Chapter Text
seokjin’s pov
i could feel his stare from across the room. we hadn’t spoken since i left his apartment in a hurry a few weeks ago, where he had broken my heart in a million pieces. i had managed to avoid him for a while, making up excuses, burying myself in work, meeting old friends with whom i didn’t have anything in common anymore, turning on my heel when i caught a glimpse of him in the hallway. nothing could distract me from that gaping hole in my chest. i knew i was out of excuses once i had received word of a mandatory captain’s meeting, which is where i was sitting right now, a few rows in front of him. he was burning holes on my back with his eyes. i chuckled, ever so passionate, that man.
just a few minutes left, maybe i can sneak out the back without running into him. i thought foolishly, but in all honesty, just being in his presence comforted me. i could almost pretend nothing had changed between us. i wanted to stay, even if that was the poison that slowly killed me.
"as always, take care of yourselves out there, captains," the general said, finalizing the meeting, "your crew depends on you. dismissed!"
while everyone stood up from their seats to make their leave, i stayed bolted to my chair, not daring to move. once everyone was out of the room, only he and i remained, sitting in silence. the tension was palpable and neither one of us wanted to pop the bubble, too scared of what could happen then. stand up, jin. just go! i gulped. i stood up and had only taken a couple of steps when he spoke.
"seokjin," he croaked with a voice that seemed like it hadn't been used in a while.
i froze in my place. how had i ever wanted to walk away from him? i slowly turned to look at him. he looked so breathtaking in his uniform, as youthful as the day we met. his short hair was disheveled like he had run his hands through it many times, a nervous habit of his.
"i miss you," jeongguk said, looking at me with a sad expression and longing eyes that said everything his mouth couldn’t.
my breath hitched on my throat, and before i knew it, i was decidedly walking towards him, not standing a second more without his touch. i held him tight like he had just come home from war. i took a step back and grabbed his chin, bringing our foreheads together. we just gazed into each other's eyes, saying nothing and everything at the same time. i wondered if he knew how much i loved him, even if i had never pronounced those forbidden words.
while getting lost in his big brown eyes, i felt all the pressure from the last weeks leave my body, as i melted under his touch. but my heart was still compressed, given that he was holding it in his grasp. i had then come to an inescapable realization; this man would be the death of me and i was at peace with that.
i felt my breath escape me as jeongguk pressed me against the wall of that pristine white meeting room. suddenly, his cold hands were all over me, sneaking under my uniform and leaving a trail of goosebumps under his trace. i kissed his neck, drunk in his sweet smell, running my hands through his hair, smoothing over his already sensitive scalp, and tugging a handful of his locks slightly, to which he grunted.
"lower your voice! someone could hear us," i felt my hushed voice say, panting.
i could taste his smirk in his kiss.
"sorry, love, you drive me crazy. you don’t know how much i’ve missed you."
i hated myself for not being able to control myself with him. i have already walked this path with him, and i knew it wouldn't end well. we were doomed. but the only cure to my broken heart was him, even if he was the cause. i would take every moment i had left with him before reality would set in place.
"why can't you look me in the eyes, jeongguk? please tell me this isn't true!" i pleaded with him, hot tears running down my face. but the words on the piece of paper i was holding weren't lying.
he refused to meet my gaze.
"i'm sorry, love… this is how things were always supposed to be, you know that. this is my burden, my duty, and i need to fulfill it."
i turned my back at him, my face red and sore after crying. i felt to stupid. after all this time, i thought he would choose me. but i was wrong. i hated when he saw me like this, so vulnerable. i was powerless when it came to him.
he shortened the distance between us and hugged me tightly, interlocking his hands on my chest, his cheek resting on the back of my shoulder.
"please, jin, my love… stay with me. we can work this out, i promise. i’m a mess without you. i don’t know what i would do if you left me."
the lump on my throat was hard to swallow, just like his words. i didn't say anything to him, but we both knew the answer to his request. i remained like that for a bit, just basking in the warmth of his hug, tears staining the carpet and the wedding invitation crumpled on my hand burning me. i counted one, two, three heartbeats before breaking our embrace and running out the door without looking back, missing the heartbroken expression on the face of the man i was leaving behind.
a loud knock brought me back to the present.
"captain kim? we are a few minutes away from boarding the ship," a voice i knew very well said from behind the door.
perfect timing. i thought while rolling my eyes to the back of my skull. couldn't it be anyone else?
