Chapter Text
“Botched Operation: 15cm long surgical forceps left inside a patient after routine operation leads to successful medical negligence claim”
Hinata let out a downhearted sigh, throwing the remote on the couch next to him. As what he expected, mabilis na lumabas sa news yung incident na nangyari kanina. Truth be told, hindi alam ni Hinata kung anong mararamdaman niya as of the moment. Nandun na yung galit, pagod, inis sa sarili all in one.
Dear Mr. Hinata Shoyo,
Over the last several years, the hospital has been grateful for your utmost quality service. Unfortunately, after reviewing our options regarding the current situation, we have concluded that we must eliminate all staffs who are involved on Mr. Watari’s case to protect the hospital from impending doom. I regret to inform you that you are being laid off from your position as a resident surgeon effective today. This layoff should be considered permanent until further notice.
Sincerely, Hospital administrators
Hinata read the letter once again, baka sakaling mali lang yung nabasa niya.
‘Kung isa man itong masamang panaginip, sana magising na lang ako.’
Alas, nothing can be done.
Nangyari na kung anong nangyari. He bit his bottom lip harshly, feeling it quiver and shake, tears threaten to fall off his eyes.
‘Tangina naman, Ilang taon ang ginugol ko dito. 4 years sa pre-med, 4 years sa med school at 2 years as a resident tapos mawawala lang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko? Ganun-ganun lang? Buti sana kung kasalanan niya pero hindi, dahil sa isang surgical fellow na tatanga-tanga at nakaiwan ng forceps sa loob ng pasyente nalagay sila lahat sa sitwasyon na to.
M.D’s (Macho Dancahs)
3:50 p.m.
King Kags: Shoyo! We heard what happened sa O.R. Okay ka lang ba?
Suga not BTS: He’s obviously not okay. Anong klaseng tanong yan?
King Kags: My bad. I’m not exactly good at consoling and dealing with people, kaya nga ako nag surgeon diba?
Kenma: 5 hours na ‘di pa rin nagrereply si Sho :(
Suga not BTS: I’m getting worried na rin e. It’s the first time he shut us out like this.
Dad Chi: That’s it. We’re going sa condo mo Shoyo, whether you like it or not.
Kenma: May 1 hour pa before matapos ang shift ko. Pano yan?
Dad Chi: We’ll wait for you sa parking lot.
Hinata pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Leave it to his friends to act so impulsively when it comes to him. Of course, he appreciates their efforts in trying to uplift his spirit but at the same time, he doesn’t want them to see him like this. He doesn’t look like the Hinata they knew all throughout their life. It seems like the sparks that fuel his flame finally run out.
Which is just fitting when you think about it, the sun, despite how vast it is, will use all of its fuel and stop shining one day. There’s no escaping it. It will ultimately die one day.
He looks at his reflection, looking duller than usual. With his unruly, orange hair, looking messier than usual. The dark circles under his hazel brown eyes just revealed how exhausted he felt already.
He didn’t notice how fast the time went, Hinata was just stuck there right on his living room, thoughts spiraling out of control, deeper into the dark abyss.
A loud knock interrupted his wrecking train of thoughts.
“Pasok. Bukas yan.”
Hinata was ultimately greeted by the sight of his friends. Sugawara and Kenma captured him into a warm embrace sending him into an emotional mess.
“Teka, hindi ako makahinga.” Reklamo ni Hinata.
“Ang O.A. mo. Minsan lang akong maging affectionate tas aayaw ka pa.” Tugon ni Kenma at kaagad naman sumang-ayon si Sugawara.
“Oh, eto siopao para sa taong kung umibig ay umaapaw.” Sabi naman ni Kageyama sabay lagay ng siopao galing sa Chowking sa lap ni Hinata.
“Yieee. Muling ibalik yarn?” Sugawara flashed him a teasing grin. Kageyama obnoxiously pretended to puke while Hinata throw his cotton linen slipper onto Kageyama.
“Daichi oh. Si Kags parang bata.”
“Sino ba nauna?”
