Chapter Text
Hubert was sitting at the desk in his room, usual for this time of night. No matter what he tried, sleep did not seem to come until after midnight. These days, he was appreciative of his insomnia. There was a war on after all. He knew he had a few hours before he could fall asleep. Normally, he would continue working until his head started to droop at his desk. However, tonight, his mind kept straying. If he could not sleep and he could not work, he usually went for a walk. More often than not, it did not tire him enough to sleep, but it would focus his mind enough to get something done.
He was exiting the second floor of the dormitory when who would he bump into but of course Ferdinand von Aegir. “Hubert.” Something was off. Now that Hubert had taken a chance to look at him, Ferdinand was not his usual sunny self. His brow was furrowed. He was avoiding eye contact, and the big give away was that the man kept his mouth shut.
He felt his own brow furrow. “Something the matter?”
The redhead crossed his arms as he looked at Hubert now. “What would give you that impression?” Ah, yes, the usually bright and cheerful cavalier is… Annoyed? Angry? Frustrated? Hubert could not place his finger on it. Perhaps a mixture. His lips were a taut line, his eyes reflected a hint of anger, and he could not seem to stand still. The last was a trait Hubert could not convince himself to be abnormal, but he noticed all the same.
“Normally, you would attempt to engage in frivolous small talk, and I would quickly answer whatever benign question you had to continue about my business.” Ferdinand’s eyes softened, and Hubert couldn’t understand why. He had just insulted the man, maybe not too directly, but an insult nonetheless. When he realized Ferdinand would not even grace him with a reply, he continued, “I will not keep you, but we have a council meeting tomorrow to strategize. I hope that whatever is bothering you now does not seep into tomorrow.”
He walked past and had only gone a few paces when he heard, “Hubert, wait.”
The shadow stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around. Neither man moved from their current position. “Yes, Ferdinand?”
“Could we discuss this in my room? I… do not wish for others to hear what I wish to tell you.”
Hubert gave a curt nod as he followed Ferdinand back up the stairs and into his room. I should have expected this is all Hubert could think when the door opened. Armor was strewn all around but placed carefully, as though it had been cleaned recently. Hardly any books graced Ferdinand’s room whatsoever, but the number of tins of tea made Hubert think there was enough for five years… He couldn’t recall if tea lasted that long on the shelf. Coffee certainly didn’t without loss of flavor.
Ferdinand had closed the door behind them and gave a huff. “I have been distracted of late, and I know not the cause.” Hubert turned to look at him. “Normally, when I feel this level of stress, anger, or frustration, I drink herbal teas, I go work it off at the training yard, or I go for a ride on horseback…”
Hubert nodded. He could tell by the tone that Ferdinand wasn’t finished. “But I have felt this level of frustration for days, and it will not subside no matter what I try.” He sighed and shook his head. “I am at a loss, Hubert. I feel as if I have tried everything.”
He hated how it came down to him to try to make Ferdinand feel better. Dorothea or Lorenz would be a better fit in this moment. He didn’t consider himself close enough to Ferdinand to know what other things to try or what could be bothering the man enough for it to come to this. He also didn’t consider himself close enough to really ask the questions necessary to get to the bottom of it. However, Hubert had resigned himself long ago to doing what is necessary for Her Majesty and the Empire.
“You say you do not know the cause, but would you say that this happened after something in particular? A meeting with an ally that did not go well? Perhaps an order you gave in battle that caused one of your own to fall? I will admit that I do not believe myself the person you should discuss these matters with. Maybe you should talk with Dorothea or Lor-”
“I have tried that to no avail. I have discussed at length, with both, what could be the cause. Lorenz was at a complete loss.”
Hubert knew an opportunity when he saw one. “And Dorothea?”
He could see Ferdinand’s face turn slightly red before he faced away from Hubert completely. “She believes it is… sexual frustration.”
Hubert cleared his throat. This was territory he was not prepared for. “I assume we would not be having this discussion if that were the case.”
“Rightly so. I…” Ferdinand’s voice was small, hesitant to continue Hubert imagined. Somehow he mustered the strength to speak louder anyway. “That cannot be it. I have already tried my… usual tactics.”
Hubert was glad the man was still facing the other direction, because he felt his eyes widen and his breath hitch at the thought of- Stop.
“Did you ever consider the possibility that your usual is not always enough?”
Hubert had thankfully composed himself by the time Ferdinand had turned around, this time with wide eyes himself. “Not enough? What do you mean?”
Hubert cleared his throat again. The air was becoming too dry. “Well, sometimes you need to… try other things, new things… I don’t know why I’m having this discussion with you. I suggest going back to Dorothea if you find your knowledge in that department lacking.”
Ferdinand blushed at him now. “What would you suggest?”
“I already suggested going back to Dorothea-”
“That is not what I meant, and you know it, Hubert.” The man’s tone and look in his eyes shifted back to a hint of anger now. “Forgive me. I… understand. I will ask Dorothea tomorrow afternoon, after our meeting.”
