Chapter Text
Soobin turn the ignition off and rested his head against the steering wheel of his car. It had been a long time since he had seen these people, and almost every inch of his being was telling him to put the keys back in, to drive away, to avoid that look of disdain and hatred. It had been fifteen years, but he was sure somewhere deep down that the pettiness of high school would still exist in the hearts of everyone in the low rent banquet hall in front of him.
From what he had managed to glimpse through the window, Soobin already didn’t recognise most of the people inside. He hadn’t been the most social student in high school, but he hadn’t expected everyone to change quite as much as they had. He wondered vaguely how much he had changed, too, the years piling on him in ways he couldn’t see anymore. He’d definitely become fatter since his high school days - who hadn’t? - and no longer dyed his hair. He had actually cut it down pretty short now, and, at some point over the years, changed out his baggy band shirts and skater jeans for slacks and shirts. It was probably foolish to think that everyone in that room would still be as petty as they were, but if university taught him anything, it was that people can be stubborn.
There were only really four people from his high school that he would even want to see, and out of those four he felt only two of them had even the slightest chance of showing up. He had kept contact as best he could, but time is a difficult thing. While he would never say that he had lost their friendship, he hadn’t seen most of them for almost ten years. He tried his best to keep up with them on social media, but didn’t seem to have the heart to reach out to them. Perhaps they had forgotten him? Or perhaps they were in the exact same situation as he was - waiting for an olive branch, desparate to rekindle what had once been the most important thing in his life.
A sharp knock on his window startled Soobin out of his thoughts, causing him to jerk his head back far too quickly, giving himself head rush. Once his vision cleared he looked to his left to see the smiling face of the most handsome man he knew in real life. Kang Taehyun had really blossomed after high school. He had always been extremely shy, packing himself up and hiding himself away, trying so hard to be exactly what he thought others wanted him to be. He had grown a lot since those days. The last Soobin had heard, Taehyun had become a life coach and motivational speaker, helping people who resembled himself at a younger age. Soobin couldn’t have been prouder of the man Taehyun had become.
“You gonna stay in there all night or come in, Bin?” Taehyun asked through the closed window, still grinning. His cheeks were fuller than Soobin had ever seen them before in school or university, his eyes full of light and life. He seemed to truly be at peace with himself. Soobin quickly opened his door, climbed out of the car, and wrapped Taehyun in a bone crushing hug.
“How’ve you been, you ugly fucker?!” He laughed, squeezing the shorter man and ruffling his hair.
“Better than you by the looks of things. What happened to your hair?”
“What do you mean my hair?” Soobin asked, holding the younger man at arm’s length, fake scowling at the shit eating grin that covered his face. “Short hair is in these days.”
“You used to be so handsome… what a shame…” Taehyun tsked, patting Soobin’s arm before neatly dodging a jab to the ribs.
“It’s good to see you too, Taehyunnie.”
Soobin looked anywhere but at Taehyun, willing the emotion that had bubbled up in his throat to go back down. Taehyun had been the easiest to stay in contact with, and they still messaged every few months, but it had been eight entire years since they had actually seen each other. The time was daunting to Soobin. How could it have been so long? He made a mental note to organise something with Taehyun at least, preferably with everyone, but definitely Taehyun. He owed the other that much.
If Taehyun noticed Soobin’s sudden rush of emotion, he didn’t comment on it. “It’s not the nicest place,” he began, gesturing to the banquet hall they stood in front of, “but I hear the food’s alright. Kai’s already inside.”
Soobin felt his heart swell at the familiar name. Huening Kai, the other friend he had hoped would come. It had been longer than Soobin could remember since he had seen Kai, but his poor health had definitely had a role to play in that. After university it had been harder to stay in touch, and Soobin began to feel like an impostor, not welcome in the hospital and not wanted in his home. This, of course, wasn’t true at all, and he was sure Kai would have welcomed him with open arms, but Soobin felt he had left it too long, had spent too much time humming and haa-ing about whether he should go or not. It would have been too awkward. He still always sent a card on Kai’s birthday, though, and always received one back on his.