“Tama na yan!” Sugawara laughed at Daichi’s outburst, followed by Kenma, and ultimately by Hinata and Kageyama. Just like that, Hinata’s mood was uplifted thanks to his friends who stick by his side through thick and thin.
*
Tsukishima gently place the purple and white lilac near his tombstone like he used to do for the past few years. He reached out slowly, rubbing his thumb across his name as if he’s caressing his cheeks.
He have so many unspoken words that will be forever left unsaid. Kahit ano pang sabihin niya, alam niyang walang makikinig sa kanya. If only he told him everything. Kung gaano siya naging masaya, kung gaano niya ito minahal.
Kung hindi niya lang hinayaan na ipagtabuyan siya edi nasa hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang hininga nito andun siya.
“Ang daya daya mo.” Tsukishima says, voice laced with so much hurt between each syllable that fell from his lips, like a prayer. “Paano ako uusad neto?”
“Pre, hanggang kailan ka ba magiging ganito? Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas.” Sabi ni Kuroo sa inuman session nila.
“Kuroo. Wag.” Akaashi immediately interjected, knowing that it was a sore subject for Tsukishima.
“Tama naman si Kuroo, babe.” Bokuto agreed half-heartedly. “I-address natin yun problema. Hindi na bata si Tsukishima para idaan natin sa baby talk.”
“He will be the one to decide when he would like to talk about it.” Sabi ni Iwaizumi bago i-tunga yung baso ng Jose Cuervo.
“So kailan nga? Limang taon binigay natin dyan? Sapat naman yun diba?” Kuroo added. “Kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas, hindi naman basta-basta nawawala yun. Stop pressuring him to speed up his healing process.” Reklamo ni Oikawa. “Hindi naman sa ganun, I’m just saying na hindi na maganda yung ginagawa ni Tsukishima. Limang taon na yung lumipas pero parang he’s still living in the past. Doing the same thing. Parang walang planong umusad. Ano? Hahayaan na lang natin? Tangina, daming job offer pero lahat tinatangihan mo bro. Sa tingin mo ba gugustuhin ni Tadashi yang pinag-gagagawa mo sa buhay mo?”
“Shit.” Napamura si Bokuto. It’s an unspoken rule sa barkada na never ibangit yung pangalan niya.
“Gago pre, foul yun.”
“Kuroo. Apologize. Now.”
“Alam ko naman e." Tsukishima chugged the shot down, feeling the liquid burning down his throat. An awkward silence fill the room but he decided to break the tension, "I’m working on myself whether you believe it or not.” Tsukishima calmly says, expression stay devoid of emotion.
“What do you mean?” Tanong ni Oikawa.
“I once made a promise. I guess, I’ll be keeping it kahit wala na siya. Perhaps For a tad bit of closure.”
*
"So, anong plano mo?" Tanong ni Kenma while he was sitting on the couch comfortably and leaning back.
"Oo nga, 'wag mong sabihin na uuwi ka sa inyo? Alam naman natin na puro puna lang ang alam nung tatay mo." Daichi added in utter annoyance. They're familiar with Hinata's father, being his friend ever since med school, they're bound to be protective of Hinata lalo na't puro puna lang ang natatanggap nung kaibigan nila. Instead of being proud of his achievements, his father would try to belittle the younger and ask him to do better.
"Hindi talaga ako babalik dun. Lalo na ngayon. If I know nangangati na yun ipamukha sa'kin yung nangyari."
"Nako kung 'di mo lang talaga tatay yun, I swear matagal ko na yan binigyan ng undiluted potassium chloride IV push para direcho cardiac arrest!" Iritang sabi ni Sugawara.
"Huy. Pag may nakarinig sayo baka ano pa sabihin." Kageyama retorted.
"So, ano na nga? Do you want to move muna sa condo ko? It's more than enough for both of us naman. Imbes na magmukmok ka dito, mas okay na dun. May kasama ka." Sabi ni Kenma, habang kinakain yung chicharap na binili rin nila sa Chowking.
"Wag na. Okay lang ako.'
"But-"
"Seryoso. Okay lang talaga." Hinata replied. "Tsaka plano ko rin magbakasyon. At least ngayon pwede na ako magbakasyon kahit kailan ko pa gusto diba?"
