"
"Broken hips."
Tobirama winced.
"I'm sure Mito is already handling the paperwork, even just so Hashirama doesn't." He assured.
Tobirama fell back against his pillows with a deep-chested groan. "She's going to take this hard."
"Certainly."
"I don't even know what she's going to do." Tobirama shook his head, looking more tired by the second.
"We'll have to see, I suppose. If she's going to come by today, she should be here soon."
"I have a feeling she's going to tenderize the idiots before I can." Tobirama groused.
"You had best get better quickly, then. Otherwise there won't be enough of them left for you to so much as glare disapprovingly at."
When he arrived at the outermost training field, one that more an accidental blast zone than a cleared ground, he had to duck to avoid Sarutobi's body.
"That seems unnecessary." He groused, then slammed his mouth shut when he actually laid eyes on his wife.
Hashirama was staring down Shimura, where the man was deeply embedded in a tree and not even attempting to move. She completely ignored his arrival. "Get up."
"I can't." Shimura wheezed, blood dribbling down his lip. He knew that blood wasn't from his split lip.
"Get up." She repeated, just as icy. Her expression was void and closed off.
"I can't." Shimura dropped his head, going entirely limp. "I can't, Shodaime. I can't."
She walked over to him, pressing a hand to his chest and flaring with chakra. When she pulled away, he managed to pull himself from the tree with a pained yelp. "Get up."
"I can't fight you anymore, Shodaime." Shimura begged. "I don't have the strength."
She backhanded him across the face, the sound ringing across the clearing. "I didn't ask. Get up."
"Shodaime, mercy, please-"
With a flick of her wrist, roots emerged from the ground and set Shimura on his feet. The man wilted immediately.
"Shodaime-"
She punched him in the stomach, knocking the air out of him and bringing him back to his knees. "You must grovel often to be so practiced at it."
"Only to you, Shodaime-" She slapped him across the other side of his face, sending him spiralling to the ground.
"Save your praise." She put him back on his feet again. "It is hollow and empty."
He tried to defend himself from her attack, but her kick to his ribs stole his balance and he once again met dirt. "Please, no more."
"You have yet to answer my question."
"Nothing, Shodaime-sama, nothing."
"Exactly." She yanked him up by his hair, meeting his gaze. "There is nothing that makes you more valuable than the men you were sent to retrieve. Your life is not worth exceptional efforts to preserve. You are supposed to be a shinobi, a soldier to your village. You have taken that vow, made that promise. And yet, somehow, you consider yourself above orders from your captains."
"That's not what I intended-"
"It is what you did." She overrode. "I don't care about your intentions, what matters are your results. Even those you can't produce."
Sarutobi limped back onto the field. "Shodaime-sama, we are not capable of fighting you. I beg you, let us rest."
"You would not have been enough to fight Tobirama, either. And yet, he remains bound to his hospital bed and you have enough strength in you to simper and whine at me." She let Shimura drop. "How is it that he, who's status would protect him from reproach, didn't see himself above combat? Above his orders, his duty?"
"HIs strength." Shimura answered. "His strength sees him through."
She kicked him onto his back, staring down at him. "Madara, how many children did your parents have?"
Madara cocked his head at her from where he was leaning against a tree. "Six."
"Were they as strong as you?"
"Barring the Eternal Sharigan, yes. Possibly more so."
"How many of those children have survived?"
He frowned. "One."
"Would you say his survival was based on his inherent strength alone, considering how powerful his dead brothers were?"
"No, I wouldn't."
She stepped on Shimura's chest, pinning him to the ground. "Skill overcomes power at every pass. Without sufficient skill, power and strength are useless. Skill is what has allowed Madara to survive."
Madara decided against pointing out that he lived because she let him.
"Skill is the only thing that will save you, the only reason Tobirama reserved enough chakra to hold out until my arrival. What you two and your men individually lacked in strength was made up by your numbers, and I know you're not lacking skill. So then, what is it that negates that?"
Shimura grimaced under her, and she dug her heel further in.
"Cowardice." She answered herself. "Cowardice will cancel out skill and strength. It's a lack of will to use either, and a deficit in love for those who do."
"What do you want from me?" Shimura wheezed. "To say I'm a coward? To say I lack skill? To say I don't have power?"
"I don't need you to say anything. I need you to understand and overcome it." She removed her foot. "Own your actions and choices, no matter the repercussions. Admit and accept if you're in a place and position you shouldn't be. Know who and what you are, and be unashamed of your limitations. If you could have done better on that mission, you need to know how much better, and why you didn't. I can't force you to, or wring it out of you so I can make that decision on your behalf. And it seems to me that the only way you learn is through pain. So pain is what I will give you, over and over again, until you reveal who you are."
"What are you hoping to find that we haven't already shown you?" Sarutobi asked.
"I don't know. You haven't shown it to me yet." She raised her chin.
"Is what you're looking for . . . good?" Sarutobi asked.
"Anything. Greatness I can use to make you better, a weakness to overcome - whatever I missed that failed you so utterly on your mission."
He stepped into the ring, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Give them time to think about it. Besides, there's no retribution left over for Tobirama if you pulverize them here."
She turned her gaze on him, and if he were a lesser man, he would have shrunk away. "Odd, for you to be merciful in training."
He shrugged - she was correct. "I wasn't kidding about Tobirama wanting a crack at them."
Normally, she would laugh at him - taking Tobirama's feelings into account, how absurd - but it was a testament to how angry she truly was that all she did was nod and walk out, vanishing into the trees.
"Thank you, Uchiha-san." Sarutobi said.
"Don't snivel at me." He snapped. "You disgust me nearly as much as you do her. Get out of here and be prepared for worse tomorrow."
The two nodded, but he didn't stick around to watch them limp off.
| | |
He found her sitting on the back steps of their house, armour dropped carelessly in their bedroom. She was only in her wraps and pants, elbows braced on her knees, head down and hands in her hair. He sat down next to her in silent comraderie, close but not touching.
"I've been scared for Tobirama before, and there has been more than one time when I brought him back from the brink of death." She spoke after a long time. "More than once I was sure he was dead, barely breathing and weakly clinging to life. I've only ever been scared for him, worried and anxious. This last mission, he was far from a dead man. Why am I so angry?"
"Because he was abandoned."
She sighed. "I ran off to fight you back during the Wars, abandoning him to the fray completely."
"It's not the same." He pressed his shoulder to hers. "A huge battle, anything can happen. Whether you were there or not - chance is everything. But on a small mission like that? With less than a dozen men who consciously chose not to fight? That's nearly unforgiveable."
She raised her head, letting her arms drop to extend in front of her. "I guess so." She twisted to lay her head on his shoulder. "I don't like feeling like this, like festering in a wound."
He laid his head on hers. "As terrible as they can be, wildfires keep a forest healthy. This will pass."
She sighed. "I hope so. I've had enough of this already."
"Tobirama will be well enough soon to be angry on your behalf, and it'll vanish. You'll find too much humour from the Academy drills he'll make them do."
She chuckled. "I definitely will."
"It will be fine."
"So much kindness from you today." She poked him gently in the side. "What's gotten into you?"
"Well, you see, my wife took on my usual role of bitter hardass." He teased back.
"Nah, you're not like that." She snuggled closer. "People just think you're mean, but you care too much. I'm much too light-hearted to give so much of myself away."
It was indeed very funny to watch Tobirama, wrapped in bandages and more surly than ever, put the squads though training-wheel exercises.