Soobin and Taehyun made their way into the banquet hall, checking their coats and walking towards a table in the far corner with one person sitting at it, hunched over a drink. Soobin tried to slow his heart down, more excited than he had thought possible at seeing his old friend again. More importantly, seeing his old friend outside of the context of a hospital - no tubes or wires in sight. The pride he felt for Taehyun was matched with the pride he felt for Kai.
As they got closer, Kai’s eyes fell on them, brightening with every step they took. The man had always had an infectious smile, and though his eyes still had dark circles and the once soft, fluffy hair he had been so proud of would no longer grow, Kai still radiated the same positive energy he always had. With a little effort, he pushed himself up from his seat, pulling Soobin in close, slapping him on the back, soft giggles turning into full blown laughter. It felt good to be here - everyone else be damned. Even if no one else turned up, he was here with two of his once most important people.
“You look good bald.” Soobin told Kai as they finally broke away and sat down, looking for a waiter.
“I do not,” Kai retorted, running a hand over his smooth scalp, “but I make it work. You know me, extremely fashionable!”
Soobin laughed as Taehyun ordered two beers from the passing waitress, clearly not remembering Soobin’s dislike for beer. Whatever, it had been a while since they’d drunk together, Soobin could forgive him this once. “Not to bring the tone down, but how are you doing? With the, you know…”
“The cancer?” Kai asked, barely batting an eye. “You can say the word, you know. It’s not taboo.”
“I guess, I just…” Soobin started, picking at the table cloth for something to do. “It just feels rude to… I don’t know…”
Kai laughed at him, slapping his shoulder in a friendly manner. “It’s been a long time, Bin, don’t worry about it. For now I’m in remission, but I’m getting checks every three months. It doesn’t seem to be spreading, though. I’ve been home for a year and a half yet. And!” Kai pulled out his phone excitedly, “The missus and I are looking for a house! Look at this place, isn’t it incredible?” Kai asked, excitedly waving his phone under Soobin’s nose.
“It looks great, Kai. So you finally popped the question, huh?”
Kai pulled his phone back, a little awkward now. Soobin wished he hadn’t asked. “Ah, not yet, I mean I plan to it’s just… One thing at a time, you know… I’m sorry, let’s change the subject-”
“Kai, it’s fine, really.” Soobin patted his arm lightly.
“No really, I didn’t mean to bring it up, I-”
“I brought it up. Please, it’s okay-”
“So I went to Manila last year.” Taehyun cut in as the drinks arrived, pushing one to Soobin and taking a small sip of his own. “People always talk so negatively about it, but I had the best time, you wouldn’t believe the people I-”
“Taehyun, it’s really fine.” Soobin cut in, interested about the Manila trip but also painfully aware of Taehyun’s obvious conversation switch. “Just because my marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it at all.”
“But-”
“If we can talk about cancer, we can talk about marriage, okay?” He gave a small smile to Kai who sighed but nodded.
“I guess that’s fair…”
“Is this a funeral or a reunion, huh?” A fourth voice cut in from behind Soobin. The three men turned to see what had once been a familiar face, one which had been beaten down by life, but which still held the most mischievous eyes any of them ever had or ever would see.
Taehyun stood, pulling the newcomer into a tight hug as Kai stood, too, eager for his turn. “Beomgyu!” Taehyun exclaimed, “I didn’t know you were coming..!”
“Yeah, well,” Beomgyu pulled back from Taehyun, smiling, reaching for Kai. Soobin stood, too. “Couldn’t miss the chance of seeing the world famous Kang Taehyun, now could I?”
“Oh, shut up.”
Beomgyu laughed, hugged Kai, then turned to Soobin. His smile dropped as he looked at the man in front of him. “Wow,” he said, “you look like shit.”
Okay, so Beomgyu still hated him, then.
Nice to know things hadn’t changed.
“Good to see you too, Beomgyu.”
“Shut up, no it’s not.”
“I am seeing you, Beomgyu.”
Beomgyu snorted and rolled his eyes, trying to keep a smile off his face. Soobin would take that as a win.