"Not a good joke, Shoyo."
"What? Sinasabi ko lang. Chill ka lang konti Daichi. I'm not as fragile as you think." Hinata paused for a while before he continued, "I guess, pupunta siguro ako ng Cebu? Matagal na yun nasa bucket list ko. Ever since med school. Parang routine ko lang yata lagi yung from condo-hospital tas condo ulit para matulog. I think deserve ko naman magkaroon ng time para sa sarili ko diba?'
"But are you sure you're okay by yourself?" Tanong ni Kenma.
"Oo nga. I think I can schedule some time to leave. Kung gusto mo samahan pa kita dun. Sakto, paparating na yung Sinulog. Gusto ko pa naman ma experience yun." Kageyama added.
"Wag na. Abala pa kayo. Alone time ko nga diba? May alone time ba na dalawa?"
"Fine. Pero kailangan i-update mo kami from time to time para naman malaman namin kung buhay ka pa." Ika ni Sugawara.
*
The door swung open as Tsukishima pushed the cold glass door. He made a quick scan of the very familiar area as he arrived inside the airport. It’s almost 11 o'clock in the morning and he was scheduled to depart at 1 pm. The glare from the shining sun was harsh, bouncing off his glasses, making his eyes hurt.
People had been rushing inside the crowded terminal like a blur.
His phone vibrates inside his pocket. He fumbled for it, feeling a little bit groggy as he took the phone call.
"Ano na naman, Kuroo? Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi na okay lang ako."
"Just checking on you. I kinda still feel guilty about the last time."
"Yes, I'm a downright jerk, that's a given fact. But what happened the last day was really a low blow, and I didn't expect that to come from you, Kuroo. You of all the people." Okay, maybe Kuroo deserve that. 'But... you were right.' Tsukishima wants to admit defeat but it seems like his lips weren't coordinating with his thoughts.
"It's just that... we're worried. We were there Tsukishima, for the longest time we watched you suffer and blame yourself."
"I know. Kaya ko nga to ginagawa diba? You said it yourself. I need to heal. Hopefully, this trip would finally give me that."
Tsukishima hanged up, placing his phone back inside the pocket of the jacket that he wore. He saw that there are a few empty seats in the waiting area and decided to slip unto the chair nearest to him while waiting for the plane to depart..
He knows exactly why his friends were keeping tabs on him. After all the mess that he went through, it’s understandable why they were that worried about him. He’s grateful for that. Really. But for some reason, it irks him to be receiving the uncomfortable sympathy in their eyes.
He knows it's time to stop throwing a pity party-- it has been long overdue.
Perhaps... just maybe this trip will make him learn to forgive himself once again. It's a process, but simple affirmation would do.
For now.
*
Takot si Hinata sumakay sa erooplano. All throughout his life, dalawang beses pa lang siyang sumakay sa eroplano. Both experiences were a complete disaster. He manage to throw up sa katabi niya sa eroplano, and what's worst is that senior niya pa yun back then when he was still an intern.
Blame it on the fact that he's fun of watching Final Destination movies, kaya naman na enculcate na sa utak niya na may masamang mangyayari everytime sasakay siya sa eroplano.
He knows 1 out of 11 million lang ang namamatay sa plane crash (yup, napasearch pa siya sa google dahil sa kapraningan niya), statistics don't lie, yes. Pero what if out of fluke mapasama siya sa 1% na yun?
As soon as the flight was on board, Tsukishima felt his eyes drop heavy. Good thing may complimentary pillow at sleep mask na binigay so he used it in the hopes na makakatulog siya all throughout the flight.
But no.
That wasn't the case.
Ramdam ni Tsukishima ang bawat pag galaw nung katabi niya.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Tsukishima shifted on his seat, adjusting himself into a more comfortable position.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Hinata''s hands were constantly fidgeting, his feet scratching the floor back and forth in an attempt to calm his jitters.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Removing his sleep mask to glare at who-the-fuck was interrupting his sleep, he says. "The fuck, would you stop fidg--"
A sudden cascade of turbulence disrupt them, dahilan para matigilan si Tsukishima sa sinasabi niya.