"thanks, cadet choi. i will be right there," i shouted while straightening my clothes. i turned to jeongguk and looked him in the eyes. "let's go, captain jeon. seems like your little whore is looking for us."
soobin’s pov
i can hear the captain's venomous words through the door, but it's not like he's trying to hide them anyways. he doesn't bother to look at me when he and jeongguk walk past me towards the bridge. i linger my gaze on jeongguk hoping for something, anything, a quick smile or a reassuring wink, but there's nothing. i wonder if there even was something before, or if things have always been like this and i was too infatuated with jeongguk's intoxicating personality. maybe i was wrong for even thinking i could occupy his mind the way the captain does.
"cadet choi?" i hear jeongguk ask, "aren't you coming?"
"yes, captain!" i follow them quickly, trying to ignore the loud beating in my ears and the voice that keeps telling me i was a fool for thinking this could've ever worked.
beomgyu is telling that story again about him and taehyun hating each other's guts back at the cadet academy. yeonjun laughs at every escalating interaction like it is his first time listening to it. but, as funny as it is listening about taehyun cleaning the bathrooms alone for a whole month because of beomgyu's fault, it's not enough to shake this feeling of uncertainty from my shoulders, as if something bad about to happen is lurking from around the corner, making the air in the canteen feel heavy and cold at the same time.
"soobin," i snap out of it and look at beomgyu and yeonjun's staring faces, "are you alright?"
"sorry, i'm a little distracted today," i try to reassure my friends.
beomgyu laughs and pokes yeonjun's side with his elbow.
"i see, our soobin is in love," coos yeonjun in his stupid baby voice.
"i would be distracted too with that pretty boyfriend of yours," sighs beomgyu, "i can't believe your luck. you are being forced to marry a random ass dude and he turns out to be the hottest captain in the ship? lucky you."
"c'mon, don't say it like that either," says yeonjun, "it's not like it's his choice. he might as well get a nice husband."
"nice falls a little bit short in my humble opinion," says beomgyu, poking his lunch uninterested, "it sucks we can't even go to the wedding."
"i insisted on having you there, guys, you know that."
"don't worry about us, soobin," says yeonjun softly slapping beomgyu's arm, "we know your family is a little bit private."
private. that's a nice way of saying the wedding is a social stunt and only the martian elite and the richest earthling families are being invited to the ceremony. for centuries, choi weddings have been one of the most anticipated social gatherings, where riches and power are flaunted in the shape of intricate diamond jewelry and martian haute couture.
"and who knows," says beomgyu suddenly cheering up, "maybe we will find a way to be close to you on your happiest day," he winks, as yeonjun lands a new slap, this time a little heavier, in his arm.
"what are you talking about– yeonjun, what is he planning?" i ask to both of them, but suddenly their bickering gets cut off by the sound of chairs being dragged on the canteen floor, and before i realize beomgyu and yeonjun are both standing up too, and i see the stern face of captain kim staring at me in the corner of my eye.
"captain kim," i salute standing up, and i would be lying if i said i didn't feel a sense of superiority when i look down at kim seokjin's eyes.
"cadet choi, please, follow me to my office."
i look at my friends before quickly following our captain, and as we get through the automatic doors the canteen's deafening silence gets replaced by excited whispering. beomgyu and yeonjun will get me up to speed later, i think while following the captain for what seems like an eternity.
seokjin's pov
i stared at the empty space ahead of us, just glass keeping us from that dark void. it was just a routine mission to the moon, to check on our energy plant and to bring some special cargo. i've done this trip hundreds of times, so my body moved almost automatically. i couldn't help but glance at my co-pilot. he stared ahead, mesmerized by the view.
"i could never get tired of looking at this," he said, smiling.
neither could i, i found myself thinking.
"are we still up for this weekend? i need your help picking my suit for the wedding," the young captain said.
my heart ached at those words. how could he ask me that? i felt emptier than space itself.
"please, love–"
"don't call me that! you know we are at work," i whispered, craning my neck to see if someone heard.
"it's just the two of us here in the cabin, you know that," he said as matter-of-factly.
"still," i muttered. "you know what would happen if people found out, especially that little… cunt. "
his whole chest vibrated with that high-pitched laughter i loved so much. i was addicted to that sound.
"come on, don't be so hard on him! soobin is a nice kid once you get to know him," jeongguk said, a broad smile on his face. "although, i can't deny i love to see you so... bothered."
"as if! who is bothered? cause it's definitely not me! it's just…" i trailed off. he stole the life i could have had beside you. "he thinks he is all that just because he's tall! he definitely stands right next to me just to look down on me. whatever. he is just a spoiled little brat, who's had everything handed to him. anyone can spot that golden stick up his ass from a mile away."
i could feel jeongguk's eyes on me, a playful smile dangling from his lips.