Choi Beomgyu had been one of the hardest people to stay in contact with, mainly because he didn’t want anything to do with Soobin. Like Kai, he didn’t attend university, instead falling into dangerous crowds, stealing money for food and drugs, stealing cars for fun, stealing hearts for some semblance of normality. He had grown into a completely different adult than anyone would have expected, the sweet, talented pretty boy of fifteen years ago beaten and broken by the hand life had handed him. Soobin missed the carefree banter they used to share, the teasing, the silliness, before Beomgyu decided that Soobin wasn’t worth his time, that he didn’t add anything to his life, that he was the devil incarnate - whatever it was that had made him so angry.
But that was the thing about Beomgyu - he had been angry for most of his life.
The four men sat together at the table of five seats - Kai next to Soobin, who was next to Taehyun, who was next to Beomgyu, who was angling himself so that he didn’t have to look directly at Soobin. The fifth empty chair radiated absence, and Soobin wished Kai had chosen a different table - one with four seats, maybe. It was probably a subconscious decision on Kai’s part, but he and everyone else, Soobin was sure, knew that the fifth member of their high school group wouldn’t be there.
He hadn’t heard from Yeonjun since the end of high school. He never knew why his older friend had abandoned them all, but that didn’t make his absence any easier to deal with.
Soobin tried not to watch the door too avidly as the four sank into conversation.
He wouldn’t come.
~
“So,” Beomgyu finally turned to Soobin as dessert was being brought around. “Enjoying being divorced?”
Taehyun and Kai fell quiet at this as Soobin tried not to let his blood pressure rise. What kind of stupid question was that? Enjoying the most painful thing he had ever gone through? If anyone other than Beomgyu had asked that he would have thrown the glass in his hand at them.
But this was Beomgyu. Soobin loved him even if that love wasn’t reciprocated.
“And how exactly would I enjoy that, Beomgyu?”
Beomgyu shrugged with one shoulder, tucking into his chocolate torte. “Dunno, you just seem to enjoy making people sad, you know.”
“What the actual fuck, dude.”
“Beomgyu, let’s not…” Taehyun started, placing a hand on Beomgyu’s, which was quickly knocked off.
“No, let’s.” Beomgyu placed his fork down with more force than needed, burning eyes turning to Soobin. “Why did you even marry her to begin with? You clearly didn’t love her.”
“And how would you know how I feel?” Soobin spat back, sick of the constant hatred that he had been dealing with throughout the dinner. He had loved his wife, more than he ever thought he could. “It has nothing to do with you, anyway. Back off.”
“There is no way you loved-”
“Beomgyu, please-”
“-that woman, we all know-”
“I loved her!”
“- that you’re gay, anyway.”
The group fell silent.
“... Perhaps we should switch over to soft drinks, Beomgyu.” Taehyun said quietly, making an attempt to move the whiskey glass away from Beomgyu before he snatched it back up, emptying the contents.
“I’m not drunk, Taehyun. We all know. We were all there in high school. Why bother lying about it?”
“I’m not…” Soobin started, not sure how to finish his thought. Not sure how you remember that? Not sure why it’s important to you? Not even sure how to identify romantic feelings?
“You’re not, huh? Then why did you never have a girlfriend? Or crush on a girl? If you’re not, why did you ever sleep with Yeon-”
“Please stop it, Beomgyu.” Kai begged, eyes becoming glassy and voice sounding a lot thicker than it had all night.
Beomgyu gestured to the waiter for another drink. “I’m just asking…” he replied, not looking at any of his friends. “I hate liars.” After several moments, he turned back to Soobin, face calm, eyes cold. “But I’m sure you already knew that, hey, Soobin?”
Taehyun seemed to be struggling, turning the food on his plate over and over, not looking at anyone. Soobin placed a hand on his lower back, trying to convey that nothing being said was his fault. Maybe it didn’t work, but he had tried. “I’ve never lied to you, Beomgyu.”
“Literally shut the fuck up.”
“When have I ever-”
“You’re a liar.” Beomgyu spat, whiskey refilled. He drained the glass in one go, which Soobin thought was a waste of good liquor. “You’ve been lying your whole life, and I hate it.”