Hubert’s eyes narrowed. He supposed that the woman was already asleep… or with Her Majesty. Ferdinand would not be seeing her tonight, and the meeting was earlier in the day. Not really time to talk to her and then-
“I see your point.” He walked to the window, hands behind his back, considering his next move. He could let Ferdinand continue this behavior in the meeting. Her Majesty has had to deal with his own sneers, open disagreements, insults of the others, and the like. Ferdinand, on the other hand, would be positively mortified later on when he came to his normal sunny self.
Hubert did not consider the man anything more than a colleague or tolerable acquaintance at this point. He also did not consider the man to be enough of a gossip or a man to easily discuss such things as Hubert’s private matters openly. He believed he could count on Ferdinand’s discretion, and if not… Well, Hubert could always switch out one of these lovely tea tins with coffee for every such indiscretion. Her Majesty wouldn’t allow anything further, he thought.
He took a deep breath and continued, staring out the window. “If you do not wish to take a paramour or a lover, then I would recommend you explore the possibilities of adult toys.”
He didn’t want to see the look on Ferdinand’s face at the suggestion, because he wasn’t sure he could handle looking at another blush from the man. What he was not expecting was a tone of confusion. “Adult toys?”
He turned back around, trying to keep his eyes from widening. No blush to be seen, but certainly a pout and, once again, a furrowed brow. “Have you never heard of adult toys, Ferdinand?”
“Hubert, I am not naïve! I most certainly have heard of adult toys, but are they not made for women?”
Hubert felt himself close his eyes and take another deep breath. “They make them for men, too.” You poor, sheltered soul. “I would ask Lorenz about them.”
“Ha! Lorenz is one of the few who believe masturbation is an act against the goddess.”
Hubert felt a smile grow on his face and suddenly he burst into laughter. “Lorenz? You mean to tell me that Lorenz Hellman Gloucester has told you that masturbation is a sin?”
Ferdinand huffed. “He is an extremely pious man.”
Hubert was still laughing. “He is undoubtedly a hypocrite.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Hubert couldn’t help but smile as his laughter died down. “Lorenz had been skulking about trying to send messengers to several markets across the Empire. I had become suspicious, but imagine my surprise when he was merely procuring toys. I started procuring my own through his contact, although he doesn’t even know that I know of his… proclivities.”
Ferdinand’s face was absolutely red at this point. “So you mean to tell me that even Lorenz uses these toys? I don’t understand… How would a man use them?”
Hubert felt the heat rise in his face. Does he... not know? “There are some toys that imitate the feeling of a woman…” Ferdinand nodded, but Hubert could see that did not interest him. Is he not attracted to women? Interesting. “But there are also toys made to penetrate oneself, they could imitate a man’s appendage or just be larger than fingers.”
The other man was staring at him as though he were speaking a foreign language. “Hubert, why or even how would a man finger himself?” Goddess, if you do exist, please end my life and put me into the Eternal flames now so that I may be saved from this humiliation.
“Ferdinand, do you mean to tell me that you don’t know how two men have intercourse?”
“… I would say the answer is obvious, but it seems I am more ignorant in this matter than I thought. They use their mouths and their hands, do they not?”
“Yes… I will admit that is common, but that is not what I was referring.”
Ferdinand was deep in thought. Hubert could hear him speaking aloud, but mostly muttering to himself. “How would two men...” Hubert saw his face turn tomato red and his eyes widen. “You mean… One man goes into the other through…?” He could tell from how his voice died that Ferdinand had no intention of trying to say the word aloud.
“The anus, yes.” Hubert was absolutely mortified, but somehow trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it all. He was sure Ferdinand would laugh and say it was all a jest any moment now.
“Goddess… I…” Ferdinand was trying to cover his red face with his hands.
“Did it not occur to you? Some men and women do that, also.” Surely, he would have made the connection on his own if knew.
The redhead stopped in his tracks completely, hands still covering his face. “I am sorely lacking in sexual education it seems.”
“Have you never… Taken a lover?”
Ferdinand huffed in either frustration or laughter. Hubert couldn’t tell. “Taken a lover? Absolutely not. Up until we started this war, I was waiting for marriage. But now? If we are going to dismantle the nobility? Throw away tradition? I see no value in it.”
Hubert cleared his throat. “Well, to get back to our earlier discussion-”
“You said you procured toys?” Hubert was sure the heat in his face would be the death of him… It was unbearable. “Do you mean to say that you-”
“Ferdinand, if you find yourself imagining a male partner in bed, I would suggest you try exploring your fingers before you try toys.” He made his way to the door but turned around to give one piece of advice before opening it. “I would recommend you use oil. There is often no such thing as too much.” He opened the door abruptly, closed it behind him without too much noise, thankfully.
He knew when he closed the door behind him to his own room and started unbuttoning his trousers that he would not be getting any work done tonight.
The next morning, Ferdinand was as bright and cheerful as ever. Hubert couldn’t look at the man most of the day.