"if you say so…" he said, amused.
i rolled my eyes. we both knew it was a lie, but there was no need to address the real reason i disliked soobin. not now. not ever.
"but seriously, i need you there," he said, while looking at me with those big doe eyes that could hold entire galaxies.
i didn't respond. come on, jin! be strong. don't give in! you're better than this.
"please, love–"
i shot him a warning look.
"fine. captain kim, i'm in need of your aid. i request your assistance to make me look like an absolute stud at my own wedding."
nothing. don't say yes! you're pathetic enough as it is. maybe if i avoided those eager eyes that searched for mine, i could get away with it.
"please, mr. captain," he cooed while pouting, "i'm just a lowly cadet, i don’t know anything about the world. help me, please. im a dummy. dumb cadet. and you are so smart, mr. captain. yeah, so smart and so strong. oops, i dropped something. let me bend over and–"
i laughed. damn it, the stupid sexy voice gets me everytime.
"alright, alright! enough of that! just because you would look like shit without my fashion advice."
he flashed me a winning smile so big, that the crinkles in his eyes swallowed them.
my heart skipped a beat. when it came to jeon jeongguk, there wasn't anything i wouldn't do to make him happy.
jeongguk’s pov
i remember the first time i met soobin. he was, surprisingly, a sweet kid, an annoyingly tall one given his martian heritage. our parents arranged a meeting without telling us the real meaning behind it, but i guess i figured it out since my mother insisted i wore that blue suit she liked so much. so handsome, like your dad when we were young .
the whole two hours is just our parents talking; family business, whose eldest child is more successful, whose rich friend is the richest, whose planet has the best investing opportunities. i'm bored out of my mind when i feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. i don't need to look at it to know who's texting me, and the promise of that unread text is enough to make me smile and endure through whatever mr. choi is talking about. and it should've ended in that. boring brunch, boring conversation, boring future fiancé, until soobin says he's got exciting news. i got accepted into the intergalactic flight academy!
the excitement in his eyes is quickly extinguished by his parents' dry congratulations and subsequent change of subject, and i don't hear another word from the kid during the rest of the meal.
"is it surprising, though?" asks me seokjin later, when we are on the rooftop pub of some niche dance club. "martians are known for being cold, and he is the youngest child of one of the richest martian families, so…"
"i know, but i still find it a little upsetting," i explain to him, fidgeting with the wine glass between my fingers, "he's just currency to his parents, a price to one of their businesses. not even my parents are that heartless."
"jeongguk, just because your parents are nicer about it doesn't mean you won't meet the same end as him."
his tone is harsh, but i know he's right. it is the most honest thing anybody has ever told me, and even when it comes across as criticism—towards me or my family or the world we live in, i feel like it's also a reminder for himself that whatever we have going on is only futile.
"i didn't know you were a martian yourself," i say jokingly, and it reliefs me to see his frown relax and that pretty smile appear on his face again.
"sergeant jeon, have some respect for your captain," he says, coming closer to refill my glass.
"let me remind you, captain kim, from tomorrow on you will no longer be my superior officer."
"i think it is already past midnight," he pauses to take a sip of wine, "captain jeon jeongguk."
"is it already?" i ask, smiling at his reddening cheeks, "then, perhaps we should get on a first-name basis."
"should we?" he says, raising a playful eyebrow.
"as a promotion gift, yes."
he laughs at my cheeky remark and given my giggle in response, i feel like maybe i've had enough wine.
"say it, then," he says, taking both our glasses and setting them aside.
"what?" i ask, just to tease his patience a little bit.
"my name, jeongguk."
my name coming from his lips sounds almost surreal. like a well-kept secret no one heard before. i feel like my name has never really suited me until i hear it in that warm tone of his, inviting me in.
"seokjin," i say quietly, my heart skipping a beat when he comes closer and puts a tender hand behind my ear, delicately caressing the skin on my neck.
"again," he whispers close enough for me to feel his breath against my face.
"seokjin," i repeat, but this time my whisper is a plea for him to do something, anything.
his dark eyes disappear behind his eyelids as he closes the little distance left between us. his lips are warm and a little uncoordinated, and his mouth tastes like the sweet wine from earlier, but i cannot think of anything more perfect. both of his heavy hands are gently cupping my face as i drown in the scent of his perfume mixed with the alcohol. his kiss is intoxicating and i want more and more and more and suddenly we are no longer on earth, sitting in one of that boring pub's couch but floating around in the infinite night sky, the only thing keeping me from drifting away being my hands on that darling waist of his. seokjin .
i remember the first time i met choi soobin because that day was also the first time i kissed kim seokjin.