Soobin was beyond confused. What could he have possibly lied to Beomgyu about? Was this why the younger was so mad at him? “I don’t know what you mean. If I’ve ever-”
“I can’t listen to this.” Beomgyu slammed his glass down and stood up from the table. “I’m going for a smoke.”
“Great idea, just run away from confrontation. Is that what your therapist said you should do?” Soobin jeered, unsure why he felt such a strong urge to keep Beomgyu there.
What did I do to you?
Beomgyu leant across the table, grabbing the collar of Soobin’s shirt. “As if you’re one to talk.” he yelled, face uncomfortably close, the smell of whiskey and aged tobacco filling Soobin’s nose. “And at least I’m getting help for the fuck ups I’ve made - what have you ever done?!”
Soobin pushed Beomgyu’s hand off of him as Taehyun stood, trying to calm the two down. People at other tables had started to turn to look. Kai was sat in shocked silence, unsure what to do. Soobin was livid.
“You know what, you stay, Beomgyu.” He stood up and away from the table, hands and knees shaking with rage. “You came here for them, not me. Let me make it easier for you.”
“Soobin, please, let’s all just-” Kai stepped in, standing too.
“No, no, please, enjoy the angry little monkey. I wouldn’t want to ruin a wonderful evening.” Soobin stormed away from the table, ignoring Taehyun’s pleas and the string of abuse Beomgyu was hurling after him. He had had enough.
After a few minutes of walking, Soobin found a small supplies closet, easy enough to slip into and sit down, easy enough to calm his breathing without anyone seeing him or asking what was wrong. He leant his back against the wall and breathed in deeply, willing himself not to cry. The mop next to him fell across his lap, but he ignored it. He had slammed the door so loudly, he wouldn’t be surprised if someone came and found him, threw him out, in the next few minutes. Maybe Taehyun of Kai would find him.
If they were looking, that is.
He had been so stupid. Beomgyu clearly felt like Soobin had lied to him about something in the past, and Soobin not remembering didn’t mean he should retaliate like he had. He needed to figure out what he had done, to try and fix things - lord knows he was bad at fixing things. But this was Beomgyu. Sure they had drifted apart over the past few years, but he had once been so important to Soobin. He had to try. Once he had calmed down.
Because boy, did Beomgyu know the right buttons to press.
Soobin waited in the closet for a few minutes before removing the mod from his lap. He had to face this, deal with Beomgyu, even if it was difficult. He owed Taehyun and Kai that much.
He was close to the kitchen, could smell whatever they were cooking up. It smelled like some kind of cake, but mostly it just smelled like burning. Hopefully I can avoid whatever comes out next, Soobin thought to himself. It smelled awful.
He tried the door handle only to find that the door was jammed closed. Oops. Perhaps I slammed it a bit too hard, he thought to himself, uselessly wiggling the handle. There were no lights in the closet, but he was sure there would only be one door in such a small room. He knocked lightly on the door. “Hello~” He called out, not realising that he was being far to quiet to be heard. “Anyone there?” he asked, slightly louder this time.
His efforts seemed futile, so he sat back against the wall. The smell of the cake was getting worse, almost plasticy. He wanted to get out, but wasn’t sure if there was any point wasting his breath. He had to think of a plan. Weren’t there usually air vents in the movies? Looking up, he realised they movies were perhaps not the best resource for coming up with ideas - there wasn’t a single vent in the room.
Maybe if I kick the door really hard, he thought, I can dislodge it..?
He stood and kicked the door, denting it, but not dislodging it even a little. It was getting hot in the little room - or was that just Soobin’s anxiety? He couldn’t tell - so Soobin paced the few steps back and forth, wondering what to do. If I get stuck in here overnight I will laugh, he thought, aware that he absolutely would not laugh. What a ridiculous situation.
Soobin saw a set of shelves on the far wall and went to it, not questioning why there was now a little light visible from under the door. As he was searching he coughed, the burning smell getting stronger by the second. His eyes were watering.
Wait.
Soobin turned to the door, bending down to look through the crack at the bottom.
Fire..?
