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His hands; strong and powerful yet graceful and soft- have always been there to steady you, to guide you, to keep you grounded. They conveyed to you his love and adoration for you, and it had saved you on numerous occasions and still continues to do so.
You felt the warmth of one seeping in where they touched upon the cold skin of your abdomen as he laid beside you in your marital bed. You turned your head to gaze into his eyes as you grabbed hold of it and guided it to your lips.
“I don't know what I would do without these hands.” You murmured against the palm that now layed lovingly against your cheek. You looked up into his eyes again as you planted a soft kiss against it. You hadn't noticed you were crying until he wiped away an errant tear that ran down the bridge of your nose.
“Jagi…” Zen said as his eyes took on a worried look. “What's wrong? Why the tears?” He searched your face as if he might find any answers written on it. You chuckled at your own emotions and how they had a tendency to overwhelm you at moments like these. The truth was that nothing really ‘happened’ besides you struggling with maintaining even some form of control over your life. Even after all these years.
Life had thrown you a wide range of curveballs that made you lose any sense of direction throughout most of your life, and if it hadn't been for Zen you imagined you’d still be running around like a headless chicken in a meadow full of grazing cows. You still were in a sense, the only difference now being his hands that pulled you back down to earth when you threatened to float away past the point of no return.
"No, nothing happened." You sighed and smiled. "I was just thinking about how much you mean to me, how you are always there for me…"
Zen furrowed his brow, still searching your face, his palm still on your cheek.
“Of course I’m here, I’ll always be here.” He said and you chuckled at the strong determination you could hear in his voice.
“I know you are. That’s just it. I sometimes just ask myself what I did to deserve someone like you, sticking by me no matter what.”
The words you spoke still made you blush and shy away from him looking at you. They still held a certain amount of truth because you never did feel worthy enough of his devotion to you. Even after being married, even after having been through the first, tougher years of it and later; of parenthood. HE stuck by you.
Those had been the most challenging years of your life by far and even throughout them- he still looked at you as if you were an angel sent from heaven to grace him with your light- as he so often had said to you.
Even when you both were sleep deprived beyond recognition and you yourself would be covered with stains from breast milk let-downs or baby vomit and look and feel disgusting. When you couldn’t think straight because your baby would cry for hours on end and you just couldn’t figure out what the fuck his problem was and you felt like a failure of a parent. When all you could do was either cry or explode in anger and you’d fight over every little thing… Even then his love for you never wavered.
He looked at you now, pointedly and lovingly and placed his other hand on the other side of your face. He touched his forehead to yours and closed his eyes, he slowly breathed in and out and when he opened his eyes again he looked deeply into yours again.
Oh, you knew what was coming now.
He was getting into character. The character of Zen- the devoted husband; a character he embodied effortlessly and never needed any getting into. Except when it was ‘speech-giving-time’. When he would feel the need to make it clear you would never ever be able to get him to stop loving you. Ever. Whether you liked it or not.
You adored that speech. And he adored giving it. And as he was doing so now, the familiar warmth with which he spoke, his words emphasized by his hands that moved over your body lovingly and pressed you against his own, made you feel secure, safe and at peace. The self-doubt left your body as if being evaporated by the warmth of the sun as you buried your face in its firm chest. Tears flowed freely now- good tears, happy tears and after a while of letting you sniffle away he shifted and grabbed hold of your chin to tilt your head making you look at him.
“You know you mean the same to m--”
“Shhh..” You interjected, shutting him up by pressing your index finger against his lips.
“I know… now shut up and let me show you how much I love you for it...” You said and replaced your finger with your lips. Zen chuckled and smiled against your mouth.
“Is that a promise?” He said, his voice dropping that insanely delicious octave. Gods, you loved it when he did that. He knew you did, it was his weapon and he was not afraid to use it. He returned your kiss with a vengeance, pushing you back against the bed only for you both to freeze up at hearing a very familiar, but most unwelcome- sound
Two pairs of feet could be heard skipping across the wooden floor outside of your bedroom. You and Zen looked at each other and both sighed in exasperation.
“Here they come..” You whispered, and no sooner had you said it when the door opened and two silver headed gremlins poked their heads through the opening.
“Good morning, you two.. come in” Zen said sternly.
After he’d given them the Okay, nothing could hold them back from unapologetically jumping on your bed anymore and you had to brace yourself for impact.
“We’ll settle this tonight.” Zen spoke in a sultry half-whisper against the shell of your ear just before he joined his boys in a game of ‘who-will-break-the-bed-first’.
You looked upon the scene for a while, avoiding the occasional limb from hitting you and admiring the man who was now ‘bench pressing’ your 6 and 4 year old- much to their delight of course- as if it were nothing. When you locked eyes, Zen flashed you his pretty boy smile and winked, making a point of flexing his biceps just that little bit extra. You could do nothing but giggle at the shameless flirt that was your husband and shook your head.
Your husband.
His hands could and would carry any burden.