"Hala, putangina. Ayan na nga ba sinasabi ko." The plane’s lurching again. "Sabi sa google 1 in 11 million people daw namamatay sa plane crash. Ayoko pang mamatay, mama!"
Tsukishima rolled his eyes in utter annoyance, ah. Of course, just his luck. He's stuck with someone who's a nervous flyer. Air turbulence is bound to happen in flights, so what's this child whining about?
Or he just assumes this guy is a (middle schooler) college student, basing on his features. With a relatively thin build and a short stature, one would mistake him for a young lad, just on his early 20s.
Intercom:
Everyone please calm down. We're currently crossing a zone of turbulence. Please remain seated until the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. Thank you.
"Tangina! Sinasabi niyo lang na turbulence. Anong kasunod? Sasabihan niyo kaming gamitin yung parachute tas tumalon dito?" Tsukishima shakes his head, this guy is hopeless. "Tas magfafail yung parachute sa pag-open tas mamamatay ako at saktong sa dagat mapupunta yung katawan ko tas kakainin ng pating?!"
Hinata was panicking, horrible thoughts rushing through his thoughts, all different, but worst-case scenario that could possibly occur.
"Ayoko pang mamatay. Ni wala pa akong nagagawa sa buhay ko. Yung lisensya ko, nanganganib. Pati nga yung kaisa-isang relationship ko, nauwi sa friendship"
Tsukishima was stuck on the other side, unsure of what to do. Sure, he finds it amusing to see the other guy panicking. He's not equipped with social skills so any attempt to calm the passenger sitting next to him without uttering the words tanga, fucking stupid, or imbecile is far by impossible. Derogatory terms were the only thing he could offer so, no. Bahala siya sa buhay niya.
Another quake hit the plane. Tsukishima flinched when he felt a tight grip on his hand, squeezing him tightly, he could almost feel his blood screaming, as the tight grip impede his circulation.
Fucking hell.
"First kiss pa lang meron ako. Gusto ko makaranas ng sex at least bago man lang ako mamatay." The other guy continued, gripping his hand even harder, that he's afraid it would fall out of his limb.
He was taken aback. He's got no tact at all, talking about these kinds of things to Tsukishima, who by the way, doesn't even know him. Pakialam niya ba sa sex life ng lalaking to?
"Let go of my hand."
Alas, it seemed like all his senses were thrown away dahil parang hindi niya man lang narinig si Tsukishima, "Hindi ko pa nga alam kung asan yung P-spot ko o kung totoo man yun! Text book says prostate spot exist pero hindi ako makakapayag na 'di ko maranasan yun! Ayokong mamatay na virign, Lord!"
"Yung kamay ko."
"Kung alam ko lang na ganito, edi sana pinatulan ko na lang yung nakilala ko sa club dati. Ano nga ulit name nun? Putek. Nakalimutan ko. Tangina, joke talaga tong buhay ko. Lord, kung makakaligtas ako, magpapadilig na talaga ako."
"Yung kamay ko sabi!"
"H-ha?"
God, yung pasensya ni Tsukishima konting-konti na lang.
"I said let go of my hand." Tsukishima says, abruptly, and roughly pulling his hand out of the latter's grip. Tsukishima threw him a glare, "Look, I don't care about your.dream sex escapade, also 'wag mong gawing mesh ball yung kamay ko."
Hinata slowly started to regain his common sense and realized what he has said and done to the stranger beside him. "Oh my God." He whispered in horror.
"Sorry. Sorry. Pasensya na talaga. Sorry po." Sunod sunod ang pagkakasabi ni Hinata when he started to feel shame already. Tsukishima barely acknowledge his existence anymore, still annoyed of what happened. Hinata took a peak at his knuckles, the sight of dark-red bruises greeted him.
Tsukishima, knowing na sleeping is out of the question, decided took pull out his headphones and plug it on his phone, playing a random song from his playlist on a max volume.
Tangina. Nakakahiya ka talaga kahit kailan Shoyo. For the remaining trip, Hinata lowered his head in embarassment, silently praying that this flight would be over soon.