The kitchen had, in fact, caught fire, spreading far and fast throughout the banquet hall. Taehyun had been looking for Soobin for the past ten minutes, refusing to leave the building until they found him. Kai had been sent straight outside by Beomgyu, who promised to come back once they had found Soobin. He was currently looking for Taehyun, having decided he would drag him out to stay with Kai before he looked for Soobin alone. No fight was serious enough to risk his old friend going into hospital.
“Soobin!” Tahyun called, coughing, “Soobin, answer me!”
“Taehyun!” Beomgyu called out, finally having found his shorter friend. “Taehyun, here, please!”
He caught Taehyun by the arm, dragging him in the direction of the door. “Taehyun, here,” He placed the wet fabric napkin he had had over his own mouth over Taehyun’s. “You need to be with Kai, he needs-”
“I’m looking for Soobin, he’s got to-”
“- you need to go out to Kai, he’s alone and-”
“-be around here, he needs me too, I can’t-”
“- frightened and - STOP talking over me! Taehyun!” Beomgyu slammed the napkin over Taehyun’s mouth more firmly, coughing, insistent on keeping it in place. “I am going to look for Soobin. I’ll find him and drag him out by his ankles if I have to. You need to go to Kai.”
“But-” Taehyun tried to speak, muffled by the napkin.
The smoke was getting really bad.
“No buts, Tae, just go. Look, I’ll come out with you, okay? Then I’ll come back in for Soobin.”
“I just-”
“I’ll get him, Taehyun.” Beomgyu looked his friend in the eye, willing him to believe in him. “I will. Let’s get to Kai. Please.”
Reluctantly, Taehyun agreed.
The two made their way outside, finding Kai being held back by the hall staff.
Taehyun ran to him, rewetting the napkin and handing it back to Beomgyu. With a smile of thanks, Beomgyu turned to reenter the building, only to be dragged back by firefighters.
“No way, buddy.”
“You don’t understand, my friend-”
“We’ve got people in there now. We’ll find him. You need to stay out here.”
And fight as he might, Beomgyu didn’t have the strength to fight against the fire fighters.
Feeling more guilty than he had in years, Beomgyu sat back down with Taehyun and Kai.
You better come out of this alive, Soobin.
~
Soobin jerked his head away from the door. Fire? How could- he coughed violently, now aware of how much smoke was getting into the small room. He tried as hard as he could to open the door, panic taking over, slamming all of his weight into the door again, again, again, yelling as loud as he could. It wouldn’t budge. Soobin frantically searched the walls for something, anything that would help him out. He threw the mop at the door - nothing. A large bucket - it bounced back and hit him in the chest, winding him. Tears were running down his face, either from the smoke of the fear, he wasn’t sure.
Soobin put his back against the same wall for a third time, terrified, unsure what to do, when he felt it shift slightly. Another door..? He whipped around and shoved at the back wall, hearing the fire roar clearly outside the closet now. He shoved the back wall, which felt much cooler to the touch than the door had, feeling it slowly give way. He could hear something - a voice. Someone was on the other side of the wall.
“Help!” Soobin screamed, slamming his fists as hard as he could against the wall. “Help me! Please!”
He felt dizzy, he couldn’t stop coughing, he was losing his voice. Just then, light filled his eyes as a figure finally pulled the back wall - a door, it seemed - away from Soobin. The figure grabbed his hand and pulled him through to a cool room. As his eyes adjusted, Soobin could see the room wasn’t really all that bright, built mostly out of pine wood, but with a huge window on one side that looked down onto the street below. As he moved to it, he could see his three friends waiting anxiously outside for him. Maybe he could climb out of this window? Maybe-
He stepped backwards and knocked into something hard. It skidded across the room as he did, and Soobin turned around to see a school desk behind him. In fact, the room was full of them - desks and chairs everywhere, with a black board at the front of the room.
Why would a banquet hall need a classroom…?
“You scared me there, dude.” A familiar voice said. “Thought I was never going to open that door…”
Soobin whipped around to the figure who had helped him through the door, drinking in the sight of the boy he hadn’t seen in fifteen years.
“Yeonjun..?”